Hi all,

I had to laugh... just a few days past posting to you all that I was going to try to continue to hang in there, everything seemed to fall apart. I ended up posting in recovery about not knowing if I could continue to hold on much longer. I must seem like such a fickle mess. I'm trying but I'm getting pretty worn out in the process. I have received some encouraging posts and I am continuing to seek God about all of it.

WALLACE,

How are things with your girlfriend? Are you still together? I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope everything will be okay with his arm. Perhaps this might bring your folks back together again.

I hope everything goes well with your daughters graduation. Is she your youngest? I'm sorry I don't recall knowing the ages of your children.
Keep looking up and God bless!

E.C.

Wow, countdown is getting close. I hope that your time with your daughters is really positive. Stay away from any floating ladies wigs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for writing about the affair cycle. I think my husband might be stuck somewhere in the shame, guilt place, although he would never express that to me. He needs to return to the Lord so he can be free from it all. How I pray that someday he will seek God's forgiveness and find the release from all that haunts him from his past. I also want to show him God's grace and mercy by my responses to him but I need to balance that with boundaries and all. Sometimes it can feel like a juggling act. I just need God's wisdom on it all.

AVONDALE,

Have you had any conversation with your husband yet? What you wrote sounded very pleasant and well written. I will pray your encounter goes well.

Hi to Petvet, WGTT and anyone else out there. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Leah - I am so sorry to hear of your latest anxieties. I quickly went through your thread in Recovery forum. You got a lot of good responses. I know this is a difficult thing to walk through. I had a question -Does “Foreverhers” know you personally? He seems very familiar with you. When he asked for your H’s first name, I thought it might be to pray specifically for him but it appears he is going to write a letter to your H. If this is correct, I am a little concerned. Why would your H receive anything from a perfect stranger? In fact, it may mess up your marriage more, because your H could wonder why you’re interacting with another man online. That thought leads to all kinds of other things. Anyway, just wanted you to think it through. Perhaps your pastor or another friend could write a letter instead?

On another note, how old is your computer? Is there ANY chance there is spyware on it? Again, if you’re getting personal emails from a guy (even if they are through MB friendships) I would be concerned. How would you like it if your H was getting emails from women from a website you weren’t a member of? I’m sorry if this sounds harsh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am just getting bells ringing and red lights flashing all over the place when I read your other thread. I really care for you and don’t want something like this (appearance of improper relationship) to interfere with your future, regardless of what happens in your marriage. I hope I haven't stepped too hard on your toes, I am just looking out for you and have come to care for you. The words you write everyone, not just this thread, are so sweet and encouraging. I don't want you to get sucked up into something that could do more damage.

Me - I had sent that email to H on May 4. Still no response. I am positive he checks his mail several times a day,, so I’m not sure what’s going on. It gets my hopes up when I don’t hear from him (what if he’s reconsidering his actions??) but I doubt that’s the case. I just want a reply to know what’s going on in his head.

How is everyone else doing? I hope you all have a great weekend.

AVONDALE,

Thanks so much for your concern for me. You brought up some very valid concerns - most of which I have considered before. I have often wondered if my husband has the ability to monitor my computer activities. He's very computer savvy and intelligent in that way. I'm always getting these pop-ups which say something to the effect of "There is illegal spy ware on your computer system" I don't know if it's legit or just some gimmick. I've mentioned it to my husband and he says never click on that because it could give the computer a virus etc...

After considering it, I don't write anything on line that I would feel I need to hide from him. There is no illicit correspondence or anything. I do appreciate your concerns about ForeverHers. I don't know him personally, only through MB. He is someone who has always stood out to me as being a Godly man with much character. He also seems to be HUGELY commited and in love with his wife. If I remember correctly, she was actually engaged to someone else. He prayed, pursued her, and patiently waited for her to see truth. There story is a powerful testimony! You would be encouraged to read it. I wish I knew how to pull up his old threads for you. If there ever was a situation that seemed hopeless, it was theirs. Yet God worked a miracle for them. I pray He will do the same for you and me too!

He uses Scripture as the basis of counsel with all those he writes to. He has written other e-mails to different ones in recovery with hopes of being able to help them in a more private manner without having to broadcast certain details to everybody.

I agree that my husband would not be very receptive towards any letter from him. I have shared with him that I write on this forum and that there are some here who have been such a help and encouragement to me. I've wondered if he ever looks on this forum. Actually, I think it would be wonderful if he did. But, I don't think he cares enough about the topic to take the time.

Avondale, I will exercise caution in my communication with ForeverHers. I appreciate you being caring enough to bring this to my attention. I think a lot of you, too and would want to be sure you stayed safe and on the right path. Please, always feel free to do the same for me.

I would love to hear your husband was reconsidering his decision! Maybe he really is thinking and that is why the delay. I pray so.

Did you have a Happy Mother's Day? Did you spend the day with your children? I hope it was good. Take care and thanks again. I'll write below about what happened here.

MY WEEKEND

This weekend had some major BIG discussions between my H and I. At one point, I told him I didn't think I could continue the marriage as it now is. He was very angry in response. But, I feel I said some things that really have needed to be said. I can no longer continue to accept his disrespect and unkind ways. I want more than a room-mate situation marriage. As much as I've tried to hang in there for the girls, I think my endurance has reached its limit.

He did talk a lot with me and said he wanted to try to have something more between us. He said he would be willing to go to counselling and he apologized for his actions. But, he would later go on to get very upset when another issue came out. He isn't use to me standing my ground as much as I did this weekend. So... we shall see what happens.

Trust all of you are doing well. Hope you all have a great week!

Hi All,

Hope everyone had a nice "Mother's Day"!

Just thought I would drop a quick line. With everything being upside down at my house with the renovations, my YD's graduation this Friday, my Dad coming into town, and my G/F doing whatever she is doing, it's a real whopper of a week.

Leah...

I know you have a good head on your shoulders and I know you will be careful... but I feel the same way avondale does in conjunction with
"foreverhers" wanting to know where your located, etc. When I read that... flags went up, and bells started ringing all over the place. Just a word of caution... better to be safe than sorry. I'm sure he is a really nice guy... but for the time being... I would try and keep it simple.

I'm sorry to hear that you and your "H", are slipping down the slippery slope. I know that when one person sees things one way, and the other person is looking at their "M" from a whole other perspective and they are called on it. They usually go into the defensive mode and try to justify their actions... only because in most cases they think they are doing things the way the would like to see them accomplished. Hopefully you and your "H" can find a happy medium to come to terms on... for the sake of your "M" and your family.

Thank you for reply concerning my Dad. Hopefully he will be able to go on with his life as normal as possible. He probably will not have to go in for Surgery until August of this year. That is what his Doctor is stating for the time being.

Concerning my G/F... things are not all that wonderful at the moment. We seem to be drifting apart... and I'm not really interested in putting a lot of effort into a relationship that has a lot of game playing involved in it. So, I'm just taking it one day at a time. We went from seeing each other about every other day... to now we are lucky if we see each other once a week. We seem to be taking different paths of interest.

avondale...

You still have not heard anything back concerning your email?

Sometimes, no news is good news... but he should have a little common courtesy to at least write some sort of a response to your email.

Did you have a good "Mother's Day"? Did you spend time with your daughter?

Petvet...

Were you abducted by your G/F? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You tow must be doing good... because we haven't heard a peep out of you for awhile.

Keep up the good work my friend.

EC...

My prayers are with you my friend. I hope all goes well for you during your YD's graduation.

I'll write again... when I get a chance. This week is pretty hectic though.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hope all the moms on board had a wonderful day Sunday. Mine was low-key but enjoyable.

Wallace - Do you feel bereft or upset about the ways things are with your GF ? (You don’t seem to be.) At least you seem to be drifting apart naturally, as opposed to having a big fight scenario. I hope your weekend goes well. I guess this is your last child to graduate from high school? Maybe you should rent a Porta-john if your bathroom is still being renovated, LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I’m glad your dad is able to wait on the surgery. Do you plan to “talk” to him about his marriage while he’s with you? Or do you not want to get involved?

EC - I know you are probably going to leave this weekend. You are in my prayers. I think you will do great seeing everyone. Remember, you’re there for your DAUGHTER and nothing else. You have every reason to hold your head high, so don’t let the enemy start shooting darts at you with little lies or bad thoughts. We all love you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Petvet - I think Wallace was right, maybe you DID get abducted. Perhaps he eloped?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Leah - It’s GREAT that you were able to plainly say some things to your H that have probably needed to be said for a while now. I know that must have been a tough conversation to even begin, much less to carry through.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Leah Said : He said he would be willing to go to counseling and he apologized for his actions
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That’s great. It’s the first step. You should strike while the iron is hot and make an appointment ASAP

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Leah Said : But, he would later go on to get very upset when another issue came out </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this during your serious conversation, or when something unrelated to that talk occurs? Either way, it’s quite possible that counseling and time would take care of that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Leah said: He isn't use to me standing my ground as much as I did this weekend. So... we shall see what happens. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that’s great! Keep him off balance, LOL, as long as it’s done with honesty.

WGTT - How is the recovery going? An update would be great.

Me - Still no word from hubby about the email. This is very much unlike him. It makes my heart wonder if he’s having second thoughts and just isn’t sure yet - and if I write him again he might decide to go ahead with the D. So here I wait, at least a little while longer...

Hi all! Yes, I was abducted by that _____ Sasser
bug. I have had so many problems with computer bugs lately. I have purchased several anti virus programs, so hopefully I will be protected in the future.

I hope all the mothers on this thread had a good Mother's day.

Avondale: I don't know how you you do it. At some point, the stress is going to get you. My mindset has always been to be proactive rather than sit by and just wait. I am concern for you. Your H has too much power in his hands. Please keep your guard up. You have been hurted enough.

Leah: If you think there is still hope with your M, keep trying to work on it. As someone has said, your kids need an intact family.

Wallace: Sorry to hear about your relationship with your GF. Take it easy. Don't be pushed into a M. As someone said earlier, you don't want to get into multiple marriages. If it does not fit, don't force it. Your dad cheating on your mother, what is your dad thinking?

Me: Things are going well. I am moving forward. Buddy and I are cruising along.

Later.

HI All,

Well I got my renovations done for the most part for now at least. WoW!!! talk about moving on the fast track.

My Dad is flying in tonight, and my YD's graduation is tomorrow... so hopefully it's all down hill from here.

You know what my YD did? She told her school that my G/F is now her mother. So when they announce her name... the Parent's of each child are suppose to come up to the front of the stage as each child gives their speech. Well they know that my G/F is not her Parent... unless she told them we had got "M". So tommorrow night... they are going to call us up by the same last name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

When I heard about this... I was not to happy about it. I told my G/F about it... and she thought it was the greatest thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If my YD's mother shows up to the graduation (we don't think that she will... she was not given an invitation to the best of my knowledge per my YD's request) the fireworks will go when they have this announcement if my exW is there.

I told my YD, that she shouldn't have done that, and she should get it changed. She said it was to late, that there was nothing that she could do to change it. I tried to get a hold of the school to see what I could do about this... but I haven't heard anything back, concerning the whole thing.

If I get it changed... my G/F will be hurt... and I really don't care what my exW thinks or feels about it. I know that's insensitive cncerning my exW... but sometimes you have to live with all the damage you created and live with the ramifications. Hopefully, my exW will not be there... so it shouldn't be an issue as far as that is concerned.

Well... I hope everyone has a great day, and a great weekend. I'm sure I'm going to have some good stories to tell after this is all said and done.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Not much happening on my end...

Getting ready to go on my trip starting Monday..

At first I started feeling uneasy having to see OM, until the Lord gave a scripture:

They that observe lying vanities forsake there own mercies.

In other words it's best I walk before OM/Exww and keep my joy and peace and not be moved by the lying vanity they will display. It's not true happiness, it's a lying vanity, why punish myself? I really need to enjoy my daughters while I'm there...

Ok another subject -

I was flipping through channels on the radio the other day(AM)and I heard a mind provoking statement from someone, regarding friendships/relationships.

They said:

When you want something from someone in a friendship/relationship, you must know what they are capable of giving. If you don't, you'll be disappointed with false hopes and expectations.

Example: If you want milk to make butter, you go to the cow and reach for the utters.

Now - If you want milk to make butter, do you go to an elephant? No..

Why?

Because, you don't go looking for an elephants utters to get milk to make butter,its unnatural. Learn an elephants nature and you'll realize, give him "peanuts" and he'll move mountains for you.

Sooo.....know your friendships/relationships and you'll know what to give and what to expect and be at peace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .

Take Care

Hi all!

Wallace: Congrats to your YD for te graduation. Why do you not think that your Exw will not come to graduation? Even though she did not receive an invitation, she still may show up. I'm quite sure your OD has told her. You need to cover your bases. It's best to be prepared than sorry. Your GF seems to be trying to push your towards marriage. Watch out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EC: You listen to Dr. Laura too I see. I heard the same statement concerning the elephant. It makes sense does'nt it?

Later.

HELLO EVERYONE,

WALLACE,

How did graduation go? I've been thinking of you and praying for you and your family today. That's a tough situation with your daughter putting your GF's name on the parents line. Whew... Hope that all works out okay. Your GF must still be quite attached if she was pleased with that. Are things any better with her? Hope to hear a positive report from you later. Take care.

EC,

I'm glad to hear your holding on to some scripture to help you get through your trip ahead. You've got the right idea about focusing on the Lord and right thinking. My thoughts and prayers will be with you too. I hope the trip turns out to be a really great time for you and your girls.

AVONDALE,

Any word yet? You sure are being patient and strong! I don't know if I could of last that long without communication with my husband. But then again, maybe I could. I guess no communication is better than negative, maddening communication. That seems to be more descriptive of where we've been lately.

You asked if the negative talk was all in the same conversation. Unfortunately not. It was interdespersed throughout the weekend. He can be extremely unkind and hurtful at times. Last weekend was definitely one of those times.

I hope you are doing well and that you might hear something positive from your husband soon. My prayers continue to be with you. God bless!

Hi PETVET and WGTT

Hope your both doing well too.

ME,

Things are still not very good at home. I think I am slowly beginning to accept this is not going to work. It's taking me forever to "get there". But I have a friend who once shared with me, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" Well, I keep trying to stay married and hoping for something different from the relationship. It's just not changing. I guess, EC, I'm going to the elephant expecting to get milk. (Great analogy)

Anyhow, I'm trying to take it a day at a time. We shall see what God has ahead. Hope you all have a great weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Leah- Glad to hear from you, I was wondering if something had happened, since we hadn't heard from you in a week.

Wallace - I hope graduation goes well. It's interesting that your daughter gave your GF's name. Does that make it more difficult to disintangle yourself from her (GF)? I'm sure it's wishful thinking on YD part, and could postpone any timetable that was going towards "breaking up" with GF. Keep us posted.

EC - We're all praying for you. I'm looking forward to a full report of everything when you get back. Good and not-so-good.

Petvet - Great to hear from you, as always. I don't know how I'm able to just "hang in there" but I am. God's grace, I think! I'm just not as proactive as you.

WGGT - What's new with you?

Me - Well, I've had several phone calls over the last 3 days for Hubby from people who know he doesn't live here, trying to reach him. One said that they've left messages at his other numbers (work, apt., or cell). I finally called his cell phone to let him know about one call in particular because it was about an immediate gig that night. He didn't answer, and so I left message of "I'm not sure what's going on, but several people have left messages for you about jobs, and it doesn't seem you're returning them. I haven't heard from you since I sent that email over a week ago, could you please reply so I'll know what's going on?" I was thinking all kinds of things (drunk, remorse, out of town with OW) Then my curiosity got the best of me and I drove by his apt. early this morning and his car isn't there. That makes me think he's with OW where she lives out of state. I still can't figure out why he hasn't responded, he returned calls and emails when he went to be with her before. I'm OK, just waiting another week or so and will contact him again.

<small>[ May 14, 2004, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

hi all wanted to give you an update, i don't have access to a computer anymore so when i visit my parent's i try to post. Well the update on my daughter is that she is back home with me.

My stbx showed up while i was at work and started going through the house. Luckily my neighbor was home and called me and told me what was happening. I called the police due to restraining order and headed to the house, his mother and him were in the house cleaning it out when i arrived with the police. His mother had a unregistered loaded gun in the car and the police cited her for it. My stbx obviously has had no help because he couldn't put two sentences together and his mother was acting like I had abused him for years and that was why he was so screwed up.. Let see maybe the gallons of mouthwash a day he was drinking and the 20 Ativan on top of it may have something to do with it... Well the coincedence of it all was that I had just got the papers to serve the police in VA where my daughter was and to serve for the divorce. He saved me the trouble I was able to serve him on our front lawn. He was in amazement, he was floored.

Anyway after they were escorted out of town, I went back to work finished my day, and head to VA to pick up my daughter. She is glad to be home she said he is so weird he is crazy one minute nice then mean. His parent's on the other hand have this vendetta to get back at me and have told him to never give me support and to never speak to me and of course he listens to their every word.

He hasn't seen his kids in a month his attorney called me and said he wanted to see them, of course he is only allowed supervised visitation by me, so he tells him that it is too far of a drive 4hours and to inconvenient too have to be under those circumstances. Mind you he was on the phone 2 days before telling my best friend that all he wants is two hours to hold me and see me and that i am his whole world and he misses me so much. That part does rip my heart out because even though he is crazy my heart is breaking apart.

well that is the quickie update, I wish I could just let go, I don't understand why I would miss someone that is incapable of understanding what love is and why I lose sleep and don't eat over it. Oh I almost forgot the biggest whammy of all. I lost my job Friday due to being gone so much having to pick up kids here and there. I figure ok God you have a plan for me lets just get it into motion a little quicker K? I guess I should write a book. The tales of mommax8 and the saga never ends.........

Hi All,


Wallace: How did it go at your YD's grad? Did they call you and your G/F up as H/W? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know that has to heart breaking for your YD that her mom has pushed her off to the side.

Ya know, recently I was reading this older book regarding relationships, and this older book made mention of another older book from 1976 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , the titled is called " Runaway Wives". So I was curious to know what it was about and found it on the Internet and ordered it. It's pretty interesting,some strong language at times.It's mainly about a woman interviewing other women who abandoned there homes and families on a whim, she's getting all the why's from them, and what there lives were like afterwards....All the interviews are from different states in the US....

What's sad is a lot of these women in the book, don't love themselves, having lots of lowself esteem. You see the same pattern that they never connected with there kids as a mother and when conflict arouse, as in any home, these women took it as " You don't like me or You don't love me" mentallity even from there 2 or 6 year old <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and as that grew with her kids, she saw the same in her eyes with her husband until the only way of escape was an affair, or leave. You find the same trait in most of them " Conflict Avoiders"... What's sad is they were more unhappy after they left, no direction and a wandering life..Still numb and void...yet looking for love to fill the void, in and out of all kinds of relationships.....

Anyway, I'm still reading, I can only take so much of it at a time, it's a sad book of women who are trying to come to grips about themselves, what happened, guilt, feeling worthless as a mother, wanting there husbands still, yet still caught up in all the mess they gotten themselves into with OP away from home, there actions they took have little to do with the husband or children, it's about things they have to personally deal with...


Petvet - Yes, I listen to Dr. Laura sometimes if I'm flipping through stations. These days flipping through the radio stations is like digging through the trash can to find something to eat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> so up popped Dr Laura that day.

I be laughing most of the time because people call in and can't asked a question, she has to end up asking them, so what do want? so what do you want? so what do you want? geez. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale - Be at peace about where you H is. I know you still care greatly, he's still your best friend. Even me being DV'd I still would be concerned where my exw was if nobody could reach her, so it's natural to be concerned, we're not heartless, yet they might be. Eventhough your H is with OW still, it's still flattering to him, that he knows you are waiting, right now you're his insurance policy, life I might say. A mans ego is boosted when a woman has an eye for him, that's how he got in the mess he's in, in the first place. There are kind and lovely words only you know that you can say that will cause him to yield and ponder. Be nice when you can, don't expect immediate results, you have seed time and harvest time.

Leah - You must keep trying and don't give up. You must exhaust every possible way of communication and tools. You don't want any regretts hanging over your head for life if things ever collasped. I think the best opportunity of recovery is when both spouses are in the same house...What an opportunity...It's hard, but when we go through a restore we have to take off the victim hat, otherwise we'll still accuse the FWS and not know it.

One key thing is, writting out to your H, this is where you guys are, this is what needs to happen, and this is where you want to be. He needs to see it on paper. This is only fair to both of you guys to equally work at it. Just because you aren't getting the milk and butter, you can't get tripped up and become a WS also and be more wounded later,( not that you done anything) Just because some people are getting milk in there relationships, some are getting half and half...sometimes half empty and sometimes half full <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So be patient...


Momma8 (with all those kids, an army I'd say)- Sorry to hear you lost your job....One thing I can say, is that your kids are going to appreciate your sacrifice later in life. They'll have a wonderful testimony. If I were you, keep all your notes and the things you are going through, oneday it all could flourish into a book. Many times we think what we are going through is all about us, but lots of times it's for the glory of God. Where we are now, can have a lot to do with how we prosper in the future. "The pressures of life will show you where your wealth is". At some point in your life you have to speak it to yourself and say " I'll never be broke another day in my life" enough is enough and believe it. Hang in there, you're a tough moma8

Wallace - Yes, we want to know what happened when they called your name(s) at graduation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Was your XW there?

EC - Thanks for your encouragement to me. I bet you're on your way to your YD graduation now, or in the morning. Let us know how it went.

Mommax8 - Sorry to hear about your job. I'm sure you'll find something; after all, you can manage a large household and that's on-the-job training for all kinds of work. Are you able to work full-time, are you on any type of gov't assistance that would prohibit it? I know being a mom is a full time job and I don't want to diminish that, but with all those kids you probably need some extra income. I'm not sure what your financial situation is and I think I remember your family not being able to help much, maybe cuz they've done so much already(?). Keep us posted.

Me - Well, I heard from H. He said he didn't respond cuz it was end of school, had to tie up loose ends, grades, etc. He wants to get together when I get back from vacation, so end of May probably. I'll let y'all know.

Read an email Avondale sent me back in March and browsed back to MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Spent the better part of three hours reading all this stuff in TL and enjoyed every minute of it.

EC - At first I started feeling uneasy having to see OM That statement rings a bell. I spent many months away from our home Church because of OM and my wife. After listening to my children and going back there I discovered it's a lot harder on him that it is on me. I was concerned about how I would feel or react to him but every time I attempt to approach him he is sure to go in the opposite direction.

Yes...God is good!

That book sounda like a good one. My wife does suffer from low self-esteem and is a HUGE conflict avoider. I was to to an extent so I guess it hurt both of us in the long run.


Leah2be - Sorry to hear that things are not good at home. I'll be sure to add you and your family to my prayer list. Yes...God does have plans for us, I just wish sometimes he would let us in on the secrets and the time frame he goes by.

Avondale - I take it you two are still married. If so then good, I guess that always leaves room for hope. Wait another week, you have the patience of a Saint. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Leftwith8kids - my heart and prayers go out to you. And also for a job and God's guideance in every step that you take. I am glad that you say and alone, there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I would take alone any day of the week.

Me - A long time ago I was on here as Trusting Her, had to change that to Trusting Him as the her was not getting me anywhere.

Wife's divorce was final last September on the 4th. According to her God put this new man in her life on the 20th of the same month to bring her happiness and she has been with him ever since. Already adopted the entire family as his mother, sister and son were all at their house for Christmas.

That's the bad news. Good news is I still have faith in God and He has brought me a long way in peace and joy. After almost 11 months of me being out of the house my former wife has gone back into counseling. I do see this as a good sign since she told me she no longer needed counseling last June as when I moved out all her problems would be solved.

A close friend to both of us shared the other day that my former had told him that while she had many nice things and even a new BF she still felt empty inside, not knowing who to trust or who to love. Maybe....just maybe the Holy Spirit is working on her. If so that at least gets us in the same book now. For so long we've been going in opposite directions.

Hi all!

Mommax8:Sorry to hear aboutn your job. Advice: Start looking immediately for something else. I hope your employer gave you a severance package.

Wallace: How did the graduation go?

EC: I heard about the book you reference in your last post. I may need to read it myself. I am quite sure it is enlightning.

Avondale: Are you heading to a place of sun for your vacation?

Me: I am just prodding along.

Later.

Hi All!

Well... I got through it all. Got my Father on the Plane last night. YD graduated Friday night. Still have a ton of things to catch up on.

Well my exW did not show up to my YD's graduation to the best of my knowledge.

When they called my daughter up to the stage... they also called me and my G/F up to th stage as well. I about died when they announced my G/F as my wife as well as my YD's mother. I'm thinking to myself, "please Lord, don't let my exW be here". If she had been, all hell would of probably broke lose. All in all... my YD had a very nice graduation and cermony.

I took everyone out for dinner after it was all said and done with... we had a very late dinner because it lasted about 2 and half hours.

We all had a very good time.

I'll give you more info later... got to get back to work.

I'll be in touch with everyone probably tomorrow.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Wallace - I'm glad things went well at your YD graduation. So did the "married names" announcement reinforce your GF desire to get married?

Petvet - how often do you see/talk to your GF? I'm just curious, you don't mention much about her. I hope you're not scared that we might jump on your case about something... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

EC - Hope to hear your report soon!

Trusting Him - good to hear from you. It sounds like you still have hope for your XW to turn around. Is that right?

WGTT - Haven't heard from you recently, is everything going OK?

Leah - likewise, haven't heard from you. Have you made a decision or still waiting?

Momma/Left - I hope you're doing well. Have you found a new job? I know you're busy, with settling into a new house and job hunting. Keep us posted.

Wow, remember when we used to only have 3-4 names to keep up with? I'm glad for the company on this thread though! Don't lose touch over the summer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hello Everyone

MOMMA8,
Sorry to hear of your struggles with your job and everything. I hope you find just the right thing very soon. As far as still missing your husband, I think that is very understandable. You share eight children and many years together. Love like that doesn't disappear even though we sometimes wonder why not. Even with all the turmoil and heartache that my H brought into our lives, I know I still care deeply for him. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

AVONDALE,

I hope you are doing well. Keep finding your strength in God. He is our faithful and ever present help.

EC,

Looking forward to hearing about your time away at your daughters graduation. I hope everything went well. I've been praying for you. Thanks for your encouragement to keep trying.

TRUSTING HIM,

You have the name right. For along time, I too kept trying to trust my husband. But after years of continued deception and infidelity, I have learned there is only One who can be 100% trusted. The more I have learned to trust Him, the more at peace I am.

I am glad for you that you seem to have learned the secret for finding peace and joy admidst the struggles. God is faithful and he is sure to be our strength and our Guide as we look to Him for lifes answers. I don't know your story but it sounds as if you, too, have been a work in process. Keep looking up!

WALLACE,

Glad to hear your doing well and that your daughter's graduation went well. Are you and your GF back together? It seems maybe things have worked there way back for you two. But maybe I'm reading in between the lines too much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

PETVET,

Life seems to be keeping you busy but going well. You and Buddy must be hanging out quite a bit together. I'm glad you are happy again!

ME,

I am doing well. I feel like I've gotten back on course after a couple of rocky months. I need to constantly check my focus. If I can keep the right perspective, things are so much better!!
I need to always be the best person I can be without focusing much on the relationship with my husband. When I start looking to him as a source, I am left sad, hurt, and angry.

I have chosen once again to just go on with life with God and my girls. If my husband chooses to join us that would be great but I can not continually try to have a relationship with someone who chooses not to have a relationship with me. It is his choice. Meanwhile, I'll continue to be kind to him and to be the best wife possible. And I will continue to pray for him and us.

Hope all of you have a great weekend!!!

Hi Everyone,


I'm passing through quickly, I'll catch everyone later, but just a quick update.....

The trip went good, OD and YD were happy to see me. I spent a little time at OD's place. YD's graduation was great, very touching. Me being there was a start of something new for me, OD and YD. So things ended on a good note. Went to the beach, it was great listening to the waves crash and seeing the water roll on the sand. No wigs floating in the water this time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I never offically saw exw but in passing quickly on a road but she never saw me because I was in a rental car. It was weird? my heart didn't leap for excitement and I had no emotion. She looked like a stranger from my past? There was no connection, as if someone I used to know? Last time I saw her was 2001.

I now know, most of what I think is from how things used to be and not currently how they are, my imagination has gotten the best of me. I guess this is what is meant by old soul-ties and " Lying Vanities"...

After I saw her in that quick glimpse I knew then I could care-less who she was with, even OM. So that was a closing of a door for me.

Thanks everyone for your prayers especially Avondale and Leah, the whole trip was a smooth one...

With that behind me now and CS ending, I feel I'm on another side of it all.....


Take Care