Petvet - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I hope this year is full of blessings for you! Looks like you learned how to do the icons, too. But I did want to comment on something you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am still waiting for the roof to fall in. I am staying humble. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like RMA said, "keep things in perspective; have fun but venture slowly". I want to add that you don't need to take on a fatalistic mentality either (don't expect the worst). The roof already fell in with your D...you're re-roofing now, and most shingles come with 25-35 year guarantees <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RMA - it is GREAT to hear from you! How are things at your house, are you still in the "honeymoon phase"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace, Relady, DavePR, EC, Mx8, (and anyone else I missed like TMCM) - hope y'all have a great day!

Hi All,

Having a great day I hope.

Petvet

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HAPPY BIRTHDAY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm not sure how I made you feel like a total geek, however; I'm sure you'll tell me. Let's just say, I think a women at 50 has more energy sexually than a man of 50. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I hope your roof is 'concrete tile' because a 'wood shake' burns quicker. LOL

RMA

Great to hear from you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You 2 and EC are desperately needed to keep the two wild bucks in their pens!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We're trying, but they keep digging their way out,LOL

How is everything with you? Still on your honeymoon of course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace

How did your shopping trip go? Was a pacifier, er I mean a ring involved?

Avondale

What are we going to do with those two? Should we lock them in their rooms? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

mommax8

Three words for you, 'Protect Your Heart'. It doesn't matter what others say, God has the last word. Learn more about Him.

God Bless,
relady

Hi All,

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY Petvet"

Your just a young buck... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> After my birthday this year... I started counting backwards... so I'm only 38 now. hehehe.

No wonder your G/F.. err.. ummm... I mean your buddy likes you so much. Just remember to take it slow and easy... don't let that roof fall in on you like mine is trying to do.

I think relady may have something here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think a women at 50 has more energy sexually than a man of 50. [Wink] </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There may be a lot of truth to that statement...

Glad to see you got the icon magic down.

EC...

Glad to hear that you made it through another battle with your exW and had a quick resolve to it.

I decided that I'm not going to let my exW get to me anymore. When things come up... I'm just going to take it as it comes and deal with it, and not let her upset me anymore.

I like the Clay and iron mix as well as the Ox and the donkey scenario... so true... so true.

relady...

You are good!!! You are good!!!

The question that my G/F did pose to me, didn't deserve an answer... because I knew it was a question that was asked to trip me up. That's why I only said what I said.

I did take her shopping...and guess where we ended up... just take a guess... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Do you have a crystal ball over there?

Needless to say she is not in a bad mood anymore... and no I haven't paid for anything "YET".

For the record... I want you to know... that I do indeed love being single again, so I am not in a hurry to go and do anything too stupid just yet. If I do... it won't happen until sometime next year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

At least that's what I have planned... if I do anything at all.

RMA...

Hi RMA.. it's good to hear from you.

I agree with you 100% in everything that you stated. I'm not the one trying to kick everything into gear. I like everything just the way it is.

I believe that any relationnship needs to be time tested. I would like to test mine for about 5 years... but I don't think my G/F will want to work within that time frame.

She's a keeper, and in certain areas she just is not very patient though. This is just one of those areas. Everything else seems to be quite good for the time being.

avondale...

I think you have given mommax8 some very good advice. I can only say that as always... I agree with you.

I still think you and relady are being way to nice to Petvet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL.

I'm waiting though... I'm sure you will both lower the boom on him when he least expects it. "Watch out Petvet... it's coming you just don't know it yet". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

mommax8

I read where you sent your "H" a Plan B letter. The key thing with that type of a letter... is you have to follow through with it once it's been sent. If you don't... you truly minimize your chances to ever have a successful marriage.

Let him make the changes he needs to make... and in the meantime... start looking out for you and your children, and take the required steps to live your lives with him, or without him if he doesn't get the help he needs.

WGTT...

How are you holding up? let us know when you get a chance.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Well the weekend is just about here and I'm getting ready to celebrate my YD's Birthday today.

She is 17 yrs.old today.

Going out for dinner and then have a small Birthday party for her at home with my son, OD, her boyfriend as well as my G/F... so it should be enjoyable.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Relady: So let me get this right, a woman of 50 has more sexual energy? I don't want to get to detail, but how does that happen?

Avondale: I guess you are right. I am rebuilding my roof. If you and Relady need to set me straight, please do.

Wallace: I hope your B-Day outing with your daughter went well. Did your buddy attend?

Me: B-Day went OK. My buddy brought me a couple of shirts of higher grade than I am use to. She said that she wants me to look real nice when we go out. Hmmmm.

Later.

Yippee...the sun is out here and I can't wait to relax outside this afternoon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet - Glad you have some new clothes to wear. What type of places did she have in mind for y'all to go out to? That comment of yours says something about your wardrobe OR her taste in entertainment (maybe both). Are you ready for a makeover from your buddy?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Relady: So let me get this right, a woman of 50 has more sexual energy? I don't want to get to detail, but how does that happen? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think it's part psychological and part physiological. I also would like a definitive answer from Relady because I have noticed with myself (45 yrs old) that it's probably true. And here I am separated, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Avondale: I guess you are right. I am rebuilding my roof. If you and Relady need to set me straight, please do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We can't set you straight if you don't share with us. Don't hold back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Wallace was more transparent that you are! That's why we can keep him on the right path.

Wallace - hope the birthday party went well. How's your relationship with your OD? Are you still "tough loving" her or has that flown out the window?

EC - Will you be taking classes this summer too?

WGTT, Mx8 , where are you? I haven't seen any recent posts.

<small>[ April 27, 2003, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All!

Avondale - The dispute between me and exw was over YD called me one day week prior telling me all that she was going through with her mom and her own personal life and it was a weeknight and we were having such a good 2 hour conversation and time got away from us, it was 10p my time 11p her time. Exw walks in the room and ask who is she talking to? She says, Dad, exw tells daughter well you have to go its your bed time and you have school in the morning. Well me and YD agree and say bye.

Exw then calls my house 15 mins later and cuss at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> for being on the phone with YD at 11p on a school night.
( now this blew me away because YD and OD when I lived in the house, I allowed them to talk on the phone until 11p if is was another girl one of there buddies but no guys). So exw said her say and hung up on me. YD being on the phone this late has not changed, exw wanted to enforce her authority because it was me! So I gave her a piece of my mind the next day, however the war ended quickly once she told me some of YD's motives in what was happening stating YD was plotting to take me for ride and exw said I was the biggest fool ever...which I don't believe are true.

Then I had tell exw what YD thought of her, that YD looked at her as being incompetent and in left field and grieved at what she's done and doing to the family and that YD knew exw's BF that envaded the family is wrong built on lying and deceit and wasn't going to last, out of YD's own mouth, also the very reasons why YD has been talking back to exw and ignore her curfews of course I tell YD to respectful, it's still her mother and her house. Told exw YD is torn and heartbroken she lives in an apartment with no livingroom furniture and never no money for the past 2 1/2 years, said she's tired of the poverty,YD said when her friends come over they have to stand for hours or sit on the floor, since then all has been quite not another word.

One day after that Exw then tells me to mind my own business and if I have any questions about her house then ask her or her man, said If I'm on phone and with YD or OD and personal business comes up, they've been instructed to hand the phone over to her or her so called man, problem is YD told me those things, I didn't ask.....What the real problem is when exw's BF comes over, to her room he goes like two wild dogs in heat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ALL I can say is oneday soon that relationship is going to end, what a day of rejoicing that will be, the jerk that invaded my home will be driven away! Exw has made hints that there are problems and from what I gather in her comments that this will never go to marriage and could end before 2003 is over, who knows? but God...not looking for her to return to me only that she don't bring another idiot around my daughters...

As far as school this summer, I don't know yet, I would like to keep at a good pace and get it over with.. They have me going to school at work during the day for my A+ Certification, thats building PC's inside and out. I already know how to do it, but don't have the paper show it.

Since I have so much free time I think I'm going to go ahead and get my bachelors in Theology. I read and study my bible so much, might as well make the time count for something. Don't know if I want to start in May or Sept, it's self paced, correspondce. My Community College class is only every other week, 1 hour in class, so just 2 times a month equal 2 hours a month, so that's hardly nothing, I'll be done with that summer of 2004..

Come mid 2004, I'll be done with all my schooling and several certifications and I'll also be done with child support, i'll debt free and owe nobody, so my 2004 is my year of abundance, I declare that I will be a very wealthy person in the very near future..

You shall reap, if you faint not!!!!

Don't faint in the mist of the storm because, Somewhere in the future you look much better than you look right now!! Praise God <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Who ever dreamed all this good would occur because a Wayward wife decided to run off and leave!!! It was sad at the time but now life's getting better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Take Care

Hi all,

Well it's Monday again, and time to start a new week. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

avondale...

As I always do... I'm going to stir the pot up a little bit... concerning the sexual energy between a 50 yr old man versus a 50 yr. old woman.

I'm not sure if in fact a 50 yr. old woman has more energy mentally or physicaly in general. I wonder if there has been a study done on it... and who did it... and what was the criteria used and based on?

Of course I'm basing this on almost 24 yrs. of marriage with one woman where it didn't appear to be the case. Of course we were not in our 50's and if in fact she was handing it out all over the place... like it appears she was... then maybe there is some truth to it.

Petvet...

So you are going through the make over. I've been in mine for a little over a year and counting. Not sure if it's helping me or not... but a mans gotta do... what a mans gotta do... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Getting new clothes and such... especially if your stepping it up to a higher grade of clothing is usually a good pick me upper. Of course it's the old saying... "it's not what's on the outside... it's what's on the inside. Appearances can be deceiving. I learned that one the hard way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EC...

Just a thought came into my mind while I was reading your post.

Do you think you may have jeopardized the trust factor between you and your YD by going back and telling your exW all that you and your YD may have been talking about?

Based on what I'm hearing... your exW is very manipulative and she could of said the things she said about your YD to try to get you to open up to her so you would tell her about what you and your YD were talking about.

Just a thought... I hope it didn't hurt your communications with your YD. She may feel like she can't open up to you now for fear that it may get back to your exW. From this end over here... it sounds like it may have... I hope that's not the case, because I know how much it means to you.

Glad to hear that school is going well for you.
Keep up the good work.

Me...

B-day went very well. My G/F and all my kids were there and we had a very enjoyable evening.

Concerning my OD... we talk on the telephone once in awhile. I will not go over to where my OD and B/F live... because I feel like they would consider that I would be accepting the lifestyle that they have chosen. She comes over to the house and visits us with her B/F for birthdays, etc., but that is about it.

They are talking about getting married... so we will see. They said they want me to get married first before they do. I don't understand the logic behind that... I guess only time will tell.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ April 28, 2003, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hey Y'all,

Give me your opinion on this: Hubby sent this email 10 days ago:

I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable - if you want to go to neice's wedding, let me know, and I will stay home. I think it is important that one of us be there. I have a gig later that afternoon, so If I can't go, it will be ok - but if you can't go, let me know, and I will try to make it.

It seems almost like he's thinking of us as a couple cuz of the "I think it's important that one of us be there", doesn't it?

To which I replied:
Regarding neice's wedding, I am not sure why you think I would feel uncomfortable around your family. Your mom calls me almost weekly, and I get calls or emails from everyone else pretty regularly. (actually not as much any more but he doesn't need to know that.)

So then he replied:
I didn't think you would feel uncomfortable around my family - I thought you might feel uncomfortable around me. That is very very true but I wasn't going to let him know.

So a couple of days ago he writes:
What should we do about neice's wedding - I honestly think that you should go if you would like - my family thinks I am crazy anyway, so not going to her wedding won't make that much of a difference (just kidding, sort of). So, I am asking you to consider this, and let me know - if you would like to go, let me know. Otherwise, I will go.

and then farther down wrote: Please let me know about neice's wedding - I know you told my Mom that you thought I should go because I am family, but i am really ok with the idea of you going and me staying away. So, let me know

Now I"m confused....I had planned on going, and as Relady said "be polite, look good, and smell great" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and not stay for reception. But I don't want him to use MY going as an excuse for him to NOT go and then everyone may blame me. Any thoughts? I need to reply to his email and had thought saying something alone the line of:

You should do whatever you want to do about attending neice's wedding. I had planned to go to neice's wedding whether you attend or not. If my going would be the only reason you wouldn't attend, then I will be glad to stay home and I really mean that. But if you have other commitments I'm sure neice will understand. After all, she had to work during daughter's wedding.

<small>[ April 29, 2003, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi avondale,

Concerning the upcoming wedding... it appears that your "H" is somewhat looking for an excuse to not have both of you there at the same time.

Correct me if I'm wrong... but this is the first family function that you may both attend since your daughter's wedding.

If in fact that is the case, he may feel very awkward explaining to his family why he is in the state that he is in, and you may be a reminder to all as to why the situation is the way it is.

IMHO, he is trying to avoid this circumstance.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You should do whatever you want to do about attending neice's wedding. I had planned to go to neice's wedding whether you attend or not. If my going would be the only reason you wouldn't attend, then I will be glad to stay home and I really mean that. But if you have other commitments I'm sure neice will understand. After all, she had to work during daughter's wedding. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would put the ball in his court and send the email pretty much just as you stated above.

If you do decide to go... take relady's advice and go there and look stunning and radiant.

Let us know what you decide.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't written in a couple of days, I only have access while I am at work because my stbxh took my computer with him. I don't work on Monday so I have to wait til Tues.

I am trying to get caught up on all of you and where you are now so please forgive me if I don't reply individually to everyones individual situations. I wish you all well and your in my prayers.

As far as an update from my situation, I got to work this morning and received a letter from stbxh that he sent to my work. He received papers last week and is shocked, he really didn't think I would do it. He says he saw the last 15years of his life pass by him and how he took me for granted and how he misses and loves me. Well the kicker is that he says as soon as I find him a place he will come back but because he is out of town and doesn't have minutes on his phone card it is too hard for him so I will have to get him set up in a place and possibly a car lined up too.

My best friend read the letter and said he was a sick man and never once mentioned the kids or the responsibilities of a family and taking care of us financially...... We talk now every night, I didn't call last night and he called me 5x and left me an urgent voicemail around 10:30pm I thought something must have happened so I called. Well his mother was livid because she had asked me to not call the house after 9pm which I totally respect that and unless there was an emergency no problem. Well I hear her in the background that she is sick and tired of me disrespecting them......I told him fine I will not call her house again that he better get himself a cell phone or something if I need to get in touch with him. Life and death emergency only. He did tell his mother and I heard him that it was his fault but she just got huffy and walked off. Oh and she told him because it was after 10pm he could not take a shower because the plumbing is loud and it will wake his 32yr old sister who is also there.......

Anyway the conversation ended now with him telling me that the sooner I find him a place the sooner he would come back and hopefully the sooner the better because he is sick of the sh**.

Gee, I am really sick of things too, you think if I just walked away someone would set me up a place and condone my behavior.....THINK NOT...

Well I am very confused, because I know that I should cease all contact but now I don't know how to tell him because I am afraid to hurt him....how insane does that sound. I don't want to hurt his feelings as if mine never mattered when he stomped all over mine.... Well I am just ranting and raving. What do ya'll think? (yes, the tennessee gal)

Hi Everyone, Just wanted to drop by and say hi. You are still in my prayers and my thoughts. Hope everyone is doing well. God Bless!
Dave

Hi All,

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So let me get this right, a woman of 50 has more sexual energy? I don't want to get to detail, but how does that happen? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't really tell you without going into detail. But between the ages of 45 and 50, the body chemistry of women changes and most become more sexual. Haven't you heard that women are sexier after 50?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My buddy brought me a couple of shirts of higher grade than I am use to. She said that she wants me to look real nice when we go out. Hmmmm
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be very careful. Watch out for the 'mother' position. We women have a tendency to want to 'mother' younger men even though we want to date them too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

Tell you H that you are going to the wedding and the reception and let that be the end of that conversation. It appears he is trying to get you to change your mind. And believe me, you want him to be there, so no more. 'If you go I won't go" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Let him think you're not going and show up anyway! Am I terrible or what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

NOW, Get the perfume called, 'HOT' and get your dress at www.dresses.com and you'll be all set!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace

Didn't know I had a crystal ball, did ya?

Mommax8

IMHO, You need to concentrate on yourself and your children, or you won't be much good for anyone. Let your H find his own place and car when and if he decides to come back. I know it's difficult, however; you should discontinue all contact with him. You and the children are your first priority.

EC

I feel you truly betrayed your YD confidence. I'm sure she caught a lot of heat from your X on that one. How are things since then.

God Bless,
relady

<small>[ April 29, 2003, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: relady ]</small>

Mx8 - I am REALLY glad to hear from you. I was getting worried. Relady is entirely correct. It is very self-serving for your H to expect you to get him a place to stay, a car, etc.. He needs to do those things himself if he "sees the last 15 years passing before him". Also, doesn't the fact that his 32 year old sister is also having to live with your in-laws tell you something? There is a behavioral pattern in that family that is not healthy. Don't buy into it. Stand firm; I know it's tough but you can do it. Your idea for him to get a cell phone was a good one. Remember, if he comes home acting the way he is now, you'll have to change your ID to Mommax9, and you don't really want to do that, do you?

Relady - Thanks for responding to my wedding question, wahooooooo That dress site is something else! I'll keep it in mind for future dressy occasions. How much of your wardrobe comes from there? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh, btw, are you over 50?

EC - I've gotta agree with the others....I hope your YD wasn't a victim of too much of her mom's dissatisfaction with your phone conversation. Let us know when you speak to her again.

Dave - Great to hear from you - we had thought you'd dropped off the earth. Hope things are going well for recovery.

Wallace - Thanks for responding to my wedding question. I'm sooo glad you haven't left this thread!

Petvet, WGTT, RMA - Hope things are well with y'all too.

Me - I sent the email, pretty much as I printed it here. I don't know why I wrestled with it so much. Sometimes the strangest things can be blocks to our minds, I guess. I'm really glad I've got y'all to give input!

Hi all!

EC: Seems your ex is up to her old tricks again. Oh, she never stopped did she?

Avondale: I agree with Relady. Tell him that you won't be going, and just show up looking Beautiful.To be honest, I think your H wants to bring his lady friend with him and just does not want you there. I think you made yourself clear about your intentions. My guess is that his lady friend will not attend wedding with your there. What do you think? If you did see the other woman face to face, could you see her without decking her, and kicking your H in the --ts? Just food for thought.

Relady: It does not have something to do with menaupause, does it? She has told me that she wants someone to complete the icing her cake. She is not looking for someone to baby. I think most woman want their men to look nice in clothes. She is deep and serious. Also, does that sexual energy have anything to do with mid life crisis? She purchased a sportscar(miata) last year. She is pretty well off financially but not rich.

Wallace: I glad to hear that the party went well. Has your kids accepted your G/F? Your OD needs to stop it. Get married, please.

Dave: Glad to hear from you.

Mommax8: The games continue with your H. They will continue unless you set boundaries.

Me: Buddy and I may go to concert festival this weekend.

Later.

Hi Gang!

Just passing through, hope everyone is doing ok!

On the YD issue, I don't feel I betrayed YD's trust because exw did say some things YD told me in secret and to a point I had to believe exw. Some of the things YD is going through is because of her defiance of exw's curfew and house rules. So in the process I tried to get YD to see that despite she may not agree with exw's ways, she still has to respect her and her house.

A lot of what YD is going through is because of some boy she's fell in love with. So her hormones are ruling at the moment. Her delay in her decision to come live with me is based on if she wants to leave her BF behind or not...So there you have it.

I've decided not to persuade YD to come anymore but let her make up her own mind....In that I begun my count down for when this is all over regardless...

Currently I have 379 days...In Feb 2004 I'll be filing the start of the ending of CS, therefore exw will have no more legal tie to me at all, i'm excited... YD will be 18 soon...OD will be 20....

More than anything my daughters know I love them and would do anything for them and they know once my finances are freed what i'll do for them.

I honestly know that once I'm free from this financial prison everything in me will flow freely and everything that is out of order will line up, that I know. You can't do what you know to do without the finances to do them.

I currently have another court date in May for another arrearage adjustment to a lower amount, It's been wrong since May 2002....So it's all disappearing one chunk at a time.

What's funny is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> exw said leave her alone she's tired of going to court <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> and is trying to move the case to her county so she don't have to drive 4 hours for a 10 minute court appearence. I don't have to show up in person of course I'm 1,200 miles away, I'll be on the phone. My thoughts on the whole thing was 'Well you filed for DV and botched it all up!'. I'm just trying to dig out of the mess.

What's amazing more than anything exw had her affairs, exw filed for DV in 2001, since then she's had no peace, she's gotten CS but has no money, has a BF but no relationship BF is a controller she has no freedom.....

What did she gain?? Nothing but a painful illusion and wound to the soul.

Take Care

Hi all,

mommax8...

Since when is it your responsibility to set your "H" up with a place for all of you to live so he can come back because he is tired of the sh**.

Keep in mind... your dealing with an addict here. There is a saying... "nothing changes when nothing changes". What has he done to change himself for the better and show you and your children that he is changed and he won't pull another stunt that you will all regret?

I'm not hearing of anything as of yet.

He found his way out... he can find his way back in if indeed he truly wants to have a successful "M". He is not a child and please don't enable him to continue his pattern and cycle of life that he is continuing to try to get you to fall for.

He needs to take the first steps.

Get IC.

Go to an AA meeting or Narc-anon or whichever one suits his situation best... and continue going.

Get a job if he doesn't have one and start showing some responsibility for you and your children.

These are just the first initial steps. If he can't do that... I would set your boundaries and Plan B him until he does.

If you allow him to come back without any changes your going to go right back in the soup again... you can "Bank" on it.

Don't make the same mistake you made last time.

Last but not least... is say a prayer and have the Lord take control of your life.

If I recall correctly your going to DivorceCare... which IMHO is a very good program.

Seek some IC from the Church your attending the group with... I'm sure they may be able to help you as well.

relady...

I didn't know you had a crystal ball... but I do now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet...

Icing on the cake? New clothes? Sexual energy?

Stop!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This all sounds like it is going very long term very quickly... even faster than what I've got going.

I met with my IC yesterday. He stated that the rule of thumb... to allow for healing and getting through all of the issues that you may or may not have takes approximately one year. He qualified it by stating that some people can get by it in a shorter duration... but they are in a minority. Most people take a minimum of one year and some much longer. Some people never do recover from it... ever. But they are few and far between.

I found that interesting... just thought I would share it with you and everyone else.

He recommended that you should not consider marriage to anyone for at least one year minimum.
(it was noted by yours truly).

avondale...

I also have to agree with Petvet.Your "H" may in fact be feeling you out to see if he can bring his G/F to the wedding and such.

I'm also glad I decided to stay... I have to look after my little sister here.

Dave...

It's good to hear from you.

I have to assume everything is still going well with your recovery... you didn't indicate anything to the contrary.

Hope everything is well, and keep up the good work.

Ec, WGTT, and anyone else...

Hope everything is going well for all of you.

Have a good day all.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Good Morning all,

I really need the strength for the Plan B letter, I am really struggling with the thought of no contact which is going to hurt me. I am afraid I will lose him forever....hello I filed for divorce. I can't continue this turmoil everyday, he might as well be in the house again and doing it. He keeps telling me that I am making things up to keep things going......for examples

Am I wrong that I have been left with all the responsibilities, financially and with the kids, he feels it is unfair but unless I get him a place there is nothing he can do about it. . I am emailing him today Plan B. Please be here for me because this is going to kill me. I have he divorcecare class tonight thank God, because I am going to be crushed knowing I can't talk to him and it is the choice I had to make...... Hope you all are well, take care and pray for me.

Hi mommax8,

Let me make a suggestion.

Before you send him the Plan B letter.... write it out and post it so all can give you an idea if it's a good lettr to send him based on your circumstances.

There are a lot of good people here... and it's always a good idea to get ideas as far as what is good about your letter and what may be a "LB".

We don't want you to say anything that may detract from your letter and cause you more grief.

Hope you read this before you send the letter.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Mx8 - If you didn't see Wallace's post and have already sent the Plan B letter, could you post it here anyway for us to read? Knowing what you said will help us support you. And we're here for you, don't forget that.

EC - What is your courtdate in May? Let me know and I'll be praying for you.

Me - Sorry, y'all you're a little bit off the mark. Hubby's g/f lives in California, so she won't be coming to niece's wedding. I honestly don't think he'd be THAT crass to bring her when we aren't divorced. However, they will be living together in NYC this summer as he finishes his PhD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />