Hi all,

I'm fumming right now, not a good day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I sent my YD a TV for her b-day, I emailed my exw to tell YD it will be there today, YD and OD knew this 1 week ago. Exw tells me they're all taking a couple of days to visit the city they're moving to Jacksonville,FL, which this was news to me the last I heard about it she said it was a possibility at the first of the year.

I tell her well the package will be there today, she says Oh, I'll take care of it, she's at work at the time.

I look at my tracking number online from UPS and it reads "Attempted to deliver, Occupants Moved, no residents"?. I called UPS to see if exw wife arranged something they said no, I also asked why they would say such a thing and they said, either the house shows empty, no cutains on windows with for rent sign or new residents said no one here by that name.

I tried to get a hold of exw but can't, remember were 1,200 miles apart. Currently she's traveling.

So I had to have UPS ship it all back to me and I am not a happy camper. She could have told them today to hold package, give a different address or did something proactive on her part for my YD. Why come she did tell me she moved out of the house? She said they were taking 2 days to look at schools and apartments and gave me the impression she would be back in 2 days at same address....I don't understand, exw said nothing, she just let the package drift without any concern.

I wish I didn't have to deal with her.

EC
It's always possible that UPS made an error....or your address was missing some little part that made it undeliverable. It's understandable that you'd be "fuming" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . A TV was a great gift. Will you be able to let your YD know you tried to send it? (Can you call your OD, or something??) If you re-send it, make sure you make copies of all the UPS tracking stuff from this first delivery attempt and put it inside the box in a sealed envelope addressed to your YD. That way she'll know it was sent much earlier, to the old (or wrong address). Did your CS payment problem ever get solved? I'm sorry things have been tough for you lately.

Hi avondale, just an update,

Exw sent me an email stating after box was delivered to house and nobody was there to recieve it said she had to "lie" to UPS and tell them she moved in order for them to ship the package to a different address? I assumed she called from the city she was traveling to. It's a mess, so daughter will get TV in a couple of days.

CS issue - I sent papers to have exw served then sherriff said I left out a form, I thought it was mine, the court sent me two, I thought one was mine and one there's, but all are there's so sherriff is sending it all back to me but as soon as it arrives I'm sending it right back to them same day to serve her, if she doesn't move out of that county before next week Nov 15th, it sounds like she is plowing forward fast. I waiting for to give me a date she is moving, according to our visitation agreement she is not suppose to hide the kids from me, but again they are 17, 18 3/4.

I have a feeling she is corresponding with me from Jacksonville from a friends house instead of central florida, I thought she was at work but I don't think so. I say that because she made a comment that UPS probably thought the house looked empty based on all the packing they've done?

Anyway I'll be glad when part is over, I'm just tired and want off of her rollercoaster. I assume she must have gotten some good job offer to jump so quickly and pull kids out of HS and college and leave her job she's been at for 4 months.

Hi All,

I just had a question for you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Has anyone here ever used the prayers for restoration of your marriage from restorem.org?

They seem pretty interesting, especially the 'hedge of protection'prayer. Or have you read the book titled, 'God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage'?

Just wanted your opinion.

relady

Hi all!

Relady: I have read the Restore Marriage book. The book was impressive; however, I though some points made in the book were unrealistic. Their premise totally follows the bible, but my problem is that you open yourself up o a lot of punishment if the WS does not cooperate. That's my opinion.

EC: Is there any legal statement in your divorce papers prohibiting your ex from moving kids around so much? Your ex is unstable. Either you put a stop to this mess or it will continue. You need to get off the rollercoaster.

Wallace: My attorney was furious will she found out what w had done. After what she just pulled, I don't think reconciliation is possible. She cannot be trusted.

Avondale: I wish you luck tommorrow.

Dave: I would tell biker's w over the phone what the contents of letter were.

Later.

Hi everyone,
relady...
I have visted the restorem.org site but I didn't read any of their books. I'm curious about the one title, "God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage".
I didn't want my "M" restored the way it was though... I wanted a new "M" the way it could of been.
How are you doing today?
EC...
Quick question... does your exW have full custody of your daughters or do you both share custodial responsibilities? It appears that she is playing duck and run at this point in time.
Petvet...
I can imagine how upset you must be over all of this, and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.
Good luck tomorrow and let us know how you make out.
Me...
I think the Police are in the process of trying to arrest my exW for the forgeries she committed.
They called my house the other night and asked my "YD" if my exW was there... so that tells me they are on the hunt for her.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

EC, sorry you continue to have to be on this rollercoaster ride, having children make it that much more difficult.. I hope things get better for you soon.

Guess whom called my cell phone last night on the way home from work... Biker's wife.. she she had been trying to reach Lynn for days now without any luck, she was worried that something happened... so I told her the entire story..
she was shocked and very upset... and first she thought W was making it all up, guess she is in denial... I asked her what motivation W would have for making up such a story, she couldn't come up with a reason.. I think she just doesn't want to face reality but that is her choice not ours.. I expect that I will hear from biker soon, should be an interesting conversation..

Hope everyone else is well..

Oh, one other thing, my position at work was cut... but I am trying to find another job within the company... certainly something I don't need right now... I may not be around too much for the next few weeks.. I am scrambling to find something.. I am hopefully that I can find another job within the company.

Take care,
Dave

Hi All,

I hope you're having a wonderful day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I slept in this morning, had an emotionally draining day yesterday. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thank you for your input on the restorem site. I was debating whether I want to order the book.

Avondale,

My prayers will be with you tomorrow when you meet with your H.

Petvet

My prayers will be with you as well. What is done in the dark, God surely brings to light as He did with your stbx <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

EC

Is it that your wife doesn't want you to know where she is? One of things I find interesting is that WS's are so far in the fog that they don't realize they take 'themselves' with them wherever they go.

Wallace

I'm feeling much better today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I agree with you, I will only accept a new M if it's in God's plan. It is sometimes painful to wait while the plan unfolds. Sometimes, I'm not sure how I should be praying for my situation. The only thing I'm sure about is whichever way it goes it will be for my good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How is your OD doing? My niece said they will be learning the city and attend school in January!!
LOL

Hope everyone else is doing well.

relady

Wow, lots of activity going on in this thread!

Relady
I haven't heard of either of those books/sites. Although I think I saw a thread about "hedge of protection prayer" a few days ago here at MB. Or was it "hedge of thorns"? You doing OK otherwise?

EC
Petvet and Wallace had good points...what ARE the legal, custodial statements about your exW moving your kids around so much? I agree that you should act quickly when you get those papers taken care of, no telling where she'd be living otherwise. You have been through so much with your kids since you moved far away; how much of what is going on would be allowable through the courts? Are you in contact at all with your oldest daughter?

Petvet
I'll be praying for you...since yours is a court issue, the ramifications are more important than what I have to look forward to (dinner and discussion with H). I hope it goes in your favor; don't forget to post afterwards so we'll know what happened.

Dave
Guess your problem kind of took care of itself since biker's wife called you. I wonder what kind of conversations are going on at THEIR house now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL What kind of work do you do? I know it would be easiest if you can stay where you are....hope that works out, keep us posted!

RMA
Are you still around?

Me ...Not sure what the plans are for meeting H tomorrow night. He did return my call today to talk about our sick dog, but made no mention of confirming anything about our talk/dinner Thursday. I didn't bring it up either, not sure if I want to be the initiator or not. I'll see if he calls tomorrow. Could be he's in so much fog he just wanted to be able to say he tried to talk but "it didn't work out". We'll see. I'm ready for it, though. I'm feeling pretty strong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 06, 2002, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Avondale,

You're right, it was 'hedge of thorns' something about keeping OW & OM away from WS's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> However, it didn't sound scriptural to me, and that was the question. Although God kept men away from Hosea's prostitute wife until she returned home <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think that was the basis for that prayer.

Thank you for clearing that up for me. As for me, I'm doing better today. I think the being in limbo is getting to me. Although, I know God has a plan, and I'm staying out of His business, it is still a place where I'm not used to being. When all this is over, I'm sure I will have learned how to wait on the Lord for all things. Maybe that's the idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

relady

Hello everyone,

To answer questions - We have joint custody but daughters chose what date's they want to come visit me here because of there age, which has been none so far. I saw both for about 5 mins in May 2002 been apart since Feb 2001.

I'm suppose to know where they are at all times, otherwise its a violation of our visitation agreement. They are free to move around because we are 1,200 miles apart, If I were in the same city and state, it would be different. OD is old enough to move if she wanted close to 19, YD could move late next year if she wanted.

I emailed OD about 2 weeks ago, she responded and said she's opening the sonic resturant now and said that's all she had to say. I emailed her back and asked her what she wanted for her b-day coming up and other questions of how she's doing, but no response back its been 1 week now.

OD and YD still talk in code and hide exw's moves and prowlings, she trained them to do this in Feb 2001 this is part of why my relationship is strained with them. So asking questions about whats happening will only make it worse.

The famous WS line when you're trying to find out there movements they say "Why are you tracking me??" Even if you called to say hi, They know they're wrong but we must remember they are invisible <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I asked exw today when is she moving she said she doesn't know she has to find an apartment. This I don't understand, if she has a job offer they must have a start date set, so something is fishy but she's keeping me in the dark, all I can do is move forward...

I asked her a question if boytoy was still around and I didn't appreciate him or any stranger around my D's. She responded "Anybody I'm seeing is only a stranger to YOU. But we'll rectify that soon". She's hot on getting me to meet up with her somewhere to flaunt her boytoy, she still thinks she'll see me in court but its a telephone hearing....won't she be surprized.....

Anyway TV was delivered to one of her friends in Jacksonville, I don't know if she's there or not for a few days....

To all,

I am sorry - I am time pressed right now with stuff at work and at home. This is just a busy time in all respects! I have managed to keep up with this amazing thread.

A couplke quick comments:

relady - I have not read the book you mentioned nor heard of it. I have heard of the site, but not been there.

EC, is it possible your exW is in financial distress and having to move due to ducking creditors?? Just a thought. Seems ridiculous to me that she couldn't just accept the TV and move it as one more item in a household.

Wallace, I do think you may be on the right track. Perhaps if your exW gets into serious trouble with the law, it may force the issue of her getting the professional help she needs, which can only benefit your children in the loing run.

Petvet, what is the story on the meeting with the pastor? Did she just nix that because yopu wouldn't give it to her wishes? I(sn't the court date for the settlement/CS issues tomorrow?? I will burn a candle for you tonight (and avondale, too, for her meeting with her H tomorrow as well).

dave, well, I am sure the truth hurt the biker's W deeply, as she may have had no clue whatsoever. It will be interesting to see if he tries to lie his way out of this. No matter, you and your W need to stay away from this couple.

avondale, I pray that things go well tomorrow. I will have my candle going in a minute. I will pray for you tonight. Keep your ears and heart open. Your role is to listen, even when it hurts!

Love you all, RMA

Hi everyone,
Petvet...
You are probably in the Court room as I write this... let us know how you made out.
avondale...
I'll be saying a prayer for you today, and hope your evening with you "H" goes well.
Dave...
Well by the sounds of it, you will either hear from the biker dude, or you won't hear another word on it. That type of friend you don't need... I would stay clear of them... that has "trouble" written all over it.
relady...
I can relate to what you are feeling about being in "Limbo".
What you are going through is one of the cruelest aspects of it all. It's bad enough that you have to deal with all the garbage that they have brought forth in the marriage, but then they add the additional pain by not contacting you to at least end the "M" with some sort of dignity.
I learned to wait on the Lord, and let his will be done. It wasn't easy, and to this day it's still not easy... but I'm doing the best that I can all things considered.
It will get to you over time, that's when you have to hand it over to the Lord, as Satan is very busy at those paticular points in time.
Stay the course and keep God as your focus.
I haven't heard a word from "OD" as of yet. She has called and has talked with my S and YD several times... but it's usually when I'm at work. So no word from her yet as far as any conversation with me.

EC...
Correct me if I'm wrong... but isn't your exW already in violation of the visitation agreement by the actions that she is putting forth at this time (the run, hide... the highlander way)?
Hopefully in time this will eventually straighten itself out. Are any of your daughtes planning on getting together with you during the holidays?
Prayers and blessings to you EC... you have been through quite a bit. I hope it will start getting better for you as time moves on.
RMA...
Take a little time for yourself when you can... sounds like your life is as hectic as mine.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

MY UPDATE...meeting was very civil, even somewhat friendly, with hubby. Fortunately I haven't lost my cooking skills even though I'm not using them like I used to, LOL. Nothing new was disclosed, he's still in fog. Here are some of the key points, such as they were...

&#8226; He did admit he probably was having a MLC but didn't think that was necessarily a bad thing because the end result might bring him happiness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

&#8226; He suggested that instead of trying to cram a life's worth of honest talk into one session tonight, to try to get together in a few weeks to talk a little bit more (Not to talk of reconciliation, but for him to explain why he wants separation, and why he was unhappy, probably to help relieve his guilt.)

&#8226; He also admitted that he was VERY depressed until the last month or so. I basically just listened, and kept wondering "who IS this man?" (I know y'all know what I mean!)

&#8226; Oh, and he wants us to be friends....I keep thinking of RMA saying to be friendly, but not friends, which makes so much sense, but the other part of my heart says "What if being friends gets him back on the right track?"

Petvet , hoping the best for you today, what happened???

<small>[ November 07, 2002, 10:04 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Well, some not so good news from me... Bikers W talked to biker, he had a different story... seem it was mutual and alot more happend than what W told me... I approached W... she finally confessed that it was more and mutual....Although this happend 1.5 years ago, at a time were our marriage was falling apart, W had already met OM and was seeing him without my knowledge, she was having post pardon depression, etc but how do you rebuild a marriage when you continue to lie?
I am furious at both of them. W defense is that she is very sorry for what happened in the past, she cannot change the past, only wants to protect me from the hurt, and has done nothing but try to rebuild this marriage for the last 6 months. I agree that she has put alot of effort into this for the last 6 months and I expect for these lies I couldn't ask for much more, but I am so hurt and so mad, I feel like I did on D-day.
Dave

Hi All,

I hope you have a wonderful weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Avondale,

I'm glad to see you had a civil conversation with your H. Sometimes those honest talks can be brutal and usually aimed at the BS to (as you said) to relieve guilt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How does he think a 25 year marriage can be reduced to friendship? I agree with RMA on being friendly. That could also get him back on the right track if the right track is what he wants.

Davepr

Although I'm relatively new at this, I do know people are basically the same and that there is nothing new under the sun. This all happened 1.5 years ago and you've been in recovery since May. IMHO, I believe that since your W is making a superb effort at reconcilation, Putting the past behind you would be good, because as your W said, you cannot change the past. In giving information we all have a tendency to 'leave things out'. No doubt she knew you would find out eventually, but does she have to pay for the rest of your married life? Just a question <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do you know how many BS's would like to be in your shoes? I say Forgive and Move on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

relady

Thanks Relady.. I don't want to punish her for this, but we have discussed this in the past and I had hoped that she would of come clean with me.
The hardest thing to rebuild is trust and just when we are making progress then this sets my trust in her back. I do expect that there will be setbacks on the is road to recovery and I guess this is just another one. I just want to get everything out in the open, digest it, heal, and move forward. I told her that I am disappointed that she could not be honest with me when this surfaced a month ago but that no matter what I love her.
Thanks for listening..
Dave

Dave I was sorry to read your post. I see where you added to your signature line too. I know you feel betrayed. When a couple agrees to work on recovery, is it "a given" that everything is told? Maybe she was trying to spare your feelings...but obviously she lied when you asked her about it more recently. You'll just have to keep your eyes ahead and try to not look back. I'm sure it's hard. I'm so sorry! Relady was right, how many BS would give anything to be in your shoes, even with that going on....

I know you don't need this headache on top of the job situation.

Petvet ......where are you?!?!?

My hope for everyone on this thread is that the weekend brings better times than the week did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Avondale..
Glad your meeting with H was civil... with him being still in the fog, things just will not make sense.. I remember looking at my FWS and stating I just don't know this person anymore.. it is like they have become some one else, someone you don't care to know...I don't think you come out of depression in 1 month, you have highs and lows and it takes alot of time to come out and you come out a little at a time, my guess is he is still depressed, certainly he would not want to tell you this right. I hope you have a good weekend.
Take care,
Dave

Hi everyone,
avondale...
I'm happy to hear that you and your "H" were able to communicate with each other in a friendly manner.
It's unfortunate that your "H" is using the "MLC" excuse for justifying his behavior. IMHO it is pure selfishness and his being self centered that is the real excuse that needs to be put forth here. I don't mean to be harsh and please don't take this the wrong way... but this is all very much the same old WS "fog" speak.
I know you probably already realize this... and I know that your "heart" tells you to continue meeting with him so you can at least continue with a good Plan A and see what may transpire concerning the outcome of your "M".
IMHO, I would guard your heart as well as your mind... keep the door open to continued communication for as long as you can with your "H" with the hope that he eventually gets back on the right track.
The Lord will leave no doubt in your mind on when it's time for you to walk away from your talks withyour "H".
If it appears that your continued meetings with your "H" is just for his justification of why he is with the "OW"... then you really need to ask yourself the question... "is this beneficial for me and our marriage"?
Hopefully your future meetings with him will lead to putting together a new and improved marriage for both you and your "H". As long as he is still with the "OW" there is not much you can do, but Plan A and work on bettering yourself.
DAVE...
I'm sure it feels just like D-Day all over again.
Red flags go up all over the place when you are in recovery and you catch your wife in a lie. I know the feeling very well, as I caught my exW in many many lies during my many reconciliations. The big difference is... your wife is doing all the right things while in your recovery... mine didn't.
I would let this one pass. I would however pay close attention to any other red flags that may pop up and deal with them on a point by point basis.
One lie, (especially while your in recovery) may lead to another, and another.
I'm assuming that you both went through a "POJA".
I would revist it in a very kind and understanding way, and remind her that you need total honesty in your marriage in order to maintain a complete recovery.
I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Stay Strong!
Wallace