Wallace Being female I wouldn't take the triggers too hard. Tears can still come to my eyes over my grandmother & she went to be with the Lord in 1988!!! And I don't even consider myself an emotional person! Triggers happen but that doesn't mean that what you have is not right.

The book Mars and Venus on a date has helped me (I have not been on any dates) It was interesting to look back at WH & I dating from the perspective of this book. I saw some things that I would do different next time (if there is a next time).

Maybe you guys are going to fast but that doesn't mean that it has to be over just different. Do you think that she likes you more than you like her?

There are some sections that would be revelant to your situation right now. It goes thru the stages of dating and how they are different for men and women as well as the common mistakes that are made.The book is easy reading and short. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As far as going back in this thread to read - I havn't - yet. That will probably come slowly & maybe not until the Holidays. Some days I would feel overwelmed if I let myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Petvet What would you suggest doing in St Augustine? I was there recently with only enough time to drive by the water front on my way to a project then had to get going to another appointment. Before that I was there in 5th grade!

Alanon is an organization with no outside affiliations for friends and families of alcoholics. It's no fun that a person needs this organization, but if you need it there's not a better place. Consider yourself very fortunate that you havn't had to deal with alcoholism.

EC The computer is a great move - also a way for them to communicate with you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Avondale The bread gave me an idea, a food basket with items from the farmers market near my Mom's. The pictures that I have been doing are WH's side of the family or WH as a kid. Today I thought about what you said about the pics & maybe do a family remembrance. ( I will be filing after the Holidays) He keeps everything and is very sentimental. Can't go on with this train of thought as I am removing him from my heart.

relady dream on ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

D.

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

(((Wallace))) I'm not normally a huggy person....I'm sorry the incident at the mall happened. I am sure it was awkward and I hate that you had to go through it, triggers and all. I consider holiday shopping to be something almost intimate, because you are sharing yourself, your inner thoughts with someone else and opening up in a way that is different from normal conversation. I do think the incident shows you something about this relationship, the same things that have been shared before on this thread.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure if I should continue seeing her, or if I should just put some space in between us (which she said she would give me space if I wanted it) and maybe let the holidays pass by and try it again. Anyone have any advice on this one? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can't go wrong by putting space between yourselves. Doing this does not preclude having a relationship in the future. It just slows things down. (Have you heard that before?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC - computer is great gift! If you have an online account that allows for free other users as sub-accounts (like AOL), you may want to consider letting them get an ID and come under that account, so they would have online access to email you.

Relady - That wasn't a dream, that is your real life! You ARE getting stronger and more independent (in a good way).

Petvet - Post something <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Do I have to go down to Hotlanta to check on you? May have to have RMA send some soup to you via UPS.

WGTT - I went through Al-Anon due to son's behavior. It really is a great support group for families dealing with addictions.

RMA, Dave (still no power?) - hang in there, only 13 more days to go until Jesus' birthday!

I think my husband probably will get each of us something for Christmas, but not sure what form it will take. My daughter does know how I feel (fifth wheel). I feel better about staying here so my dad won't be alone. I will mail my son his Christmas gifts as soon as he gives me his address (I hope he even has one, LOL) since he can't be (or should I say, isn't allowed) here for the holiday. Purchased and decorated the tree last night, trying to keep some of the old traditions alive. This first year is weird, trying to figure out which traditions to keep and how to make new ones with this new situation I find myself in. But so far I think I'm doing OK.

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 06:45 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

WGTT,

Welcome to the thread. You are a great addition, because you have already given Wallace some great advice. The book you suggested can't hurt, for sure!

Wallace,

Sounds like too much too quick for you and the lady friend. Neither of you has healed quite enough to be able to truly give the gift of yoruself to the other. Let time handle these things. You both can be companions and great friends, but try to pull back from falling faster than either of you can honestly handle right now.

Petvet,

Like minds think alike! I was also in St Augustine this past summer. I had a great time but hate the lack of parking in the most popular places. Didn't do the trolley this time, and probably should have. A trip with your son would be great. Do you think you can work it out with your W? I would imagine she would like to see her son on Christmas Day, too. Hang in there, friend.

EC,

A computer is a generous gift to your daughters. Of course, the best gift is one of yourself. I hope it works out real soon for you to try to get together with them.

relady,

Your dream reminded me of the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy clicking her heels to get to the place of her heart's desire. You walking away may be a significant factor in this dream - a representation of how you really feel deep in yout heart. Interesting....!

avondale,

I like the idea of you staying around with your Dad. You know, ultimatley, we have to stand up and face the music, no matter if we like it or not. Being alone for the holidays is not fun. You will likely struggle to make it through. Just try to keep injecting your brain with imagines and thoughts of all those who DO love and care about you, vs. dwelling on the one who is not treating you well.

davepr,

You haven't posted much lately about yourself, so I'll just say Hi and that I am continuing to pray for you and your family.

You guys have a good one! RMA

Good Morning Everyone,
Thank you all for the great advice. I knew this relationship was moving too fast.
My "lady friend" called me last night, and we had a very long talk about what had happened. We are both in agreement that we need to heal, and that we both have a long way to go.
In so many words she said that she is still hurt over what happened to her (her H had multiple affairs and she threw him out). She stated emphatically (sp?), that she is no longer in love with him... in fact she told me, that she was in love with me, not him.
I laid my cards out on the table, and told her that I'm an emotional wreck at this stage, and maybe in time, I could eventually reciprocate the same feelings to her, but I couldn't guarantee anything at this stage... and if she was willing to accept that, then I would still continue to see her, but not so much.
She indicated to me that she wanted to help me heal, and be there for me. It's almost like the "Florence Nightingale affect". I don't want to hurt her, and I do have feelings for her... I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't. I'm in a quandry over all of this.
Then... to add to all the madness... my OD called yesterday and talked with my YD.
OD told my YD that my exMIL called her the day before Thanksgiving and wanted her to come over for Thanksgiving and give her, her birthday present. Now my OD's birthday is August 18th, so what in the world is with this? IMHO, these people are out to lunch.
Well... there is even more! exW called OD, she somehow got my OD phone number (we didn't have it but she did). on the same day as exMIL called... and invited OD over to see her new apartment and meet her "NEW" BF. According to OD she didn't go over to visit either one of them, and I guess my exW has been calling her at least 5 times a day since then, and leaving messages to come see her new apt. and BF.
OD gave us her number, and now I have it, with her address as to where she is living, so I at least know how to get in touch with her now.
I really hate this time of year! I can't wait until the holidays are over.
I'm going to get that Venus/Mars dating book... it can't hurt anything, it can only help.
I know how you feel avondale, what do you keep for a tradition, and what do you start out new with...
Thanks again everybody for the advice, I need some positive direction right now.
Thanks for listening
Stay Strong!
Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I really hate this time of year! I can't wait until the holidays are over."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Wallace.

As far as hating this time of year, let's remember that it's the birthday of our Lord Jesus. It's probably safe to say that without Jesus teachings there would probably not be the MB that we know today. So from that perspective we should rejoice.

Keep up the good work.

Hi TMCM,'

How have you been doing?

You're absolutely correct, I should be rejoicing in the fact that it's our Saviour's birthday coming up.

I'm not at my best now, but I haven't lost sight of that.

The frustrating part is that society as a whole has turned this time into a commercial celebration of who is getting what, and how much,
instead of truly acknowleding and giving thanks to Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.

I guess that's one of many things that I dislike about this time of year.

Thanks for the reminder.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All, I have been reading all the posts in this thread to date & would like to 1st of all say I know what all of you have been going through & thank you for sharing your experiences.

I am in the middle of a divorce now since my WW began an affair with her co-worker. She has denied the affair from the beginning & it wasn't until I moved out of the house that my suspicions were proven correct. The OM moved in the day after I moved out. I do not have the strength to type at length right now other than my experience to date has been virtually mirrored by all on this forum.

I admit that I could have been more attentive to her needs during our 2 years of marriage but infidelity literally rips your insides out.

I wish everyone here all the best in their recovery efforts & just wanted you to know I share in your sufferings.

Hello Everyone !!!!

Avondale25 I'm impressed that you put up a tree and decorated it ! Last year was 1st year WH wasn't here till late on the 23rd & he had always been Mr Christmas. So I picked out the tree at a tree farm. OS helped get it home & it was 2 stories high <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It didn't look so big in nature!

I took the easy way out this year - I'm going to my Mom's so that I didn't have all the triggers staying here would. Asked YS if he wanted a tree, etc & he said NO- we're goning to Nana's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So I just put up a few things (which was a trigger & left me in tears)

Wallace You mentioned that "She wanted to help me heal ...." That's a warning sign to me, not nec. bad but something to pay attention to. There are people who just like "fixing" er helping others. This is something I am familiar with in a personal way. alanon is helping my identify character traits.

The best thing for this year might just be to get thru it & sort out as you go along what traditions you keep and what new ones you take on.
All you can do is all you can do.

Lost Soul Welcome to MB but sorry for the reason you are here. Have you read the information on this website? Feel free to post when you are ready. There is lots of support here aas well as grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat folks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TMCM & Wallace Thanks for the nudge - Christmas has gotten so commercial & I have been searching for how to make it more meaningful for the kids and I &to get back to the real reason that we celebrate - Jesus.

Petvet,RMA, Davepr & relady Have a great day!

I am feeling good today, just came back from an alanon meeting where I poured my heart out. If I didn't have MB & alanon & the Lord right now, Im sure I would be in the loonie bin <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> There is one area that I've got to work thru is today, we got approval to refinance our mortgage but credit cards have to be paid off from the proceeds. That was ok with me as that was part of what I was going to do - but I was going to pay mine NOT WH'S <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He put us in this position <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

God Bless

D.

Hello again,



WGTT...

I'm just curious... as far as warning signs, what do they tell you to look for in your ALANON group?

Glad to hear that you got your refinancing, that is probably what I'm going to have to do as well. EXW left me with a massive amount of credit card debt.

Lostsoul...

Welcome to Marrigage Builders, and Petvet's thread.

I'll echo what WGTT has stated... there is a lot of great people here that can help you through the trying times and give you some good positive direction.

I'm sorry to hear that you know and understand the suffering that everyone not only here on this thread, but on these boards as well has gone through or is going through.

It is one of the most painful experiences you most probably will ever endure.

Let us know how you are making out when you feel your ready.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi WillGetThruThis & thanks for the welcome. Unfortunately, I did not find this site until it was too late.

I gave up everything in the divorce prior to confirming that there was OM, the divorce should be final by 1/2003.

I only started looking for forums like this after I realized what a fool I had been & the hurt I am going thru, hoping that by taking the high route & not splitting our property she would somehow come back to me. I now know the true reason she would not talk to me after the "I don't love you anymore" speeches towards the end.

I can only wish that this pain is not inflicted on other people who were in the same situation I was, being lied to up until the very end & to this day, WS still denies the affair.

Again, I wish the best for everyone on this board.

Hi All,

Wow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This has been a very busy thread in the last few days. Me and my big mouth telling everyone this is the best thread! OK, I won't be selfish <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet,

I just noticed in one of your post you mentioned that you were tired of your life being on hold.

You have to choose a different path for yourself, choose to move on mentally. IMHO, If you continue to think about your circumstances, ex. stbx coming back, etc. you will be destined to wander around in your circumstances(wilderness) for a much longer time than you should. Let the children of Israel be a lesson for all of us. Until we learn contentment, we will repeat the same lesson until we get it right. Just know that God is in the middle of your circumstances and He saw this day before you did and He has made provisions for it, however; you won't see His hand in it until you take your eyes off your circumstances. It's hard, but necessary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace,

It appears that your 'ladyfriend' is still in the healing process. And the wound is still very deep if she could not control her tears with you and in a public place. Just My Opinion We all have triggers, but we handle them differently. I had one today while driving, I'm glad I had on my sunglasses(80 degrees, remember?)and was on my way home! But in public, I can usually control it.

And since you're both still healing, it very well may be a 'transitional relationship' and once you are both healed you move on where neither one is hurt. It happens. I think you're handling it well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your W is probably trying to get on your OD good side since she knows you and her are not communicating! She'll be the 'perfect friend' to her and condone her relationship while putting you down, she thinks. I'm glad your OD is wise enough not to return her calls.

Avondale,

I finally got my inspiration, I had someone put up my lights, decorations are up, I'm hosting a brunch on Saturday for friends. I'm still debating whether to send a card to my H. I'm sort of stuck at, "if he sends one, I'll send one".

RMA

Thank you for that dream interpretation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You have really come very close to the truth. One day I want him back and another I don't like him very much. I'm trying to be consistent, because a 'doubleminded' man gets nothing from the Lord.

I think, when I don't like him, I'm having flashbacks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Just because I don't see results doesn't mean God is not moving. Hey, that's something for the mirror!

EC, WGTT, Davepr I hope all is well with you.

God Bless,
relady

Hi Gang,

What a busy thread today...Hello all the newcomers.

I was just going to pick up my pizza and decided to drop in....I don't have time to address everyone but I appreciate you all.

Relady - Tearing up behind those sun glasses? come on let it drip <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The nice part is that when we cry tears the Lord stores them up and turns them into showers of blessings back on us, no tear is wasted.

The PC im getting YD/OD is not brandnew, I wish but its enough for them to get there school work and play games on. Exw has a new MAC but she's always on it and the Internet. OD already has an email account on her Mac.

Have a start of a great weekend everyone!!

Hi all! Sorry for not posting as regularly as I use to, but my office has poor heat flow and when I want to get into my office at night , it is cold. I hate cold weather. Also, I have been real tired at night for some reason.

LostSoul: Welcome! Please don't listen to Wallace; this is not my thread(even though i started it), it's everyone's thread. There are many good folks here who help eachother through their terrible situations. I use to be like you and take junk just to keep peace. WRONG THING TO DO. We have to fight evil; otherwise, evil will florish. I was not going to move out of my house and leave my kid. I wanted to raise my kid and not be a visitor. WW would have kick me out of this house over my dead body. You cannot be too easy on these wondering folks.

Wallace: Sorry to hear that both of you had relapes. Both of you probably need to take things slowly. Please make sure that your friend is not trying to rescue you; if that's the case then your relationship may have problems once you both become emotionally stronger. You don't neccesary have to physically be with eachother everyday, but talking on the phone helps too. Send her cards, letters, flowers, etc. Those things have just as much impact as being physically there.
Oh! Back step, So your ex has a new beau? Interesting? I know you are not surprise. I told you she would contact your family sooner or later. Your exmil is still working behind the scenes. She may be trying to link your daughters back to your ex to try to get them to live with her. Watch things!

Avondale: If you want to give WH a gift, then do so. Give him a friend type of gift. I would try to stay away from the house during the holidays.

RMA: Saint Augustine is a wonderful place. Yes, the parking is not good unless you know those SECRET parking areas to park. I love to sit in the old Fort area and people watch. My favorite area is the beach. I love the water. I also love driving down A1A and rolling down the windows and just letting that warm air blow through the car. Also, A1A has good scenic ocean views. I normally use Saint Augustine as a central point to visit other areas of Florida (Disney for example). Saint Augustine have great eateries as well. There use to be a good restaurant named "The Chart House", but it is no longer there. (My hands are getting cold and becoming stiff-see what I mean my the cold in my office). What are you doing over the holidays?

Relady: Oh yes! I have had two dreams relating to my situation. None has come true yet. I don't know how to take these dreams. It puts you into a fog.

Dave: Where are you?

EC: Computer, if that does not win daughter over and make her want to visit you, I don't know what will. (Just kidding) I know you are not trying to win her over with a gift. This may make it easier for her to communicate with you. As someone recommended, see whether you can get a joint web account for her.

Later.

Hi everyone, well things are finally getting back to normal around here. Although we were only without power for 24 hours or so we didn't have phone service for a week. I was in Atltanta for 2 days last week and my son turned two on Friday so it has been busy here.

Wallace,sorry for all that is going on.. I know it has got to be very hard... from my experience usually these type of "rebound" relationships (don't take that the wrong way) don't last. But, I also believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe the reason that you two are together/dating right now it to help you heal and provide some comfort. Only you can decide what is right, I would just take things slow, you have both been hurt and will need alot more time to heal from this and only after you heal can you find out where your heart is at.

Petvet, so what is happening with the WS? Does she still want to reconcile? Is she still with OM?
Has she put forth any true efforts to make you believe that she is serious?

EC, the computer gift is a great idea, hope it works out.

TMCM, RMA, Relady, Avondale and everyone else... just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well.

I know that this time of year can be difficult, I was there last year and it was rough... I know we need to be thankful for what we have, especially our health.. but it is still hard.
Last year I had the kids for Christmas, our first Christmas apart and bing legally seperated.. FWS calls Christmas morning... kids and I were opening up gifts.. she is crying then talks with d.. I get back on the phone with her and she is really upset... I ask her, Is this worth it to you? Her reply.... Yes..... Hard to believe how much can change in one year... just want to give everyone some hope, things can work out, one way or the other.. for those of you that want to reconcile, there is always hope.. for those of you moving on.. find happiness within yourself first, then God will help you to find someone special to share it with.
Take care,
Dave

Wallace It's interesting that petvet picked up something too. He called it rescuing.
Here's what I see -

-She said she loves you yet it is still really early in the relationship. Does she need to need someone or has she really healed, done her homework (ex MB ...)and ready to move on and can identify someone right away as being the one?

-She said she wants to help you heal. Not I want you to heal so we can have a healthy relationship or something to that effect. She wants to be the one to help fix you. Sometimes people like that either keep trying to fix you or once you heal then they are not needed anymore and they move on, or maybe they stay but it's not based on honesty.

She may be an absolutely wonderful person and this may be off base. It's just something to keep in the back of your mind as you go forward. I know this type, since I am a working on being recovered rescue type person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Alanon is helping me identify patterns and given me tools to help become a better me. Add MB to that equasion and I am becomming a fantastic woman! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This weekend was really enjoyable! Fri. night I went to our community Christmas dinner & while there was asked to go to a Christmas concert that night - another had gotten ill & couldn't go. I wnet & it was soothing. I'm beginning to get more into the Christmas Spirit.

Then Sat night, I went with a friend to another Christmas concert went out to dinner & then drove around looking at Christmas lights. This nieghborhood goes ALL out!!! they even had sleighs being pulled by rain dogs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Many were having block parties sitting around fire pits.

Another one bites the dust This weekend a friend's wife left him. He knew I had been thru sh*t & needed someone to talk to. He doens't know if there is someone else or not & we talked about that possibility. He is heartbroken, numb and in terrible pain .... don't we know. It was a gift that I could share with him & in doing so helped me. I was able to tell him that he will get thru this, that it's about him using this to grow and be a better person (he admits he's always on her -where have you bee.....) that in time if they get back together then he addressed things he needed to and became a better person and if they don't get back together then he's better material for the next one.

WOW I couldn't believe that I could say that with such conviction cuz I believed it and lived it. I told him about MB & hopefully he comes here to read and to post.

Gotta help YS with a school project - last minute - grrrrrr

D.
airfy for me what Ithat it's all about me, about me growing being a better person, that I will

<small>[ December 15, 2002, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Hi all!

Dave: It's nice to hear from you. I cannot believe how bad you guys in the Carolinas were hit by the storm. I heard on the news that there are many people still without power. The answer to your questions is no, no ,no. Wife has shown nothing. She may be involve with same person; who knows. I could care less at this point. I just want her out of my stratisphere. I'm happy everything is still working well for your wife and yourself.

WTB(sorry for missing some letters): It was nice that you could be of help to your friend in need of assistance after his wife lefted him.

Wallace: You know friend; if you need and want companionship, you want someone who will not present anymore drama in your life. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying that your friend cannot be a good companion, but I am saying whoever is your companion should not present any additional drama. Lord knows you have been through enough.

Later.

Hi All,

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

OK, I need advice from you all. I'm still stuck between sending a Christmas card and waiting to get one before I do.

For those of you that don't know. I have been married three years, no children, haven't heard from or contacted H since he left 5 1/2 months ago.

Would it seem odd if I sent a card at this point? Would he think I was trying for reconcilation? Or is it to let him know I'm no longer angry? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Charlyn at Rejoice says sent a card, but Erin at Restorem says no contact period and let God do the work. So, I need help from the been there's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,
relady

Hi Everybody,

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. As usual mine went by way too fast.


Petvet...

I have to agree with you... I don't need anymore drama in my life. I have more than my fair shair already and then some.

I can understand how your feeling as well concerning your situation. I had reached a point where all I wanted to do was just get it over with as soon as I could. When you see no changes coming from your spouse, you are left with very little options.In my case I was left with the "no option, option"... if you may recall.

You better get some heat in that office of yours. I remember when I had first started my own business... I worked out of my garage... no heat at all. When I typed up quote letters (Brothers typewriter) the ink use to freeze and the keys would stick to the paper. My hands would get to the point where it just hurt to press the keys. AHHH! the good old days when life was good.

WGTT...

Thank you for giving me a heads up as far as warning signs and what to possibly expect and look for... it gives me an idea of what direction this whole thing may take.

In spite of everything that had happened... we are still seeing each other, just not as often. It may be a rebound relationship, I guess anything is possible. I'll just take it a day at a time, and if things get too out of hand, then I guess I'll just go my merry way.

It's probably not a good way to deal with it... but I haven't let myself get too emotionally involved. I don't want to leave myself open for anymore.

It is good to hear that you were able to give your friend some comfort in his time of need with his "W" leaving and all.

It must truly be hard for him considering the time of year. Of course I don't think there ever is a good time of year for something like this to happen, but it's a shame it happened right before Christmas.

It is amazing how far we have come... you don't realize it until you are confronted with someone else just starting to go through all the cycles of the break-up of their marriage. I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy.

Dave...

A belated "Happy Birthday" to your son... where you able to have a nice Birthday Party for him?

I would like to extend a very generous, "Thank You" to you for the encouraging words you posted.

There is in fact always "Hope"... and I'm glad you pointed that out to all of us.

We are all truly blessed. The Lord does not foresake us, as he knows our trials and tribulations. He will lead us through this, and we will become stronger for it.

Glad to hear that things are getting back to normal.


EC...

I'm sure your daughter will be pleased with her Christmas present.

If she gets it hooked up to the net then you could probably strike up a pretty good dialogue with her. You could also set her up with "instant messenger". That might be a great way to communicate with her.

avondale...

You were able to get your Christmas tree up... for me... that would be a major feat all in of itself. I still haven't put mine up yet.

Is it definite, that you are not going to go with your daughter during Christmas?

Also, Thanks for the cyber hug... it was appreciated.

relady...

Hope everything is going well for you. I know this is a very emotional time of year... I had another trigger go off on me while I was watching the movie "White Christmas", with Bing Crosby.

I almost needed a pair of sunglasses when that went down. I was lucky though... I was home and I was watching the movie by myself. It gets a little rough sometimes.

As far as sending a card. If it is not in your heart to send a card, then I would not send one. Follow your heart and pray on it. I personally don't think it would hurt a thing to send a card, but I would keep it simple if you do.

My situation as far as that was easy. ExW or anyone on her side of the family never acknowledged any Birthday or any other holiday to any of my children. So I didn't send anything to them as far as cards or anything else for that matter.

me...

Well my OD called yesterday while I was at Church and spoke with my YD.

OD told my YD that her mother wanted to give her, her birthday present that she was not able to give her.

ExW left our home and never returned on April 19th... my daughter's Birthday was on April 25th.

YD told OD that she didn't want any Birthday present from her mother. YD told OD to tell the exW she didn't want anything from her.

I don't get this Birthday scenario. My exW and her mother should have given my daughters a Birthday gift on their birthday if they were going to give them anything at all... not 4 months and 8 months down the road.

Are these people strange, or am I just cracking up?

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Lost Soul , Please accept a belated welcome to this, the best thread on MB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But shhh...don't tell everyone about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Relady , I know you asked for advice from "been there's" for the card, but when others have mentioned their unsureness about cards/gifts with WS on different threads, I keep thinking to myself... Can you go wrong with sending a card? Especially for Christmas, marking the birth of Jesus? I mean, even in Plan B I think I would do that. One doesn't need to write a lot or anything at all, but I think that sometimes a card would get the WS thinking. And you can't go wrong extending an act of kindness, unless giving a card would make one emotionally vulnerable or something. Anyway, JMHO.

Wallace , that is the longest post you've ever done! LOL And yes, those people ARE strange! It will be interesting to see how badly their mother wants to give the gifts...will she mail them or take them by? Hmmm...

Dave , your words were encouraging, and I've re-read them several times since you posted. I admit sometimes it's even beyond my capabilities to have hope. That's when I just have to trust God. BTW, you fared better (only losing power 1 day) in the storm than I did (4 days)!

WGTT , you have definitely learned some of the principles of Alanon. The word "co-dependency" has really been over- and mis-used so much these days but in support groups like Alanon and Naranon, they really do mean something. You are already in a much better place than you must have been, your maturity in dealing with that shows through in your words.

I have been kind of depressed today. The only thing that I think might have triggered it is my daughter telling me that she is getting together w/her father this Sunday to exchange gifts. She didn't want to go at first, but then felt like the Lord was telling her to do that with him, and nothing more. (So who are we to argue?!) I don't begrudge her a relationship with her dad; she is mature enough to see what his problem is. But for some reason, just the fact they're exchanging gifts has hit me in a weird way and I'm not sure why I feel the way I do. Maybe reality is starting to sink in??

Hi All,

Petvet - I see you're ready to move on with W still having OM, I understand.

Relady - Sending a card? that's a tough choice sometimes, the advice you got is one source from a BS org and the other a WS. Erin being a guy knows what tore him up the most I would go with his advice and not meet the emotional need. I remember I was sending my WW letters and cards in the first 5 months thinking she was pitching them because she was showing so much hate only to discover in secret she was carrying around every letter and card I ever sent her, daily. My heart just melted and tears came to my eyes because they looked so worn, yet she still gives me the impresion this day Dv was the best thing ever.

If I sent her a letter today I know she would carry it around...

Me: This weekend I stepped back looked in the past back to yr 2000, I prayed this weekend and asked the Lord to remove ALL bitterness and unforgivess I have toward my exw and bring me to a place of forgiveness and praise. My exw owes me a debt she could never repay and on top of that she knows she has committed a great sin against herself, i'm sure she wrestles with daily yet she chooses to live in it.

I want forgivness for myself, I'm at the point of letting go of the accusation despite what she did was real and hurt. Each time I've gotten to this point in the past she would afflict me all over again with OM now it don't matter. In the past months my hurt and jealousy got the best of me, I'm now on my way up and out of the pit. I want restored to full measure.

Joel 2
25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. 26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.