Y'all are on page 2 !!!!

I just got back from the outer banks of NC - what a drive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Had a really good time at a family reuion & loved OBX. I was the only one who lives at the beach, so they laughed that I came to the beach - but it is different than Florida. My head feels like fluff right now- I am exhausted. My OS & YS drove from the Outer Banks, then stopped in Mertly Beach, Charlston, Savanna, Jacksonville (dropped off OS) then home.

Avondale I am watching WH's actions and not listening to his words as I am in a reserved plan A according to Steve Harley. Either WH is in recovery or he doesn't live here. I have gone on with my life & will be OK either way. I pray for him & know that while he's in Penna that he has not given up the "stuff" - OW & coke. I think it's a good sign that he is taking steps to dispose of business, but he still has a long way to go.

I am saddened by a friend of mine who before I left was on the verge of an A. She plunged in - UGGGGHHHH. She is in my prayers - I could see something different (not good) in her face - but she says she's happy now. We have all heard that one so I wont' elaborate. My heart aches for her.

The mentor program is the best thing I could have done for myself this year. MY whole view on life is changing for the better and I really believe that something REALLY good is waiting for me. I wouldn't be where I am today with out all this crap, just wish I could have learned it without all the pain! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EC That stinks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But the best revenge is to live well. It's just money, and you have soooooo much more than that!

everyone else I hope all is well.

Hi folks! I did not realize that I had not posted in over a week. I have been really busy and have just been keeping my head above water.

EC: I sorry to hear about the results from your court hearing. As someone recommended, you want to just try to pay her off and be done with her. People have been recommended that I pay my exw her equity sooner than later to be through with her.

Wallace: I'm glad to hear things are still going well between you and your G/F. I find it amazing that you nor your kids have heard from your exw in over a year.

Avondale: I have to agree with you that your father needs to get married, but you will be amazed at the number of older people who live in sin, so that they won't have to give up benefits.

Relady: It does not matter whether you own the property in the Bahamas or not; a vacation in the Bahamas is a vbacation in the Bahamas. If you don't want to go, give it to me and I will gladly take it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WGTT: The drive to Myrtle Beach and Savannah is a deadly drive from anywhere.

Me: I had a wonderful Father's Day, and the buddy and I are burning all cylinders. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Later.

Hi All,
Not a lot going on for me right now, so no news is good news in my case! Although I keep waiting for the "other shoe to drop", since my separation date is July 7 and I just don't know exactly what my WH will do, or if he files for D, I don't know WHEN that will be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So you guys had better be around here if and when that happens! ! !

WGTT - Glad you're trip went well! It sounds like you're thinking straight with your "reserved Plan A". You've mentioned your mentor program before - is it work-related, church-related, what? Who's mentoring who, and what's the purpose?

Petvet - It's about time you posted! You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me: I had a wonderful Father's Day, and the buddy and I are burning all cylinders. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now THAT'S SCAREY! What does "burning all cylinders" mean, anyway? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ummmmmm...Guys........excuse me for barging in here, but you talked about kids being questioned on every facet of your life and red flags...

Can I ask you to go into detail about your thoughts on this?

See about two weeks ago DS flipped out on me saying that he's tired of us asking him questions about each other. I was suprisd by this reaction because I make it a point NOT to ask. Knowing hurts too much.

I'm wondering why it's a red flag? What does it signify?

Thanks.

Some may say CS is about your kids and not your exw, problem is CS is spent on exw not the kids, 17 and 19.
Why are you paying cs for a 19 year old?
Also, it may not go DIRECTLY into the child pocket, but isn't food and shelter provided fopr them?

Hi y'all
Kily , I was hoping that some of the others would get online and respond but it might be a busy week for them. My kids are "grown up", so I don't really have an answer thru personal experience for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> See about two weeks ago DS flipped out on me saying that he's tired of us asking him questions about each other. I was suprisd by this reaction because I make it a point NOT to ask. Knowing hurts too much. I'm wondering why it's a red flag? What does it signify? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One red flag is that it appears your exh is asking your S questions about you and your life. Maybe he wants to know who you're seeing, how you've moved on,etc... A lot of ex's still want to know what's going on in the lives of those they chose to leave. If he's a manipulative person, or abusive, this could be bad news. If your S had THAT strong of a reaction, he might be caught in the middle, feeling pressure from your H, feeling alliance toward you, etc. And it might be that even though you mean well, you possibly HAVE questioned him in a roundabout way. Next time ask him what he's talking about, maybe he can give specific examples why he feels he's being questioned by you.

I think your question was great, and you should just post it in the D/D forum for responses. I think a lot of people would be able to offer views on it.

Chris - again, I kept hoping EC would get on and personally answer the question you posed. Briefly it had to do with his exw forging birth certificates and time delays. He's tracking the dates and finances and I'm sure he's on top of things. His kids have told him in the past that their mom is NOT using the money for their food and clothing, that they are having to get jobs and support her in many ways.
When are you going to finish what you started with that "married & dating" thread you started a while back? You promised to "discuss it later"....we're waiting!

Wallace - have your kids gotten jobs yet?

Relady - it's the end of the month, I bet you're swamped with closings.

My news: I got an email from hubby today; evidently he just took $2000 from home equity account for personal use, which according to the separation agreement HE initiated, should not have been done. I consulted with lawyer, and responded with an email that pointed out I thought it was wrong to do that, just for the record. I don't want to "bite the hand that I hope feeds me" so I'm playing it cool for now, with a simple response.
Petvet, WGTT, Mx8 - Have a great weekend and post something!

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Glad to see everyone doing great and moving on in life. Thanks everyone for your support.

Thanks Avondale for giving CA a brief explanantion of my issues, I'm glad you see what I'm going through.

CA: to answer your quote: Why am I supporting a 17 and 19 year old. By law the 17 year old is still a minor. The 19 year I'm done with as far as through the court but she is still my daughter and i'm going to always support her. You see I took care of my kids well and attended every school fuction and activity they were in. Just because my exww decides to go have affairs will not make me take on the mentality that " Oh well since the kids are with her, it's her responsibilty and I'm paying CS I guess I'm doing my part as a man and father'.

My daughters need more than CS. CS doesn't give them what I have to offer as a father, however exw has brainwashed them into thinking I'm this bad awful guy in which that image is very hard to break because they are in her environment. If I call exw a thief, she tells the kids "Your Dad said we're all thiefs'. If I tell exw, I don't appreciate her lifestyle , she'll tell them "Your dad said we're all running around sleeping with everyone" whatever I say she turns it around to them

As Avondale stated exw lies very well and continues to extort money from me using the courts and they allow her to do this.She does not use the CS support money directly on YD, she spends it on herself and I have to hear the cries and wailing of YD and OD of what they don't have. Exw's house is literally empty of furniture, company sits on the floor. They rarely have groceries and rarely cook, YD cries she has no clothes and can't ever get her hair done.

I spoke to YD just yesterday and she just got a job at sonic's, I ask what are you going to do with your first paycheck go out and have some fun? she said no, my clothes are ragedy and I really don't have none, I'm buying me some clothes and putting clothes in layway for school this year.

Latest example: Just last week when I went to court for a modification that was denied. Listed on exw's financial affidavit was this: She listed she is running a deficit -$380 per month,she makes $8,000 more per year than I do, Plus the child support she gets on top of that, she had listed in her expenses that she obtained in March 2003 a Golds Gym membership $65.00 per mth and increased her personal grooming from $120.00 to $160.00, upgraded her internet service from $21.00 to $50.00,many other things.

This is what makes mw mad, the CS is being spent on her. While YD and OD may have a roof over there head thats' fine, but what she is doing to them financially enjecting a poverty mentality into them as she parades her OM(s) in front of them is not right and spends what I'm working for foolishly on herself makes you want to scream.

Here's an example that happened at court exw tried to get for contempt on: She said my OD has a penant in the value of $300.00 that I have in my possession that I will not return, I never heard of such a item. I told the judge she is lying, the judge told me to shut up. I get home and called OD and asked her about this if she ever had some penant she said no and she was puzzled and I said well your mother told the judge you have this thing and I have it in my possession. OD then called me a liar and said her mother would never say such a thing in court, exw then grabs the phone and laughs me to scorn. However Judge told exw if it's true go to small claims court.

My OD really doesn't talk but also I know she needs me more than I need her, I was here first however, I will remain responsible for her well being because I know she is currently decieved. One day her eyes will open and when they do, I don't want to be in a position where I have turned my back on her and disowned and rejected her, yet I have let go and decided to let her reachout a little to me. Just because the courts came between my family because of exww affairs and adultery don't mean I'm giving up my life long vow to my kids, Dad will always be there in every way, child support can never take my place in there lives. Next year when it's all finished or if I pay it off before then....The kids will realize there source and exw's dirty work will be exposed, I'm sure she's going to push them out of the house or make them pay full rent when that time comes, because she's selfish and blows money.

Take Care

Hi All,

Nothing new happening...Here are some relationship words that may get you what you want or get you in trouble.

* Women will appreciate any sincere compliment, but when a man puts a little more thought into his words, she will like it more. . . . The more special the adjective, the more special she feels. These are some examples:

PLAIN COMPLIMENT (PC) vs. JUICY COMPLIMENT (JC)
PC, That is a nice picture. JC, You are incredibly artistic.
PC, You look good tonight. JC, You look magnificent tonight.
PC, You have a nice smile. JC, You have a radiant smile.
PC, You look good. JC, You are so gorgeous.
PC, You look nice. JC, You are so lovely.
PC, You look nice. JC, You look beautiful.
PC, That is a nice dress. JC, You look so exquisite in that dress.
PC, You have nice eyes. JC, You have such a special sparkle in your eyes.

Even a plain compliment can be juiced up with any of these five simple words: so, really, very, always, and such.

[For example, to juice up the most basic compliment, "You look nice."]
1. You look so nice. (attraction)
2. You look really nice. (interest)
3. You look very nice. (enthusiasm)
4. You always look nice. (familiarity)
5. You have such a nice look. (pride)

To express more feeling in a compliment, he can just repeat
any of these words or combine them like this:
1. You look so, so nice
2. You really look so nice.
3. You look very, very nice.
4. You always look so nice.
5. You really have such a nice look.

Women can also use these five words to express more
feeling in their indirect compliments to a man. Let's apply
these five words to one of the most basic compliments that
any man loves to hear, "I am happy we did this."

1. I am so happy we did this.
2. I am really happy we did this.
3. I am very happy we did this.
4. I am always happy to do this.
5. I am so happy; I had such a good time.

* When a woman talks about problems, a man mistakenly assumes that she is asking him what to do about them.

EC
I'm gonna assume those "tips" were for Wallace, Petvet, WGTT, and perhaps yourself, since I am not seeing any guys (nor do I plan to in the near future) and I don't think Relady is, either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

One week from today will be a year of separation for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but I think I'm doing OK. Will let you know next Monday if not before. Hope it's a good week for you all!

HI Avondale,

Well I guess you could say those words are for the loverboys and girls, I guess it'll only turn up the flame <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I remember going through the one year anniversay seperation deal in early 2002 it was amazing how fast time had went. I look back now and just marvel that I've been going through this since 2000.

It's funny I thought after the divorce the WS would leave you alone since they got who and what they wanted however my exw keeps the attack going. As I said it seems as I get closer to the end the harder the battle is getting. All I can keep in mind is that Judas end was once he acted out the betrayal and got the money he was done but yet it did not fulfill his desire or purpose and his eyes came open to shame and defeat.

All WS's eyes will come open one day and when they do what an awful site they will see of there actions whether in this lifetime or the eternal Judge they must face who hates divorce. What a way to go out and not be right with the lord, the lord has grace for our sins but there is a reason why he said 'sin no more' regarding the same issue that destroys the soul.

Take Care

Hey All,

I'm still alive and well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I took a trip back East to see my mom. It was the 'spur of the moment', just felt like seeing the one person who loves me regardless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Avondale

I'm not really swamped, but enough to keep me busy. My assistant took care of most of it while I was gone.

I'm coming up on one year as well. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I still haven't heard anything.

Doesn't your H have to replace the money? Can you close your equity line?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not seeing any guys (nor do I plan to in the near future) and I don't think Relady is, either.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are sooooo right!

Petvet

NO, you cannot have my week in the Bahamas! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I really need this. It seems like I've been on 'brain overload' this last year.

EC

Funny thing about child support. It's true they never use it for the children! My brother pays CS for two children, and my 16YO niece has a job. Well her mother makes her pay for her clothes, food and anything else she can get away with. How mean is that?

What did you guys do to Wallace while I was gone?

God Bless,
relady

Relady, you should have told me you were coming my way (East coast) and maybe we could have hooked up somehow! Glad you got to see your mom <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Not sure what the deal is with an AWOL Wallace! Petvet is also hiding from us... Hmmm...

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile. I've had a number of things come up which has kept me very busy.

My Aunt died just recently, and I'm being hit for back taxes due to my exW not claiming the proper tax withholdings (looks like she filed exempt), and I'm trying to decide my best way to take with the least amount of damage to myself and my kids.

It's been hectic to say the least.

If I don't get a chance to wish everyone a "Happy Fourth of July"... I'll do it now.

"HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY"!!!

Some good news though... my OS got his job back with his old Company... less money of course and more responsiblilties, and my daughter got a job working in a grocery store for the summer... so that's all good.

Needless to say... I'm furious over this latest incident with my exW. I'm going to look at amending my return and file married for the year 2001, but file seperately... since it's all her tax money that she owes. I'm so sick of having to pay for her screw-ups... and I believe they were intentional.

I may even file suit against her for damages. I know I won't collect a dime from her... but her credit will be toast for a long period in time.

My exW is like a haunting that won't stop... I'm at wit's end with her.

Have a good weekend everyone... I'll be in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

It's funny I thought after the divorce the WS would leave you alone since they got who and what they wanted
That's what most people assume will happen. Divorce almost NEVER, EVER solves any of the real problems in the realtionship.

Wallace,
Don't know what your tax problem is but look at Innocent Spouses and Request for Innocent Spouse Relief

Hi Chris,

Hey, thanks for the links... I will check them out and see if there is some relief I can find and get out of all of this.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi again everyone,

Chris...

I went through the links that you posted... and all I can say is Thank you very much!!!

What a Godsend... It appears that I qualify for "Seperation of Liability" as an injured spouse at the time of the tax filing.

I will be filing the necessary forms tonight.

Thanks again for your input on this... you don't know how much you have just helped me.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi All,

Hope everyone is doing fine and had a wonderful 4th July.

I received a odd letter in the mail. The court wants to rehear my modification case again they think they may have made a mistake in final judgment after the hearing officer slammed me giving me no chance to be heard and may want to do a possible overturn in judgment which would eliminate any arrearage amount.Is this wild or what? I thought it was over but they want to hear it again. The facts I have on file they must have reviewed after it was over because some things they said in the letter was not mentioned during the court session 2 weeks ago because the hearing officer shut me down I could tell she didn't read what I filed. It's in late Aug.

Take Care.

Hey y'all
It's been an enjoyable 3 day weekend for me! Hope the same for everyone else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC - That's GREAT news! Too bad you have to wait until August, but I am sure truth will prevail! I wonder at who figured out there had been a miscarriage of justice, and at what point it was realized?