Hi all! Sorry I have not been able to hit this site very often but I have been busy with taxes and kid.

Relady: I hope you have not gotten into a comfort zone with your situation. Yes, you have not heard from your H, but you must think of the future and take control. You are not in control now. You are going to go crazy unless you get some sort of direction with your relationship.

Wallace: I think what many people don't understand is that even though we may be recently D, our spouses were emotionally detacted from us for quite a while, so to get involve with someone is not necessarily a quick thing. It's so nice to have a outlet for those energies. Would you agree?

Where's everyone else?

And I'm gone.

Hey All,

Petvet

Just a quick note.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are not in control now. You are going to go crazy unless you get some sort of direction with your relationship.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's always amazing to me how people project how they would act in my situation and think I should act the same way. NO LOL, I will not go crazy. And no matter how much you plan, scheme, dedicate your life to, you are never really in control! Are you in control of your situation? No, because you're still wondering what will happen to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So, I have eliminated the 'worry' step. He can't take my money (we had a pre-nup) because of my taxes. We had no joint accounts, His name is not on my house. So what do I need to know? I'm not concerned about the direction of my relationship, because whatever direction it takes is OK with me. I haven't stopped my life, I'm moving forward, I'm in no hurry. My peace comes from the Lord. And He alone directs my path.

Besides all that, life is way too short to be concerned about things you have no control over! Especially when your dealing with 'grownups' or is that a fair term for WS's?

God Bless,
relady

Hi all!

Relady: To the contrary, I am not trying to project my feelings or judgements to your situation. I was only reacting to your comments concerning triggers. If you are ok with your situation, that's fine; however, I was just offering up the opinion that you may want to make plans in case your husband does not come back. On the outside, it seems as though you are so care free and have moved on with your life. Granted, we are different people and such; however, our situations are similar. You know what's best for you. As you well know, we try to offer help and advice to everyone on this thread.

Later.

Hi TL Gang!

Avondale - I'm still here, everything is going pretty good. It's so odd coming to the place of peace for once. Now that I have no current battles with exw and don't plan on having any, I feel my life has become more peaceful than ever, I'm really feeling more rapid road to recovery.

Wallace - Hey WALLACE YOU WILD HAIRY ROOSTER! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I see the Tough Love hens have pecked your feathers off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ....I tell you what, don't get out line around here, they'll question your motives, I guess better you than me this go around <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ....

That's good you were honest to answer all the questions.

But of course as we know they do it love, what GREAT ladies we have here, not many people out there that will be truthful with you.

Petvet - Hope things are looking up for you. As always keep an open mind and guard your heart and make wise moves.

Me: Just taking it one day at a time and trying to enjoy myself.

Take Care

Hi all,

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was pretty good... but I didn't get everything I wanted done, done. In fact I didn't get anything I wanted done, done.

EC...

O.K., I'm officially concerned now. If your out there let us know how your doing when you get a chance.

Petvet...

I have to agree with you in conjunction with the detachment phase concerning us and our WS/exS. Concerning my situation, it basically began over 3-1/2 years ago.

I've got taxes that I still have to deal with. I have a ton of things staring me in the face right at the moment. It all seems to hit in waves.



avondale and relady...

I think what we have here IMHO is just a basic misfire in terms of what was posted versus what was actually meant. Hey, I do it all the time... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'll give you my take on my situation... I or my children that live with me haven't seen nor heard one word from my exW in almost a year. I can't speak for my kids, but I think in all reality... I prefer it this way... but that's just me. Everyone is different in terms of how they would like to interact with their WS. I guess if your WS can't act somewhat normal... then their is no sense in dealing with them unless you absolutely have to.

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Hope everyone has a good day and a good week.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hey EC,

We must of cross posted... LOL.

I agree... the ladies here are some of the best around... and I'm glad they are with us.

They keep me walking the straight line.

Glad to hear that your doing good... it's a good place to be.

relady...

As soon as the whether gets a little nicer.. I'm going to go out for a nice long ride and let the wind blow through my hair. I'm looking forward to being able to hang out outside again. I do love the Spring time.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you may want to make plans in case your husband does not come back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am all ears, and open to suggestions. What kind of plans besides divorce?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">On the outside, it seems as though you are so care free and have moved on with your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If 'care free' means enjoying my life, Guilty If moving on with my life, means bettering myself, preparing for my future, Guilty

There is no denying that I have triggers, however; they don't rule my life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As you well know, we try to offer help and advice to everyone on this thread.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And as you well know, I appreciate each and everyone of you for your help and advice. And I'm sure I'll appreciate it even more when and if I ever have contact with my H. Each of us have individual situations and lifestyles, and we give advice from our prospective and position instead of in a general sense.

Since I have no children from this marriage, no long term history like the rest of you, my thoughts and actions will be much different. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace

You never have a 'basic misfire of terms', you just leave things out to confuse us. LOL

It rained here all day Saturday, but Sunday was clear and beautiful. Hopefully next weekend will be better.

I prefer the 'no contact' as well, less grief. Although my 'H' has been doing little things behind the scenes to get my attention, but I haven't responded.

EC

Thank you for the compliment. How is your real estate course coming along? Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm in the process of getting my teaching credentials to be able to teach real estate in the near future. I can practice on you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

I hope you had a great weekend.

God Bless,
relady

Hi Everyone..

Wallace - You're right the ladies here are wonderful, it's nice to know there are some still out there with some integrity.....

Me: YD called last night and she started talking openly on a lot of her frustrations and said she wants to talk some more, said she will call me tonight. She asked me whatever we talk about to keep it a secret, so I promised and vowed to her whatever is said stays with me. She said she considered coming to live with me but is burnt out on trying to make new friends, I told her why worry about having friends first when you have lots of family here your age? I said family first friends 2nd for now.

Relady - The course is going good, its real and you can make money which brings me to a question of what you think? What would you do?

As you know I'm regrouping trying to get my life back together. I currently live in a nice apartment, but it's a passing through place. I'm close to being debt free but definitly by the end of the year...will only have about $1,500 worth of total debt left.

My Question?

Would you buy a house first by the end of the year? or here's the other senerio. I found a duplex (2 units) I could buy for $49,000, appraised at $57,000. The unit has rent income of $1,100 per month therefore the mortgage pmt on the unit would be about $400-500 per month after taxes and insurance, $600 remaining free cash.

A. In my case, would you plan to move out of my Apt and buy a house, then buy a duplex? In that case the duplex would pay for itself, plus pay my house pmt or part of it.

B. Stay in my current Apt and buy the duplex, then a house?

C. Stay in my Apt buy the duplex and sell it and make $8,000 and then invest into other property?

I know living in a Apt you lose money but it's not like I have lots of money flying out the window either.

Remember houses and the cost of living varies from state to state. This $49,000 duplex would be worth $90,000 example: FL

The house I want would cost about $90- $100,000 but in another state it would cost $200-$300,000.

What you think?

Take Care

Hi all!

Relady: I understand. I just wanted you to know that I care.

EC: I was happy to hear from you. You are correct when you said that no contact with WS is better than having to deal with them. You will see what I mean a little later.

Wallace: It is not possible to get everything done; one has to make priorities.

Me: Kid's mom is trying to be a major pain in the butt. She thinks that it is possible for each of us to 100% parent our child from different households. It is not possible for that to happen under the present circumstances. My son's Sunday school teacher recommended that kid get baptize this Easter. His mom went balistic and said that she want him to decide. I told her yesterday that no matter what I say or do, she will not like it.

And I'm gone.

Hi All,

I hope everyone is having a great week.

Avondale,

I hope I didn't offend you or come on too strong. If I did, I apologize. I noticed you have posted in a while.

Petvet

Thank you for your concern. I believe you honestly care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm really OK though. If I wasn't, you guys would know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC

I wish I could buy 2 units for $49,000. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If I were you, I would buy the units, live in one, raise the rent in the other and the rent on your side would be less than the rent you're paying now.

If you buy it and sell it, you really wouldn't be making $8,000 after you pay costs and commissions.

If you purchased it and stayed in an Apt. you would have to make a higher down payment, because the property would be 'non-owner occupied' and most lenders want more security in the property if the owner lives somewhere else. Plus, why would you want to continue renting when you own property.

Besides throwing money away, you're helping someone else pay off their mortgage on their property. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Everyone Else

Hope all is well,
God Bless,
relady

Hi Y'all,

Relady - I'm fine, just haven't had a lot to say. Thanks for saying that, though.

I'm running down to the beach for the weekend with daughter and son-in-law. The weather should be warm & sunny, the change of scenery will do us good, and son-in-law has never seen family beach house. Hope I don't have triggers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Enjoy your weekends!

Hey all,

Well I finally finished digging out from the snow storms we had... at least for awhile.

We got all told about approximately 52" of snow at my house. I had plenty of snapped branches and trees. It will take probably a good week to get everything back in to shape.

Got a good workout though... thank goodness for heating pads... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think I shoveled a couple of tons of snow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

EC...

Anytime you can buy a house versus renting one is almost always the best direction to take. I wish I could buy a house over here for $100,000.00. You can't touch a cardbox with land for that price over here.

Sounds like your YD is thinking about possibly coming to live with you. I know how much that means to you.

relady...

I am pleased to hear that you are handling everything well. I knew you were... keep up the good work.

Oh, I leave things out to confuse? No, what would make you think that? LOL... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet...

You sound like your battle still rages on like mine. I'm glad I don't have to talk to my exW. Don't you wish they would just do things the easy way?

Well I hope everyone has a good day and a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Y'all,

EC , that's great news...very encouraging about your YD. Wouldn't it be something if they BOTH came together to live with you?

Petvet - What does your son say about being baptized? Would there be any reason why he couldn't wait for a year or so, aside from his Sunday School teacher's recommendation? I'm sorry your exw is being so difficult!

Wallace - Do you have any sons living at home? If so, I hope they did their share of snow shoveling! In Colorado you are used to 52" though, aren't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL

Relady - I'm impressed at the advice you gave EC; how long have you been in real estate?

Me - Got back from the beach, had some triggers but nothing major. Just kept thinking "I wish H was here, it would make things MUCH more fun" (cuz he was a fun guy). Also realized that son-in-law is VERY similar in personality to H when we first got married, had some of same stories to tell. And then there were all the family pictures all over the place....oh well, at least I didn't cry! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope everyone has a great week!

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Avondale What state are you in?

ME Quick update - Business did not sell - I guess the potential buyers found out about WH's reputation, so we will be liquidating as a fire sale. It won't begin to cover what is owed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But it is what it is and I am concentrating on good things and keeping a positive attitude.

Recently I have joined a Christian Business Networking Group. There are good things comming from that.

I have been sooooooooooooooo busy it's not funny but I was asked to participate in sailing races each Wed starting in April. Maybe I am starting to live again. On my list of goals was a boat, but this is even better - none of the cost and none of the upkeep!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OS was home on Spring break with his roomate so I had guys that would roll in at 4 am & sleep till noon. We live near the beach, so this is the place to be when in college. Today in walmart some spring breakers where giggling up a storm (Wallace, not 52" !!) & when I went by them, they were giggling about plungers!! It was so funny watching them stick the plungers on the floor, listen to the noise it made and they would giggle some more <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope all is well with Y'all.

D.

Hi all! I have been sidelined with allergy problems due to the pollen. I've been going to bed early to regain my energy, but to no avail because I end up not being able to sleep because of all the coughing and congestion.

EC: If you can purchase property to live on and rent a part of it, it sound like a plan to me. If you work it right, you may be able to make some money from your property investments.

Avondale: I'm happy to hear that you had a good time at the beach. I wish I could get to a beach right about now. It's good to be around other people. As I told you before, your best bet is to try to stay busy on the weekends and out of the house.

Wallace: The weather here has been beautiful lately, but I know the clouds from your storm will travel to this area soon. Your dating appears to have leveled out lately. You have not had any bumps in the road the past week or two.

WGTT: Don't give up on the business sale too fast, can you find other suitors? I wish I could hit a beach in Florida.

Me: Outside of being sick, I am doing ok. II am still trying to decide what to do about my son's baptism.

And I'm gone.

Hey All,

I hope everyone had a great weekend, I did.

This week is starting out like a whirlwind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Avondale

Thanks for the compliment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I've been in real estate for 17 years and I continue to love it in good and bad times.

If I had a beach house, I'd probably be there every weekend. How far are you from it? I'm sooooo jealous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WGTT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was asked to participate in sailing races each Wed starting in April. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WOW, that sounds like fun, but is it a lot of work?

Wallace,

Details, Details, are you holding out on us again?

Petvet

How are you? What does your son think about the baptismal?

Hello Everyone Else

What happened to FAA?

God Bless,
relady

Hi guys and gals,

Hope everyone is doing great!, Looks like the thread is kinda of quite.

Thanks Relady for the advice, I guess you got a chance to practice on me and slice and diced me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I feel like Wallace now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet - Hope things are going better for you everyday is a new day and the pain eases as time goes by.

Hello to everyone else....Avondale, Wallace, WGTT, RMA, Davepr, I'm sure I missed somebody..

Me: Exw sent me a email, haven't spoke to her since late Feb after the war was over message. Today she gave me her home phone number and said I could call YD/OD direct as much as I want with no restrictions??, prior I only had a internet phone number where I had to leave messages and they called me back days later.

Her:
First of all, I've gotten rid of the 800 number. If you want to call the girls, call them at #xxxxxxxx. That's our home number.

Feel free to call the girls
anytime you like. Not a problem at all. You're their father and you can have as much interaction as you want. No restrictions whatsoever.

***

Something is happening don't know what. She kept number a secret and me at limited contact prior because her BF was around in the house and he controlled the phone. Maybe they split?? I'll approach calling with caution. As I said, she is slowly getting back to normal. I haven't been able to call them direct since early 2001.

Take Care

EC -You're right, that IS interesting about getting their home number. The first thing that went through my mind is maybe it has something to do with custody/support. Such as, to see how much you actually DO call them, once you have the number (since before you could claim you had no true way of contacting the kids). Of course I know NOTHING about child custody/support, so I may be way off base. Maybe she's just out of that bad relationship...it will be interesting to see.

WGTT - I'm in central North Carolina. I hope the networking group gives you lots of leads.

Relady - We're about 3.25 hours from the beach. My dad owns a 4br/3ba condo with several other families who we've known for a while. All the owners share it equally and they rent it 6x year to pay off utilities, etc... It's a limited partnership situation I think. I'm very fortunate even though it's not in my favorite (more quiet) beach setting, it's ocean front. I'm giving you more details knowing how you like real estate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet - Sorry you've got the allergy thing going on. What's the latest on baptism? Does your son want it for himself, or is he interested only because adults are suggesting it? Does he understand the significance (spiritual and otherwise) of baptism?

Wallace - Did you get another snow storm or something? LOL Or maybe Relady was right and something is going on...hmm.....

Me - Well, my dad moves to SC tomorrow. I never would have believed how discombobulated he's become over packing. He's a upper management kind of guy who is so disorganized right now it's funny. Can't decide whether to donate(if so, which charity), take (to SC, storage unit, my house), give to me, give to neighbors, etc... and he has to be out by tomorrow! I'm almost glad it's this crazy so I won't get down missing him.

Hello to anyone I missed; not sure if RMA or Dave are still around. I noticed that another "tough love" thread has begun. But we all know this is the original! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 26, 2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey Y'all,
Not sure where everyone has been...but I hope everything is going OK for all.

Not much to say here, I just couldn't let this thread go to page 2 in the forum!

Have a great weekend!

Hi All,

See what happens... I get the flu and go down for a week and we end up on page 2.? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well guess what? I'm back... I'm not a 100%, but I'm doing a lot better.

It must of been all that snow I shoveled... dropped me like a lead balloon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale...

I wish I was at a beach house right about now. They say we will be in the 70s here all week long... so we will see.

You tried to keep it from going to page 2... and you almost succeeded. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC...

Glad to hear that you have a direct line telephone # that you can talk to your daughters on now. That should make your relationship with them a lot better.

Keep up the good work.

Petvet...

You and I seem to follow right after each other... your down with allergies and I'm down with the flu.

How's everything else going in your life?

relady...

I am signing papers to refinance my house and have my exW's name removed from it... so in that area, everything seems to be moving in the right direction.

WGTT...

Sounds like everything is moving in the right direction for you... hopefully I'll reach that point in time in the not to distant future.

Get this... my G/F didn't want to come over and take care of me because she didn't want to get the flu... can you believe it? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We went to Church this weekend so it was all good.

Well I'm all medicated up... so if I have any spelling errors (more than I usually do)... you will know why.

I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ March 31, 2003, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>