I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready for a long weekend! Not that I have any special plans, I just really need to NOT work. Hope you all have an enjoyable holiday too!

Petvet, at the rate you're moving, I think you will beat Wallace to the altar <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone,

I just want to wish everyone a very safe and enjoyable "Labor Day" this weekend.

Petvet...

Thank you for the congrats on the CS isssue. It took a long time just to get that one check from her. We will see next week if she quit or jumped jobs... because it's time to get another check from her again. (I'll bet she is fit to be tied... she does love her money... and everyone elses as well).

I'm glad to hear that things are smoothing out for you... that's a nice feeling when everything starts to level back out again.

Any truth to what avondale stated? LOL

avondale...

I'm with you... I need these three days to try to get caught up on just about everything. There never is enough time in a day (especially when it's your day off... it goes by like lightning).

I think you maybe right... if I didn't know better, I think Petvet will beat me down to the Altar. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC, relady, and everyone else...

Hope all is well and that you have a good holiday.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

EC - If you have time, please check out this thread by rufustfirefly:
How to Deal With No Contact
He is going through some of the stuff you did with your exw...and I think you could be a support for him.
Thanks, hope you're having a good holiday weekend!

<small>[ August 31, 2003, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Everyone, hope you all are doing well!

Avondale - Thanks for the thread link, I'll post something and try to give him some hope, I agree our stories are almost identical....

Ok Avondale check this out, you'll love this...I ran into this friend of mine and he is a WS and he M-OW recently, he and exw were married 25 years....I went to his old house/ex-w's house while he was there I saw him going in as I went past, he lives in another city than me...He visits his kids weekly....Well I've been wanting to talk to him for the past 4 years when I found out he left W, but I lived in out of state at the time...Well he said he was just talking about me 2 days ago and here I show up when we havent seen each other in 10 years.....

Well we had a talk about my failed M, and what the pain was like of the BS and why things are so hard and I said one, because OM is still in the picture, he said yeah I know....(His Ex-w is going through same thing because OW and his ex-w know each other well)

Anyway we talked and he told me how stupid he was for doing what he did and said 'ALL WS's Eyes do Open to the mess they created and the pain they caused......Then he said you know what? Me leaving my exW had really nothing to do with her, I'm the one that had the problem, sure she has issues but really it was me, he then said despite I'm with OW, I can't get exw to see that it wasn't about her and that she is pretty much fine, then I said well she probably feels like dirt, seeing you are with OW still, I said it hurts real bad, then he bowed his head, He then said I know and know matter many times I say I'm sorry, it just don't help...

Then he said I know I'm with OW but I just can't up and leave, God will have to do it, but I want to reconcile with my exw but she's still hurt and angry but we are starting to talk a little now...

I then told him, I said yep you got to do what's right and eventually go back to your exw otherwise you'll never have peace....He said yep but in Gods time...He said he couldn't rush it but knew the right way, he said it may take years before it's over between him and OW but he said we'll see...God has his timing...

He then said, you know EC, your exw wife knows the right way also, trust me! I know your exw is wrestling with it all, she knows too much, years ago I saw your exw live for God and believe me she knows what to do....He said I wanted to call you and comfort you when i heard about what happened but I knew by then everything had been said, at that point I knew your exw just got to go through the process like me and it's painful and unfilling, what an illusion, she'll never find what she's looking for out there in somebody else...

He then said "After I came out the deception nothing could help me but the Word of God", he said I even know the scripture of Hosea 2:7 "You shall follow your lovers but shall not overtake them, returning your spouse, etc...."

It was interesting because he still claims the house as his territory and I could tell he really wanted his wife and family back but he was stuck with OW, to leave her would be heart-breaking a failure.....One thing I could tell was that he was looking forward to getting back with his exw and if another guy popped up around her it would drive him insane....

But he said reconcilation would be nice...

He gave me his number and wants to talk some more...He said everybody threw him away when it first happened but he was glad to see I didn't...
I said my heart is always for a repented WS male or female...

Take Care....

EC - wow, that is some kind of story! It kind of gives me hope. (I'm sure it gives you hope too!)
It also makes a good case for never remarrying, which I'm not sure I totally agree with - the thought of being alone for the next 40 years is not very appealing to me. Have you ever gone to that John Piper "Desiring God" site? It's Divorce & Remarriage
He's a highly thought of theologian, and I think he believes that only those who are widows/widowers should remarry, for the very reason that your friend said - what happens when the WS realizes they've made a horrible mistake, but either they or their BS has remarried? All avenues of reconciliation have been effectively closed by the new marriage. The original mistake (adultery) has been compounded by a new marriage that one cannot (or should not) now get out of.
Now I don't agree with him on that point, but I can certainly see his reasoning. It's kind of scarey in a way. Anyway, keep in touch with your friend. It's good he sees you as approachable. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

News from me - son moved out this weekend, going to school several states away. I don't know that I expect him back any time in the foreseeable future. I wonder if the fact that he is now out of the house will give WH the psychological freedom to go ahead and file for D, knowing that son won't be living in the house that we'll have to argue financially over...I'll keep y'all posted.

Hi All

Avondale - I haven't checked the site out yet but, I believe that a person can remarry if they have been totally violated by adultery however I think a person should try to reconcile first. My Pastor told me back then during counseling to make sure I was very patient with WW, very forgiving, overturn every stone and exhaust all options, then that way I know I really tried and would have no guilt or regretts if I got remarried....

I'm all for remarriage and I'm all for reconcilation, it really depends what happened during the marriage that caused the downfall, all divorces are not repairable and some aren't worth going back to if the person was abused, beatup, etc...

One thing my friend said was, you know, his exw is his soul mate, that's a part of him,thats his history and that they were together 25 years and nearly grew up together....

I asked him why was he so attached to the OW? He said because when he was at his lowest point nearly suicide OW came to his rescue and picked him up from the gutter of life...So therefore as you see he feels indebted to her...and she was going through a DV so she feels he rescued her also...

Problem now is she grabbed him when he was emotionally sick, now he is well and in his right mind and restored he's ready to go back home...however he don't want to hurt OW his now wife..so he's stuck and caught in the middle..

Me: Still no word from the hearing officer/judge yet...must be a tough issue??

Exww sent me a email that there's a chance they may be making a quick trip to my city? For what I don't know, I don't know if 'they' mean her and OM or her and my D's?.....This feels weird I haven't seen exw since 2001, D's since 2002.....She said she wants some of the pictures I have in my possession also.....To keep her from me, I said I'll just mail you some, she said no, I want to pick them out...

She has family here but a part of me says she's tying to see me also? I don't know but it's strange....

Take Care

Hi all,

I hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend.

As usual it went by so fast... I wish the work week would go by as fast as my days off do.

EC...

That is a very interesting story. It does give you cause for pause after reading it.

IMHO, it is in fact the WS's problems and issues that they are dealing with that cause them to do the things that they do. I know we all second guess ourselves and wonder... "well what is wrong with me, to cause them to do this" when we find out what the real truth is. When in fact... it's not us with the problems... it's them.

Yes, we all helped contribute to the situation that we found ourselves in. But one person can't fix a troubled marriage by themselves... it takes both spouses, prayer, and God, to help put it back together again, and to help keep it where it needs to be.

It took me quite awhile to figure that one out. I self evaluated myself so many times that I lost count after everything had happened. I looked at myself as the bad guy... when in fact... I wasn't the bad guy. I wasn't perfect... but I wasn't the bad guy.

To bad your friend finally realized what he did... but he still does not want to make things right and correct his mistake.

He didn't seem to have a problem hurting his wife's feelings when he went off with the OW. I question someone's integrity when they say he doesn't want to hurt the OW's feelings by leaving her... when he didn't seem to have too big of a problem leaving his "W".

He should do the right thing... and try to make amends to his wife and see if he can repair all the damage he did, and try to put his "M" back together... that would be the right thing to do.

I don't want to sound harsh... but this guy IMHO sounds like a walking, talking, bag of excuses.

Oh... I'm sure he is sincere when he tells you he feels the way he does about what he did and the devastation he probably left in his wake. I think they all eventually do after it's all said and done with.

In the end... he is still putting the OW's feelings ahead of his exW's... he should do the right thing and dump the other woman and get back with his exW and make things right, and drop all of the excuses.

I'm sorry... but this just kind of hit me the wrong way. IMO, I just read between the lines and it still sounds like typical "Fog" talk to me.

So your exW is coming to town to see you?

How do you feel about seeing her since it has been so long?

Me...

Well my G/F got news that her Mom has Cancer.

Her and her brothers are going to New Mexico where her mother now lives and they are moving her to Denver. They are leaving this Friday and are probably going to be gone for about a week.

My G/F's mother has been a widow for about 5 years and she doesn't have any family down there... they are all in Colorado. So they thought it would be best if they brought her up here so they could all look after her.

Aside from that... all is quiet at this point in time, which is just the way I like it.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

EC: That's a interesting story you told about your acquaintance. I think most Ws do have that moment where they know that they have screwed up.

Avondale: I cannot imagine being by myself either for 40 or more years. I know the waiting is killing you.

Wallace: I am sorry to hear about your GF mother. It's a good move on your GF family part to move their mom close to them.

Me: I'm doing OK. Ex has been calling this week complaining that she does not have enough money to pay her rent. She told me that I should let her move back in with me and our son. She said that the child support money she is paying is killing her financially. She claims that she had to get help from her church this month to pay rent. She told me that I don't care about her and that I am not a real man. What can I say?

Later.

Hi Gang!

Hope your weekend was great!!

Hi Pevet - I see you're still dealing with exw issues. I tell you what, when they complain that CS is hurting....Oh'it's hurting, I'm surprized she would suggest getting back together, has she come to herself or is this for economic reasons?....Hmmm?

Wallace - I spoke of my friend the male WS to show how they war between there emotions of knowing what is right, yet they choose what is wrong, what a waste of your life living life stuck between two people...

Avondale - Hope you had a good weekend. I'll be glad when something happens for you, it's a tough place you're in but you'll make. I believe no matter what the outcome God will either give you your husband back restored a new man or God will let your husband continue in his prideful path. At this point I know you're standing and don't let loose, don't let any guy invade you're time of healing with seducing words to lead you astray. If your husband files for DV you know you did all you could do, and afterwards you will feel free and no regretts or guilt, etc..If you file for DV the WS will try to turn it on you, so just wait it out. Most WS's don't take responsibily for there actions, until they repent...

Take Care

Hey y'all,
I had a very good weekend - went to visit my dad for a day, and then chilled out Sunday cuz the weather here was PERFECT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hope you all made the most of your days off too!

EC - You have me pegged perfectly. I am fine waiting, although I admit I really was prepared for D by now. However, thinking about it, I wonder if he was waiting for our son to move out of the house, so son wouldn't be "caught in the middle" so to speak. (Son moved last weekend out of state.) Then I thought, well he might wait til end of September since we have an anniversary next week. (Of course, that didn't stop him from initiating legal separation papers on the date of our anniversary last year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ). Then I think, why should he file, he has everything he wants, cake, frosting, and filling! But I'm perfectly OK waiting, I'm not going to give up.

Petvet - I'd tease you about being online at 12:44 AM on the weekend....but I don't want it to stop you from posting here! So I'll just leave it alone.

I haven't heard from Relady since I emailed her about 10 days ago. Maybe she's out of town??

Hi all!

EC: After I thought about things, I think ex married me in the first place for economic reasons, and she surely would want to move back into the house for economic reasons as well. I don't want her nor her problems. She is TROUBLE.

Avondale: I am happy you are satisfied where you are right now.

Later.

Hi Everyone,

Just passing thru to drop a line " Hello".

Nothing new happening on my end just living life...I just missed a cut back - layoff in my dept,part of downsizing it came suddenly but I was assured my position is secure, I didn't know what to think for a moment there.......

Well still no word from the Court yet on there decision another week will be 30 days....

I have a feeling they may stall things until YD turns 18 in about 42 days and it's possible they may declare she's an adult and end all CS, yet she's still in Hschool until May...We'll see..

If that occurs by then exw may want to let me pay outside of court for the remainder 7 months rather than filing CS papers again having all the hassle....If above occurs I only have 3 payments left under court order.....That would be nice

Hi all!

EC: I know you will be glad when the CS issue is brought to rest. You should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

Later.

Hey All,

Well it has been a pretty busy week, not on the business side, but on my personal side.

G/F got back in town about 2 days ahead of her anticipated schedule and got her Mom situated.
Her and her brothers when in and got the wole situation taken care of in one day... once they all got there... I was impressed to say the least.

Nothing much else really new on my end.

EC...

I'm glad to hear that you dodged the lay-off where you work. I'll bet your relieved of that... it's getting rough out there.

It's slow here as well... in fact I think it's slow just about everywhere.

I dodged the last lay-off that they did where I work... if it stays as slow as it has been here... I'm not so sure I will be able to dodge the next one.

Well I hope all of you have a very safe and good weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Oh no, we're on page two of the D/D forum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Thursday will be my 27th anniversary. Last year I sent a "thinking of you" type of card to H. (Then I got notice that he signed legal separation papers on the same date!) I hadn't even thought of sending one this year, but yesterday I wondered "what if something as simple as a card somehow gave him pause for thought"? So now I'm contemplating what to do. I probably have to act on it by tonight, if I do send one. I guess it wouldn't hurt anything except my pride if I do send one, right?

Hi all!

Wallace: Despite what "Talking Heads" are saying in Washington, the economy is not good. I had someone in the banking industry to tell me that deposits are down. I don't know what is going to happen.

Avondale: If you want to send a card, do it. Just think very carefully before you make the move.

Me: I have been very busy professionally and personally. I have been putting out fires all over the place.

Later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Me: I have been very busy professionally and personally. I have been putting out fires all over the place.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Petvet - All over the place? Do tell us about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All,

avondale...

Sorry I didn't get back to you on whether to send the card or not. (I had Jury duty yesterday and a ton of house work).

I would send the card. You have absolutely nothing to lose (except your pride maybe)... but I see no harm done by sending it.

Petvet...

I have my eyebrows raised after that last "putting out the fires" statement.

I'm all ears... LOL j/k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Avondale: What did you do about the card?

Wallace: How is everything going with your GF?

Me: FIRES <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> My ex has been trying to create trouble with me through my son. She is still trying to get info from him about what's going on in the household. Buddy's girl has done a Jekyll and Hyde on me and my son. Months ago she love me, now she does not like me. Go figure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Later.

Petvet - So what can you do about your exw pumping your son for info? I feel bad about him being put "in the middle". I know that's a common problem for divorced people who have young children. What actions are you taking? And I'm sorry to hear about your buddy's daughter being wishy-washy...do you think someone (her dad, perhaps?) is feeding her info (lies) about you?

I decided to send the anniversary card. No comment from H about it (not surprising, since I didn't respond to his b'day gift to me). However, I did get an email from my brother in law, apologizing again for H's actions and how they've hurt me. It made me feel good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am still in "wait and see" mode, and I'm still OK with that. I continue to pray for H every day.

<small>[ September 23, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>