You will feel empowered by your positive ACTIONS to end this affair and save your marriage.

Dr. Harley says many of these things are counter-intuitive, and really hard to do.

You, are making it look easy!

((((((((((((((confused42)))))))))))))

We all know that it's not easy, in fact, it's hard as hell. But we know from seeing it over and over that it works. It doesn't always work exactly the same, but it does work.

Know in your heart you are doing what's right for you, your WH and your kids. When he finds out about the exposure, the sh#t may hit the fan, and he may be angry as he#, but he'll soon get over the anger. He'll be busy doing "damage control" and during that time, often reality creeps back into his alien abducted brain, as well as the OW's. Affairs aren't pretty when exposed to the light of day!

Hang in there. Set your resolve. Finish reading about Plan B, and those with experience in that will help you along the way.

We are proud of you! Keep it up!

Best wishes,
SD

Don't discuss exposure with your WH or the OW - just do it ASAP.

The most important person to expose to ASAP is the OW's husband.

I also agree about not covering (lying) for him concerning what to tell the children.

He should tell the children the truth.

If he lies to them, you should not go along with his lie. Eventually the kids find out. The NEED to know they can trust at least one of their parents! Don't let him con you into thinking you are hurting the kids if they knwo the truth. HE and the OW are hurting the kids and they will try to bully you into covering for them. If they really cared about the kids they wouldn't destroy the family by adultery.

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

expose ** expose ** expose

The time is NOW do it NOW .... the other spouse needs the truth!

Pep

We told the kids tonight. Actually WH did. He said "mommy and Daddy need some time apart we think that is what is best." It took a little while for it to sink in and then the flood gate opened and the four of us sat around the dining room table crying each of us taking turns consoling the kids. WH said "I am involved in way too much in town and I need to get away from it all." DD said "Why don't you just quit the stupid committees and stay home?"

smart girl.

They are all asleep now, he will take his stuff when he leaves for work in the morning.

Tommorrow I will continue to expose.

Still need to work on my Plan B letter.

Hopefully I will get a hold of OWH tommorrow. What if he refuses my call? I've tried to talk to him about their "friendship" in the past and he was in denial as much as they are. The confirmation I got is a recording I haven't told WH how I got which information. Should I let OWH hear tape if he won't believe it ? or save it for later?

bump

You are going to be fine.

Expose as best you can with conversation, but if it takes a copy of the tape as a "trump card", then play it. Ask him not to divulge the "source" that confirmed the A. If you have hard copies of phone records, notes, cards, whatever, provide those, as well.

Pressure from both BS's is double trouble for the A, and with two pairs of eyes watching, it makes it more difficult to continue, or to re-start at a later date.

Brace yourself. The rollercoaster ride is an emotional turmoil.

Have you talked to your Doc about Anti Depressants? Consider it, ok?

Lay all the exposure you plan to do on the table as close to "all at once" as you can. The outside pressure is greater when it comes at the "lovebirds" from all directions.

Hang in there, and keep posting. Help is here!

Best wishes,
SD

He just left.

The calm is gone, my heart is pounding and I'm sick to my stomach. I hope this passes before the kids wake up. Thats why I'm posting it helps me ALOT.

I know he spoke with her yesterday because her cell number was deleted off the recent call list.

I helped him gather his stuff, took the bank debit card for our joint account out of his wallet. Gave him a check for the amount we agreed on ( until he can change his direct deposit) his whole paycheck now goes directly into joint account.

I told him he was free to contact the kids as often as he wanted and I would allow them to call him as often as they wanted. I told him that I would not be in contact, because I really want him to think about what he wants. I told him that I really did want him to be happy and that I hoped he would find the answers he was
looking for. Then I looked him in the eye and said "know that you are loved."

I didn't cry in front of him, he walked out the door and didn't say one word this morning.

This is really hard, pray for us.

Confused,

I think you did a wonderful job this morning.

Are there nice nuturing things you can do to take special care of yourself today? Your focus needs to be on you, taking care of you...

Let us know how you're doing!

I'm getting ready to take the kids to school and I'm going to try to go to work for a while this morning.(They have been Sooo supportive) I did my hair, put on make up (without mascara) put in my best earrings, and I'm wearing clothes that aren't toooo big. I figure people are gonna be talking about me I may as well look good.

Tonight I'm gonna take the kids shopping for Easter clothes with gift cards we got at X-mas.
My plan is to have them out of the house at the time he would normally get home from work.

I might even buy myself something that actually fits!

Trying to be strong one breath at a time

Just told OWH he is on his way over to see the proof

hope you are well

ark

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by confused42:
Just told OWH he is on his way over to see the proof </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GREAT!

NOW ... change the locks on the house and change the garage door remote code.

Once your H is "out" he should not be going in and out and in and out like a revolving door.

Don't announce you are changing the locks. Just do it.

You are going to be fine... this hurts, doing the right thing. But in the long haul, it's a huge advantage to SHOW your courage to your husband.


Pep

PS ... buy waterproof mascara <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

How did it go - confused are you OK ?

Wow, what a day! To recap WH left this morning I think with a pretty good send off. Kids did fine this morning no upset stomachs and made it to school on time.

Spoke with school nurse and guidance counselor and they wil notify teachers at grade level. Kids made it through the day without promblems.

I talked to police dept to ask them to keep an eye out for us. Secretary there acquintance of both WH and OW her husband involved with vol. org. She said she thought they were a little to friendly but had like both of them and dismissed the signals. Very disturbed they would do this to us.

I talked to WH best friend in town who also has known OWH since HS. Definitely not supportive of WH & OW. (this was BIG my H really respects this guy and thought of him as life long friend.) Offered to help me out around the house if I should need anything.

I called OWH, he came over and listened to recording. He was devastated. He had concerns as well but never any concrete proof. He cried and hugged me, apologized for not persuing this before, and thanked me for sharing the info with him. I gave him the web address and advised him not to make any permanent decisions. He went home to confront OW.

OW continued to deny saying it was only a rumor that couldn't be proved. He said he saw the proof. She admitted she did meet WH and they talked about vol. org. and somehow for the first time ever they kissed. Just one kiss and she knew it was wrong but it will never happen again.
OWH said bullsh#@@. She kept asking what else I said. He just kept saying just "tell me the truth." She left - no tears.

OWH called and told me what happened and then planned to call WH at work. I haven't heard anything yet.

The kids and I are going to go out to dinner with my parents and we (including the dog) will have asleepover there tonight. We'll rent a movie. The kids think its cool cause they don't usually get to do sleepovers during the week.

My DS asked "Is Daddy coming home tonight?" I said no but you can call him at grandpop's.

WH has emailed and called my cell phone today I have not responded to either.

By the way, everyone I saw today commented on how good I looked. I feel better relieved I told OWH, oh her surprise birthday party is cancelled too bad. She got her surprise today!!

Now I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop after WH finds out a talked to everyone.

I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU {{{{{{{THANKS}}}}}}}}}}

Empowering, isn't it!

the love and concern from the people of this website is awesome. LOL confused42. Thera is help here. I am a FWH.

Maybe you should change your name now that your not confused anymore ! I am so glad you did the above. Now watchout for the fall out. What did his e-mails say? Just curious. How are you doing and enjoy tonight and relax.

Does OW have parents, brothers, sisters? Expose to them also, if you know who they are.

Absolutely, do something special to make yourself feel good, and to make you feel that you LOOK good. That is something I've been doing for myself that helps a lot. After all, YOU haven't done anything wrong. Hold your head up, appear in public (always) dressed well and with makeup and hair fixed. You want your friends and H's friends to say to him, "I saw your wife at the grocery store today. She sure did look nice." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good girl - you did good - now keep it up - be strong.

change
the
locks
change
the
locks

TODAY

trust me on this....

Pep

just talked to WH's bestfriend who will change my locks this weekend.

WH emailed about bank acount numbers to he could arrange his direct deposit offering more than I asked for.

We are renting a movie going out to dinner with my parents and sleeping over thier house

WH was just IMing I let the kids talk to him I did not respond

WH invited kids to spend the weekend at his Dad's
He plans to pick them up Friday or should I drop them off before he gets done work? He is staying and works about 1 hr away.

I think a lot of OW friends/family will be clued in very soon. OWH is calling everyone to cancel her surprise party.