Contacting her employer? Another No No. Once again this is between you and your wife. Forcing other people to be involved in this is not the way to go. It will not result in the outcome you want. Be a man and take it to HER, not trashing her around to everyone else!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Contacting her employer? Another No No. Once again this is between you and your wife. Forcing other people to be involved in this is not the way to go. It will not result in the outcome you want. Be a man and take it to HER, not trashing her around to everyone else!!!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't have the slightest idea what you are talking about and are not being helpful at all.

Melodylane

NO...it is NOT her parents business.

I didn't say one should help hide a WS dirty secret. BUT..he should not involve her parents.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Melodylane

NO...it is NOT her parents business.

I didn't say one should help hide a WS dirty secret. BUT..he should not involve her parents. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wrongo. Exposure is a tried and true Marriage Builder's principle designed to bust up the affair. Marriage Builders principles are extremely effective and that is WHY we are here..... To LEARN Marriage Builders principles.

Melodylane

Oh yes...I know what I am talking about...very much so!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Melodylane

Oh yes...I know what I am talking about...very much so!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Guess what? So does Willard Harley, the creator of Marriage Builders. He very much advocates exposure, is a specialist in this field, and wouldn't agree with you.

<small>[ March 16, 2005, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

MelodyLane

Exsposure....fine..I agree with that...but it is still a private matter.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane

Exsposure....fine..I agree with that...but it is still a private matter. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It won't be "private" after it is exposed. However, an affair should never be kept secret.

Worthatry

My secrets were exposed, but they weren't to my extended family and employer. Neither one has anything to do with an affair and shouldn't be involved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> Worthatry

My secrets were exposed, but they weren't to my extended family and employer. Neither one has anything to do with an affair and shouldn't be involved. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">M&S, yes they should be involved if necessary to end the affair. It is a very effective method of ending the affair and, depending on the circumstances, is often recommended.

MelodyLane

For the sake of the family, extended family, and kids....yes an affair should be kept private. The moment anyone else knows what is going on, they will NEVER be able to see that person in the same light again. You are only talking from a one sided view.

MelodyLane

Let's see....I can't confront my spouse about his/her affair...so I will just tell Daddy and Mommy? That is pure bunk and a copout and chicken crap way to think, no matter how many ways you want to defend it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane

For the sake of the family, extended family, and kids....yes an affair should be kept private. The moment anyone else knows what is going on, they will NEVER be able to see that person in the same light again. You are only talking from a one sided view. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am speaking from a MARRIAGE BUILDERS viewpoint, M&S. You don't know what you are talking about. Marriage Builders is a very successful program that has salvaged hundreds of marriages over the years.

I sort of doubt you can make the same claim or compete with the expertise of Dr Harley, who is a reknowned specialist in his field.

On the other hand, you are a very self serving wayward spouse with a grand total of 7 posts on this forum.

You are doing Squiggles NO FAVORS with your very bad advice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane

Let's see....I can't confront my spouse about his/her affair...so I will just tell Daddy and Mommy? That is pure bunk and a copout and chicken crap way to think, no matter how many ways you want to defend it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh no, MB does advocate confronting the spouse, too. IN ADDITION to exposure to parents, close friends and/or any other key people in the wayward spouse's wife. It is very effective and doesn't need to be defended.

What is a "chicken crap copout" is having an affair.

M&S,

I think you're missing the point here. You expose to everybody who can help break up the A, not expose to everybody for the purpose of humiliation. you expose so that there is pressure on the WW to end it, not to let everybody know what a victim you are.

I had the same dilemma with my WW. I didn't expose all at once, but did it in stages progressively getting bigger if the previous stage had no effect. I didn't want to tell my sister because I thought she would think of her differently, and guess what she does. But I don't regret it because I need her support and to be honest it let somebody else do some Disrespectful Judgement without me doing any Love Busting. It helped!

If it would help to end the A, I would take out an ad in the paper, but if I didn't need to, I wouldn't involve her boss, etc... only some important close allies.

I don't have a whole lot of respect for concealing things. Look what it got me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MelodyLane

I have been on both sides of the fence. I first was the one cheated on. But I never ran to family to rat out...that's chicken.

I am not doubting the validity of the help that has resulted from Marriage Builders.

But to go whining/exposing to your family of what your spouse did, BEFORE you confront spouse, is totally wrong!!!!

MelodyLane

And btw....there is no need to comment on the amount of posts I have.....childish on your part. We are all new at some time to message boards.

MoonandStars, first off, no one has suggested telling the parents BEFORE the WS is confronted. And secondly, the only "chickenshi*" in this scenario is the cheating wayward spouse, NOT the victim who exposed them.

I think we can read your first post here, made TODAY, to see where your head is at [right smack in the middle of FOGLAND]:

Topic: if your WS says the OP is their 'soulmate'

MoonandStars wrote: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I disagree, if the WS says that, it says alot about how they feel about their marriage. I was a WS, and I know the OP to be my true love.

Too many of us marry way too young, and should never have married who we did. Then, sometimes later in life we connect with the one that we are much more compatible with.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=005132;p=1#000001

<small>[ March 16, 2005, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MoonandStars:
<strong> MelodyLane

And btw....there is no need to comment on the amount of posts I have.....childish on your part. We are all new at some time to message boards. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, it is not "childish" to point out your # of posts; it is simply a fact. A fact which demonstrates your inexperience and newness at Marriage Builders.

down but trying

I may be wrong, but I dont think I missed the point in this original post. It seemed to me he was out for "exposure" , before confronting his wife. That sounds more like revenge than wanting to work things out.