EC - I wondered if the reason you hadn't posted was due to negative circumstances. Don't let that keep you from finding support, commiseration, and encouragement from us. We may not provide all three all the time, but you know we care for you and want God's best for your life! I agree with you, it does seem like an attack and we can certainly stand with you.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't know why this evil thing is fighting me harder and harder as I get closer to the end. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The answer is because you've become victorious through this horrible situation and the enemy does NOT want you to have a positive testimony. Hang in there!

Relady - How long is the Revlon Run/Walk? I usually do 3-4 miles a day, and on Saturdays I walk 5-7 miles with a Walk Club at a local park. I haven't done an "event" run/walk yet though. Sounds like fun!

Mommax8 - Don't pay any attention to Petvet's smiley icons. We've been trying to teach him how to use them for the last year, but he hasn't quite got it down yet. I'm sure he didn't mean to do a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> at the end of his last statement to you. It was probably supposed to be a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace- I hope you don't lose your job; you're in my prayers. At one time you had talked about going back into business yourself, as you had done previously. Is this anything worth considering?

Petvet - So how many dates have you been on with your buddy? What does your son think of her, or have they not met yet? What does she think of him? Does your EXW know? (I only ask this last question because I've seen on other threads that can sometimes pose another set of problems.)

Me- My summer plans consist of keeping you guys out of trouble with your "buddies" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL. Oh, and my year of legal separation will be July 7, so only God knows what my summer will entail. Of course, I'll keep y'all posted. All the more reason for nobody to abandon this Tough Love ship yet, because some of us aren't done!

Hi moms!

I wish the moms on this htread a Happy Mother's Day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Avondale: I get to your questions later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Later.

Hi All,

Just thought I would drop a quick line.

I got past the first round cut at work... it's still going though.

I hope all the Mom's out there had a good Mother's day.

I'll check back later on.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,
That's great news! What's next for you at work then? Is there some type of schedule or something that will give you an idea of their business plan / time frame?

Where is everyone these days?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi All,

I hope everyone had a great Mothers' Day. I had a wonderful day. My Son gave me a Sony Cybershot digital camera and it took me most of the day to learn how to use it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I did the Revlon Run/Walk on Saturday. It was 3.5 miles. Everything was wonderful. Gladys Knight did the after walk concert. Last year it was Kenny Loggins. It's always wonderful.

Avondale

I'm impressed. Maybe one day, I'll get around to walking, I can't even make it to the gym on a consistent basis.

Question: What is the difference between a Legal separation and a divorce as far as responsibility? It's still through the courts right? In some states you have to do that before you can divorce, right<

Wallace

You can ignore those bells if you want to. One day you'll look up and they'll be crashing down around your head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Of course, we'll be here to pick up the pieces. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've been praying for your job as well.

Petvet

I don't exercise as often as I should, however; I still am very cautious about what I eat.
What did you do for your 'buddy' for Mothers' Day?

Mommax8

How are you and how are things going?

God Bless,
relady

Hey Everyone,

I'm back... my computer was down... and it was pretty heavy duty at work this week so I haven't been able to post for the last several days.

Brief update... I didn't get laid off... I made the cut (whew)!

Bad news is, is that my son was laid of from his job yesterday at the place that he worked. Here I was worroed about getting laid off and I didn't, on the other hand my son felt that his job was so secure... funny how things work.

He is now looking for a new job... th Company that laid him off, said they are going to bring him back in about a month. I told him to not Bank on that, and just look for a new job... even if they hire him back.

avondale...

I'm still here... just no real way to get in touch. How have you been doing this week, and how was your Mother's Day?

relady...

Guess who is looking at Bridal Gowns? I'm not... but someone else is... LOL.

I hear very loud noises ringing in my head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet, EC, mommax8, and everyone else

Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace
Thank you for keeping this thread from the second page, LOL. Glad you made "the cut" at work and sorry about your son. At his age it's not as worrisome (unless he has a family, mortgage, etc...) - he'll probably bounce back easily.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Guess who is looking at Bridal Gowns? I'm not... but someone else is... LOL.

I hear very loud noises ringing in my head.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hearing the noises ringing in your head is only part of the solution! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Do you want us to come over and hit you up on side of the head with a 2x4? Then you'll be hearing noises outside of your head too. You'd better do something QUICK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And by "do something" I DO NOT mean get married! Her agenda is pretty clear, is yours as clear as hers is?

EC - I'm concerned about you, and where you left off in your last post. Give us an update.

Hope everyone else has a great weekend.

Hi All,

avondale...

I don't need any 2x4 in the back of my head... LOL... not yet anyway. I told her to look all she wants... I'm not getting married for at least a year.

She is looking at houses too... she is on a mission!

I think my son should rebound back into the job market pretty quick... but I know it's starting to get pretty rough out there... hopefully we will have a turn around soon.

I would of posted more... but with everything going on... I couldn't with my computer being down and all at home and everything going on at work.

The major part of the storm has blown over for now... but we will see what tomorrow brings

Petvet...

You have been awful quiet here lately... is your buddy taking up a lot of your time?

relady...

Glad to hear that your walk/run went well. Did you go to the concert afterwards... I can't recall if you said you di or you didn't.

mommax8...

I saw your thread and I think you need to allow your "H" to begin getting help for himself first, before you allow him back in the house. Otherwise you may find yourself right back where you are now. it gets a lot harder on you... the more times you go through it.

EC, WGTT, and everybody else...

I hope your day and your week has been going well.

Well, everyone have a good weekend and don't let all of this work on you over the weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

hi all,

Yes, I do agree that I should make sure he gets his act together completely and totally before I even consider him ever coming back into our lives, I am just feeling very overwhelmed and I need a break and my parent's are the type that just say "get over it, you have to knock this off, you need to get over this and think of your kids." Well, I don't think anyone could say I am not thinking of my kids because my children are first in my life and I am thinking about them, and their future relationship with their father.

I can see myself building new resentments everyday towards him and I am praying to God to help me forgive him I guess its that seventy times seventy. I have to forgive 490 times a day and so on and so on. I just hope I have sanity left when I get through this.

Thank you all for your support and hope you all have a great weekend.

Been away from here a long time. Havent read the previous stuff. Whats going on with the job. Heck, must be something in the water!!!

Where I work will be closing/rearraging the end of this month & they told me 5/31 will be my last day!!! So much politics you could cut it with a knife!! And who were they blaming for dumb stuff?? meeee. Im glad to be gone from there. So Im hitting the interview tour again. Some rejections, some waiting. I hope I get this latest one as a secretary in a hospital unit. Everything would come together expreience & education wise. Ive only been in this last one since December. But its been a HELLUVA two years!! Him filing, dismissing, being home 1 yr for all wrong reasons, still in affair. Me getting sick, possibility of cancer with surgery (not cancer TG), him filing again!! Left the job where me, ex-H & OW worked. Got job at University. There 1 yr, after surgery boss a witch, I quit. Got job in current place (#2). Now this is ending. I,m changing jobs for the 3rd time in two years! That, Divorce & major surgery!!!! AARGH!! Enough already!!

I hope your son finds something even better, soon and wish you stability/security in your job!

CLG.

Hi all! Real Funny, Wallace! NOOOOO my buddy has not been taking up alot of my time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Shame on you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace: I'm glad to hear that you were not laid off, but if I were you, I would still be searching for Plan A in case the dreaded day comes. Is the economy bad where you live?

Avondale: A separation if long live is basically the same as a divorce except you are still married and he is entitled to part of your assets. I would find out what his plans are? You have been in limbo long enough.

Relady:I hope you are doing well.

Me: I have been busy. Everytime I try to get on the thread, I forget to follow up. It has nothing to do with my pal. Absolutely nothing whatsoever.

Later.

Hi Guys and Gals!

Nothing new happening except filed my final papers for the [last] CS adjustment, what an ordeal!...Anyway I'm now 360 days from all of it ending, now inside 1 year. Then in Feb 2004 in 8 months, I'll be filing again for YD to be emancipated.

It's amazing the illusion exw had when she had her affairs and filed for DV though if as soon as she did it she would be done with it all, yet we're on 3 years going on 4 with all this mess.

What's amazing is how much my exw is so much like Judas in the bible and her whole motive is money, Judas was the betrayer of Jesus. First he plotted while with Jesus pretending to be friend yet all the while despised him, then mediatated on how much he could get when he betrays him, then he acted out the act of betrayal with a kiss and jumpped him, then had Jesus arrested, then Jesus was sent to trial and accused falsely, then was killed by the corrupt legal system, yet the devil was behind it all.

My exw has taken me through every step of this process but now it's resurrection time, I'm in a rebirth of being loosed from the betrayer. The legal system is always the betrayers final end.

You must understand that you were thrown into a battle you didn't ask for and it's not your fault they cheated and lied, it's all on the betrayer. Rid yourself from inward false accusation and inward fault finding, you'll never be perfect.Rid yourself of bowing down to the enemy's daily beatdowns "you should have done better". It's in past now, nothing you can do but live and maxumize this day you're living in and have good days ahead. Stop beating yourself up you want to be loved by somebody that don't love you. Stop afflicting yourself that you're ugly, I'm sure 10 people of the opposite think you're the best looking thing ever, they just haven't told you, but don't go looking to be validated, get [Confidence] in yourself that you know you're good looking {Change the inward picture of yourself} Think about how do you view and display yourself in private and in public? Is that the image you want or something different? it's up to you.

Now one last comment - The people who are the BS go through things that sometimes you feel embarrassed or ashamed and think you're weird or have some deep problem but in fact you're just like everyone else and that is in the area of your sexuality now that you're single abruptly. Now it's time to face your sexual side, it can't be expressed anymore, you're single. Now what do you in the process of this lust that you have for your mate that's left you and control those sexual fantasy's that are allowed to be expressed in a marriage?? You're now forced to turn off your sexual sensitivity. Do you have one night stands to alieviate the struggle? No. Is porn the answer?No, is mastrubation the answer?No. Sexual counterfiet toys? No..All these things rob your most inner self......The answer is you must become whole again and heal, you may feel dirty in the process but you will come clean when you confess your struggle unto the Lord. When that happens you become that virgin all over again whether male or female and when Mr or Miss right comes along, you won't marry out of lust or needing sex badly, but from a true friendship of love and patience, somebody adding to your joy.

Take Care.

Hi All,

Well as usual, the weekend shot right past me like a bolt of lightning.

Memorial Day weekend is coming... does anyone have any plans made for this coming weekend?

mommax8...

Through all the trials and tribulations that I have gone through concernning my exW and the loss of my marriage. The single biggest thing that I have yet to overcome and complete... is the act of forgiveness.

It is something that I try to work on and struggle with everyday. To heal completely I must be able to follow through with forgiving her. It's a very tough thing to do especially when they are still giving you the business. But in time and with the Lord's help... I will find a way to forgive my exW.

In your thread... you had a lot going on with a lot of ultimatums flying around and decisions to make. What did you do. or are you still working on it?

ATW...

It has been awhile since we have heard from you... in fact, "Free" was asking about you just a couple of weeks ago.

I'm out here in Denver, and for some of us... the economy is really going in the tank. Prices and taxes are going up... wages are being cut, jobs being lost. I have seen it a lot better... I have also seen it a lot worse. All you can do is just try to do your best and hope you get through it.

You have had a pretty wild ride these last couple of years. They say (whoever "THEY" are) that everything comes in threes. It appears that you have already had your set of three... maybe things will start settling down now.

I'll pray that you find a good job, as well as peace and good health in your life.

Keep us informed of how you are making out whenever you can.

Petvet...

LOL... I had to ask the $64,000.00 question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The reason why I asked... is my G/F is taking up a good chunk of my time (which isn't really a bad thing) I just thought you might be following a real close second in your situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now that your street legal and all... I just figured you were spending more time with your buddy... LOL

Glad to hear that everything is going well for you... keep up the good work.

EC...

It's good to hear that your on the final leg of this ordeal.

I liked the Judas analogy... my exW was acting the very same way Judas did as well. I think many WSs act like Judas... more than we care to imagine.

I've cleared out everything except the CS issue myself. The State sent my exW basically a demand for payments. So hopefully this will straighten itself out in the not too distant future.

avondale, relady and everyone else...

Hope your weekend was good and that you have a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wow, we go days without a familiar face and then we get three posts in one morning!

Petvet - I don't feel I'm in limbo, I feel pretty confident that I'm where I'm supposed to be. Our legal separation is technically "up" in July but I am not going to initiate anything (at that point, yet). I don't want to be the one "responsible" for dissolving the marriage. We have legal papers drawn up already, though, in case he is the one to initiate the D. It was his idea, and I feel they are fair.

EC - Great to hear from you - you made up for lost words in your last post! I agree with all you said. It seems to me you should write a book, or at least preach a sermon, your points were well taken and encouraging.

Wallace - I think Petvet is running a close second to you in regards to time spent, even if he won't admit it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> If you'd slow down, maybe he would too.

Me - Not much new going on here, except for the fact I ate an entire Pepperidge Farm cake yesterday. Don't know why; I wasn't depressed, I just didn't stop myself. So I guess I'll have to do double duty at the gym this week, LOL.

Relady -Have you (or anyone else) heard from your H lately? Whatever happened after he contacted your pastor?

Everyone else - Have a great week.

Hi All,

Nothing really new so far today... just working (thankfully).

avondale...

You have to give me credit... I know I'm out of control and I admit it... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Of course I'm not so sure, I'm the one out of control in my situation as of yet. I'm just along for the ride at the moment... watching and keeping a close eye on it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have to agree with you... I think Petvet's situation is just starting to get rolling. He will be where I am at in the not too distant future... LOL... IMHO.

I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all:

EC: I guess a this point all you can do is count down the time remaining on your CS. It's sad that you have to go through all this. Just do the best you can do deal with it for the time being.

Avondale: PEPPERILL CAKE: What type? I use to love the coconut cakes. If you are satisfied with your situation at present, then I can only support you. You know where your comfort zone is what you need to do.

Wallace: Have your son found another job? You seem to be doing well.

Later.

Hi All,

Petvet...

For the moment... everything seems to be falling into place. But I've said this before... and I get real nervous when everything starts going smoothly. Most of the time... something comes along to jerk it all up. Hopefully everything will stay the course.

My son has not found another job yet... he is still looking... at what we are not sure. There isn't that much out there in this area right now. He is an IT engineer, and in this area the market is saturated with them.

My YD just finished her Junior year at high school... and she is out pounding the pavement as well for a summer job.

Hopefully they will both find something soon.

You sound like things are going well.

Do you have any plans for this Memorial Day weekend?

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi everyone,

I don't get a chance to write as often as I would like. I am working on getting my own computer at home and until then I have to just try at work. I only can work Wed-Fri now which has me even more financially strapped so it is very difficult.

Avondale

In reply to my last thread, I understand what you are saying as far as the father daughter relationship. I am trying very hard to make things work but I just have given it over to God because I am worried about the stress on my parent's too. I feel like such a burden in their life right now and that I have taken their freedom away. They feel like they have to be there for me every minute and I keep telling them I can do it, if I need your help I will ask but please don't revolve your life around me and the kids you need to have your own life.

I spoke to my stbxh last night after my daughter's graduation, in which he ended up not attending. He is currently in an outpatient intensive treatment program which is good, but she really would of loved him to be there.

In our conversation last night I told him that I knew that I had my part in this marriage that contributed to our problems as well and that there were alot of mistakes that I made and that I would do different, but then I would not be able to be growing as much as I am. I couldn't believe it but I asked him for forgiveness and told him I was sorry for what I did and let go of what I was holding onto and that was guilt too.

It is now his turn and he has come halfway but not all the way there. We are suppose to go to the marriagebuilders weekend in Orlando in September, he is willing to do what ever it takes to get our family back together, but I am very skeptical, I am trying to take things very slow.
He still wants to take our annual family trip, which is scheduled for June 21 10 days to the beach in which the kids and I are still planning on doing because it is already paid for, but he wants to come along as well. We camp at the beach and do nothing else but swim, eat and sleep. My heart wants to pretend for 10 days, but my brain is telling me I am an idiot. Some feedback needed please.

His plans for after that would be to move back to the town we live in, get a job that would not interfere with his disability income which means he can only make $800 per month on top of his $600 he is getting doesn't leave much for child support, but he says he will give it all too me. The proof will be in the pudding I guess.

I have a weekend trip to WV with my dad and 4 of the kids this weekend, so hopefully we will have a heart to heart on the way down while the kids are sleeping. I know I am bouncing all over the place I just have so much going on that I am trying to get everything down while I have the opportunity to write.

As far as my kids are concerned, we are building a stronger relationship everyday....they are starting to relax some, they are really getting tired of talking to their Dad twice a week though and I don't know what is up with that, they say "Oh I will talk the next time he calls, I don't have anything new"?????????? Family counseling begins June 2, so that may help....I feel like I am being selfish worrying about me and my parent's problems when I should just focus on my kids and their needs and just let everything else just fall where it may.......Well I hope you don't think I have lost it....I really have a sense of peace but just alot of choices that I think I have to make.....I may just be creating the stress on myself because I don't know any different for the last 16years so to relax would not be the norm......I just don't know

Everyone else

I wish you all well and a good memorial day weekend, as you can read in my response to Avondale I thinking too much and my brain is in overdrive..... I know this is a process we all go through and you all have been through it and still going through it....I am greatful to have all of you to help me....thank you

Mx8 - Thanks for the update. Here's some of my comments but hopefully you'll hear from others:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I spoke to my stbxh last night after my daughter's graduation, in which he ended up not attending. He is currently in an outpatient intensive treatment program which is good, but she really would of loved him to be there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think it is GREAT that he is in an outpatient program; hopefully your daughter understands the need for it and won't hold onto any hurt by his not attending.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He still wants to take our annual family trip, which is scheduled for June 21 10 days to the beach in which the kids and I are still planning on doing because it is already paid for, but he wants to come along as well. We camp at the beach and do nothing else but swim, eat and sleep. My heart wants to pretend for 10 days, but my brain is telling me I am an idiot. Some feedback needed please. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not sure how you'd work it out, but I would hope he wouldn't attend. Did (or will) he pay for any of it? If not, then I would say take a break from his personal drama and go to the beach without him. However, if he has a financial stake in the vacation, I'm not sure how you could exclude him.

I think it is very good that he has plans for work, moving, etc....and as you say, the proof is in the pudding. See what he follows through with. It's also good that you may have an opportunity to speak with your dad while you're going to WV; try to be open about your feelings and wanting your parents to have their own lives.

It seems very normal and healthy that the bonds between you and your kids are getting stronger, and they're starting to relax. Will your H be at family counseling next month?? Or is it just you and/or the kids? Is this something that is court-mandated?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like I am being selfish worrying about me and my parent's problems when I should just focus on my kids and their needs and just let everything else just fall where it may
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is NOT selfish. You are exactly right, you have a lot on your plate, a lot of things to consider, a lot of different scenarios to work through. One thing I know, when you've been in a situation such as yours, it is VERY difficult to see (understand) what is "normal" because your starting point to gauge normality is "skewed" (off)to begin with. You are slowly finding that, and it should become easier to make decisions and work through things as time goes on. Besides, a better YOU will ultimately result in better kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Hi everyone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Have a happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Just a quick update as I havn't been on the boards much.

WH has let go of his apartment and is taking steps to either sell (basically give away) our business in his location or shut it down and move all the stuff to Florida. We will be opening another business here as our current supplier has really let us down and caused all kinds of stress and problems. I have enough of those on my own !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH has been acting more responsibly and working on repaying the debts that were incurred where he is for various and sundry reasons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

When he gets here, I will give a letter that Steve Harley and I have gone over basically saying that in order for me to (want to) work on our M, he must be in recovery. If he does seek recovery, working on our M will take a back burner for a while till his head is in a better place.

I feel really good about myself and where I am going. There is still a lot of S**T that has to be gone thru from the fiasco but at least new S**T is not comming up. (Financial and business wise) The mentor program that I'm in is FANTASTIC. It's the best thing I could have done for me. No matter what happens with my M, I will be OK, no I will be G-R-E-A-T! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My time has been taken up with working out problems from our supplier, being a Mom, and sailing - actually racing. It feels sooooooooooo relaxing to be out on the boat even though there is a lot to do racing. It is so much fun.

There are 2 women that I mentor right now & one is a former OW. Very interesting. We were both having trouble in our M's with husbands who drank / drugs. She took the route of having an A with a MM and even moved away for a year to be near him. Guess what, he separted but did not get DV, she was a secret the whole time and here she thought she had found the love of her life.
She moved back to Florida and is trying now to live a different life. She has seen me grow and the peace I have about myself and says she wants that. I dealt with my pain, she is only just beginning. In a way it's a blessing, because I hear her justification and thought process and I thank God that I din't take the same route as she did.

Avondale I will be in Hatteras, NC from June 13-20th for a family reunion. You mentioned going to the coast there - any chance you will be nearby in that time frame? If so, it would be great to meet you in person.

Momma I just skim thur posts now and then but it sounds like your dealing with a drug / alcohol problem. Been there, done that, doing that. I have been in AA myself for almost 11 years and know how great people are in recovery - those who really work it anyway. I also know the heartache of those who don't get it. Hopefully you are in Alanon - that has been my saving grace, that and my faith in the Lord.

Wallace What's this about wedding bells??? Did I read correctly or was that a joke ??? (Just kidding) Good thing the Ladies here are keeping you straight !!!!

Everyone else - Hope you are doing well and have a great weekend!

D.