Avondale, I did very little snooping, guess I already knew enough to drive me crazy.. I never met or saw OM while FWS was having the A. I didn't see him until after the A was over and I wasn't impressed. But,remember it is not about the OP. The OP just happens to be there, the problem is with the WS, the OM could be anyone,it doesn't matter if they are the best person and have everything going for them or in my case some
guy that turned out to be just in it for himself... it is about the WS trying or not trying to find out what is wrong with their lives..running away for their troubles..and not facing reality.. the OP is just the ticket out, nothing more...

Petvet...I have no more travel scheduled at this point, I hope I can go the rest of the year without any business trips but that may not happen.. alteast no more week trips,maybe just an
overnight...

Take care,
Dave

Avondale: You are correct; you cannot compete with the classical maneater because your H is in wonderland. There is a local hall that send me solicitations concerning classical concerts all the time, and I have to admit that looking at the glossy pictures of the classical artists is impressive. If she is any good, it will be interesting to see how your H likes the fact that his classical Barbi doll is out on the road over 100 plus days a year trying to make a living.

Dave: Good points made about OP not being the main problem with affairs but the WS.

Later.

Dave
You're right, and you put it so well about the OP just being the ticket out. The problem is the WS needing a reality check and not realizing their dissatisfaction comes from within themselves (at least in my case). Thanks for the reminder.

Hope y'all have a good week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a great weekend. In trying to keep busy I'm wearing myself out! So, I booked myself on a last minute cruise leaving this coming friday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's been a little over 3 months now and I haven't heard from my H since he left. One thing I can say about no contact, it is far less painful!

EC,

Happy Belated Birthday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Oh, to be 40 again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Glad to see you spent quality time with your daughters.

You said 'I Love You' to your EXW because 'Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks'

Avondale,

The only snooping I did was the cell phone bill and a bank statement. Saw a lot of preparation before H left. But after a month or so, it became to painful and I decided I had enough pain without reliving it everytime I snooped.

It is so true that WSs' use OP as a ticket out, because they are all such cowards anyway.

Petvet,

How is your son and have you settled on a school yet?

Davepr

Glad you had a nice vacation, I'm looking forward to mine this week. I really need it!

Wallace,

Once your OD sees what she is giving up to live with her boyfriend, she turn around especially if he can't support her in the maner to which she is accustomed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Because I'm sure you were a wonderful father.

RMA

You are way too kind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I too believe the Lord is using me to reach other women who may be in the same situation; and to let them know that it is not hopeless. If we allow the Lord to use us in these situations, we grow through them. Because, they have indeed come to pass. A book entitled, 'Finding Peace for Your Heart' by Stormie Omartian has been my second bible through all of this.

And as far as my H is concerned, I want the Lord's will for my life If that includes my H then he will be a different man when he comes back. If it doesn't so be it, he'll just make room for the right one. Every time I try to direct my own steps, it turns into a fiasco. So I now have a hands off policy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless You All,
relady

Hi All,
I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was too short as always.
PETVET...
Does your wife have an attorney now, or is she going to represent herself on the upcoming trial date?
Do you think you can combine the contempt trial with the actual divorce trial?
Concerning your son's school. I ran into the very same problem with the School Principal.
My son's Principal was on a massive power trip. She didn't like her authority being questioned. So she created quite a few problems. So much so, that we pulled all of our kids out of the Public School system, never to return. It was a very wise decision moving my children from Public to Private school... I wish I had never let them go to Public School looking back on it.
As far as my situation with my "D" and what is going to happen if she is a no-show. I'm not sure how it is going to play out... I'm sure it's going to be a mess with or without her there.
Avondale...
When I got wind of my STBXW having an "A", I didn't snoop becasue she was already gone. I did however dig up everything that I could possibly get my hands on concerning her last years activities. I was quite shocked to say the least with what I found. I found out more than I ever cared to know.
I no longer need or want to know anymore about my WS... I've found out enough.
It's normal to want to know as much as you can possibly find out about what they are up to and who they are with... but you will eventually reach a point where you will not want to know anymore, unless your a glutton for punishment, which I don't think you are.
What Dave has stated is 100% on the numbers... it's about them not you.
Dave...
Gald to hear that you had a good vacation and everything is going well. Petvet already brought up about the business trips so I don't need to get into that.
keep up the good work and stay the course.
Me... The lady I recently told you all about... Well I have decided to start dating her just as soon as my D is final. I have been talking to her mostly over the phone. We have had a few get togethers with friends after Church... and we have decided to take the plunge and commit to a possible relationship, not marriage though, just dating to see where it is going to take us. So maybe relationship is too strong a word here. We are just going to date.
Her D is final tomorrow, and mine is just about a week away.
I wanted to make it a point that if and when I did find someone... they would understood just exactly how I felt, and what I have experienced... I'm not sure but I think I found that someone. We are both taking it very slow though.
RMA, EC, relady, hope everything is going well and that everyone has a good week.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace, I am very glad to hear that you found someone to have a potential relatonship with... I know you will take it slow so I don't need to say anything.. I think that is is extremely admirable that you waited until after your divorce before starting up something new... after what your STBXW has put your through, most people would have started another relationship long ago, I admire your values! I wish you the best of luck next week, what is the exact date again?, and the best of luck in your potential new relationship/dating.. although happiness comes from within, it is always nice to have someone to share your thoughts, feelings, days, etc with...

W and I had a good MC session today, we are going to write a letter to our ex-friend and his W and explain that because certain boudries have been crossed we can no longer be friends.. we are not going into the details of what did or did not happen that night but only to say that
they should discuss the details if she is unclear of the situation...

Take care,
Dave

Hello All,

Nothing new happening, thanks for all the B-day wishes.......

Relady, you're right out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speakest...I do love her, but I'm trying to examine in what way now, you want to love them but without validating their actions...if she ever turned, repented and was sorry, became a strong christian woman again, learned what she did wrong she could really reel me in like putty, a hot knife to butter...

Wallace, man just a matter of hours and you'll be a single guy.

Avondale, just because a person is a musician or singer and you meet someone of the like gift, don't mean thats the right person, all you find is that you are in love with the persons gift and ability but not the person, go beyond the gift and what do you have? a mess. So your H is chasing a fantasy, don't be discouraged.

Take Care.

Well guys I think I spoke to soon, I emailed exw about YD b-day coming up and what YD wanted besides the expensive $300 gift, exw responded back:

Her:

I may talk OD into splitting the cost of the
PlayStation with me. Just not sure yet. If you're
interested, we could all split the cost and get her a game to go with it. It would be about $85 for each of us. Just let me know.

I tried to email you yesterday but it came back. I
wanted to tell you that I just put the forms in the mail this morning. I apologize for the delay but so many things are going on right now with family and work. I'm trying to settle on a new church home. If it's okay with you I'd love to ask your opinion about the two of them.

What about the papers so we can modify child support? I haven't seen any papers or heard anything from the courts yet? Just let me know.

end
******

Oh boy!?? She said she would love to talk to me about this and get my opinion?? Is this wild or what? This is the same woman that wanted nothing to do with me, sounds like she getting her act together? maybe?

I know this sounds crazy but I'm nervous because as you see I haven't had a personal conversation with her since April and I just posted above what would cause me to open the doors to her again and behold she sends me an email wanting my opinion what church should she attend, I guess you have to watch what you ask for. If she's asking me where she should go I assume there's no OM? or maybe he's on his way out? Surely she wouldn't be so low to ask me where her and OM should go to church? Like I said the one she had in May gave the appearance of a thug.

I felt bad months ago because of all the LB'ing I did in the past, but who knows how you will react when cheated on several times, its new territory. I thought she would never cherish anything I would ever have to say again or value my opinion.

Maybe this is a beginning of a new era? Maybe I could be reading into it more than what it is? If you remember what I said about my counseling session from 2001, the counselor said she see's me as a flashlight in a dark room that could always point her in the right direction and she knows it, but will never say that to me, I guess he's proving to be right.

I'll keep you posted.

Just an update,

I asked exw to call me so we can talk about where she wants to go to church and about D's b-day gift. Exw said she was going to call me tonight to talk about it but said:

Her:

Okay... I'll call tonight. But can we just keep it on a friendship level?...

end
*****
I just wonder if this is back to my old theory, Me the anchor for security, OM pleasure. Who knows I hope her asking about church is not a lure to open the door wide again, maybe she's not planning to attend church at all? I need to take it slow, she's always pressed me to be friends while she had OM. As I always said at one point her offer of friendship was only so she could ease her OM in the picture and slowly bring up his name to get me to accept her decision, I wonder if I'm being setup.

I tried to move on and let her go, but she seems to always want to be friends. I love her but I don't want to get hurt again either. As I said she knows how to ease her way into my heart, she done it for 21 years, she's a pro with me.

Ok I know I sparked this when hanging up on the phone a couple weeks ago, I simply said " I'm here if you need me" another time, I said " I love You". So I guess I gave her the signal...I hope all this is a good turn out, see what nice words do, she's only responding to my goodbye's on the phone. We're 1,200 miles away, she drank what I said.

Prov 25:

As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.

Take Care....

Hi All,
Dave...
Thanks for the compliment.
My court date is Oct 22nd., so I'm a week away from the final court date.
I have to agree with you... happiness has to come from within. If you can't make yourself happy... your not going to do anyone else any good as far as achieving happiness for either yourself or them.
I think sending a letter stating that you are ending your friendship to your ex-friend is a great idea.
By doing so, I believe that you and your wife are communicating to each other that you both want your marriage to work.
Keep up the good work!
relady...
I think a vacation is most definitely in order... I know I could sure use one... hope you have fun.
You are running the same pattern as I with the no contact... I do believe it is less painful. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm not sure if my OD is calling anymore or not. My YD hasn't said anything lately about her calling. I know she has mail at home, I'll have to check to see if she picked it up.
My OD is pretty stubborn... not sure if she got that from me or my STBXW... but I know she will hold out till the bitter end before she calls me.
My OD is pretty good at adapting to whatever situation she is confronted with, so it will get interesting.
I like what you said "I have a hands off policy". I have been running in that mode as well. I think that's a good attitude to have.
EC...
I've got a little more to go than a few hours before I'm a single man, but it is fast approaching. Hope things are going well for you.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

EC,
You got your last set of posts in before I finished with my first one for the day. It's been busy at work today, so it took me a little longer than usual to finish typing my post.
Just a quick question... why do you think she said, "okay I'll call tonight, but can we keep it on a friendship level"?
As I recall, she has been trying for quite some time now to get you to accept her situation that she has going on with the "OM" and still have you be her friend.
I know having verbal communication with your ex after all this time is a major do all in of itself. I can understand your excitement... I would probably be excited if I was in your position as well But you need to be very careful EC. I know that you still love her very much, but you need to stay very guarded at this point and protect yourself from any additional pain. It's hard not to get your hopes up and then watch them be dashed, all in one fell swoop.
I won't sugar coat it... I'm not hearing anything any different as of yet coming from her.
I would somehow try to find out if the "OM" is still in the picture, and then proceed with caution.
The only reason why I say this is because of that one question that she asked you.
It does sound like she is starting to come to her senses somewhat, but you need to make sure they what she is saying is for real.
I don't need to tell you how to proceed... you have that already under control. Just be careful about getting your hopes up to high for the moment.
I pray that she is for real this time EC, and she is not just trying to have her cake and eat it to.
You would be foolish not to at least see if there is any kind of possibility that she might be for real this time.
Take it nice and easy, and don't leave yourself open for anymore disappointments.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Wallace thanks for the advice, at this point I don't know what to think but I guess I'll find out tonight, I'm sure she's excited to talk because she knows I always applauded her and made her feel good when we were married, I'm sure thats one thing she misses and also someone to listen to her and understand her, I'm sure OM's have treated her like dirt. I find it interesting, If things are so good being divorced why does she keep pressing me to be friends its apparent she's not finding what she was looking for out there and believe me she's had many and probably still has many.

If she's serious about going to church I'll know. I find it strange that she is trusting me to tell her what to do? maybe? we'll see.

As you said this could be another way of the cake eater approach for her. I will be careful, she's clever, I told her in the past I was done with her and the only way I would ever associate myself with her after OM threaten to kill me is that she would have to get the Lord back in her life otherwise it was just hi and bye and give me updates on my D's when neccessary, so I hope she's not using the word 'church' to get back in my territory but that she is seriously trying to get it together.

She said happy b-day last week. Our what would have been 19th anniversary is coming up in 3 1/2 weeks this will be odd, last year we weren't talking but I sent her a card anyway.

Its funny but I'll bet she is still carring that card around with her everyday, as you remember I made that secret discovery how she was doing that in the past months after d-day carrying around cards along with bills I gave her weeks prior. I think I could send her a card today and she'll carry it around everyday.

She always gives the that strong appearance I'm fine I don't need you but behind the scene she's wanting to talk to me, she is slowly coming out of the fog and I know she has a lot of guilt but deception is still their too,...So I'll keep you posted what happens tonight.

EC,
Although I am a novice at this (3 months) I ditto what Wallace said. First and formost you must guard your heart and your mind. Remember the enemy hears your words too and he would like nothing more than to see you back at square one with the pain.

In your time with the Lord, ask Him What is real about your situation and wait until He answers before you make a move. You should not be confused. If you are, it is not from God. He is not the author of confusion. I have a rule, If I am confused or if everything seems out of place, I do nothing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One thing I am learning from all of this is patience, and believe me, it is a hard lesson.

Lean not to your own understanding, you will never be able to figure your EXW out. The fact that she is asking about a church is good. Make sure it is a bible believing church where the Pastor, Priest, etc. is not afraid to mention adultery for fear of loosing the money from the congregation! There are some wimps in the pulpit! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless You,
relady

EC
I was going to respond earlier but I didn't want to sound too negative since I don't know you that well. I totally agree with Wallace. (He's so smart!) I'd hate for you to get hurt again by reading more into your exW's response than you should have. So taking it slow would be the key phrase here. This is a great chance to show her any positive changes you've made in your life.

I think my H wants to be friends to ease his conscience. He won't feel quite as guilty if I am his friend, and he could even twist that fact in his mind to read that I condone or agree with all that he's done. Therefore, I am careful when we interact. Not too friendly, but more compassion instead of love. That reflects how I feel these days anyway, so it's not too hard.

I'm looking forward to what you have to report. I know you're nervous and I just finished praying for you a little while ago. Looks like relady was writing you at the same time!

<small>[ October 15, 2002, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all!

Avondale: I was not trying to make fun of your H's attraction with the classical star. I was just making the point that he was in a fantasy. This classical person is no better than you. Once the gloss wears off, your H will know that he had alot in you. I apologize with I came across wrong.

EC: Once again be careful, you have to protect yourself. It's nice that she wants to go back to church, but she must be accountable for her actions. Is the OP still around?

Relady: Cruise!!! I'm ready, LETS GO. Just kidding, I love cruises. Where are you going? This will releave alot of pressure. Good job.

Dave: Glad everything is going well. Biker will have some explaining to do after his w inquires about the letter.

Wallace: One more week. Happiness will be yours. Your next relationship will be serious and heavy. Take it slow.

Me: Wife does have an attorney. We are going to court Nov. 7th. She owes me close to $1,500 not counting attorney fees. I intend on combining the cases come hell or high water. I want this anchor of my back. Kid has started with new teacher, and she appears to be cracking the wipe. On Monday, kid had an episode where he cried in class that he missed me, etc. Kid had the same episode yesterday. His counselor told me that was a good sign for me. Wifey did not like because she accused me of doing something to cause this. Go figure.

Later.

Petvet , No apology needed, I didn't take what you said in a negative way at all. I appreciate all opinions and comments on my situation! And in forums like this, we all realize it's difficult to give all the details of the facts. So don't worry, I hadn't even thought anything strange until you wrote your last post.

Relady, Petvet has the right idea about crashing your cruise party <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL , jk. I've never been on a cruise and I know you're gonna have a great time. It will give you something wonderful to look forward to and look back on later. Surely you're not going alone - with friends? family?

Wallace , are you planning on doing anything special after you sign the papers? Go out with friends, etc? As much as you're glad it will be done with, how emotional do you think it might be? Don't get down in the dumps alone. Your new lady friend will be a good support.

RMA , so now Wallace has a "lady friend" and you have a "guy friend". How terminology changes as one gets older. How are things with you?

EC , how did it go with your exW last night? We're waiting for a report <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Catch everyone else later...

<small>[ October 16, 2002, 05:48 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hello Guys and Gals,

Ok here's the scoop,

Exw calls we talk for 3 1/2 hours so I can only give you a snapshot of the conversation.For me it was 9p to 12:30a, her 10p to 1:30a, so I'm dragging a little..back up at 5:30a

The conversation starts off about D's b-day gift what we can buy her and this what D really wants. Then we start talking about D's and what they're up to school and college stuff.

Then we get into what I been up to. Then we get into what she's been up to. I probably spent 2 hours listening to her on that topic. Then she starts talking about 2 churches she been attending but cannot make up her mind which one to join. She said she was getting her hair done oneday and heard these women talking about this great church so she went to check it out so she seem to be torn between the two. I told her I didn't know which one to attend but go where you think you can grow in the word and she agreed, so we'll see what happens their.

She sounded very humble and not the so I'm glad to be away from you attituded, I think she has come 3/4 of the way out of the fog. She reminded me of the old her with some added experience to herself. She's been brought back to reality but not all there yet. I asked how long ago did you make your journey back to the Lord, she said, Oh, I never left. I ask her if she was happy she said yes, I said great, I said you deserve it.

She said she's considering moving to other states, doing business here and there, travling here or there......It was so much unstability. I found out she's been in contact with old friends in my city, people fron highschool 20 years ago, guys and gals. I was surprised. I can tell in talking to her she's considered and weighed moving here but has her reasons why she wouldn't are mostly weather related hot V cold, she said an offer of a lot of money would change her mind to move from FL.

She said she was burden down by family stuff from brothers they seem to be flipping out with issues.

She tells me she has this big network of business friends I said good for you and mentions people by name. She then says she has a guy she's dating, I said nothing and acted like I didn't care, she said where he's from and talked about his family, I said nothing, just listen....She didn't mention his name and I didn't ask. I changed subjects.

I told her based on all the things she wants to do she's going to need a place for her roots to go down and settle, she flared a little and said NO!, you don't know my future and don't tell me where you think I'll be, she said she was a moving person and can't stay in the same place too long, I said thats fine, then she said and I'm not coming back where you are either. I said I didn't ask you to but things can happen you know. She said because of how she was raised she's not like me where I can settle in a city for years, she said she was always on the move growing up. Now this she's said because her father was in the military of course he was out of her life when she was 3 years old?. My thoughts were no, you moved around because your mother married 7 times and your dad 5 but I didn't go there. I said life is what you make it no matter where you go and she said she's had enough of FL and Disney W, Mickey Mouse she's been from one end of the state to the other and ready for something new.

Well the conversation closed after 3 1/2 hours of listening to her, as I told you she loves for me to hear her. I tell her I'm her if you need me and love you, she said , Yes I know. When she said , yes I know, it reminded me of the whole course of times while she was in the affairs I would say, I love you, she would just say , yes I know, but would never say I love you back in return, but yet it was all walled up inside her, she would fight it because of the anger she had. I sensed there's something there in her towards me some love feelings, how much or what I don't know, but to talk to me that long and then said she going to call me again this weekend , I don't know what to think. I remember even our last counseling session in 2001, she cried in my arms after telling me all the things she loved about me and knew the affairs were wrong, we get in the parking lot, I say I love you, she said, yes I know, so last night reminded me of the same thing, Its like she wants to say it but if she does, it would mean she gave into what she feels, maybe?

So here it is I don't know what to think, is relationship with OM really all that great and stable?,I know she is single now and can do what she wants, but one minute she's talking about moving here and there, the next minute talking about a dating relationship with OM, next business things that require stability of incorporation and taxes, etc....but she's ready to bounce around the country? If I ever said I was dating someone it would crush her, I can tell she is still attached to me somewhat, if another woman stepped in it would floor her. Its not going as great as she's making it sound that I do know. I marvel at that out of all the guys she's meet and connections she has now, she still wants be friends with me talk long like this, my last conversation with her on a personal level was in April and that lasted 4 hours, that I don't understand. I really didn't get into the us stuff, it was all about her mostly. In testing the waters I can tell I'll never talk about what she did to us, she's not ready yet and at this point its a waste of time and negative energy, she's not apologetic about the affairs, oh she sorry for not getting papers in the mail, I guess that needs more sympathy. It would take me back a couple of years bringing up the past. I told her I said some of things in the past because I was hurt, she said yes I know, I said I was starting to heal now she said yes, you are.

Haven't seen her in over a year, its been 2 years ago when A's started, dv'd for 5 months now , seperated for 20 months, its amazing what times does.

So there you have it folks...


Take Care.

Hi All,
EC...
I'll give you my take on this, and this is just my opinion.
Your exW is still out looking for something that she will probably not ever find.
She is looking for someone that is just like you!
She has not completely detached from you IMHO... nor do I think she wants to... and if she has been keeping the cards you sent to her with her this whole time... well I think you get the idea.
She is going hither and fro looking for something or someone she will never find... that's why she doesn't want to stay in one place for any long periods of time... she's still searching.
I have to agree with you, she probably is not very happy.
Pardon the expression but this is going to be a tough nut to crack. I think timing will be everything on this. I would keep doing what you are doing with no "LBs". I think you are on the right track with the way you are handling this so far.
Patience is going to be in order as well, because I feel this is going to take an extended amount of time for her to finally come to the realization that you can't be replaced.
Let her find her Church, and start walking with the Lord... her actions will speak volumes as to having any sort of a reconciliation. Only then will you have any chance for any meaningful recovery.
Try to stay in touch with her, but don't pursue her... let her initiate the communication between the two of you. It's going to take some time, but it is workable.
One more thing... keep your guard up at all times.
Petvet...
I know the feeling about having that anchor strapped to your back... it does get heavy.
I understand what you are feeling, and why you want to just, "get it all over with".
You reach that stage as things start dragging out, be it good, bad, or indifferent.
Why does your wife think that the situation with your son is all your fault?
Well I hope your son is doing better at school since they changed his class.
Hang in there, the fun is not over with yet.
relady...
With everything going on, you do learn patience. I never realized how much of it was going to be needed until all of this wonderfulness started up.
I as well have had to lean on the Lord quite a bit through all of this... without him at my side, I would of never made it as far as I have.
By the way, there is wimps in the pulpit in some Churchs... how right you are.
Have you heard anything at all from your "H" yet?
It's a shame that you are following in my footsteps (no contact) in that area.
It's bad enough, having to live with what they have done, but it's like adding insult to injury when they continue to act in the fashion that they do.
You have it right... put it in the Lords hands and all else will follow.
Avondale...
I agree with what you stated concerning your situation.
Your "H" wants to be friends with you (very similiar as EC) to lessen his guilt, shame, etc... he wants acceptance from you in spite of what he has done.
I think you are handling it very, very, well... and you are conducting yourself in a very postive manner as you deal with what is going on.
Stay the course!
RMA...
We could sure use your words of wisdom. I hope everything is going well for you.
Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.
Dave...
Did you deliver the letter yet? I wouldn't want to be your ex-friend when he has to start explaining what that letter is all about.
Me...
My attorney called me this morning... he wasn't to optomistic.
If I haven't paid my STBXW enough already... it appears that I'm going to have to pay her quite a bit more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
It's a sad state of affairs when a spouse can go out and do the things they do, and then turn around and get IMHO rewarded for all the damage that they have done... it's just not fair.
My OD stopped by the house while I was at work and picked up her mail. She spoke with my son only breifly... so nothing really new on that front. She hasn't tried to contact me, so I'm sure I'm in it for the long haul.
On the day of my final court date... I'm not sure what I'm going to do after it is all said and done with. I haven't made any definite plans.
I'll probably spend the day and evening with my son and daughter,and call my "lady friend" to let her know how things went. I'm going to keep it very low key.
Hope everyone has a good day!
Stay Strong!
Wallace

EC
You are a strong person to listen to her for 3 hours straight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . In doing that, you showed her you care for her as much as any words could have said. I agree with Wallace (again, LOL). It sounds like she still hasn't "gotten real" with herself about some things (like moving around, yet wanting a business, for instance). But you provided good support and I hope it didn't cost you too much emotionally. We can pray that if she settles into a church, it will be one that God could use to bring maturity into all areas of her life. All in all, it sounded like you handled yourself WONDERFULLY!

Hi Wallace thats a good analogy, "she looking for someone like me", I never thought of that? Maybe sweet daddy wasn't so bad after all? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am keeping my guard up and yes I should start to let her come my way and not pursue or chase, I think after last night I'm sure she's probably puzzled, I made no war with her. I think also she's been doing damage control, I think she has been contacting several people she knows here in my city talking to them probably in case she wants to come here to visit or live...making herself look good after A's, it spread like wildfire when people found out.I would say too she don't want me out of her life but she says we need to talk for the kids sake. This will be interesting once she joins church I think she's going to really get it together then, she knows her bible well and I can tell God has been drawing and speaking to her. She told me a movie to go see for some laughs and said oh, you'll enjoy it, its not vulgar or has any severe cussing in it, I was amazed she was concerned about any moral standard. That was a change, she said during A's I wasn't dirty enough, wouldn't get into porn, said she didn't want no christian husband, hmmmm? We'll see when equally yoked time comes weather it be me or someone else.

Avondale, It wasn't an emotional drain, she don't know it but thats what one of her main emotional needs are "Conversation" she don't know I know that. She also likes recreation and spending quality time with her....So I met those for many years but got careless, but also she didn't study to meet my needs either. She still could careless and she still has no clue today what a man needs. One of her greatest complaints in counseling was, "you didn't spend time with me and go here or there with me or hold my hand in public"....So these long conversations is what I spent my life doing with her, its a natural for me, she knows it, so as you see this is why I was so hurt about A's because we spent endless hours like this talking over the years, then she gives that attention like this to someone else along with sexual content. We spent every Sat morning talking just like this, I would just listen but give no answers just a bent ear....I carried a lot of her burdens because of that, seeing she's burden down now, what real joy does OM has with her? I wonder if he listens to her? it appears not, maybe I was an outlet for her.

Take Care..