Hi all!

Wallace: I knew there was a reason for the warm weather here last Saturday. Things are hot in your corner.

I'm sorry guys, I cannot think. Gotta go.

To court, I go.

Hi All,

Petvet...

My prayers are with you!

Let us know how you are making out.

You know... it is getting a little warm around here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

i will not be reconciling EVER nor will i be a friend nor will i sleep with him secretly like he asked me. and YES IT IS LEGAL TO SUE A OW IN OHIO

O.K.,

I must of missed something... could you be a little bit more specific.

Are you posting on the right thread? If so, would you care to enlighten us.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace , I think that was posted on the wrong thread, I did a member search and saw a pattern...also appears the mods might be watching too. Notice how I haven't made any smarty comments about HEAT? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Petvet , let us know how it went! Remember, you are a great guy and we love you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi all,

Well it's Friday... and I might just make it through the day and the work week.

avondale...

I think you are correct... I think that last post was posted on the wrong thread... of course I've been wrong before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm sure the Moderaters. have been viewing our thread. It does have a tendency to stand right out there... and it seems to be quite busy at any time of the day.

I'm sure Magnolia will inform us... if she thinks our thread is getting out of hand. If you see this Magnolia.. any input from you in that regards would be appreciated.

Did you decide to go ahead and file your taxes seperately avondale? That's next on my to do list.

Have you had any additional communication from your "H"?

Petvet...

How did yesterday go my friend?

I hope your doing well. Let us know how you are doing when you feel up to it.

I hope everybody has a great day and a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone -

I hope everyone is doing well. I've been pretty busy with my daughter's christening this Sunday. Should be an interesting day.

First of all I want to thank everyone for your support and incite - you've been extremely helpful in keeping me grounded in this mess.

Wallace - Hope you have a happy birthday tomorrow! Mine is Sunday. We Pieces are special people!

PetVet - hope everything went well in court!

Avondale - Any chocolate left???

As for me, I also went to see the priest. He was wonderful. He couldn't give me much incite into what was in my H head other than he is very confused - which is quite the understatement. But said that he wanted to meet with the both of us. He is performing the christening on Sunday. He said that after the christening he was going to pull us to the side and make an appointment.

Well, the weather has helped me keep some distance between us. He's been working day and night since the blizzard so I haven't had any contact all week. I don't call him and he has been too busy to call me so I have had a nice break.

Oh well, back to work. I am sure to have some stories on Monday. Never a dull moment when you get the families together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Have a great weekend and any good vibes you could throw my way would be much appreciated!!!!

Hi all! I have been very exhausted since Wednesday night. I have not slept much. Last night, I crashed. I have cooled down some; now I can talk a little more.

In court, my kid's mother lied her butt off on the stand. Even after being presented with evidence to contradict her statements, she still said that she did not pursue anyone nor had a affair with anyone. She said that she tried very much to work out our marriage including going to counselingbut things did not work out. When I got on the stand, I told my side including how much I tried to work out the marriage, but that I could not take her back until she repented and apologize for her actions. Then her attorney asked me whether I had forgiven her. I said yes I had forgiven her to God but not her actions. Well apparently, I should not have said that because the judge rule on her behalf for re----- differences instead of my adultery. She also had the judge to put in the papers that she gave me custody of child because she worked at night. I was levied. The judge gave me primary custody of the child along with child support. Since I told him that I could not afford sell the house or get a refi for less than the rate I have now, he gave me two years to pay kid's mother her part of equity. Also, she has to pay half of our debt including what she owes me. After court was over, I asked my attorney why did not the judge do what he had done and she said that if I forgave kid's mother that the slate was wiped clean. For example, if some one was physically abused my their husband, and they let the husband back into the marriage later, they cannot claim abuse prior to letting that individual back into the house or marriage. I asked attorney why did she not stop me or stop the other attorney, she said it was too late. Well after prayers and some soul searching, I hand delivered a two page letter to my attorney, in it I said that I would not sign any divorce agreement unless my kid's mother pays me for tax liabilities by way of payroll deduct or cash or cashier's check. If she has the money fine, if not, well ... I will pay the tax liabilities(since I am paying them now anyway) in exchange for her admitting to adultery and removing the window dressing statement for public records of "I let husband have custody because I work at night". The previous statement means nothing because she cannot come after me to get custody unless she can prove I am a bad parent. I really would like the adultery plea because that would help me to get an annulment within a reasonable amount of time; otherwise, I may have to wait years to get it. I could not believe how kid's mother lied even in the face of the evidence. How was I supposed to know that by being honest that was against the law in my particular case.

Thanks all for your support.

Wallace: What are you doing now? Heat? I'm going to have to put a chain and muzzle on you.

Relady: Are you in real estate? If so, is appraised value more than sales value on a house?

Avondale: what are you up to?

Later.

Petvet
I'm sorry to hear things turned out the way they did. Almost 17 months since you first began the Tough Love thread, and now it may drag on even longer. We know you have done all any person could do. I had hoped that there will be a quicker closure for you. How difficult will it be to get the records changed to reflect adultery and custody issues? Did your lawyer give you any idea? It's a shame your lawyer didn't coach you some; but it's too late now. Your words will serve as a warning to those who go this road after you.

Hey All,

{{{{{Petvet}}}}}

Let me say that I am surprised by the outcome.

Usually, (CA) the judge will allow the custodial parent to remain in the home until the child reaches 18 and then the home is either refinanced or sold to give the spouse the equity. I'm not sure what State you live in. Be glad it's not CA, the house values have increased 100% in the last 3 years! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Like Avondale, I would think your attorney would have prepared you for the questions. Most lawyers know each other and have faced each other in the court room before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Did you let her back into the house at some point hoping for recovery?

If your State is like most others, if in 2 years you are not in a position to refinance, you will have to sell your home in to pay her off, unless you can come to a separate agreement with her.(in writing) So maybe you want to settle that before you make the adultery charge stick. IMHO, maybe a tradeoff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Appraised Value - is the value the appraiser puts on your home if there is no buyer involved. They have a tendency to appraise higher for refinance, etc. because you can only take 80-90% of the equity in your home to protect the lender's interest.

Selling Value - Is the value a buyer is willing to pay for your home in your current market area.

The selling value and the appraised value become the same when the lending institution appraises your home for a buyer getting a loan to purchase.

I hope that makes sense, if not let me know. Any Realtor in your Town can give you a Current Market Value on your home based on the homes that have sold in your area.

Wallace,

A funny thing happened to me yesterday and I thought of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As I was driving along, a little light appeared on my dash, and would you believe it was the Brake Light letting me know my brakes were going bad! And, I thought, that's what Wallace needs, a brake light; because you can't tell when your brakes aren't working!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You've been trying to put them on and you're not having any success!! So why don't you run down and have one installed and we won't have to worry about you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

How are you and have you had a chance to get to that sight yet?

Hope everyone else is having a great and fun weekend.

God Bless,
relady

Hi all!

Avondale: I would have to agree with you that my attorney should have prep me about questions before court started. I don't know what's going to happen.

Relady: No, I never let her back into the residence. I wrote my attorney a letter and indicated to her that I was not happy with the outcome and expect things to be retified some how. Question: Let's say that there is $50,000
in equity, I have been told that expenses should be backed out of that plus you say that in order to protect lender that 80-90% of equity can be used. Is this true? Would selling cost apply to this situation?

Later.

Hi All.........

Petvet - I'm sorry to see that outcome of the DV, I'm sure it somewhat feels like d-day again to some degree but at least its all coming to an end, one day it will all be over.......AS far being honest and saying you forgive her and they turned it on you, just remember you took and oath before God, that's who it mattered to, the Lord knows your heart and you were honest, on the flip side your exw took an oath and lied before man and God, yet she still has not repented, that's a sad place to be in life....Don't worry she didn't win, you'll find in time you're further ahead, it just hasn't hit home yet....

Me: Some friends of mine having been grueling me over exw's perjury issue, they say I should file for the fact that after I told OD what happened and now she is emancipated and that I'll always be there and told her what exw did and exw could be in trouble for it, OD asked exw about it and exw showed daughter a fake document that said things totally opposite than what I and the court has and OD blasted me said "How dare you bring some false accusation against my mother, mom is above that!! the document said, this and that and what age I am, so what's your problem Dad? So be a man stop bringing up lies and causing problems!". Well exw backed me in a corner and I emailed OD the true document and haven't heard anything since....

Well before I emailed OD true doc, exw emailed me, first time in months, she was hot, on top of that is from an email account I busted her in some of her affairs in early 2001 she told me she got rid of way back then, she must have reactivated it, I was surprized she must be in contact with old lovers, anyway she challenged me to take her to court over perjury said she did nothing wrong and then bragged how she got the child support amount and laughed like I was a soldier dragged through the streets of somalia by the hands of the enemy and said she would retaliate and take me to court for 'stating' she committed perjury and she was though if she was parading her victory over me with her foot on my neck.....

I can't believe exw showed OD a fake document or I guess I could believe it that's what perjury and lying is all about.

My friends concern is that exw is in no fear of trying something else later, they said If I don't stop her now and make her accountable I may suffer later.....Also there concern was the marriage public record issue, it makes me look real bad when I've done nothing, If I ever become a public figure and people went to my public records I would be a laughing stock of attention, I look like a infidel, a dead beat dad, a domestic abuser, abandon his kids, she slanders me with lies, etc when all this is based on her Affairs and Adultery...If I pursue the perjury issue then exw is exposed of her scheme , which sums it all up that she lied the whole time and it stops her from any future attacks....

Most people are seeig the effect all this is having on me and are convinced that exw is trying to reduce me to rubble and won't stop because she is in the hands of the devil...If filing will cause her to fall from her pride then that's what I must do....

For 2 1/2 years now I never fought back, no lawyer, forgave her, turned the other cheek, blasted by OM, let her steal from me hundreds of dollars, thrown in jail falsely because I prayed for her, etc...Now it's time to put a stop to her once and for all...The proof of perjury is so plain a 8 year could figure it out....

As much as I want her to stop and think she'll stop [me in denial], she won't and if I miss this opportunity when the ball is in my court even seeing she'll lie to my kids, I'll kick myself later, what example will they have of accountablilty to the law and to a spouse or person.

Take Care

Hey All,

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let's say that there is $50,000
in equity, I have been told that expenses should be backed out of that plus you say that in order to protect lender that 80-90% of equity can be used. Is this true? Would selling cost apply to this situation?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you're going to refinance and stay in the house, a lender will only give you 80-90% of the $50,000. If you sell it outright Whatever is left after expenses you would split down the middle.

And if you're only giving her $25,000 so you would be keeping 50% equity which would be fine. You just have to qualify for the additional money you're giving her. It will raise your payments.

Not so in refinancing, they don't usually consider costs even though it could cost as much as $5,000 to refinance which is factored into your current loan. It could vary depending on the State.

God Bless,
relady

Hi all!

EC: I think you should go ahead and pursue the perjury issue against your exw. Enough is enough. Your exw has done enough damage to you. It is time for you to hold her accountable.

Relady: I am going to seek counsel on the equity issue. I have 24 mos. to give her the equity. Would you recommend doing it sooner or later?

Me: Speaking of public records, I think what my kid's mother is trying to do is dress up the
divorce settlement where it looks good in her
favor for the public record.

Later.

Hi All,

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was good... but as ususal it was way too short.

ThePits.

A belated "Happy Birthday" to you. Hope you had a nice one. I had a very nice B-day... had friends and family over on Saturday night. We all went out for dinner and then came home and had cake and ice cream. It was very enjoyable.

Did you hear from your "H" on your B-day?

Sometimes no contact with your spouse can be a good thing... especially if you know in your heart that it is truly over. Everybody's situation is different however.

I know for me, it was better not having contact with my exW. It does have it's down sides though. I'm dealing with that now... CS, title transfers, children, etc..

My prayers are with you... as I know this must be a trying time for you.

Petvet...

I'm sorry to hear how your Court hearing went. I agree with everyone as well... your attorney should have prepped you for the hearing. I also agree with EC... you told the truth... and that's what really matters.

Out of curiosity... what did you list the house as being worth on your D papers... and what was the appraisal based on?

I'm not surprised that the Judge gave her half the equity in the house. I am surprised that he gave you two years to buy your exW out though... considering that you have primary custody of your son. It's a darn shame that they are in a sense rewarded with half of just about everything... especially when they cause the type of grief that they do.

I wish there were laws on the books where you could claim damages from them and have that deducted from their half.

I'm in the middle of refinancing my house. I waited for the dust to settle somewhat before I kicked in with all the unfinished business that I was left with.

I would look into refinancing while rates are down. "relady has given you some good info... if anyone knows about this... relady does.

It doesn't appear that your attorney did you any favors in the final Court hearing by the sounds of it.

Your probably going to be caught up in the muck like I am for awhile trying to sort it all out. IMHO, the Judicial System in this area... needs to be revamped and brought up to speed with the current times. They are so back logged with "D" cases... they just herd you in and herd you right back out to let you deal with the aftermath. It's a sad state of affairs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm sorry that it turned out the way that it did for you. It will get better for you as time passes. You will have your up and down days for awhile. Just know that it does get better.

EC...

In conjunction with the perjury case against your exW... are the Courts going to press charges? If not... it may be more headache than it's worth to pursue her on this.

I'm not an attorney... but I know that perjury cases are very tough cases to get a conviction on... especially if the Courts are not willing to pursue it.

I understand why you want to pursue this matter... just make sure that if you do... your not spinning your wheels and throwing away more than you could ever possibly get in return from it.

relady...

You and avondale always put a big smile on my face when I read some of your posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think I do need new brakes... because the brakes I have don't seem to be working all that well. I'm somewhat at fault on this... I haven't been using the brake pedal all that much lately. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I might be buying a new car in the very near future. If I do (which I probably will), I'll make sure that the new car has good braking capabilities... I'm sure I'm going to need it.

avondale...

I didn't realize that this thread had been running this long until you mentioned it.

How are you making out with your tax situation?

How is everything else going for you?

Me...

Well... today would of marked 24 years of marriage for me had my exW acted somewhat normal.

I thought today may have been a depressing day for me... but in actuality... it has just turned into just another Monday... and for that I'm thankful.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have 24 mos. to give her the equity. Would you recommend doing it sooner or later?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First you need to find out how fast the homes in your area are increasing in value. In two years your equity could be increased or decreased. This year she may get $25,000, in two years $45,000 or $15,000. It's difficult to say.

And will your income increase to qualify for a higher loan amount? There are really to many variables missing to give you a solid answer.

Another solution is if she needs money now, you could convince her to take less and to give you a 'quitclaim deed' stating she has no further interest in the property. Your attorney should be able to assist you in that.

Hope that helps.

Wallace

Happy 'Belated' Birthday, I'm sure you had a wonderful day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I might be buying a new car in the very near future. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope your new ball and chain, errr, Did I type that out loud? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I mean 'car' has breaking capabilities as well. Would that be April 1st also? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thepits

Happy Belated Birthday to you also. Hope you had as much fun as our friend Wallace.

Avondale

How did your taxes work out? And how are you?

DavePr, RMA, EC, WGTT

Hope you're all well.

God Bless,
relady

Hi Relady,

I don't want to pursue the perjury for any conviction or jailtime on her part, I see it more like the "Farmer who shoots his rifle in the air" to cause to bandits to run off the land and stop trying to steal his possessions. It's like she'll know I have a weapon [perjury issue] and I'll use it and then she'll leave me alone.

AT this point she feels more strengthen now and has less fear of the law and I'm sure she'll be doing something else illegally against me...She's like an animal from the wild that has lost it's fear of people [the law] and she will continue if I don't do something to make her accountable for her actions against me. Anyway I will be careful, at this point I don't feel its revenge but finally putting a stop to someone who's being a bully.

Also Relady what do you think about the Carlton Sheets course? I just ordered it and about to study it.

Take Care

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I have spent hours and hours photocopying to get ready for my appointment with the attorney tomorrow morning !!!!!!!!!!! I just now realized the extent of the information that he is asking for. I'm not sure that I will have it all ready by tomorrow am!!!

Did anyone else feel overwelmed????? I was really sick this weekend and didn't do anything at all, could barely get up off the couch.

Today, I talked to a good friend of WH's who said that WH is living with the OW & WH told friend that there was no love, just the drugs. Friend also said that when WH was questioned why he just doesn't get a DV cuz he's living with someone else while M & WH's reply was "she won't do it because of her religious beliefs" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> EXCUSE ME, IT'S F'G OK TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO, DO ILLEGAL DRUGS, IGNORE YOUR FAMILY, SPEND MONEY ON CRAP, INCUR HUGE AMOUNTS OF DEBT !!!

I am glad that I talked to WH's friend today. A part of me was wanting to believe that WH was ready to give it all up, but that is not the case. WH is cocky and arrogant and not even close to a bottom.

ICor 5:11 came across my path recently. Very interesting Wallace may want to read that too. It shows the biblical stance behind plan B and also tough love.

I hope everyone has a good evening!

PS There are so many new names on this board recently - has anyone else noticed that too?

D.

PPS- WH turned 50 on Sunday

Hi all!

Wallace: I'm glad everything is going well for you. I know it's hard making the adjustment from hell to calm.

WGTT: If I were you, I would think as little as possible about your WH. It burns up too much brain power.

Relady: Thanks for your advice.

EC: Why do you think that your W will continue to come after you?

Me: I am trying to cool out for now to sort
things out.

Later.