Hi all!

Avondale: Yes, buddy's daughter will be there and I don't anticipate any problems. Are you going to your inlaws place with your son? Will your H be there?

Later.

Hi All.....


Petvet - Glad to see you check in when you can. Hope all is going better between you and your gal kids.

Me: Life is going on, I still have my good days(more) and some bad days every now and then...

Just found out my OD moved in with her BF, she asked me what I thought about it ( 2 months later now). I wondered why I would speak to YD and OD was never home always gone...Well it's there little secret society thing...

Well I didn't blast her but did let her know my take of it living in a non-convenant manner....It was kinda rough accepting her decision but, it's her decision......

Anyway life goes on....I'm sure YD will follow the same road....

Take Care....

EC - I'm surprised at you!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anyway life goes on....I'm sure YD will follow the same road.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where is your faith? Your daughters are two different people and just because one does something, that doesn't mean the other will follow suit.

I think those of us who have experienced adultery in our marriage probably have to pray harder for our kids - they've seen perfect examples of bad behavior and selfishness but are not always wise enough to see their parent's behavior as sin and how wrong it is from a spiritual point of view. They see it as abandonment, and bringing unwanted change, but they don't usually tie into the spiritual aspect of the adulterous parent's relationship with God (or lack thereof).

I'm glad you didn't "blast her" but I know you're disappointed. She's still young and you will need to keep the communication doors open. I know you're grieving about this, but remember God isn't through with her yet. I guarantee there will come a time (maybe sooner, maybe later) when she'll want her daddy and you will need to be there for her.

Avondale -


I thank you for the encouragemnt, I haven't lost faith just discouraged in what I see happening. I'm disappointed exww played house in front of them with her boytoys. I say YD will follow suit because YD looks up to OD as her role model since there ages are so close and if they see leaving home as a way of escape to live with there BF's then thats what most likely will happen. I now understand more how Wallace felt. I don't know all the story why she moved, but she said she is doing great and paying her bills and still going to college but her grades dropped and was ineligible for her scholarship money but paid out of her own pocket for next semester.

I know she needs me in her life and she said she did, but she's still angry. The guy she's with is a nice boy. I remember right before the discovery of exww affairs I had a chance to sit down and talk to both of them about 16 at the time of what I expected during there relationship and where I stood on moving to fast and too serious..I was nice to both of them..I'm sure they remember that talk.

I remember after that talk after the guy left, OD blew up in anger and said I knew nothing about relationships and how things should go...

YD saw this at the time 14, in which I had to disable her internet privileges during that time because she was corresponding with older guys age about 25-30 in inoppropiate ways....

It didn't make since back then in 2000 why Exww resented my actions and verbally blasted me in front of both of them for trying to lead them to do whats right and empowered them into more rebellion of how wrong I was..I didn't know exww was having affairs at that time??

So as you see, here I am today now dealing with the effects the adultery has made on them...

I know God can change there heart, but for the past 4 years now, I've been labled as Mr bad cop that hasn't paid CS ever, when I overpaid...I have so much more to offer in life than CS, but that's where exww has focused there attention on " a check coming in the mail" as in welfare survival......That just burns me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

On the flip side, now that OD is out of the house, I have a better chance to restore our relationship. Now that she will get a taste of life on her own, my words may have more meaning..

Take Care.......

Hi All,

You know something?

This use to be my favorite time of year... but now after everything has come to pass... it has come to be my least favorite time of year. To many triggers for me.

EC...

Thanks for the scripture... it is always appropriate for what is going on in my time in life.

I'm sorry to hear about your OD doing what she did. In my case... I ceased all communication with my OD because of it. I cannot associate myself with that type of a situation. I have not spoken to her for over seven months and counting... and until their situation changes I will not associate myself with it. I know that's hardcore... but that's how strongly I feel about it. Hopefully your OD as well as mine will eventually come to their senses and do that right thing.

Concerning your exW. By the sounds of what she is saying and the way she is still conducting herself... you have to ask yourself the question... "no matter how much I loved this person, nothing seems to have changed and why would I want to put myself through anything close to what I came out of.

If they truly repented for what they did, and made a concentrated effort to never follow that path again. Follow the lords word... and mean it... from the heart. I wouldn't even begin to consider ever gettiing back with someone that treated me the way our exW's did... but that's just me.

avondale...

I wouldn't recommend watching that movie "Unfaithful", unless you are really up to it mentally, because it will have you thinking about all the garbage the WS have probably done during their affairs. I wouldn't recommend watching it.

Glad to hear that your coming along with your recovery. Going into surgery being physically fit does help make no mistake about it.

Petvet...

It sounds like you and I have very similiar plans this Thanksgiving. My OS and YD are going over to my G/F house with me for Thanksgiving and all her kids and my kids are going to have dinner at her us with us. I don't know how you feel about getting everyone together on Thanksgiving as far as mixing of the families, but I'm not looking real forward to my little get together. Her kids and my Kids don't exactly jump for joy when they are all around each other. It ought to be good one!

Me...

About this time of year I seem to have a very frequent amount of dreams where my exW makes cameo apearances in them. I think it's because of the time of the year and the holiday season coming up.

Anyone else going through this?

Hope everyone has a great day!

Stay Strong!

Walace

Hi all!

EC: I can imagine how you feel about your OD's situation. She will learn the hard way.

Wallace: You may contunie havingtriggers concerning your exw for a couple of years. Have you heard anything from her lately? Be careful with the mixing of the kids, it's a very delicate situation when dealing with kids.

Later.

Hi All,

I'm winding down from a fairly busy work week... and I'm getting ready to enjoy my weekend.

Petvet...

I haven't spoke to my wife since the day she left... which is over a year and half and counting. In many ways, I don't think I would want it any other way.
There is nothing I really want to say to her.

I'm not looking to forward to this Thanksgiving get together with the mixing of my family with my G/F's family. We did this once before for my G/F's birthday, and it went O.K., nothing to write home about. So we will see how well it goes this time.

I'll let you all know.

How are you making out with your buddy?

Avondale and EC...

Hope you two are doing well, and avondale... I hope your getting better and stronger each and every day.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ November 21, 2003, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hey Y’all,
I have a question for you. To recap: I had surgery, tumor was borderline (neither totally benign or totally malignant), it’s somewhat rare, there are no case studies done on this type of tumor, the long-term effects are not known, etc. I saw my doctor last week, and she said I should NOT be without health insurance, at least for the next 5 years, in case of recurrence. She knows the marital history and told me to do whatever I could to remain with same insurance carrier.

I am currently covered under hubby’s plan through his work. It is part of our separation agreement that "he pays my coverage as long as it is reasonable to do so". If he divorces me, then I would probably (?) have to get insurance elsewhere and this medical situation would be a “pre-existing condition”, making it very costly, if not impossible, to get coverage on it. I know that there is the COBRA thing but I imagine it has a time limit (but I’m not sure).

Could I continue to get coverage with current (hubby’s) insurer even if he divorces me? I wouldn’t be a dependant, so it seems unlikely. Have you ever heard of negotiating for health insurance coverage, either with the ex-spouse as part of divorce settlement, or with the insurance carrier itself? Is this crazy?

I would appreciate any ideas or insight y’all have. I might post it in the forum, too. I guess I could ask my lawyer but she charges $62.50 for 15 minutes of conversation, so I thought I’d get any background info here first. Thanks.

Hey everyone,

avondale...

I'm going to give you my opinion on this health insurance situation.

Your best bet of course is to reconcile or at least keep things as they are with you "H"... which I'm sure you already know.

IMHO... I do believe that under Cobra... as long as you continue to make the payments they have to continue coverage for up to 18 months.

You can negotiate your insurance coverages under your current situation should your "H" file for divorce. Now, whether you get it... it will all depend on what you both agree on as a final stettlement, and if the Judge feels it's fair... he will probably sign off on it.

With what you have going on right now... I would do everything in my power to hold onto that Insurance. I would make it my #1 priority over everything else. Medical care for any duration can finiancially devestate you, without Health Insurance.

Hope everyone has a great day today!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

double post... haven't done that in awhile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 11:57 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi all!

Avondale: Your doctor is right. If your husband files for divorce, I would try to get insurance coverage in settlement with H paying for it. I would throw myself on the mercy of the court. Since H left you, you may be able to get it. I cannot believe your attorney is charging you $67.50 for 15 minutes. I get leery about attorneys who charge alarcarte for everything including copies, stamps, paperclips, etc. She better be very good.

Wallace: I hope your Thanksgiving goes well.

Happy Thansgiving everyone!

Later.

Hey Y'all, How was your Thanksgiving? Eat too much??? lol

If I couldn't have my traditional FAMILY event, I would have to say mine was actually very good. I was with long-time friends who I am in the same Bible study group with. My son came and minded his manners - I was so proud of him - his manners were PERFECT (at 24 yrs, it's about time!). Now if only I can get him dis-involved with this extremist political group (a.k.a. cult) he's in, that would be perfect <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I spoke to my lawyer about health insurance. Yes, she's worth the money she charges, I'm sure, as there are some unusual circumstances in our marriage finances due to H's job that she has experience with. She told me that the "COBRA" health plan kicks in if I had to get off H's plan (due to divorce). It would cost a little more, and would only be in effect for 3 years, then I'd have to find another carrier. Since I don't want D anyway, I guess I could conceivably continue as we are, covered by the same insurance company. I would need to have 5 years of no-reoccurance to be considered off the hook. Thanks for your input about it!

So now I have to stress out about Christmas! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi all! I hope everyone had a great holiday.

Avondale: Please don't get stress out over Christmas. Just take care of yourself. I'm glad you were around friends for Thanksgiving.

Later.

I have a feeling that ol' Wallace must have a case of the FLU since he hasn't been heard from all week. Usually he posts a week-long wrap up on Fridays, and it's not here.
Wallace, I hope you feel better soon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hello --- it's been quite a while. It's really good to come back here & reconize some "cyber faces"

Here's a quick update of what has gone on in my life -
I filed for legal separation on the 2nd and part of me feels at peace and the other part feels like I just want to throw up. It's not something that I wanted but I didn't want to continue to live this way anymore.

WH had been reaching out and taking steps forward but the pull of the evil one is greater in his life right now. It's so hard to watch someone you love basically self destruct. But I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. Only God can if WH asks for such help.

We did an intervention (for drugs and alcohol)the Monday after Thanksgiving. It was very clear he was in total denial and even blamed me for the problems! Have we heard that one before on these boards! He continued to live with OW2 the whole time and still adamently denies it. He is really angry at me right now. He doesn't know that he will be served yet. Let the fun begin. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

In some ways I am relived and other ways I am hurting really bad and very sad. It was probably bad timeing to do this right before the Holidays but I couldn't imagine going through Christmas with things like they were. I have been second guessing myself which is futile I know, yet hard not to do.

Through recovery programs like alanon, I have some wonderful support. I was always the one who was in control and could "do it myself" .....well this time I am reaching out to people and accepting help and hugs and prayers, etc.

The really good thing that I did for myself this year is to join a sailing team. It was wonderful because I loved being out on the water, we have a great crew and one race a woman had to skipper the boat & I was the one chosen !!! I learned that day how to do it !!!! We are off for Nov and DEc then start the winter season in Jan - Feb. It keeps me sane!

Blessings,

D. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi all!

Avondale: You are right. Wallace has not posted lately. He may just be busy. How are you doing? How is your health?

WGTT: It is good to hear from you. The holidays are the worst time to be going through family problems. As a matter of fact, relationships that are having problems are usually further stressed during the holidays. At some point, you had to get some control over your life. One cannot go through life just floating in the air and intend on getting anywhere. You appear to be headed in the right direction.

Me: I am doing GREAT.Kid is doing OK. Buddy and I are SMOKING.

Later.

Hi All,

Avondale was right... I was down with the flu, and I am now just getting back on my feet. It dropped me and droppded me a good one.

I have been busy at work... so time is limited.

Good to hear from you WGTT, hang in there. There is really not a good time to go through what your going through.

Petvet... did you know that smoking is bad for your health. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

WGTT - It is great to hear from you! I"m sorry things are playing out the way they are. I know you've been on a roller-coaster for a while now. At one time I had your email addy but when I looked a few months ago, I couldn't find it. I totally understand your inner conflicts (I think everyone here does!). And of course, separation doesn't HAVE to mean imminent divorce. We'll stick with you no matter what <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace - did your lady friend bring you chicken soup this time, or did she shy away like she did last winter when you were sick? LOL I'm glad you're better in time to enjoy the holidays.

Petvet - OK, I give up.... What were you and Buddy smoking??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

EC - Do you have any special plans for the holidays? I think I remember that you are kind of near some family (or extended family)...is that right?

Me - I almost gave in to the "Holiday Depression demon" last week. I was not going to do any decorating, no tree, etc. up until about 5 minutes before son-in-law came over to help me get Xmas stuff out of attic. Part of the reason was due to not being physically able to going upstairs, deciding on what to use, and lugging down stuff, and partly due to depression, to be honest. But SIL came over, I chose, and ended up getting a tree, albeit the smallest one I've ever seen (cut live tree, 18" tall, LOL). One of the reasons I decided to go ahead was because I remember a post from someone last season to "not let the WS have the victory over the BS holiday" by doing nothing! And I really didn't want to think about having a Christmas when I did NOT put up the special ornaments that the kids made when they were little. Now THAT would make me depressed. So at least the downstairs is decorated, even though it's low key. I won and didn't give in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi all!

Wallace: I hope your health is getting better. I hear that Colorado has sort of a flu epidemic on its hands. I think I heard nine kids from your state have died. Be careful and take care of yourself.

Avondale: I'm glad you did not let the Depression demon get the best of you.

Me: Smoking! I am enhaling the smoke of love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Later.

ARRGH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I have had what is probably one of the worst separation days since H left ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I pick up the paper and start reading local "what to do in this town for the next week" entertainment section. Notice the name of someone that H plays with....read the article (front page of this section)...notice location is college where H teaches....read who is performing in this group along with Hubby....it's the OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> who has come all the way from the west coast. I had a emotional breakdown right there at the breakfast table! How dare H bring this woman here where we live? Where his kids live? Where his parents live? I cannot decide if I should call his mom just to see if she knows (she may not - they may not discuss his gigs but I know she reads the paper for his name) or should I just call him tomorrow and remind him he's still married?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Maybe I should hire people to sit in the audience and throw tomatoes at them all?? ARRGH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />