Hello everyone

Yuk - I have had this flu junk and havn't done much of anything this week so far. There is so much to do - lots of paperwork to gather for the DV & financial planner as well, year end stuff, and figuring out how to best provide for me a& the kids. This month, we will most likely take a plunge as far as income goes. But I am learning to think positive thoughts thru the mentor program & so far it's working.

Have just done a quick scan thru here but it's been hard to concentrate. Today I went to a quickbook class & very thankful that I did.

Have a great evening!!!

D.

PetVet I read some of the previous post and I was just wondering now that the divorce is almost final...how do you feel about your stbx? Are you on friendly terms?

Hi all:

Everyone: Thanks for the encouragement. I had a bad yesterday of feeling in the dumps. I am afraid that I am going to get left holding the bag financially on many things because w does not have much money. I'm looking at taxes and attorney fees due to her. Since she would not settle on child support and other matters, my attorney racked up quite a bit of time. My attorney said that she will ask court to get w to pay those fees, but you cannot get juice from a turnip. Someone asked how we get along; well, it's hard for me to be in the same room with her. She has messed up the life of my son and I. I am not please with my inlaws either. I'll pray. That's all I can do.

Later.

Hi Everyone!!

Petvet,Avondale,Wallace,Relady,Davepr,RMA,WGTT,ThePits,FAA.........

Petvet - Sorry to see you go through this, but you know, it gets better with time. I remember my DV day and somewhat clouded by a false sense of failure yet I knew I tried. You can only do as much as the other party will allow.

On the subject will your exw have the money to repay anything? That was the first question the lawyer asked who I consulted with a few weeks ago, he asked, can she even repay anything? After he asked salary questions he concluded she could.

Me: The court is finally sending me my court date for the CS change, don't know when date is yet until I get the notice, when I found this out I was rejoicing because this is it!!, every legal door is shutting from here on out, her power over me is coming to an end, this is the final legal issue she could ever use against me, when I see that date, I know that will mean my emancipation from her for good in all this mess, what joy!!

Sent OD b-day gift this week equal to YD, been sending OD email pictures of stuff for the past 2 weeks however get no response, it's odd but I don't feel needy or hurt like I once did in the past if they didn't interact or respond, just another sign I'm healing and getting stronger.

Take Care.

Hi All,

Hope everyone is having a good day today.

RMA...

Luckily I have a fire extinguisher... but I used it already. Was I suppose to spray myself down with it, or use it on the fire I had at my home? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You must have a sixth sense, I know avondale and relady do. LOL.

Things are starting to heat up again with my "lady friend"... only this time... I'm not so sure I want to slow it down. My better judgement tells me to hit the brakes again... I just need to put my foot on the brake pedal. Hmmmmmm... maybe I should get that fire extinguisher refilled. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet...

Ditto to what RMA and EC stated. If in fact one door closes, the Lord will allow another one to open up for you. You will survive, no matter what the outcome.

I think all of us are in the same boat to some degree concerning our wayward spouses and ex-spouses financial misgivings. It's bad enough the things that they have done to get us here... but for some reason it seems like they feel obligated to continue with dealing out as much pain and misfortune as they can for as long as they can. "May the Lord have mercy on their souls".

EC...

It does indeed appear that you may in fact be coming to the end of all your legal woes with your exW. I'll bet that will be a load off your shoulders when that is all said and done with.

Concerning your OD and her lack of communication with you. That will most likely change as time goes on. I'm sure it's still tough on you when you don't hear from her... but she will eventually grow out of that phase.

WGTT...

Sorry to hear that you have the flu. That's going around all over... it' pretty nasty from what I've seen.
My "lady friend" and 2 of her 3 kids have been down with it for about a week, and they are still fighting it. Get well soon!

I read some of your other posts... got a new TV?
Glad to see that things are going well for you... keep up the good work.


relady...

I talked with my OD about 2 weeks ago over the telephone for quite awhile. She seems to be doing well, based on what she has told me... so that's a plus. It doesn't appear that she is going to continue with her College classes... so that was somewhat disappointing.

Hopefully she will go back to school real soon.

How is everything going on your end?

avondale, FAA, ThePits, and everyone else...

Hope everything is working in your favor today.

Well everyone, have a good weekend and may God bless us all.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Well, another weekend is upon us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Was I suppose to spray myself down with it, or use it on the fire I had at my home?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come on my friend, we all know the answer to that question: if you had used it on yourself, the fire would have never happened. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No, the convertible is what I'm getting when things are over to help me forget. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

3 Kids, Do they all get along with yours? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Petvet

Once this is behind you, you'll at least be able to make an attempt at moving on without wondering what she'll do next. It's just amazing how WS's would rather live a meager existance than to work it out with a loving mate. Go figure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Boy are they deceived. Her Lost!

WGTT

Hope you're feeling better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ME

I'm taking the rest of the day off and going to the movies to see'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days', so next time it won't take me 3 years. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

RMA, Davepr, Avondale

Have a great weekend.

God Bless,
relady

Hi Wallace,

OD got the gift today, she sent me an email, but I guess something is better than nothing, it's a slow process. I'm sure she was wondering if she would get the same quality and equal value of a gift as YD, I had sent YD a TV in OCT.

OD:

Dad,

Thank you very much for the card. That money is
gonna go a long way!! Anyway, I don't have too much to say so I'm gonna go now, but thank you...

Hi all!

Wallace: Yes, you better refilled the fore extingisher or better yet buy a swimming pool so that when things get real hot between you and your lady friend, both of you can dive in to cool off. Just make sure that you both keep your clothes on. The swimming pool has been known to get heated if you know what I mean.

Relady: I can tell you are one sharp and spunky lady. You have a good wit about yourself. If things don't work out with your H, I don't expect you to be on the open market very long.

EC: Your daughters are going to really appreciate you. You are a good dad.

Me: I'm feeling better. The NBA All Star game was here this weekend. By all the cruising and wasting of time, it is obvious that there are a lot of lonely people around. I've never seen so many Cadillac Escapades (or something like that) and Hummers in one spot. Oh! How about all those fake furs(beaver, etc). There were so many people cruising that two malls were closed.Relady, you are right that WS will put themselves through so much hell to a meager end just to plow their wears elsewhere.

Later.

Happy Monday y'all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace, you mentioned something about triggers a few days ago. How is that going? I wonder if that has anything to do with things heating up with your lady friend?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Things are starting to heat up again with my "lady friend"... only this time... I'm not so sure I want to slow it down. My better judgement tells me to hit the brakes again... I just need to put my foot on the brake pedal. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That statement is contradictory! What's new there? Come on, you know we want to know what's happening so we can give you our unsolicited advice, LOL.

ThePits - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As for my in-laws, I try not to rely on them or tell them too much as I know he is blood and always will be. They are good people and only want the best for us, and thankfully they want us to stay married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so true, and although I knew it in my brain it didn't fully sink in until I was in the middle of my own Plan B and found that even when my in-laws talked to my husband, it sent me backwards emotionally because he used the fact that they talked to him as confirmation that they condone what he did. Not true, but typical for those in "the fog". So I'm backing away from interacting with them too; but I do send emails to them just to stay in touch.

For me, not a lot going on here. I did respond to hubby's assumption about doing taxes jointly and haven't heard back. I think he was probably surprised that I was pro-active in something having to do (remotely) with separation. I just call it being smart...but still haven't heard how much I owe.

<small>[ February 10, 2003, 07:19 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi everyone, I hope your weekends were all O.K.

I came from my attorney and I have more curves thrown at me coming from stbxw. Now she wants half of my pension,401k, and half of the valued assets in the house, along with full child support and alimony. I didn't have a problem with any of it until she told me that she still wants to stay at home and not work at all. I have been working full time and having our children half of the month while she and loverboy can have half of the month with no responsibilities. That gets my dander up a little too much. I will always do my outmost to provide for our children but when she just wants to stay at home or travel with BF then I feel I'm being taken advantage of.

Other than that, the only time she is super nice to me is in the presence of her BF. When she is alone she is as cold as ice to me...quite a show she puts on.

I will and always will continue to pray for her. Not so much to return to me so that we can reconcile and rebuild our marriage for that is for God to decide. I can't force her to come back to me. God will have to work his way into her heart. I only pray that her heart will be softened in time.

To Petvet: Know that I and everyone else here is praying for you. When I heard of your date, all I could do was pray. God will NEVER leave us alone. Lean on Him and He will ALWAYS be there for us. Please take care of yourself.

Everyone else please have a great week.

Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone has a good start to their week.

EC...

Your OD's response seems very guarded... why do you think that is? Do you think that your exW has anything to do with it? Her response is very telling... when she said, "it will go a long way". How far do you think it has to go, and for what?

IMHO, it does sound like your exW is using their money for her own use.

I would try to get a dialogue going with her and your YD if I could... you might be surprised at what you hear... then again, I think you have a pretty good idea what's going on already.

Keep up the dialogue between you and your daughters... I think in the long run... you will all be pleased with the outcome.

relady...

After I read your post... I laughed for a good long while. I think you might be right... it's getting a little toasty over here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I like your idea as far as getting a new car when you get through all of this. Sometimes we need to stop and just take care of ourselves.

I talked with my OD this weekend. She has this bad cold that everyone seems to be getting. She has been down with it for about a week... a side from that she seems to be doing well.

Petvet...

If I had a pool in my back yard I might consider jumping into it. Of course it's a little brisk over here to be jumping into a pool. We had a high of about 17 degrees the other day. We are suppose to get up into the 40s today. I guess there is always an indoor public pool... LOL. That would sure cool things down a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

avondale...

I'm a walking contradiction of terms... LOL... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> we all know that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Concerning the triggers...for the last several weeks and counting I've had what I'm going to call "A Haunting".

It seems that every night over the last couple of weeks I have been having dreams about my exW. I'm not sure what they are about... because they are all different. It wakes me up out of a dead sleep... so I really don't recall what they are about. All I can recall is that she is in them. In addition to that... I have had a number of triggers go off at all hours of the day and night while I'm awake. The triggers just come out of no where... nothing in particular is setting them off... it's just happening.

I call it... "A Haunting", because that's exactly what it feels like... and I'm not usre if and when it's going to end. Any one have any ideas what this is all about?

Hope everyone has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace, I have those "Hauntings" all of the time. Nothing seems to trigger them but I do wake up from dreams with my W in them and also day to day things catch me dazing into thought of her.

I feel that it is my subconcience mind hard at work. While I try to get my concience mind off of my W and BF by staying busy, my subconcience mind is still working in overdrive. The "Hauntings"as you say is an excellent term since I try not to think about my situation but my subconcience is still hard at work not letting me forget.

I like to think that it is God working in my subconcience to not give up on my W so I wont. He didn't give up on me so I am learning not to give up on her. I hope this helps.

Hi Wallace:

Hope you don't mind my cutting in on this thread but I saw your post about triggers. The exact same thing has been happening to me lately too, even though I am getting my life back in order and moving on. I, too, have had many dreams (hauntings) of my X in the last few weeks. Sometimes they are so vivid that they stay with me all day. I think it is post traumatic divorce syndrome!! I am hoping this is only a new phase to recovery.

Hi FAA and Fingers,

Thank you for your reponses.

It feels like the "Hauntings" are becoming more intensive as each day goes by. It truly feels like I'm being haunted. I know that sounds strange... but I have no other way to describe it.

That sad part is... I don't see it letting up anytime soon. I've prayed to God to let it stop, and asked the Lord to take it away... but it still continues.

I'm not that far removed from my final divorce day... but I thought that things would subside a bit after the D... not get worse.

I'm like you Fingers... I'm moving on with my life and things are going rather well. That's what makes this seem so out of the ordinary... I don't get it.

As you stated FAA, maybe it's a subconscience thing that I'm not aware of. I'm not sure what it could be... I've resolved myself to the fact that I would never go back to a marriage such as what I had... so I know that's not it. I'm strugggling with it... I know that.

FAA...

Sounds like your W wants to live a life of leisure... have it all and then some, no matter what price someone has to pay. I would talk with your attorney and stay very close in touch with him... it appears your really going to need him in order to protect yourself financially.

Fingers...

How are you doing? I've been wondering how you have been.

You can come in on this thread anytime your heart desires... we welcome anyone who wants to post in this thread.

I'm sorry to hear that you and FAA are going through this as well. From my stand point... it is indeed a "haunting"!

I don't recall this in any of the stages of recovery. I wonder how many other people are going through this, as I'm sure we are not the only ones.

Good to hear from all of you.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ February 10, 2003, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi Gang!

Hope everyone is doing great!

Wallace - It's true OD is still walled up. Thats just the way exw taught her to be for the last 2 1/2 years, as you see YD is breaking out of the Code of silence talk, she wants her daddy, she just opens up and tells all, she don't care anymore, however OD is still in the the code of silence mode. Yep, she said the money will go a long way? How long is long I don't know, but she sounds like somebody who never had anything and now is trying to hang on and stretch what little they have to the max? It'sad because they were not raised without so much but only since exw had her A's have they lived a life struggle and doing without.

I had an interseting morning, I finally recieved my hearing notice in the mail, I thought it was the final court date but its just the hearing date. Well anyway I had to call to verify some things and the CS hearing clerk of court was trying to clarify and layout what I submitted and what exw submitted because it was conflicting, It was so funny and hilerious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I was trying explain it to clerk and she was getting confused and flustered because she saw exw submiited lies, expecially the one lie exw said OD is Not 18 but 17, however OD just turned 19 last weekend. So the clerk started asking questions then dropped the subject fast seeing the lies before her eyes to avoid legal issues and then It was almost like in the comedy of " who's on first and who's on third?, who's on second? well who's on third <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ..... Finally they transfered me before jumpping overboard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and said I need to be sworn under oath at a place of notary on the day of the hearing next week since its via telephone and I'm 1,200 miles away, notary has to be standing right there next to me.

This is going to be good, blatant extortion is written all over those documents and the clerk saw it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Who knows they may haul exw off to prison for doing what she's done, that's not my desire to see that happen but what can you do? Living the lie and life of adultery only bleeds into lying to other people as well. She has 3 lies she has to answer to on that day under oath.

FAA ...I agree with Wallace...It sure does look like your stbxw wants it all. Maybe she's also hoping that you wouldn't want her - as the mother of your children - to not "be there" for them when they get home from school. Do you know if there are alternatives for her as a working mom? (Things like after school care, etc...) Don't let her lay a guilt trip on you, there are plenty of working mom success stories out there! It sounds like you're being very fair in your settlement and I hope my hubby will do the same for me.

EC - That's interesting and funny, about your conversation with the clerk of court. When is that hearing date? Keep us posted, ok?

Wallace , I guess it's somewhat comforting to know you're not alone in the "haunted" boat. As Fingers said, perhaps it's a new phase to recovery. Maybe ask around some of your divorce support group friends and see what their take is on it.

Relady - How are you doing? When I don't see you for a few days I worry, LOL.
I've been looking into flying someplace warm for a few days so watch out - I might show up on your doorstep soon! Or maybe I should wait for the convertible <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hope everyone else has a good week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 11, 2003, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Wallace, thanks for asking how I am doing. Wasn't sure you would remember me. I have become a "lurker" and only a few times a week, but I always check out this thread to see how everyone here is doing. Sometimes it is painful now to come to MB and read all the hurt.

Yesterday was my first anniversary of D-Day and it stirred up a bunch of painful memories. However, it is more my X's D-Day since he lost the best thing in his life (me!!) that day.

I can't complain about anything. I have a wonderful job, supportive friends, family, financial security, etc. I have a nice male friend (just a friend) but I do get lonely occasionally. I miss having a special person around. But I am not going to jump into anything. I did that with my X when we first met and that was a disaster.

As for my XH, as I have stated before, he is the poster boy for bad decisions and why one should not choose infidelity. His twins were born last year(conceived while we were still together) and his former girlfriend is a pit bull taking him to court almost every month for more and more money. He is having serious financial problems, his 16 year old daughter from his first marriage showed up on his doorstep pregnant at Christmas time and is how living with him, his 15 year old son has been in trouble with the law, he has a severe prescription drug problem, his law partner is threatening to dissolve the partnership, he has been hospitalized several times in the last year, his office staff have threatened to quit, and the list goes on and on. I really believe that the divorce took a big toll on his mental health. I was always the steadying force in his life.

All of you seem to be doing well and are very strong people. There is life after divorce. I wouldn't have said that a year ago. And, Wallace, I think I have found closure!! It is what I suspected all along - it just takes time and a lot of prayer.

Hi All,

EC...

After reading your post, I could actually imagine what you were going through with the Court clerk... LOL. It's so sad at times... that it does become comical to a degree.

Your exW is very much like mine in the lies and deceptive practice program. They tell so many... they can't keep up with them all.

"It's all just one big lie"!

It's hard to cover all the bases when you live life like that. It all catches up with them when it's all said and done with.

If that telephone conversation with the Court clerk is any indicator of what is coming your way... the actual Court hearing should be a real circus sideshow

Glad to hear that your YD has opened up to you... your OD will eventually follow suit.

avondale...

I talked with my D support group about what was going on concerning the "Haunting". The counselors stated that it was just part of the grieving process. It may be the case... but I don't feel like I'm in that phase of my recovery... I believe I've already been down that road. Maybe it's a subconscience thing that I'm not aware of.

How are you holding up on your end?

Fingers...

I haven't forgotten you. You and I were right in the thick of it at about the same time.

You sound well... but I see that your exH's life circumstance hasn't got any better... in fact it appears that it got a whole lot worse. You have to wonder what runs through their head while all of this is going on. I can only imagine... but I try not to.

I see you remember your "Closure" thread. Were you able to come to closure? I thought that I had come to a certain degree of closure, but here lately... I'm starting to wonder if I really did.

I'm kind of like you... I have a number of days coming up here in the very near future that are going to be somewhat interesting. What use to be my Aniversay, D-Day, Valentines day (major trigger day there as well for me) birthdays, and the list goes on.

Don't be a stranger... stay in touch... it's good to hear from you.

Petvet and relady...

I'm like avondale, I get a little worried when we don't hear from you... especially you Petvet... when your this close to your final Court date.

Let us know how your doing when you get a chance... let us know your O.K.

RMA and WGTT...

Hope everything is going well for both of you.

FAA, THE PITS, and Dave

Hope all is well with you.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi everyone,

A good friend of WH's called today to let me know that he and WH's brother is going to do an intervention on WH on Friday afternoon. Please pray that he has already hit rock bottom and is ready to give it up and turn his life around.

My stomach is in knots as I am making calls to treatment centers, etc so if he is willing (and only if he is willing) that a plan is already set up. From the detox and or treatment a half way house will be suggested. It's a year long program.

I see an attorney on the 25th so all of this is good timing. There is soooo much fall out from this crap (and I'm being nice) that the effects will ripple for years to come. There's only one way to get thur this and that's to go thru it. My friends here and at home are such a blessing.

I hope everyone is doing well.

D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Guys and Gals,

I just wanted say thanks for all the support over the course of time I've been here on MB's. I've posted for about 1 year now, peeked for about 8 months before posting. Ain't it amazing how many people are watching you, yet you never know how many or who? We have many different people from all walks of life, yet you never know what there nationality is, rich or poor, famous or common everyday joe, all you just know is they are a human being suffering the same thing you are, all our hearts are alike.

Ok, just a little sober talk.

Tonight I was thinking about society and the epidemic of "infidelity and cheating". Since I've been single now my thoughts have been towards staying free from the wrong connections. Just today I was reading about the AIDS epidemic and then I see in the news HIV/AIDS is at it's all time high in America, not Africa, but America, my heart just went out to those who have fallen in that trap, lots of WS's are headed there and even BS's if were not careful and it's sad. I'm talking about Male to Female relationships.

I think in time, alot of those Websites matching people up will turn into a disguise of HIV/AIDS people looking for someone to join up with seeing that Infidelity is on the rise and an epidemic, so many people place fake profiles and computer manipulated photos there it's unreal, however there are some honest people there. If you are a Dv'd BS it's best to keep yourself pure and wait for the right one and don't be in a hurry but get strong. WS's are just hooking up with anybody and it's a very dangerous time out there, many WS's need to run back to there spouses who they forsook before it's too late, HIV can lay dormant in a person 3-10 years before it ever pops up. For this reason thats why the bond of marriage and its convenant is so important, that's one of the best fighters against Aids ever.

Anyway I'm done, I rambled enough, it's our thread, you guys understand.

Take Care