Guys,
Your input before I email my Plan B letter:
Dear XXXX,
I am so sad and sorry that this is where we find ourselves. How and why it happened is so complicated and so filled with both blame and regret that at the moment I can’t and don’t want to go there. There is a part of me that understands why you got to where you did and even why you had to leave.
I just wanted you to know that regardless of all the hurt and all the anger, I still love you and want you to find your own happiness. I find it so hard to let go of what I think should be. And to say goodbye to the direction I wanted our lives to go. To me we were one and would always be together regardless of anything. I suppose I was wrong.
I don’t believe you can understand the pain you have caused me over the past year and a half. I was working as hard as I could to forgive you for your affair with Kath and for leaving me for her. But each new betrayal made healing my wounds all the more difficult. Despite it all, I remained hopeful that we could rebuild something even better than before all of this. Yes, I too wish we could go back to those innocent yet uncontented days you speak of, but that is not to be. We have two choices, a life forged in separate directions. Or to seize the pain of what we have been through and cause a better us. I still believe that the second choice is not only achievable but the more rewarding choice for us and our family. But it comes with very many changes for what is acceptable and the process necessary. I need to be able to trust your ability to avoid doing things that bring me unhappiness, fear and pain. Most importantly,I have learnt the hard way, that it requires the willingness of both parties.
I loved you twenty years ago, I loved you through the birth and every smallest milestone of each of our beautiful children, I loved watching you become their Dad and I love you right up to this day. When and if you would ever like to discuss our options to rebuild I will hopefully be willing to listen. Meanwhile I must learn to move on and in your presence I find it impossible. The time has come for me to put my healing above all else. I am not abandoning my kids cos I know if I can protect myself from pain I am giving them a better functioning Mum. I am not trying to close the door on us either, rather protect myself from being hurt by you.
So where to from here? I think for the moment I need some space. I need this in order to find a way to deal with your rejection and my anger. As I have told you, I seem to cope fine until I’m in your presence. Around you I feel unsafe and insecure and your insensitivity to my pain is something I need to avoid. With that in mind, I ask you to respect my wishes to separate from you in this way and to and keep our contact to a minimum. Most of our necessary communication can be done through XXX or you can e-mail me. This should be limited to kids, money and the practice. I will miss you more than you will ever understand but it will give me a chance to heal by not being confronted by your rejection constantly. I still love you but cannot see you under these conditions.
I hope that you will understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you in any way. I am doing it to protect my self and my feelings for you. I am doing my best to forge a new life for myself, to find out who I am when I am no longer XXXs wife. It is not any easy road but one that will be filled with learning about life and about myself. I am merely trying to find a way to survive and find my own strength in all of this.
Yours
S
