Hi all!

EC: Before I say what I have to say, I want to apologize if I offend you. I don't mean any harm. Since you live so far away from your kids, it is going to be almost impossible for you to keep up with your kids whereabouts and what they are doing. If you called Dr. Laura and told her your situation, she would give you a tongue lasing. She would tell you to get your possessions and move closer to your kids or file for custody of them; otherwise, you are going to be going through this mess over and over again. Could you find a similar job closer to your kids? You must do something EC or this is going to drive you crazy.

Later.

Hi Petvet,

I'm not offended at what you suggest that would be a logical thought and thing to do is to be closer. The problem with that is when WW separated in early 2001, I was living in the same city with them for about 6 months, they didn't speak. In that time frame, I was alone no friends or family, job, kids would not come by, they would not call, I was alone on holidays, my WW had her OM's at the time, still do......Kids would call if they needed a ride somewhere but while in the car they would say nothing, get out the car and slam the door, no bye or anything, they call the next day for a ride or money....repeat same actions for months, but I was patient.

One event that happened even when I was there in same city was, in May 2001 WW went out of town for 10 days and wanted me to watch kids at her house while she was gone, 5 months after d-day...Just to swing by and see how they're doing through out the day, she didn't want me to spend time in her house while she was gone and kids didn't want to stay at my place either they wanted to be teenagers wanting there freedom sorta. After a few days OD went to band camp for a few days, YD was there by herself at house.....

I get there to check up on YD one day but she does not answer the door, yet I see her through a window, the neighboor flags me down and says she has a boy in the house. I call WW who's on a trip 2,000miles away in Calif visiting one of her lovers, I ask her what to do? WW gave the ok to go in after she called YD on the phone, before she left I was given orders not to go in her house if she's not there, that's why I had to call. Me and neighboor go in to chase boy out, he runs out back door. YD now furious and says " This is Moms house you don't belong here, leave! Mom don't want you in her house no way, get out! I was stunned...At that time also OD was already angered and against me, now YD....I'm now no longer Dad but a stranger?

So WW gets back in town days later, She gets home and the next day I said we need to have a talk, too many things happened and happening thats not right.....I said how do you expect me to have any authority or say so in your home when you have taken the girls under your control and pushed me out of the picture and they have it in there head that only because you're out of town I am allowed to come around and try to be any authority in there life? That's confusing to them...I said you're out town sneaking around on me [she didn't know I knew about the guy in Calif] and I'm in town dealing with YD sneaking boys in the house...OD bad mouthing me, I said when is this going to stop?.....

So I proceed at looking into her eyes with desperation with tears in my eyes and said lets pray and I held her hand and she said don't touch me, I tried again and I held her and she then called the police, I was arrested and thrown in jail....prosecuting attorney dropped charges against me said this is a stupid case... He said your motive was right you did nothing wrong but touching somebody against there will that's considered domestic violence...even if you try to pray for them.....He then read the police report from WW and in the report the police asked WW well what did your husband do and say?...Statement " He grabbed me and started praying and said "Lord help our family"...and he also said I would stop having affairs. He then said " a woman like this is going to get you in a lot of trouble" you stir clear.

After that in May 2001, The prosecuting Att said stay far from her because she could set you up falsely and if I ever went to jail again for DMV I would spend 5 days and get a record unjustly....This is why exw is always trying to set me up around her BF because she knows if she can get me in trouble she knows what can happen.....I never been in trouble with the law a day in my life so that was all new to me, I was in shock...I had a horrible experience in jail, all 80 inmates laughed at me in jail because I was in there for praying....while many were there for drugs, break-ins, theft, somebody even stole my doughnut while I was there, but while there I was able to talk about the Lord.

So getting closer to them seems to be the logical thing to do, but in my case it's not wise, As you remember when I went there in May for OD graduation she had OM in her house and tried to get me to come over there without me knowing he was there, before I left, people warned me be careful and don't let her set me up as you see she tried, that was the same guy that said she belong to him she also went to calif to visit and said he would hurt me if he saw me....

So since YD,OD and exw turned against me during that time, no family or friends, couldn't find work in the area, not even stacking boxes, the best thing for me to do was move back where I was from...In July 2001 I move 1,200 miles from there, here I got a job, family and friends, church, etc, so this environment keeps me balanced, happy and strong.......Getting closer when they still aren't speaking today I would get the same treatment going backwards, they haven't changed. I can't even get them call or to visit me here on a paid trip.

I will say to everybody, I have had my faults in all this DV stuff, I'm not perfect and have made mistakes and said some things to exw I wish I could take back, but I try to learn and understand and not do what I did before, its been a process of learning and growing nobody knows how you'll react when you've been betrayed many times over weeks apart and family turns against you. At this point if exw had a new relationship I would be more than happy to meet him and abide with him and for her to do the same with me in peace....Problem is that the guy she is with now is the same one who invaded my home, claimed my W to me, threaten me, thats why there's so much friction between me and exw, she wants me to be his friend and accept him into my life like nothing ever happened, like we were never married, she says she's happy with him, kids happy, what's my problem? So I'm trying heal from that blow.

So Petvet I'll be ok, I just have to come out of expectation mode and change my focus, I went through that with exw and now I have to go through the process with my YD/OD and realise they've changed and gotten older. If I'm expecting nothing then I don't have to worry about my feelings being hurt, takes all the power over me out of there hands. They know I was always hurt by the silent treatment but that will become a thing of the past shortly.

Take Care.

Dave , your post really encouraged me, as this is my first holiday w/o husband, and w/o his family. He had the big, loud family and mine is quite small - only my dad this year since my mom died last year. Of course my daughter is here and we're in contact frequently but that's not the same as someone in your own age group where you have the common familial bond. I'm glad your Thanksgiving this year is much better than last.

EC... I was wondering same questions that Petvet was, so thanks for answering them. I think I understand a little bit better. It is sad that you've had to move away, but I would agree it is probably the smart thing to do. A while back I started a thread about "Separation/Involvement with the Kids = contradiction?" and got some great responses. Your situation kind of reminded me of the reply from LOSTHUSBAND. He didn't have a relationship with his dad for several years because of divorce, yet through a tragedy they began talking...after he was an adult. So there IS hope!
Here's the link if I do it right:
Separation/Involvement with Kids

I am wondering if we'll get a weekend dating report from anyone.....??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ?? hmmm...???

Relady, RMA ....hope y'all are doing well!

Little update on me again : I told daughter that her dad said "she understood" and "that she will come to accept his decision and their relationship will be the same as before he left" and she (unknown to me until later) immediately called him up and told him that categorically was NOT true. She said "just cuz I didn't yell and scream and throw things does NOT mean I have to accept your unacceptable behavior and disrespect to my mother." WOW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But that may have come back to bite both her and I, since we were excluded from family birthday party for my father in law on Sunday. The ENTIRE family (25+ ppl) were there but daughter & I weren't even invited. I think the lines have been drawn, or at least marked out now. It hurt but I should not have expected them to remain uninvolved in their son's (WS) life. And WS has said because they interact with him, he feels they support his decision. I know they don't (in their hearts) but we all know about tough love, right?? It's easier said than done.

<small>[ December 02, 2002, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hello everyone,
Well I hope everyone had a fairly nice Thanksgiving.
EC...
Just a suggestion... I would file a motion to the Courts as far as a non-compliance concerning your original custody agreement. It lets the Court know that you are not an absentee father, and it shows your concern for your childrens welfare. Based on your current circumstances... it will not hurt a thing, and it will put your exW on notice not to fool around concerning the whereabouts of your girls.
I didn't hear from "OD" either. I guess she called and gave my "YD" her new telephone number about 2 weeks ago, and my "YD" lost it. So I have no way of contacting my "OD" at the moment.
avondale...
It appears that your meeting with your "H" went about as well as it could be expected.
I'm sorry to hear that your daughter wasn't able to talk much sense into her father. The (WS) does indeed turn into someone that you don't even recognize once it all gets started.
Hang in there... you can't change them, but you can work on making your life circumstances better no matter what direction the Lord leads you.
me....
I thought I was going to be able to breeze through this holiday with little or no set backs since I've been through a Thanksgiving withoutmy exW before... boy was I mistaken.
I started out pretty good, and then I had a number of triggers go off which put me into a funk for a couple of days. I'm coming out of it to a certain degree, but Christmas is well on it's way, and I have a feeling I'm going to have somewhat of hard time.
This is going to be a good test for me to see how far I may have come.
I'm taking it one day at a time... but I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by it.
I'm saying prayers for all of us during this time, and I have been seeking the Lord daily, almost hourly. I don't know about how all of you are feeling about this holiday season... but it's starting to work on me.
Keeping the faith... keeping the strength.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All

Avondale - Sorry to see you were not invited to the party, don't take it personal......I like the thread very insightful information...I try to really keep that in perpsective that this is not about my kids they're just caught in the middle under exw's influence and environment...As I always said if I could just get them here one time they would have the biggest celebration ever...

Wallace - I think it normal to feel what you're feeling, its like going down in the valley but as time goes on the valley is not as deep and as long I think after a while, we'll breeze right through these holidays....Thanks for the advice, I 've been calling around to law advisers trying to see what I can do to close this chapter...She's already in violation just by what the sherriff wrote in the statement that they could not find her nowhere in the city or county, phone co, light company, nothing forwarded.....Plus with the current resident stating they lived there for months, I don't know what will happen, yet...we'll see...by her own actions she caused this....

Hi All,

I hope everyone gained weight, ate whole pies, and had a 'as well as can be expected' Thanksgiving like I did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC

I'm sorry about the pain you're going through with your daughters. It appears your W is spitting out venom to them, and I'm not sure even moving closer would help at this point. The only thing you can do is pray and love them from afar.

Avondale

Sorry you weren't invited to the party. Your in-laws probably don't agree with what your H is doing, but they don't want to alienate him either.
However, as grandparents I can't imagine them not inviting your daughter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Davepr

Thank you for bringing the real meaning of Thanksgiving back into focus for us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RMA

Glad to hear you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The concert I went to was, 'India Arie' I love her music. She doesn't have a large selection of her own songs, but she is so real in her music. Have you heard of her?

Wallace

I think we all had a hard Thanksgiving in our own way. Those triggers can be deadly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But please Do Not borrow the emotions from Christmas. I did that and it was horrible! Try as much as possible to stay in the present and replace those thoughts with the Word. It would be so easy(maybe) if we were like our WS and could just find a replacement person, until we're
through the holidays! But, then again, I guess that would make us no better than them.

Petvet,

Dr. Laura would be so proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,

relady

Hi All,
I wasn't around yesterday to post... I think I'm fighting a flu bug of some sort. My YD and OS have it, and now I think I'm getting it.
avondale...
I wouldn't take your in-law's actions too seriously... blood in most cases always sticks with blood in situations such as this. It's a shame that they excluded you and your children from the party... but it's something that is to be expected unfortunately. It may have been the first time this has happened... it most likely will not be the last.
It goes with the situation and the circumstances that you are in. I have learned that as long as I have my children with me for the holidays, that's all I really need to make it a joyous time.
UPDATE: I had only two dates with my "lady friend" over the Thanksgiving Holiday... it was quite enjoyable, but then the triggers kicked in and I'm still dealing with it... on again and off again.
relady...
Hope you had a nice vacation. Glad to hear that you enjoyed the concert.
Also, thank you for the advice. I'm trying very hard to stay in the present, and I'm leaning on the Lord at this point in time to lead me through this... I'm having my moments though.
Since we are not like our WSs...I for one am not looking for a replacement like our WSs did. I'm moving forward, but there are those times when the past steps right into your face and you have to give it to the Lord to help get you through it. This will be my first Christmas without the exW, so it's new territory that I'm entering into. I'll get through it, it's going to be a bumpy ride but with the Lord's help... my children as well as myself will make it.
EC...
I'm not an attorney, but you should be able to go to the Court house and file a motion for contempt based on the evidence you stated that the Sherriff wrote. I'm getting ready to file a motion for contempt, based on the CS issue, and you can usually do this without the aid of an attorney. I've put up with the exW's nonsense for a little over a year of non-compliance concerning CS issues... it's time to pay the "Piper".
Petvet...
How are you doing? I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I hope your holding up better than I am. I use to enjoy this time of year... but like you... I'm beginning to hate the holidays.
Dave...
Congrats on the new job... and thanks for that post... it helped put things into perspective. Hope is going well for you.
RMA...
You are so right... if we stay focused on the blessings that we do have, more joy will come into our heart's and lives. I'm working on it... thanks for the reminder. Glad to hear that you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All,

Wallace - I sent my final paperwork to the court this week. In that I sent a motion of default since she failed to let me know where she moved, that means the court will proceed without her, they'll consider her unwilling to participate. The sherriff dept said they did a diligent search as well and couldn't find her, plus they have a statement from the current resident that said she moved in possibly March which is incorrect I was there in May but it still shows current resident been there for months for them to think back that far and say March and we're at the end of the year? Exw said she moved 2 weeks ago? Thats odd. You would think a new resident would realize they only been living there 1 - 2 weeks and wouldn't go back that far?...It's odd to that exw asked me send papers months ago to old address like everything was fine..

Anyway I can't believe that this legal stuff started in 2001 and now its going on 2003, I'm amazed also how exww drew up this dissolution agreement, had her money and was high on the hog, her OM's, disregarded my proprosals and now I'm seeing everything flip upside down on her, things went totally opposite of what she planned

The wrong people do to you unjustly using the Law will find themselves facing the same laws oneday they used unjustly against you.

Since I'm currently over paying in CS, I might be a Piper also..

Take Care

Hi EC,
I'm glad to hear that you went ahead and filed a motion for default... good move.
It is a tangled mess (The Court Sytem) that you get caught up in once all this wonderfulness starts up.
I knew full well that I would caught up in the system for some time to come once I got it all started... but you have to draw the line in the sand somewhere.
When I first filed for Dv., I had forgotten the initial date, (the Courts had to give me the exact date)... "drum roll please"... July 1, 2001 and a few reconciliations later... and I'm still in the heat of the battle. The marriage is over, but I'm still caught in all the legal garbage. It just doesn't seem to end.
I'm rambling now... but you made a very wise move.
You might be the "Piper" after it's all said and done... LOL
Stay Strong!
Wallace

EC and Wallace,
I can't believe it takes THAT long to get the legal stuff resolved! My opinion of y'all continues to rise; to have to be dealing with this YEARS later is unimaginable in my book.

Nothing new from me....except we got SNOW ! ! ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I don't plan on going to work tomorrow and it is beautiful outside, all white and quiet. Perfect weather to stay indoors and bake chocolate chip cookies, and enjoy a good book in front of the fire!

Hi everyone..
over 1" of ice here in Raleigh, everything is shut down... I heard a tranformer blow and it woke me up, couldn't go back to sleep.. we still have power for now...

EC, glad to see you took some legal action...

Take care,
Dave

Hi all:

EC:Your exW is vicious and evil. I'm glad you file the comtempt papers in court. She is a total mess.

Relady: There is a lot of buzz about this India Arie girl. Can she REALLY sing? I hate when headline acts jump out on stage and sing everybody elses stuff except their own.

Avondale: As Wallace said, family factions will take hold. Your H family will probably stay on his side. It goes with the territory. It may take years for the family issues to get resolve if ever. This type of family mess disrupts everything. That's why I am trying to cut the cord from w and get this d thing taken care of otherwise it goes on and on and on.

Wallace: The holidays are horrible for me, but I intend for that to change real soon. I am too not looking for a replacement. I need good associations and friendship. It is good to have someone good to talk to from the opposite sex.

Later.

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the encouragement....For the first time in all this DV mess do I feel like I've had any rights or opportunity to do anything for myself regarding any legal rights...she's always had the upperhand and could just drag me through the law at her will and do what she wanted to me..

She's going to squirm now because its out of my hands and she'll have to deal with the courts herself. The court date won't be until June 2003 at the lastest. Its amazing when she filed for DV I worried what the court was going to do to me because she was trigger happy with the law, now by her own actions she'll have to wait in that anticipation of what they'll do to her. She was short of bringing my head on a platter before the judge and with the DV system more favorable to women in FL, I didn't have a chance.

So I'm sure I'll get some sucker up and nice calls from her now since I filed without her and the courts have a statement from the sherriff, who knows this may cause her to really sober up. This could really be the fog buster if they decide to investigate her the possibility of kidnapping a minor.. hiding YD whereabouts and keeping her quite is what they will look at.

Hi Everyone,
Well... I think I'm fighting the Flu bug... it's trying to take hold of me... but I'm not going to let it.
EC, I think in the long run, you will find that you made a very wise decision concerning your childrens whereabouts. Sometimes when the tables are turned people start seeing things from a completely different perspective.
petvet, I'm glad to hear that your going to beat those Holiday blues... I'm too sick right now to worry about the blues. I guess you have to start feeling better in order to get the blues. Oh, and by the way... I enjoy the female friendship that I have, make no mistake about it. I'm not looking for anything more than what it is right now, and right now... it's a good thing.
avondale, I can't believe it's taking as long as it is either, but once the wheels start churning... they just keep right on going, and going, and hopefully it will end sometime in the near future.
You have the right idea on a cold snowy day... curl up in front of a fire, get the stove going and start some baking... that's living in my book. That's what life is all about.
Oh how can I forget those ice storms when I lived back East. I don't envy you there Dave... it was always an adventure when you tried driving on black ice... I don't miss that part.
Well... I'm going to try to finish my work day and then go home and get some much needed rest, and see if I can't kick this Flu bug.
I hope all of you have a good day.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All,

I hope you're all having a wonderful day now that it's almost over.

EC,

Your stbxw is really something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I'm praying that you will be strong in this battle, and that's exactly what it is. "Don't be weary in well doing, in due season you will reap, if you faint not". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Avondale,

I'm a little jealous of your snow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That's one of the things I miss, at Christmas. RMA,

It's 80 degrees here and I'm trying to get in the Christmas shopping mood. It's not working!

Petvet,

I first heard of India Arie last year when I saw her in Las Vegas, she opened for 'Sade'. She plays guitar and has a style similar to Lauryn Hill. I think she currently has two Cd's on the market.

Wallace,

I hope you win the fight with the 'Flu bug' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Did you hear from your OD during the Holiday?

Davepr,

I remember those days of ice. Lighting a match to my key to be able to open my car door. Don't miss it at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

rma

Hope you're doing well.

Nothing new with me, of course, you'll all be the first to know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Hi Gang,

It's Friday night hope evetyone is having fun doing whatever you do on Friday.

I was just doing some reading and YD called me about 2 hours ago. I saw that somebody was trying to call me the day before based on my caller ID but the number was blocked saying private, only exw does that, I thought it might been exw but it was odd times in the day when I'm not home, I said she knows my schedule so it can't be her.

Anyway YD called to say hi and was doing most of the talking, boy was I surprized? From what I gather they did move about 2-3 weeks ago, YD said her and OD were able to transfer on there jobs, kfc and sonics and start immediatly in new city..Sad part is I asked YD what is she doing with her money?, thinking she is doing the teenage thing maybe blowing it on junk, but she said her money is applied to paying bills around the house not because of her age being responsible but because they are without..Of course YD only works 2 days a week making about $200 a month part time...exw is really having it hard in order for YD having to spend her money for survival...

I can tell YD appreciates all that I was doing financially, now YD see's how I made a difference being involved in there lives, they value money and realize it don't come as easy as they had it before, the CS they are getting is not helping much, don't know what it'll be like once they cut it in half.... YD asked me what I wanted for christmas and I asked her also and of course she had big items on her list, things she could never afford. She said she wanted to come spring break but we'll see, she's been saying this for over a year now, like I said, I'm getting out of expectation mode, if she buys me something fine, if she comes fine. YD made mention, she can't wait until she graduates 2004 and she's out of the house. I said where are you going? she said to college. I wanted to dig and ask what was going on but I didn't, but told her I was always available to talk about whatever she wanted.

I spoke to OD, she was happy to talk, she was talking but answering questions and listening. Nothing new with her...she going to comm college full time..She sounded so humble...

So after I got off the phone it was different with both of them this time, it was like they were grown up, ready to see a different side of life with me, it was a very odd feeling, especially YD, sounded like she was ready to bolt if she knew she could have it better, both of them sounded like they were reaching out for escape to the norm but at the same time they needed to be loyal to there mom...YD said her new school is very different, they were once always in nice sunny hot weather, now its cold at night, big change...So they're going through a lot of changes, social and climate...I asked YD if she knew her way around the city yet or seen it? she said she really didn't care for it, she said she stays in the house but has nothing to do. I asked her the name of the city and its what I thought.

So I think what I'm going to do is just plan to buy YD plane ticket for spring and put the ball in her court....I told her about the family Thanksgiving gather, she said what? people still get together? I said yes, all your family was there and said hi, I said they gather every holiday, but its up to you if you want to attend, she was surprized.....

As I said exw has isolated them into thinking nobody exist and everybody is scattered into isolation as if they are..but its only exw's shame from her affairs/audltery that she hides them from family...

Anyway thats the latest story on them, something was different this time, don't know what but, I felt they were tired of the struggle and wanted to see something in Dads life.

I think exw's Sandcastle is finally breaking apart...Sounds like YD/OD are trying to rise up out of the ashes and move forward.

Hey Y'all
We have been hit with a HUGE ice storm here. I haven't had power since Thursday 7 AM. Ended up in a hotel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but have a bad cold probably due to having to saw down a huge tree blocking driveway. This whole situation has made me really miss being married...before, these house responsibilities were shared (making sure pipes didn't burst, sawing trees, going back & forth checking on dog at home, insurance arrangements for tree on neighbors fence, etc...) I am really mad at hubby right now for leaving me! They are saying we may not have power restored in my neighborhood until Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am having to deal with the situation. Hubby called but to be honest, I don't want to relieve his guilt by letting him help. Am I stubborn or what? LOL

EC that is GREAT about hearing from your daughters! It sounds as if they are trying in their own teenage way to reach out and see what happens. I have a lot of hope there for you, because you can so easily represent hope to them!

Wallace , hope you feel better soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Relady, what state are you in now?

Hope everyone stays warm... catch ya later!

<small>[ December 07, 2002, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

avondale,

I read your post this morn and sure could relate. This same thing happened to me after my exH had left - a huge storm that knocked down many pine trees and tons of branches in my yard that I had to be responsible to clean up. Also, I was without power back then for 4 - 5 days. At least yours called and offered to help! Mine didn't even care enough to call and see how I was getting along. Again, for me the hardest part back then was the total lack of caring. Do as much as you can by yourself or by your own resource. Self reliance is a GOOD thing!

EC,

Glad you heard from your girls. Do you have an address or only a city? You need to let your lawyer know the circumstances of your YD's living conditions. You should have custody as you can provide a home where the needs can be meet without your YD having to contribute to pay rent, groceries or whatever. Also, with all that moving around, I can just put money on it that they are either being evicted or sneaking off owing back rent. Not a good stable environment for a teen.

Wallace,

You seem to be hanging in there fairly well considering. I know it has been a long drawn out thing, but eventually you will get some peace in your life. Keep fighting for what you believe in. Stay warm and enjoy the weekend. Hope you are feeling better!

relady,

Yes, I have heard of her. It's nice you could go and enjoy yourself - take a mental break from all this mess whenever you can! 80 degrees! Wow, you must be very south! It's early - you still have time for shopping. I do mine all year and like to have it basically done by Thanksgiving so I can focus on the holiday and the meaning. I will start holiday baking today. Cookies, cookies, cookies!

Petvet,

You are mighty quiet, friend. Companioonship is good, and yo deserve that for sure. Just try to focus on getting through this and the companiohnship will comer. As I said before, you will be super surprised at how many people may want to date you once you become available. I was floored to be asked out that much by people I had no idea were ever even interested! Then, there are all the people you haven't even met, yet! Your time will come once you are done with this. Hos is your son doing? Any more news on the divorce court date?

Dave,

Raleigh, huh? Saw that mess on the news. Should be alot better by now, or at least I hope so. I was prepared here, but we basically just got really cold rain and not the ice. I just went out to look at my garden this morn and it is doing nothing. My new puppy has also dug up alot of the veggies. But the ones there are not doing much of anything. I think the sun may be too low in the sky in the winter and the garden isn't gettin g enough hours of sun and heat. Oh well, I still will tend to it and hope!

Gonna close now to go and make a big pot of veggie soup. I love to make soup on really cold days and it was 26 when I got up a couple hours ago! Plus, I'm gonna start on those cookies, so I have a full weeekend ahead! All, have a wonderful weekend.

Hi all!

EC: I'm glad that your YD/OD called you. Please invest the hour of attorney fees and visit you lawyer and try for custody of your YD. Enough is enough. Why let your kids suffer any longer than they have to? I know it won't be easy but you have to do right for them. Go for it!

Relady: You must like to get out alot? Vegas, concerts, and cruises: you seem to be culterally aware person.

Avondale: Do what you can do and find a honest handyman to do the rest if not a relative. Please don't despair.

Wallace: Take care of yourself. I will not be surprise if the "friend" won't come over to relieve your pain. There are those out there who think that men can't take care of themselves when they get sick. You may need some of RMA's soup.

RMA: Yes, I have been quiet lately. Doing a lot of thinking. You know something; I was jogging through the park this morning and observe the same couple park in the park again. This is the second time in two weeks. As I past their cars, I looked over and shook my head. They have been doing this since last spring. The lady had a JESUS tag on the front of her mini van. I hate that at least two families are going through pain. I just want this D stuff to be over. I just want peace. How are you doing?

Later.

Hi Everyone,
I hope everyone had a nice weekend. As ususal it went by too fast for me.
I'm back up and running... but I'm not at 100%. Attempted to do some Christmas shopping and just put a scratch into it.
relady...
In the situation that your in... it sometimes becomes a good thing/bad thing type of an (and I hate to use this word) affair.
With me... I was glad that I had not received any bad news from exW, but I hated just existing in a state of limbo... I as well as my children wanted to at least hear something from my exW... anything.
It at least would give you an idea of where you stood and what you were dealing with at any given time. I would of accepted "I hate your guts"... I'm through with the marriage... anything. But I stayed in Plan B. and so did my exW and... well you now the outcome.
Speaking of Plan B. I have not heard from "OD" since she left. She called the house about 2 weeks ago and talked with my "YD". "OD" gave my "YD" her new telephone number. She got rid of her cell phone and has a new home phone only. Well my "YD" lost the telephone number soon after she got it and before she had a chance to give it to me or my son... so now we have no way of reaching her... even in an emergency. My "YD" is very bad at relaying any sort of telephone messages.
I think "OD" quit her job some time ago... because her work was calling us at our home trying to reach her.
EC...
It sounds like your "YD" may be trying to reach out to you, but has not been afforded an opportunity to make the jump. I think it would be a great idea to offer to pay her way over to see you. I would extend the same offer to your "OD" as well. It will at least give them an opportunity to communicate with you without any outside influences. It could be the chance to become closer to them and communicate with them in an open enviroment.
avondale...
I'm sorry to hear that you got hit so hard by that ice storm. I saw that on the "Network news"... it looked like quite a mess.
I can relate to what you were saying about shared responsibilities in the marriage, and not having them when you could sure use some at any given time. You trying to deal with the ice storm and all of it's effects, and me being down with the flu bug and still having to keep going... meals, laundry, kids and school... etc... it's no fun.
So are you being stubborn? I don't think so... I think you need to prove to yourself that you are capable of handling the situation on your own. You don't want to show any weakness... especially at this point in time. Without attempting it on your own, how will you ever know how you will fare in that type of a situation if you don't face it head on. Sounds like your handling it well.
What's the saying? "Never let them see you sweat"... LOL... hang in there avondale your doing good.
RMA...
Veggie soup.... "hmmmmm soup, homemade cookies. That sounds sooooo good. I was down to my fighting weight of 163 lbs, but now I'm back up to 170 lbs. even after I've been down with the flu. You think I would of lost weight, nope I gained 7 lbs. I'm not sure how I pulled that off.
Just as soon as the holidays are over... I'm going to start working out daily again.
I'm hanging in there in spite of all the wonderfulness surrounding this holiday season. Sounds like your doing well and staying warm and busy. Sorry to hear about your garden. I'm going to have to grab some gardening tips from you come this Spring.

Petvet...
Did you have your crystal ball out? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
My "lady friend" did offer to come over and take care of me and help out with the day to day chores. I thanked her for her nice gesture, and told her I appreciated her offer, but I decided to get through it on my own. But it was nice to know that there was someone there that cared about my well being as well as my kids. I don't know... but I think I'm really starting to have feelings for her... I'm getting a little nervous. I have to keep reminding myself to stay the course, and take it slow and easy.
You "have" been somewhat quiet here lately. It's sometimes good to stop and take a good look at what your dealing with, if it moves you in the positive direction. We all do it... just don't let it take away your ability to improve yourself and your circumstance. In other words don't dwell on it for too long... because it will work you... and sometimes not for the better. It's especially hard during this time of year.
Hang in there my friend... we are here for you.
Dave...
I hope you faired better than what I saw on the TV. That was a nasty storm. We had one here about 3 years ago... and we were without power for about 5 days. It shows you how dependent we are on electricity... Hope things are going well and you dodged the bullet during the storm.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>