GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I just typed in a long post & lost it!

Wallace Now I know why you asked if I had gone back and read the posts on this thread!
Something had been "tugging" on my mind to go back to where you started and read. No doubt God has been speaking to me to read

Except for some situations changes, your story could be me! The similarities are staggering. You are better at expressing your feeling than I have been but I could say ditto to just about everything.

I''m really tired and going to bed shortly but will continue reading (only got to pg 23) There were some questions I had, but will read more to see if they are answered. You have helped me clarify some issues that have been floating around in my mind. Now that I have asked God what he meant by Let go, there's more, I am receiving the answers from many directions. It's funny that God even answers prayers via the internet!

Right now I am at the place of acceptance. It's time to move on to protect me and the kids. I know it's time. I just KNOW.

To all the others on this thread, Have a good weekend!

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ January 19, 2003, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Hi all!

WGTT: Is Bob Proctor a motivational speaker? Based on what you jave said, he appears to be good.

All: I recently came across a great New Year's resolution list. I will post it next week. It's in my office at work.

Wallace: I hope you are feeling better. Moving is the one chore that will break your back. It's nice that you are helping her.

All: It's amazing that most of us have entreprenurial mindsets. Just odd!

Avondale: I don't pity you for the weather you have to deal with because I hate cold weather. Boy, my hands are freezing again typing. See what I mean.

EC: You made alot of good points. I always take the verses you have lists and read them in the bible. The resolution list coincides with some of the things the verses addressed.

Me: I had to change kid's visitation schedule because w had to transfer to another department. When I tried to compromise with w, she once again called me a non Christian and that she needed a job, so she could pay me cs. She was shouting and I asked her why she was angry at me when I had agreed to her terms, she said that I make her angry and cause her to shout. She threatened to take me to court and to get her attorney after me. My attorney told me that I don't have to change anything if I don't want but I can try to accommodate her if it did not inconvenience me too much. I am awaiting a court date as we speak. I have a new judge since the other judge retired. I should have had a date by (my hands are frooze) now but the new court clerk messed up and did not put case on the docket. I should have a date by next Friday. You are right EC everytime I speak to w,it brings me down a couple of notches.

Later.

WGTT - I have been lurking in your "Will/Would God..." thread, lots of interesting posts there! And it raises some good questions, too. I've never heard of Bob Proctor, though. Are you still going to keep your lawyer's appointment at the end of the month, with the job changes your H is experiencing? Have you had any luck about confirming "under the table" income?

DavePR - I think moving would only facilitate healing in your marriage - new location, new memories...and you won't be in the same old rooms that remind you of old hurts. Is your new job position going well? Not too much change, I hope.

Petvet - Give me your address, cuz I'm going to send you $50 for a new ceramic space heater so your fingers won't be "frooze" LOL. That is too bad the court clerk forgot to put you on the docket; let us know when your date is so we can pray more effectively. Don't let your W get you down! It sounds like you are trying to accommodate her as best you can given the circumstances.

Relady - Where are you? I miss your posts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RMA - Great to hear from you - twice in one hour, er...day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Making up for lost time, I guess, LOL. Based on numerous opinions, including yours, Petvet's, and others, I will probably file separately and just not tell my H. He usually files in the fall, real late anyway, since he has his own business and income from numerous sources.

EC - I appreciated your post but the part about the chicken and pig made me laugh out loud. I don't know that I had ever heard that one. And you are really using those smileys, too. We're still waiting for Petvet to use them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The attack our WS's have come under was not all about them, a lot of it was how could the enemy destroy your life by using them. What has God placed in you so great that it took such an emotional blow of betrayal from the enemy to try and steal it??? but yet you're still standing? We have an awesome GOD!! Life is not over but just beginning.....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is true and to be honest, I had never thought of it in that way. I have to say that in my case, since my H was a leader in our church, he succumbed to the lies of the enemy and gave in to them. So I think my part in this mess is secondary to the fact that he was the first casualty. You are totally right though - we are now in a test and battle ourselves (whether we were the intended "victim" or not), because what happens to them affects us in our walk. I am happy to say I still have my joy!

Wallace - moving, huh? I had typed a cute comment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> but decided to delete it, LOL. That's nice that you are so helpful. Are you still in contact with your OD? Any change there?

Hope I didn't miss anybody...have a great week!

<small>[ January 19, 2003, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have a close friend whose husband decides to leave her after 15 years, saying he should have never married her and didn't love her. Needless to say she is devastated. And besides that, they just adopted a small child 2 years ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Is there some type of epidemic? Why do they all say the same thing? Could all the WS's be from the same planet and we're the normal ones?

Between that and work, I've been exhausted.

WGTT, EC

I have read material by Bob Proctor. During the year 2001 I had a business coach who used a lot of his material. That coach costs $300 per month, however; my business increased at least 50% and still growing. It takes about 18 months for you to actually change your mindset. Once you start thinking success, your mind works overtime to bring you back to a comfortable situation(failure). It becomes very difficult to focus, especially with a WS in your life.

Avondale,

I'm still here, I read, just not always able to respond. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How are things with you?

Petvet,

Waiting on your answer to RMA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace,

Glad to see you're feeling better. Did your 'ladyfriend' get moved OK? Did she give back the leather coat yet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ME

Just a question....How did you (all) deal with not having companionship while you were seperated? Were your Ws's ever out of your thoughts? Sometimes I feel like I don't want to wait on God, I just want to get a divorce and move on. I realize that's a sign of impatience. but, when does it stop? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Davepr, RMA

I hope all is well

God Bless,
relady

Hi Gang!

Hope everyone is doing well!! It's good 'ol Monday!

Relady - I'm sorry can you refresh me on your story when and what happened? What is WH doing right now,etc..? After a while you forget the details.

Hi All,

I just had a nice long post (what's new?) and it said I wasn't logged on, so I couldn't post... even though I was sitting there looking at my name showing I was indeed logged on. Long story short... I lost it all.

relady...

My heart goes out to you, as I know the feelings your going through all too well.

I think that all of the infidelity that is going on in this country is becoming an epidemic.

To try to answer your question that you posted. For me... during my whole process I leaned on God, more than at any other time in my life. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed... sometimes for hours on end... day and night. I asked him to please lead me... lead me to wherever he wanted to take me. I listened... and I followed.

I also became very involved in my children's lives, Church groups, divorce group, family and friends, as well as these boards.

I became so active in all of the above... it left little time to think about what was, and what was about to become.
Did it take all the pain and thoughts of my exW away... no... it did not. In fact... I still think about my exW to this day. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Some days are better than others... but I still think of what our lives could of been... had she communicated with me.

God however, had put it into my heart that my marriage was over and it was time to move on. Of course I fought it every step of the way for quite some time... but eventually I learned to listen to what was being put into my heart. I decided to do the right thing... I ended the M. It was a very long and a very painful ordeal. I never want to go through it ever again, and I pray to God daily to spare me and my family anymore pain that may be delivered to us via my exW.

You will know what your next move is... there will be no doubt in your mind about whether your M can be salvaged or not. The lord will lead you where he wants you to go... as long as you put your full faith and trust in "Him".

Do you ever stop thinking about the WS?
For me... at this point... the answer is no.
Do I think about her as often as I use to... no... it gets better with time.
She will always have a place in my heart... I was married to her for almost 24 yrs. You don't just erase that overnight... I don't think anyone can... not even the WS.
IMHO, the good Lord, and time will heal, and only time will tell. Patience is virtue... especially now.

It's a very difficult road your on... your still standing, Praise God! No matter what the outcome... you will make it.
Surround yourself with the word, like minded friends, and family and you will be O.K...

We are here for you too relady. We all care, and we want nothing but the best for you... don't ever forget that.

EC...

Great scriptures, and what a great story about the chicken and the pig... I never heard that one. How sad, that in many situations, that story applies.

You have noble goals at hand... don't ever lose sight of them... you will fullfill them as long as you always keep those goals in mind and never waiver.

Enhancing your education can never hurt... your on the right road... stay the course.

WGTT...

There is a lot of reading to do on this thread. I think reading War and Peace might take less time.

Of course I think the reading of this thread is of better value... but that's just my opinion. I'm glad that God is directing you, and your allowing him to lead you to where he wants you to be. You can't go wrong if you stick with the Lord.

Even though the names. faces, and times are different concerning what we have all been through and are still going through... bottom line is... it is all so very similar when you get right down to it... it's scary.

RMA...

It's good to hear from you and I hope everything is going well in your life.

I'm trying to keep things light. Every once in awhile it feels like it's trying to speed back up again... but I know where that brake pedal is... LOL

Petvet...

It sounds like you have got yourself a handful going on there.

I know your coming up to the final court date (whenever the courts decide to get their act together), and you have been through as much as anyone... my prayers will be with you.

I would try to accommodate your W as much as possible on the visitation schedule (as hard as that may be). You don't want to keep going back to Court over, and over again... it just starts taking it's toll on you.

Dave

A change in venue is a great move... it can't do anything but help your recovery in your M get better.
Keep up the good work.

avondale...

O.K., you know I'm going to bug you about what your cute little comment was that you deleted off the post was. Come on now... go ahead and put it up there for all to see. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm going to keep badgering you until you do... LOL.

I spoke with my OD about 2 weeks ago. She calls and talks with my YD every so often, so at least she is staying in touch somewhat.

ME...

Well we finished moving my "lady friend" last night at about 8:00 p.m.

Wow!!!! I'm glad that's over with... It didn't look like she had that much stuff... but she had truck full after truck full. I thought it would never end.

Well I'm getting ready to file contempt of court papers against my exW... probably next month.

I wanted to wait until the dust settled a bit (does it ever settle?), before I started up with all the fun and games associated with that wonderfulness.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

Hope everyone has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey Relady ,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just a question....How did you (all) deal with not having companionship while you were seperated? Were your Ws's ever out of your thoughts? Sometimes I feel like I don't want to wait on God, I just want to get a divorce and move on. I realize that's a sign of impatience. but, when does it stop </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought Wallace 's answer was very insightful. You & I might be at similar places, Relady. Right now I lack for companionship, as most of my (formerly our) friends are married and have their own married lives going on. I'm not looking to get involved in any singles group cuz I'm not single. (Our church is fairly small so there isn't a true singles group going on anyway.) I am trying to stay out of my daughter's life so she can enjoy her first year of wedded bliss without having a rejected mom pestering her, LOL. So I've gone out a few times with a couple of single women my age from church but that has been few and far between. Since what happened to me hasn't really happened to anyone in our entire circle of friends, I think no one is sure how to relate to me. (A lesson for me if the shoe is ever on the other foot, so to speak.)

I also think of my husband EVERY DAY, several times a day, sometimes for a LONG time (up to an hour). "What ifs" predominate my thoughts. At this point I can't imagine ever wanting to be with a different guy again so I am content to die an old maid! The only time I think about not waiting and rushing for a divorce is after I have had a bad interaction with H (last time was Jan.5) and it doesn't last long.

So I REALLY look forward to hearing from all the others on this thread - they've been through it longer and have MUCH more wisdom to share...especially some of the guys here who have twinkles and lady friends! Oh, and RMA could really answer this perfectly from a woman's point of view. WE NEED HER HERE!

Ok Relady just to give my 2 cents on the subject.

I have female friends, had female friends during seperation. The friends I have are generic friends, meaning there is no romance involved, no cards, generic emails, no dinner dates, just phone buddys, no crying on there shoulder but do discuss what I or her has been through. If I see them its in a group setting. If I were seeking reconciliation with my WS, I would ask can this new friend be a part of me and my WS relationship if there was a restoration, would my mate befriend them and trust them later. For me boundries were set from the start. They tell me the dates they go out on etc...we have no obligations..

I think about my exww often of how things might be if we were together, she may still love me, I don't know...She may think of me everyday, I don't know? Since her mother was married 7 times and her dad 5, she probably will just continue on like nothing happened, that's what was modeled in front of her, where as I had my original parents and saw you work it out.

On the flip side to answer your question in humor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I will admitt when it comes to my female friends because I'm not interested in nothing right now, I am definitly Mr Pig, Ain't no woman getting my Bacon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know, I'm a Ham, but they can't have that either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Oink, Oink!!

Take Care

Hi Gang!

YD called me lastnight and she opened up for the first time. It started out first by asking how everything was going, she said fine, I asked anything new happening?nope, school ok? yep, So I said everything is just peachy and you've done nothing new since lasttime I talked to you? she, nope, nothing new. I then said you know, I'm here for you whenever you need me and remember if you ever want to talk you don't have to hold in any secrets, I said you remember that was always my open door policy that you never have to hide anything and feel free to talk about it, right? I said I'm your dad but I'm your friend to.

I then ask her, I said, do you know why come I left the home?? she said no. I said do you think I purposely walked out on you and OD? No. She said she has a foggy idea why but not sure but she knew there were problems and things happening between me and exw.

I then told her some of what happened and none of my leaving was directed at her or OD. I then gave her some positive advice how to be an overcomer of adversity. She then opened up and began to tell me what she was going through around the house. She said dad, I don't understand, I started working part-time and now MOM takes every dime I get, I have to buy groceries, she asks for 10% of my money for the house, I have to pay for my own school lunch, I pay for my own laundry and by the time I do all that, I have no money, now I'm not saying mom is a bad person but what is it with this money thing that she trys to get as much from you as she can? Why is she so money hungry??I understand if I was 18 and out of HS or something living at home and working full time, I'm just 17 a Jr in HS just $200 a month, I just wanted to work to save my money for starting comm college and now I can't have no fun or money, my money is gone before I get paid and then Mom is making me pay a phonebill from grandpa's house [exw's dad] from when I was 13 years old stating I ran up the phonebill to $1,000,(YD stayed there one summer for 3 weeks) mom paid him already with her bonus money but I have to pay her back, I admit I did some calls but I'm having a hard time accepting I did all that, mom showed me a phonebill and some is true but some I don't think all is mine, other people lived there and now I have to pay for that too, I'm ready to quit working because all this is just to much, I'm also quiting to because when a customer urinates on the floor and trash the bathrooms they always make me go clean it up while other people go talk on the phone, out smoking, out playing, lots of favortism.

Well after all that my heart went out to her and YD said I'm not saying all this because mom is a bad person, I just don't understand this money hungry thing with Mom. I told YD I understood and told her how much I pay in CS and a little of what I'm going through with the greed of CS. I asked YD what she cooked for dinner, she sneekered, said are you serious? What? We haven't cooked a meal around this house in months, it's been a long time dad, it's every person for himself, theres no groceries anyway, we eat fastfood everyday, the only time that stove gets turned on if somebody cooks french fries...I said wow! I told YD I cook all the time full meals for me, then she remembered I did all the cooking in the house when I was there and I guess took all those qualities with me and other things I did. That was one of my complaints about exww she when she complained about weight but yet never cooked and bought fastfood on the days I decided not to cook, I guess it continued, If I took 2 weeks off she bought fastfood for 2 weeks.

I know some of what YD is going through is growing pains, growing up but then lots of it is unnecessary and a lot is the results and lifestyle of a WW. The phonebill issue is new to me, that was never brought to my attention 4 years ago, I'm surprized they would hold this against YD 4 years later and create in her a mentality of poverty and debt, $1,000 feels like $10,000 having less than $200 a month to work with. I understand taking responsibilty and learning, but holding something against you when you were 13? I feel there are other ways to resolve the issue. I told YD if she came with me her money is hers, I can run the house alone and if she came she would have her own business, and we'd pick up in her career path where we left off before all these A's and DV. More than anything YD/OD is coming under the same money attack I'm coming under from Exww. Greed!...

It's amazing Exww hasn't changed...YD said she still has same OM but he doesn't live there. Can you imagine you're married and while in the same house same bed your W has an A and becomes commited to someone else after 21 years like you were never married prior? I don't understand how a person can do that and go about there merry way. She swung from one vine to the next without ever touching the ground. Amazing

Hi all,

As far as companionship goes... I waited till after my divorce was final before I stepped up to the plate.

I met with people of the oppisite sex, only in a group setting (Church, divorce group, etc.). Didn't really think about how lonely I was... I had too much going on to really stop and think about it.

My "lady friend" and I had hit it off about 2 months before my D was final... but I never pursued it, until my divorce was final.

It's kind of funny avondale, my "lady friend" thought and said that she could never imagine ever finding or dating another man. She envisioned herself just growing old and being single for the rest of her life. Then I popped into her life... she isn't saying that anymore.

We both know that we are not trying to replace what was. I will not try to take the place of her exWH... and she knows that she will not take the place of my exWW.

Hopefully we can build a very strong and trusting relationship as good friends, that may lead to more... who knows what God has in store for us? Only time will tell.

One thing of many that I have learned through all of this... is patience. Not because I wanted to... I had to, and needed to... in order to make it through all of this.

Ironically, it's still not over with. I'm sure I will be dealing with the aftermath for sometime to come.

Petvet...

You know... now that you mention it... we all do have entrepreneurial (sp?) skills. Do you think there may be some sort of a connection?

Hope everyone has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Hope you're having a great day.

You guys are Soooo Awesome. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am so proud to be a part of this 'thread'.

Yesterday was one of my 'not so good days', their coming less, although; still coming. I think it's because all of a sudden 'walk aways' and 'infidelity' is all around. I asked the Lord to use me to help other women in the same situation. I had no idea I personally knew so many. From clients to personal friends, it's incredible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

For me, I can't understand why my 'H' doesn't just get a divorce and be done with it. I haven't seen or heard from him in almost 7 months now, so what is the delay? Oh Well!

EC

Your 'W' seems to be straight from the 'pit' I'm surprised your YD didn't express a desire to come live with you, not that her mother would allow it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't understand how a person can do that and go about there merry way. She swung from one vine to the next without ever touching the ground. Amazing </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whether you realize it or not, she actually slammed into the ground, she just hasn't realized it yet. Hence, the term 'walking wounded' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

I don't believe for one minute that you'll end up an 'old maid'. LOL We can't let the men on this thread out do us now can we? Anyway when I was little, I used to cheat so I could avoid getting the 'old maid' card. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Come on Avondale, let's think Convertible <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Wallace

I guess the key is to keep busy, right? I just hate the quiet moments. When this is over, I'll have the patience of Job!

Davepr, RMA, WGTT

Hope all is well.

God Bless,
relady

EC -It is wonderful that a door opened up for you to talk so candidly to your YD. Now she will tell your OD, and they will both know that their situation has a lot to do with your exww's greed. They'll compare notes and you'll come out on top! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hopefully they will be with you in the not too distant future...I am praying towards that for you.

Wallace - so maybe I should just hold my tongue, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Not say anything that might come back to bite me later, LOL

Relady - OK, I'll think convertible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> But I still want to hear RMA's response to your question!

Petvet - are you slammed with tax stuff?? Or maybe you froze in your office...we need a frozen face for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Since there have been many posts about entire posts or words being eaten by the MB bugs, I am now typing on Word Perfect and then copy and pasting to MB. My week is going great so far, hope everyone else's is too.

<small>[ January 21, 2003, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi again,

EC...

We must of cross posted. I just finished reading your post, and by the sounds of it... your YD maybe ready to come live with you by the sounds of it. Have you given any thought about asking her to come live with you?
Their household at this point doesn't sound like it's healthy a enviroment to be in.

Your exW sounds and acts very much like mine. My exW use to borrow money from my kids as well and never pay them back. I would reimburse them... and at the same time tell them not to give their mother anymore money. ExW went through money like water. the sixty four thousand dollar question is... what did she do with all the money she received and stole?

IMHO, I would give serious consideration to your daughter moving in with you. Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions without the influence of your exW hanging above her head.

Stay in contact with her as often as you can... that will help build the relationship for you two evenmore.

relady...

I'm with you... I never realized how much infidelity was going on as well as walk away spouses until it happened to me. It is epidemic in proportion... it's a sad commentary to our society as a whole. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Petvet, RMA, Dave, and WGTT...

Hope your day is going well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Relady: Let me give my 1/2 of a cent on your question. Even I file for d, I held out hopes that w and i would reconcile. At the time, I was going through sessions with Harley. I kept thinking to myself whether I had done everything i could to save my marriage. He recommended that i drop my case and see what w would do. Well, i waited around Valentine's Day to drop suit and i sent her flowers. Well, when she found out that i had dropped my suit, she called me and blessed me out and she told me to never send her flowers again. She refile a suit against me three or four days later. That was the defining momemt for me. At that point, I knew i had done everything i could. Since then, I have been focused on taking care of business. Keep in mind that i was still wearing my wedding ring during all of this. Well, one day i said to myself why am i still committing myself to someone who probably wishes that i was hit my a truck or something, so I took off my ring and put it in a safe place. This was back in September or October. That was real hard for me to do that but i have made it through the difficulties. I was going through all this, but my w started taking her ring off a year and a half before she left. The marriage meant nothing to her. She was just fronting for her parents. My guess is that you and Avondale are at that defining moment where you physically cut the cord. Please keep in mind that the emotional bond takes months if not years to cut. It is like a death in the family but worst. As I told you two in previous posts, you must stay proactive as to where you are in this process,or you will go crazy. I think about my w several times a day, but I have to deal with reality. As Dr. Laura says, we have to go through this dark period to get through light. We have to make a decision as to whether we will stay down or not. As far as other relationships are concern, we must stay committed to the institution of marriage until it ends. There is nothing wrong with talking to folks of the opposite sex, but we must refrain from intimate actions because that would make us no better than our ws. I am very particular as to what people i choose to interact with because not everyone can deal with a friend going through d. I am leery of going to a d group because i don't want to be around winers. I would rather be around folks who will take responsibility for their short comings and become proactive to better their situation. Don't get me wrong, i know their are some good groups out there, but sometimes groups become a session of complaining.

EC: As I have said before, your exw is a piece of work. Hitting your d for major bucks and using a old phone bill to drain more money from d is classic. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. CUSTODY!

Later.

Hi Everyone

Petvet - Thats good how you progressed through the stages, I know its been heartbreaking but you did the right things. I definitly agree about don't jump to early in a decision on meeting OP, its not necessarily you you have to worry about its them, they can make more of a relationship than what it was intended to be when your motive was something totally different, then you're in a mess. Many WS's affairs started with innocents and many intentional when sober time comes you can tell.

Relady - I don't know what happen to exw, its sad, but at the same time she knows she's in the pit.

Avondale - Thanks for praying, bless and it shall return unto you, none of your prayers will go in vain.

Wallace - That environment is odd, but YD/OD won't know it until they get out of it and see what the norm is again. I'm amazed that exw lifestyle is having an affect on her money, you can't live a life of adultery and not see some negative affect of it, God is merciful but its still a reap what you sow principle. My exw is involved with 5 incomes hers, mine, YD/OD and her side business yet it all blows away like she has nothing and all the verse below is asking is to consider your ways. My sister told me I would see the CS money blow through exw hands because it was obtained for the wrong motive and going to a house ruled by deception.

The Lord likes us to build a house that he can take pleasure in and exhibit you before everyone because you glorify him. Can you imagine the Lord's presence in your home daily? I experienced that before when things were going great between me and exw so I know its possible..

A Sandcastle is not the kind of house the Lord builds or dwells in. If we consider our ways no telling how blessed we can be. I'm sure God speaks to my exww about considering her ways and try his, its so simple, why have your money blowed upon when you don't have to? A change of heart makes all the diff in the world.

Hag 1

Consider your ways. 6 Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes. 7 Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways. 8 Go up to the mountain, and bring wood, and build the house; and I will take pleasure in it, and I will be glorified, saith the LORD. 9 Ye looked for much, and, lo, it came to little; and when ye brought it home, I did blow upon it. Why? saith the LORD of hosts. Because of mine house that is waste, and ye run every man unto his own house. 10 Therefore the heaven over you is stayed from dew, and the earth is stayed from her fruit.

Me: YD called my niece 16 lastnight, neice wasn't home, YD said she'll call back later. Neice called me and ask if I had a number so she could call YD she was excited they haven't talked since 2000 eventhough they are buddys. Neice said she was really going to push for YD to come, I was happy and surprised, I never talked to neice about that, yet she knows they're suffering. My neice is living the life my YD/OD should be, but they're under exw's control. My neice is 16 in HS doing Intern Dental College work, getting her hands dirty before she actually starts school. I'm sure she will challenge YD to get started with her medical school stuff. My sisters, aunts,etc..can't wait to shower YD/OD with love, welcomes and gifts, however YD/OD have been influenced by exw everybodys against them, but God is tearing down that wall, they are about to walk out of Pharaohs camp.

Just when you are ready to walk out of something thats had you bound and controlled if it be debt, a habit, in an Adulterous relationship, an abusive person the Pharaoh of that thing will speak and say to discourage you and take away your hope, but you are coming out and you know it.

Ex 14

3 For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.

Hi All,

I hope everyone is making it a great day.

Petvet

I wish I could get that much in the 'real world' for 1/2 a cent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think mostly on my part, I have a tendency to get impatient. Not so much from the intimacy stand point, but more like 'loose ends' in my life.

For instance, right now I can't purchase another home because he would have to give me a 'quitclaim' saying he has no interest in the property which is very unlikely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Because I live in a community property state.

If I were to contact my 'H' he probably would have the same reaction as your 'W' or he would do the reverse and enjoy that I was pursuing him.

As far as doing all I could to save my marriage, yes, I did. If you do everything you can while they are living with you and they still leave without so much as a glance backwards. IMHO, there is nothing further that can be done.

"a mind changed against it's will is of the same opinion still"

I have no remorse, my heart is clear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Not that I don't think about him everyday, however; not enough to consider taking him back in the condition in which he left. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

God bless all,
relady

Relady </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have no remorse, my heart is clear. Not that I don't think about him everyday, however; not enough to consider taking him back in the condition in which he left. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You brought up something that I had wrestled with for a while, until I got a clear answer for myself...What would I do if H wanted to get back together but he was still the same person (this new unknown alien, not the one I married)? Would I be committed (by God and my conscience) to get back together? Possibly to work on our marriage? I certainly don't want to be "unequally yoked" however, what would my obligation be? Where does I Corinthians 7 come into play?? Anyway, I decided on my own that I do NOT want to go back to what was....I will only accept the BEST which is a sold out, born-again man of God, LOL. So if I get back with hubby, he'd better be changed back to who he was when we got married! Otherwise, I'm content with my status quo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 22, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All Again!

Avondale

IMHO, I don't believe they would comeback the same way. I would hope that through our prayers for them, they will have changed. Also, when their heart is changed, we have to make sure that when and if they do come back, we are not the same person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I, like you will only accept the best and if God says take him back, then he will either be the best or well on his way to becoming the best. Either way I will know the difference.

And until then, I'm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> LOL

relady

Hi all!

Just a couple of shorts.

Relady & Avondale: If your men decide to come back and you accept them back, you must make sure that they committed to change for the betterment of the marriage. From your end, once you accept them back, you cannot hold anything over their heads, either. You guys are in limbo right now as I am. At some point, being in limbo becomes a problem and a liability.

Later.

Hi All,

EC...

I think there is some commonality with ex-spouses and their spending habits.

They feel like they are in a fantasy world already... so they manage the rest of their lives in the same vain... especially when it comes to money.

The WS do in fact reap what they sow. I'm a firm believer of the old saying... "What goes around... comes around.

Keep those lines of communication up with your YD/OD and just maybe you will be able to show them that a stable enviroment is available to them if they wish to pursue it.

relady and avondale...

Indeed... neither of you are the same person any longer. What has happened in your lives changed all that.

Not only did you both change, but your spouses changed as well. You two are changing for the better, and are working to better yourselves. Can that be said about your spouses? At this point in time... they probably haven't changed for the better in any way shape or form. If and when they do... you will know it.

Until that time comes... keep working on bettering yourselves and your lives as well... which I know you are both doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The key... is try to stay as active as you possibly can with things you enjoy doing. Idle time... can be brutal... at least it was for me.
I always had something going on... I even listened to talk radio when I would go to bed at night. That was my way of not letting my mind think about what was going on. I prayed all the time as well, and immersed myself in scripture.

I admire both of you... you both have come a long way... and your getting stronger as each day passes. You may not feel that way at times... but trust me... you are.

relady, You know something? My "lady friend" hasn't given me the coat I gave her for X-mas back yet. What's up with that? LOL

Avondale, Never say never... I don't want you to eat your words... LOL

Oh, by the way... what was it that you deleted on your one post? Thought I forgot about that...Huh? LOL

Petvet...

I agree with your statement about being in Limbo.
It's almost as bad as D-Day, on the other hand IMHO, I think its just as bad.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace