DOUBLE POST!

<small>[ October 21, 2002, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hello Everyone,

What great advice, at this point to move away from the issues feels better than trying to move into a warzone of emotions with her. I agree to be friendly is better than to be friends at this point. I think that is true that if she ever wanted me back she will do everything in her power to get me back otherwise I'll be chasing her and she will still have her crowds of people among her. When and if she was ever ready to put things back together she will start getting rid of the people and relationships that would hinder and that are inappropriate, right now she wants me and her BF in the picture.

Its funny I told my sister I spoke to exw lastweek and what we talked about and my sister said "why?" why are you talking to her on that level? My sister said I thought she didn't want a christian husband, but yet she's trying to still reap the benefits of having you, she still wants you to play your role in her life. Why come she didn't ask her "Man" as she calls him? Don't he go to church? My thoughts were If this is the same guy that said my W belong to him last year long before we were Dv'd probably not. Anyway I'm starting to see the overall picture now...

While I do believe in restoration, I can't be an emotional crutch either...

Wallace - I be praying for you, I remember my Dv'd back in May....I remember the I can't believe this is happening to me, the word Dv was not to be found in me or our marriage, it was forever....I really do understand your position and why you are dv'ing, its been a tough road, despite me and my W had been apart for months prior to divorce and she had her BF, I felt a release from all the mess after Dv'd...Hang in there...

Thanks once again everyone for the advice..

Wallace,
I have never seen your sig line before! That is a sad story unto itself. You must be on the fast track to sainthood <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It's probably hard to realize at this moment, but your future will be much brighter once this is behind you. I can't remember which state you're in, so not sure about time zone differences, but I'll pray for you (and courtroom outcome) in the early morning and then throughout the day as I remember.

Wallace,

I am burning a candle for you tonight. It is something us "oldtimers" used to do as a visible reminder of friends here at MB in special need of our prayers. Each time we see or pass the candle, another little prayer goes up for you. I hope the judge will be fair to you. You will likely go through a whole host of emotions tomorrow.

know that we all care about you and your family.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Wallace}}}}}}}}}}}}

RMA

Avondale and RMA,

Thank you both for your prayers.

I'm in Colorado, so the Court time is Mountain Standard Time.

Thank you for the candle RMA, I will remember it always.

I'm feeling pretty emotional at the moment so I will talk to you tomorrow.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Wallace, I hope that things went well for you today... I know this has got to be very tough... but you did all you could to save the marriage, more than most humans could imagine... you will not have any regrets, you did all you could but the outcome was out of your control.
Today you will close one chapter in your life but begin a new one.. one that has endless possibilities, you have learned so much for going through this, this process has made
you a better, stonger, wiser person, everything happens for a reason, sometime it is difficult
to understand why God puts us through this but in the end you will see.
Regardless of what happens in the court room today, you are closing this chapter and moving on to better things.
I hope this day brings you some final closure.... you have been through alot of the last couple of years. I wish you the best my friend.
Take care and God Bless you,
Dave

Wallace,

How are you, friend? I have been thinking of you today. How are your kids handling today?

RMA

Hi all!

Wallace: How are you doing? I hope things went well in court. I was thinking about you yesterday.As Dave said, you did everything you could to save your marriage,and you have learned alot that will benefit you in the future.

Later.

Hello Petvet, RMA, Avondale, Davepr, Wallace, Relady and everyone,

Just passing through hope all is going well for everyone and things moving in your favor.

I found out lastweek my employer missed sending 2 CS payments to the State but they deducted it from my check, it also shows on my paystub, I am current. My exw on friday had called and said it was late I then went to HR/payroll they said it should be there shortly they had already mailed it they tried something diff that caused a delay. Then yesterday HR dept notified me it was possible I might be going to jail and told me to get ready just in case police may come and get me, of course they apologized and was ready to assist. They said the State was threatening to come get me if they didn't have there money, HR said they seen it happen before....My exw was calling everybody she could to get the money. My employer told me state workers called, an attorney called, other state personal...Without me knowing it HR and my exw had a heated brawl....they said that woman your exw is incredible? I see why you're divorced, her words not mine....I felt bad and apologized for her behavior...

I spoke to exw and her response was ,"Oh they should have never been late and did there job", its there fault you were going to jail not mine.

I made sure I made the point to her had she been faithful and agreed with me I wouldn't be paying CS through the court in the first place.

So anyway that was my yesterday exw should have the money in a few days, I'm amazed I try to get away from the traps and do the right thing and still have to suffer under this CS issue so as you see I'm innocently made to be a deadbeat dad when I did nothing....

On the flip side exw is currently being overpaid for my OD who's 18 going on 19...by the time the court does modification exw will owe me about $8,000..in overpayments....I'm amazed that all she had to do was agree on the amount I was paying her and now it backfired on her.....She tried to suck me dry.

Take Care

EC - Yesterday was then and today is a new day, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That's unbelievable that HR would mess up like that. Seems they should know that mistakes like that affect much more than just their own little bookkeeping world. On the other hand, how realistic is it that your exw will pay that $8000 back support for OD ? Will it be taken out of her paycheck? (Since CS is not an issue with me, I don't know how it works.) I hope things go in your favor.

Wallace - yoooo hooooo....how did things go yesterday? We're hoping for a good report but if that's not what happened, share that too. We can commiserate with you. Don't do a disappearing act on us, you're insight is much too valuable!

Petvet - I guess you're in the crosshairs for prayer next month when your court date comes.

Dave - Have you heard any feedback regarding that letter? (Maybe you don't expect any, just curious)

RMA - How is stuff with you? Still with the "guy friend"? Is that part of your life (after divorce/dating) chronicled anywhere here? I'm wondering if MB should start a Post-Divorce forum. Maybe it's not a positive thing when the focus here is marriage restoration, but as we know, restoration just doesn't always happen. Things like dating and stuff would probably be helpful to have others' input with. Oh well, just a thought. Maybe there is already a forum about that and I just haven't been there.

Me - well, I never thought finances would be anything I'd complain about. After all, my H makes a good salary and we've both been responsible with money. However, I just found out that he has not paid our home equity bill for the last two months. This is something that he agreed, both verbally and in the separation agreement, was his responsibility since most of the charges on it are related to his PhD studies. So now I have to talk to him about it, probably in the next few days. If that doesn't bring results, I guess I'll have to have my lawyer talk to his lawyer. Don't want to go that route unless I have to, but I won't sit around and let my excellent A++ credit history be messed up. Don't worry, I'll be firm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hello All,

First, I would like to apologize for taking so long to get back with everyone.

It was a pretty hectic day yesterday.

I am officially divorced as we speak.

To make a long story short. My exW did not show up for Court as expected, needless to say the Judge was not happy about that.

I was on the stand for about two hours... I thought I would never get out of that chair.

I was awarded everything... the Judge deemed that the forgeries were so extensive that I had already paid above and beyond any additional money that she should receive.

In fact the Judge awarded me an addtional $5,000.00 for my wedding ring which she stole as well as all the CS payments for my 2 daughters going all the way back to October of last year. He also awarded me CS payments that would make a horse choke.

The Judge was not happy with her and her conduct, or lack thereof.

I basically hit a Grand Slam in the Court room yesterday... even my attorney couldn't believe it.
He said in all the years he has practiced... he had never seen anything quite like this.

I was totally in shock when he read the decree... also very pleased with the outcome.

I would have much rather had my family in tact and whole than have this, but I had to play the hand that was dealt to me... I was left with no choice.

I would of got back with everyone sooner, but I was really wiped out from my emotionas yesterday.

I am glad that it is over, but at the same time I am sad for what was.

I never want to have to go through it ever again, so I'm really guarded with any new relationships right now.

My friend understands, and that is a good thing. She is a good person, and she understands what I and my children have just went through. She just recently went through her own divorce as well. She knows what it's like to have an unfaithful spouse.

I spent most of yesterday and last evening and today with my kids. Today I was taking care of a ton of paper work concerning the divorce today... transfers etc., barring any appeals which she has 15 days to do.

We are not anticipating any appeals, but you never know.

The power of prayer truly works... in spite of all that has happened the Lord was smiling on my family yesterday.

Thank you all for being here, and for your prayers.

God bless you all.

I'm going to be around for quite some time to come. so don't expect me to go anywhere.

You are not going to get rid of me that easy.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace

Wallace, although I am sad it came to this,I am
glad that things went your way in court, you deserve this and your ex got what she had coming, I hope this forces some reality into her but
my guess is that she is going to spend the rest of her life running away from responsibilities.
I am very happy that things went your way
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Take care,

Dave

No reply on the letter.. didn't expect one, my guess it that he got the mail and riped it up,that only bought him some time..

Wallace,

God has afforded you the protection you needed and deserved. I am happy at least you didn't get fleeced in court. However, I doubtr if you will ever see one penny of CS from your exW. I just don't see her as responsible or mature enough to do this, even for her own kids.

Take your time with any new relationships. Trust me, your emotions will still up and down in the weeks to come. Remember, it takes a long time for deep love to wind down, and you have definitely demonstrated that you loved your exW deeply through some pretty bad times.

EC,

Your story was almost as amazing as Wallace's! Gosh, she just couldn't ask you about the delayed money when she had those hours of conversation with you??????? Was she being nice "to your face" while calling the police and everybody else behind your back???? I stick with my assessment of your exW - she only wants what SHE wants from you, and nothing more.

Petvet,

Your court date is coming in another couple weeks. Any response at all from your W concerning your offer for the counselling with the pastor? How are you holding up emotionally?

avondale25,

Girl, do I need to talk to you!!! Please listen to me: do NOT expect your H to follow-thru on anything he is promising you financially, right now. I have been there and been burned!!! Please realize that your home equity loan is financing HIS education, and you are half responsible for that debt, even if you end up divorced. Consider doing what I did - after you have been separated a long time, consider splitting the finances. It will be worth your time to do so - money,credit cards, everything you can. If you two reconcile, then you can always merge it back together. But if you end up divorced, you will be responsible for half of all this stuff he is doing to benefit HIM and potentially the OW....definitely not you! Please consider legal advice. You don't want your finances sucked dry and your credit rating impaired in any way. Trust me - my exH had drained money from our joint savings acct to buy a houseboat for him and the OW (who is now his W)right from under my own nose! I never suspected he would do that to me, and he promised to treat me right. HA, remember, the WS also promised to love, honor and cherish until death do us part, and he didn''t keep that promise either!

davepr,

Thanks for the support of each of us here. Your guidance and good advice is always appreciated!!!

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone here! RMA

Hi all!

Wallace: HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! THERE IS A GOD.

Got to go; I'll be back later.

Hi eveyone,

Wallace hey you made it, I know what you mean when you feel out of it after a day like that, its an emotional time...its sad but now its really over, lots of joy ahead for you...

Hi all!

Wallace: I am very happy for you. Apparently, the judge felt the same way that all of us on this thread felt and that is that your marriage was one of the worst cases of adultery that any of us had ever seen. Your ex got what she deserved. Since you will probably have trouble collecting your money, make sure that you hit her credit report, so that she will have to eventually did with her obligation to you and your family. This way she will not be able to buy a car, house, or even a job because of the large judgement against her. How do you kids feel about the outcome of the case? How do you feel? Is the pressure gone?

Avondale: I am willing to bet you that your H will start leaving his financial obligations behind and on your plate. I recommend you speak to him soon to resolve this and give him a deadline to get everything in order. This may explain why he is trying to be FRIENDS because he is in the process of pulling the wool over your face. BE CAREFUL.

EC: Once your ex realizes that she owes you eight grand, you will see how she reacts and how long it will take to get your money back.

Me: I received some bad news today. It appears that my case in two weeks will not include the divorce part but only the CS contempt case. I'm not a happy camper because the judge that has my case is retiring at the end of the year, and he was very good for my case. He gives out heavy judgements in cases involving adultery. My attorney reassured me that the judge that my case would go to is even just as hard on adultery as the present judge. We will see. My attorney just receive a interrogatory from w's attorney. Now, she will find out that I have some serious adultery evidence against her. W is going to have a cow.

Later.

Wallace, what can I say? I could say "that's great" but we all know it isn't. If I say "congratulations" we would be congratulating the end of large part of your life. If I say "You won" we know that nobody wins in divorce. It is great that the judge saw through all the mess and awarded in your favor. You have done everything as well as could be done, and I have so much respect for you! So now the next chapter in your life begins...

RMA - don't worry, I will not let H get away with this. It's in our legal sep. agreement, but I want to approach him personally first, w/o lawyers. Don't want to be the first to get antagonistic, ya know? I will probably ask him to include separate check for the payment along with the support next week. If he complies, then we will still be interacting civilly with each other...Otherwise, I'll call my lawyer the next day.

Relady - when does your ship return to port? LOL (Is that the right cruise lingo?)

Petvet,

What are you doing up at 3:30 am??? Are you getting enough rest??? Sorry your legal process has to be 2-step like this. Just prolongs things. But, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, as I still feel your W isn't 100% out of the door. You nevr know - maybe this first step will be like a bucket of ice cold water in her face. Reality could slap her awake here really soon. Continued prayers for you and your son.

RMA

Hi All,
Thanks again everyone for all your prayers and support.
I have been real busy today, and I thought I would check in for a moment.
Be back a little later.
Stay Strong!
Wallace