Hi All,

Hope everyone is doing well, and I apologize for not getting back sooner... I have been real busy.

avondale...

So you are going to get to the bottom of everything with your "H" later on this month? I'll bet your feeling a little nervous about the whole thing. Extra Prayers for you during your meeting.

You have been standing for your "M", and IMHO I think your "H" is really foolish not taking notice of that fact. There are not many woman out there that would do that... and the people that are able to stand for their "M", are very speciial people indeed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by avondale

I'm glad things went well at your YD graduation. So did the "married names" announcement reinforce your GF desire to get married?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMO... I think it did. So much so... that she is frustrating herself with the "M" thing and all. She is getting inpatient... these are by her own words. So much so, that she puts herself in a bad mood knowing that we are both not ready for "M" yet. I keep telling her to give it time and it will all work out... but if she keeps forcing the issue... she is going to scare me away.


Trusting Him...

It's been quite some time since I've seen you post. Good to hear from you and see you post. Feel free to jump right in and let us know how your making out. We are here to support you anyway we can, just let us know.

Momax/left...

I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job. You have had a real time of it... but it sounds like you are doing better now than you were before. Keep us posted when you can... and keep hanging in there. It gets better... it just takes time... sometimes a lot of time.

Leah...

I'm glad to hear... that your staying the course for the time being. Who knows if you stay focused on yourself and put the Lord first... your "H" may notice the changes and do a complete 180. If he doesn't... you will still be a better person in the long run.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Leah:

Glad to hear your doing well and that your daughter's graduation went well. Are you and your GF back together? It seems maybe things have worked there way back for you two. But maybe I'm reading in between the lines too much.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now... we will have days when everything will be going well... then she will kick back in on the "M" thing and get all flustered because we are not going to get married in the time frame that she would like to. When she gets in this type of a mood... it really raises a red flag to me.

EC...

I'm glad to hear that everything went well for you at your YD's graduation.

Did you and your daughters get to talk things through, and clear the air on some of the issues that were present?

I can imagine how you feel after seeing your exW. It has been a long time... and I'm sure she did seem like a stranger. I believe in fact at this point in time... they are! I fully understand your feelings with what you posted... I think I would feel about the same way as well.

So you went to the beach? Good for you! I'll bet that was a nice feeling to be back at the beach again. Sorry to hear that you didn't find any floating wigs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet...

You know avondale brings up a good point there about not hearing about your G/F. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So feel free to give us all the news that's fit to print. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> j/k

Hope your doing well.

WGTT...

Hows things going with your "H"?

When you get a chance... let us know.

I hope everything is going well.

Me...

Well the circus sideshow continues.

The tax liability that the IRS granted me relief on is now back again and staring me right in the face. Only now... it's doubled, not counting penalties and interest. I talked with the IRS, and they said that to the best of their knowledge... I am not liable for my exW's failure to report her taxes... that it's just a glitch that their computer does... and not to worry about it. I told them, "yea right"! So I had to get my attorneys on it... because I have to go to Federal tax Court now. Just when you think it's over... it's not.

Well I hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm going up to the mountains tomorrow to clear my head... LOL

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

EC: I'm glad the graduation and trip went well. I did not not get the wig in the water reference unless you are talking about hair falling out or something. Please enlighten me. I knew that you would handle seeing your exw with the right frame of mine. It's time to move on.

Avondale: Yes, Sweety, you have been keeping the candle lite (spelling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). I hope you are not disappointed. You are a good woman.

Leah2be: Keep moving forward.

Mommax8: Continue to be proactive in your job search.

Wallace: I'm happy the graduation went well w/o a bloody fight occurring between your exw and G/F over the mother reference.

Me: Yes, I still have "The Bud". We talk three or four times daily and see eachother fairly regularly. I don't bring her up much because there is not any drama going on with us. I try to be low key about things. I try to look to the future and stay focused on the positive.

Later.

Hi All,


Petvet - My mention of the wig is in reference from an earlier post.

I posted:

One year on the beach I saw what I thought was a ladies brown wig floating on the water . I proceeded to pick it up out the water to find it's owner and saw that it was a jellyfish that stings ...Oh boy was I surprized.... As I splashed running out of the water, I almost step on a stingray, so that was a fun day.

So there you have it, no wigs this year floating in the water. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Trusting Him - Glad to here from you. Thats a good point you made that OM would more uncomfortable in my presence than I would be in his. I think those words will help lots of people in the future.

I read your comment where you said, after your exw caused you to move out, she thought all her problems would cease, because you are " were" the problem. However her problems only increased and revealed themselves that you were not the problem.

I can relate to that.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Me: Didn't do much this weekend, went to my nieces graduation and spent time with family.


Hey - Where is everybody??

How was your weekends??...........

EC - Glad to hear everything went well for you at YD graduation!. I told you so, LOL. As for weekend plans, I had none so I have nothing much to post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am waiting to hear from H about dividing property. I don’t think this will be very messy, since at our last meeting in Feb. he seemed quite willing to split all his stuff. The main uncertainty to me is the house. I have sooooooo many memories and emotional attachments to this house and yard (we lived here 20 years and did so much together to improve it). Last week I was cutting flowers which had come from my dad’s house many years ago when we were first doing work in making the yard beautiful. I remembered H & I planting those same flowers. Ditto for all the “perfect” wallpaper that took me hours to pick out, etc... I know you guys can’t relate to all that very well, and I probably sound “sappy” but maybe some of the ladies can understand. It will be very difficult to leave. However, this is an old house, and I just got a quote from a guy for putting in a whole house automatic standby generator for $7500. Add to that the cost of supplemental yard work and probable new furnace, etc...and I don’t know if it’s worth the cost. WHAT IS THE PROCEDURE FOR DIVIDING THE HOUSE itself (not things in the house)? Don’t we get an appraisal? How many? From who? What figures into appraisal? Do the age of appliances figure into it? Any advice would be appreciated.

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey All,

Petvet...

Thanks for the heads up on what's going on. You and your buddy sound like me and my G/F. We talk at least twice a day to each other (If not more), and see each other a minimum of twice a week. Sounds like your focused all right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

EC...

Sounds like you had a nice quiret weekend for the most part. Those are nice to have... when you can get one. I try to enjoy those whenever they come around.

I went up to the mountains in Colorado this weekend. I brought my G/F up Sunday afternoon as well. It's a nice drive... plus I was scoping out some places to do some fishing here in the next couple of weeks... for a three day weekend I'm getting ready for. All in all... I had nice relaxing weekend.

avondale...

I know how you feel about your house. I feel the same way about my house as well. I've been in my house for 25 years... and my kids know of no other home but this one. To replace it with a similiar house... it would cost me a small fortune. I may sell it to my "S", if and when I decide to get married again... but for now... it's still home... and a lot memories as well.

I'll tell you what I did concerning getting a fair appraisal on my home concerning dividing up the property. I called a real estate agent, and had them give my what is called a "fair market appraisal report". Most agents will do it for free, if they think they will be the listing agent when it comes time to sell the house. You can get one or as many as you would like. You then pick the one you want. I took the lowest one of course... because you either have to split in half the sale price of the house if and when you sell it... or you can buy your spouse out.

I told the Real Estate agent everything that was wrong with the house, so I could get as low an appraisal as I could get. I then turned it over to my attorney and we used it to establish the worth of the house.

I didn't have to buy my exW out... only because I had already paid her, her half of the house earlier. With all the money she took with forgeries and credit card cash advances she forged as well. The Judge looked at all of it... and said, "not only did you pay her, her half share of the house, but you also paid for anything above and beyond that.

Case was closed with her having the opportunity to appeal within 60 days (which she didn't). So long story short... she ended up not getting a thing. I'm sure your situation will be different. So get at least 3 estimates and then get together with your "H" and come to a decision as to which price you both want to agree on... especially if you have any thoughts of keeping the house. If you do sell it out right... most likely the sale price will be distributed between you evenly... 50% for you and the other half going to your "H".

Each State is different though... but if it's a No-Fault State... then that is most probably what will happen.

Hope everyone is having a good day for a Monday.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

EC: I ordered "Runaway Wives" and it's interesting reading. Jellyfish and Stingrays are serious business.

Avondale: Yeah, you do need to get two or three appraisals. One little trick you might use. Get your settlement based on the appraisal. After the divorce is final (if it goes that way:eek: ), sell the house outright to get the remaining profit for yourself if you do not want to keep the house. Just food for thought.

Wallace: Mountains: what type of fishing is there in the Colorado mountains? Trout?

Later.

Petvet,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said: Get your settlement based on the appraisal </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does that mean? Can you elaborate? I know that's not your nature, but try <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (sorry, I'm kinda new at this!)

Hi All,

Petvet...

Your good! The kind of fish I will be going for is trout. In this one paticular area where I'm going... they are biting pretty good this time of year.

I don't keep them though. I catch them... and then release them back into the water.

avondale...

Are you planning on buying your "H" out and staying in your home? Depending on what you want to do... stay or sell IMHO will determine how you should approach the splitting of the home.

How's everyone else doing?

Hope everyone has a great day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Avondale: Yes, that would be righe...still have the hope and faith. Granted at times it falters and wavers but somehow God always manages to either give, put in place or lead me back in that direction.

Makes me wonder though, knowing that she just got back from a trip to Florida with her new BF and his son.

Leah2Be: *chuckles* Let's just say I've lowered my expectations for my former. It made a world of difference.

Yes...I would be a work in process, thanks to the many people here and knowing that He is my strenght and guide. I sometimes still think I am in denial about what all has happened but my therapist keeps telling me I'm not. Guess I just second guess myself to often.

It is nice to hear that you are on track and have the ability to keep yourself there. Your girls need that from you. Me...I'll just pray that your husband will choose to join all of you one day.

Wallace: Thanks...It has been a while. I found that I had to quit reading everything here. It kept opening up old wounds. But after Avondale's email and coming back to this forum I found it not near as painful. Who knows, maybe I'm healing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

IRS...Ouch! I ended up with all the back taxes from our marriage and even filed our returns this year. Former was actually quite nice about it and allowed me to claim the Head of Household and 2 kids this year. They will be hers nest year.

Go to court and get it straightened out. Otherwise those wonderful people at the IRS will keep after you.

EC: So now I only pray that since she is back in counseling that he will help her to see that it took 2 of us to get here and it will take 2 of us to get back.

Me: Confused...I think I stuck most about me in each section *beats head on keyboard*.

With my former going back to counseling and the nice things that she has done over the last several weeks I seem to have regressed. I thought I had made it to a point where I was over her. I guess those emotions and memories are a little harder to get over that I thought.

This was the first time the former had gone out of town without letting me or the children know where she was. Of course they asked me nost of the weekend where she was. I honestly have no idea children. With them not having heard from her since Friday the son broke down and called her late Sunday night. So now they know where she is and they start asking me who she is with. Again....Children, I do not know.

Monday morning they found out she had gone off with her new BF and son for the weekend. Now they are mad.

Trusting - It's always good to hear from you. It does indeed sound like you're making good progress. I'm saddened that your kids found out their mom has gone on a trip with OM and his child. What is their main emotion? Jealousy? Disgust?

Wallace - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You said: Are you planning on buying your "H" out and staying in your home? Depending on what you want to do... stay or sell IMHO will determine how you should approach the splitting of the home.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At this point I'm not sure. I'm actually having to make " reasons to sell/reasons to stay " point lists and see which one is longer. Lots of reasons to stay and lots of reasons to move. The columns are the same length! Arrrgh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

avondale25: That's a hard one to answer. The youngest daughter would probably fall under disgust and then anger. Anytime she hears about him or is in his presence she regresses, becomes extremely clingy and reverts to baby talk.

The other 2? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> They have learned that is really does no good to express their feelings to their Mom as she always replies, "That's just how it has to be" or "You will just have to learn to deal with it." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

While I know it is not good to dwell on the past acccording to the children not once has she asked them how any of this has affected them or how they are dealing with it. It's sort of hush hush. If you pretend nothing is wrong, eventually that huge elephant in the middle of the living room will go away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All

TRUSTING HIM

Sorry for the challenging weekend with former wife gone out of town. That is so hard!! I'll never forget when my "H" suddenly took off for another state to be with his GF on his birthday weekend. My children were totally bewildered and sad. They were too young at the time to know he was with someone else, although I think the oldest daughter kind of figured it out. It hurt so much to see their pain and sadness over why Daddy wasn't here for his birthday. Ouch. I'm so happy those days are behind us!

How old are your children? My daughters are 8, 10 and 12. They have been my biggest motivation for trying to keep this marriage together. I want so much for them to have stable,happy lives.


Hang in there as far as the feelings for your ex-wife goes. It took me so long to get past the pain of my husband's rejection. But God has been so faithful in filling that void!! It is now going on five years since that first horific D-day. Life is so much better now. Keep looking to the Lord He will see you through. It is a process. I remember often wishing I could just flip a switch to take away all the anguish and deep feelings I had for my husband. But it doesn't work that way. It just takes time. God bless, strengthen and encourage you!

WALLACE,

I hope everything gets straightened out with the IRS and your taxes. Also, I hope you and your GF can work out the differences of timing with wedding.

It sounds as if you had a nice weekend in the mountains. I love being outside and enjoying all of God's creation. It's a great way to find some peace in the stormy times of life! Keep looking up!

EC

I'm so happy to hear your positive report on your time away with your daughters. That's a great answer to prayer. I think its especially good that you've been able to find some closure there. It sounds as if you are truly moving forward. I wish you much peace and happiness in your future!

AVONDALE,

I can so understand how difficult it would be to leave your home. I have a tough time letting go of memories too. I can be pretty sentimental over stuff that my husband would just regard as junk.

I'll pray for you that you can make the best decision possible. It sounds so 50/50 , you probably can't go wrong. God will give you wisdom as you look to him for guidance.

PETVET,

I'm glad you're doing well with Buddy. It sounds as if you have a nice stable relationship. Something I can't relate too. lol. But that would be very nice after all the drama. Take care.

WGTT, MOMMA8 and anyone else I missed, Hi and hope you are all doing well.

ME,

Things have been going all right. Just very busy. Between church activities, teaching, soccer games, playing for a wedding, end of the year school activities and life in general there hasn't been a dull moment. I've also been to a few counselling appt. Two with my husband and one alone. The MC said he felt he needed to see us separately.

I'm very anxious for school to finish and for summer to begin. There are many projects that I'm looking forward to doing. And of course, some fun with my girls. Take care everyone. God bless!

Leah2be

Three children, oldest daughter will soon be a teenager <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , so she tells me everyday. Our son just turned 11 and the youngest girl is 7.

They too are my life...I just wish and pray I had more time with them but we do make the best of every day that we can.

Those feelings of rejection <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Did you ever find the switch? This too shall pass as time does heal some wounds.

My prayers are with you and your family.

God Bless

TRUSTING HIM,

My heart goes out to you and all others that experience the pain of rejection from a spouse. I don't think anything in life could hurt quite as much. It is so comforting to know that God is the great comforter and healer. He has made all the difference in my life. I read a great deal from Psalms and Isaiah during the first couple of years. There were so many words from the Psalms that brought a lot of comfort.

Another huge thing that helped with my recovery was a continual prayer life to my Ultimate Friend. I asked God to be the partner I no longer had. I begged Him to fill the huge hole in my heart. And with time, God has answered that prayer. As I've written before, it did not happen over night. It was a process.

There are still some lonely times but that is when I have to look beyond myself to God and others. Sometimes that is harder to do than other times. Keep seeking God as you are now doing. He will honor that.

I visited your website. It's beautiful. I'll have to register so I can post there too. You have some great information there. Thank you for that.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers too. I'll pray that God will protect the hearts of your children also. How often do you get to see them? Whenever I think of not having my girls with me each night, I'm motivated to keep on keeping on. The times I question it are when things seem so not good here. I wonder at that juncture if they would be better off without the things they see (disrespect) playing out in front of them. That is something I continue to pray about.

I guess no matter which situation you're in, there are positives and negatives. Either way, one needs much patience and wisdom from God.

Take care Trusting Him. I hope you have a great weekend!

Hi all!

Avondale: Basically, you should tell your attorney that you want to stay in the house. Your H is entitled to part of the equity in the house. Based on the appraisal at the time of divorce, you come up with a percentage 50% or less of equity to give to hubby. At the time of settlement, hubby signs over a Quit-Claim Deed giving you sole ownership of the house. After the settlement, if you do not want to stay in the house, just fixed up the eyesores on the house and put it on the market with you pocketing the spread from the retail mark up. Get my drift! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace: Trout fishing in the mountains. Good plan.

To those who are presently going through dramas with their spouses, stress can affect your health and mental state. Be cafeful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Have a good holiday all!

I'm gone.

Hi everyone, Happy Friday. Hope you all have wonderful weekends <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Leah - You are always so encouraging. What a wonderful gift you have. I hope that you are also encouraged by us, and other Sources of encouragement, including your friends/family. I truly admire you for “sticking with it”. When your girls are older, they will realize the sacrifice you made during these years. In the meantime, we’ll keep praying your H will have his spirit broken and replaced by One that is life-giving.

Wallace - Did your dad talk any about wanting a D from your mom?

Petvet - You talk to your Buddy 3-4 times a day?!?!? Making any plans you need to let us know about?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> You know I can drive down to your wedding... Also, you said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After the divorce is final (if it goes that way) sell the house outright to get the remaining profit for yourself if you do not want to keep the house. Just food for thought.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doesn’t this mean that I’d have to pay for closing costs twice? (Once for buying hubby out, and once when and if I DO decide to sell?)

EC - So when are we going to hear about you having a “buddy” or G/F ?? Are you even THINKING about that? Do you have any plans for the Memorial Day weekend?

Trusting - I was reading this morning some journal notes on your website. Do you attend the same church your ex-wife does? If so, how do you handle that? Is it a large congregation? What does your church leadership/pastor(s) have to say (if anything) about the demise of your marriage? How did you handle that?

WGTT - Where are you? Probably off sailing somewhere...

Mommax8 - I hope things are going OK. Have you been able to find a job?

Me - Hubby still hasn’t responded to my reminder that HE said HE wanted to “set a day to meet to work out things for divorce”. I spoke to my CPA yesterday and he reminded me that hubby has always been slow to move (when we were together our taxes would be filed in October, not April). I am considering some phrases to say next week if he still hasn’t done anything to set up a meeting, and will keep you posted. Meanwhile, his most recent CD is being publicized (local entertainment column, web links, etc.) I have no emotion about this, just a little sadness. Where as before, I would be "thanked" in the liner notes, his liners now mention the OW as a musical influence.

<small>[ May 28, 2004, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Got a few moments here at work... so I thought I would drop in and hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend.

Trusting Him...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Trusting Him:

Wallace: Thanks...It has been a while. I found that I had to quit reading everything here. It kept opening up old wounds. But after Avondale's email and coming back to this forum I found it not near as painful. Who knows, maybe I'm healing! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes the boards here will open up old wounds. I know there are times when I read someone's thread... It sometimes brings back some bad memories of what was in my "M". To this day it can still cause a trigger to go off every now and then.

Glad to see you back... and yes I agree... you must be healing. With the Lord in your life... you can't go wrong!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By Trusting Him:

IRS...Ouch! I ended up with all the back taxes from our marriage and even filed our returns this year. Former was actually quite nice about it and allowed me to claim the Head of Household and 2 kids this year. They will be hers nest year.

Go to court and get it straightened out. Otherwise those wonderful people at the IRS will keep after you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As we speak I have my attorneys working on my IRS case. I have paid enough because of all the lies and actions that she created. That part of my life (paying for her mistakes) is over.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Trusting him:

This was the first time the former had gone out of town without letting me or the children know where she was. Of course they asked me nost of the weekend where she was. I honestly have no idea children. With them not having heard from her since Friday the son broke down and called her late Sunday night. So now they know where she is and they start asking me who she is with. Again....Children, I do not know.

Monday morning they found out she had gone off with her new BF and son for the weekend. Now they are mad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's unfortunate... but IMHO... I think the children suffer more than any of us. It's to bad that your WW does not have the foresight to at least keep her children in mind, when she is off doing these type of things. Protect yourself and your children as best you can while all this is going on.

Glad to hear she is IC, hopefully you will some positive results somewhere down the road.


avondale...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by avondale:

At this point I'm not sure. I'm actually having to make " reasons to sell/reasons to stay " point lists and see which one is longer. Lots of reasons to stay and lots of reasons to move. The columns are the same length! Arrrgh </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do what is in your heart... and what you feel is in the best interest of what you want at this point in time. Pray on it, and let the Lord lead you in the direction that he wants. Once you have established what direction you are going to go in... we will give you some ideas as what are opinions are.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by avondale:

Hubby still hasn’t responded to my reminder that HE said HE wanted to “set a day to meet to work out things for divorce”. I spoke to my CPA yesterday and he reminded me that hubby has always been slow to move (when we were together our taxes would be filed in October, not April). I am considering some phrases to say next week if he still hasn’t done anything to set up a meeting, and will keep you posted. Meanwhile, his most recent CD is being publicized (local entertainment column, web links, etc.) I have no emotion about this, just a little sadness. Where as before, I would be "thanked" in the liner notes, his liners now mention the OW as a musical influence. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though your "H" is moving pretty slow, I would only drop some subtle reminders about what direction he wants to move forward in. You have been going at this for a long time... I wouldn't try to push things, unless your ready to wrap up this whole thing and move on with your life and start fresh. But if you think there is any type of a possibilty for reconciliation... I would walk very softly.

Sorry to hear that he is putting the other woman in the liner notes. It must be very hurtful to you and my prayers go out to you avondale.


Leah...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Leah:

hings have been going all right. Just very busy. Between church activities, teaching, soccer games, playing for a wedding, end of the year school activities and life in general there hasn't been a dull moment. I've also been to a few counselling appt. Two with my husband and one alone. The MC said he felt he needed to see us separately.

I'm very anxious for school to finish and for summer to begin. There are many projects that I'm looking forward to doing. And of course, some fun with my girls. Take care everyone. God bless! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your keeping yourself busy with lots of activities... that's good... real good to hear. Sometimes you need to keep this up just to maintain your sanity.


Petvet...

Thanks for the advice on watching your health. It is true... stress kills!

Welleveryone have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend.

Momax and WGTT... hope you are all doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ May 28, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi Gang..........


Wallace - Trout fishing? What fun. I never caught a trout but have seen others.. I'm sure Colorado has lots of good fishing spots and wild game. I was telling somebody the other day that I sure don't miss the alligators in Florida, every time you go fishing there, you always have to be on guard, they can jump straight out of the water and pull you in.....

Trusting Him - That's a neat site, lot's of good stuff. That's a pretty good journal. I remember starting one, then I lost track of keeping up on it. But hang in there it does get better with time.

Avondale - Well to answer your question. I haven't dated anyone or searched any prospects yet. I kinda want to stay free at this time. I think I got so flamed through this whole mess, I can't see having any g/f like our lover boys here yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I guess one year in the future it might happen. As of now, I feel like a door shut behind me and now I'm getting ready to walk through a happier one....I miss the female conversations at times, but don't miss the emotional weight that can come with it, so I avoid going that path for now....I'm happy for the guys here, a female partner can bring you great joy. I've been on my own now for just about 3 1/2 years, legally DV'd for 2 years, single, yet I still feel somewhat married, but to an old image? I guess when I start taking women out for ice cream or something simple oneday, that might change <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


Leah - That's good you are giving your M all you got. I think I rather go through the process of rebuilding than tearing down, if I were in the same house. Some guys just don't know how lucky they are to have there wives want them and love despite what they do..

Petvet - So, you bought the book? That's great. I haven't read it all yet. I think I'll read a little this weekend.....

Hello to all the other partners, hope you have a great holiday weekend....

Hey EC,

Good to hear from you, and I'm relieved that you crossed over IMHO a major hurdle during your YD's graduation.

After I read your post... I did a little reflecting (your posts are always so timely).

I think you have the right idea... about not jumping into a relationship until you have pretty much healed your wounds.

You have gone through the flames, like so many of us. Now it's time to heal, and remove all the baggage... and your doing just that.

Until we have all have done that... you cannot truly bring peace and happiness to another for any legnth of time.

The scars, the pain, the hurt, of what we all went through will only interfere with any type of a relationship we may try to develop.

I myself am still struggling with this... hence, I'm not about to get married to anyone until I know that I'm fully healed.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever overcome all the pain that has been dealt out. I've told my G/F that in fact I'm a work in process, and I'm not sure how anything is going to turn out.

I know that I will eventually "M" my G/F, because she is a wonderful and caring person. She is a keeper, make no mistake about it. It's not her I'm worried about... it's me!

I was burned so badly during my "M", that I'm pretty well gun shy about going the distance in another "M".

I guess it's a case of once bitten, twice shy.

I hope you have a good Memorial Da weekend this week.

I'm just going to hang out at my house... do yard work... pay bills, and maybe get together with my G/F and her mother (her mother is spending the weekend at her house) and all of our kids on Monday for dinner. But we will see what happens.

Well my G/F is calling me on the phone... so I have to go.

Have a great Memorial Day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Leah2be

"a continual prayer life to my Ultimate Friend" I was doing just that the other night, I have never laughed while I was praying but for whatever reason as I sat there listening I just busted out laughing. It has been a while since I laughed that long or that hard. Actually felt pretty good afterwards. I guess the old saying "laughter heals" applies to God too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The times I question it are when things seem so not good here. I wonder at that juncture if they would be better off without the things they see (disrespect) playing out in front of them. That is something I continue to pray about.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can only speak from my childhood. My parents fought constantly. My father had gotten quite good at ramming his fist through walls in the house. I have four sisters and I vividly remember conversations about who we would go with should they ever divorce. But...they never did. Today I am thankful for that. As bad as it was at times I do not think that a divorce would have made things any better for us children. The one thing we always knew was that Mom and Dad would both be there. And my Mom was instrumental in ensuring that respect was taught...even in the midst of all their fighting.

Hang in there and know that my pryaers are with you.

Avondale

Yes, we now attend the same Church. I left for several mmonths but after some intensive prayer with 3 other men and the proddings of our children I finally went back.

How do I handle it? I go to Church and worship. Our youngest daughter told me "Daddy, the weekend that I'm with you I'll sit with Mom and the weekends I'm with Mom I'll sit with you. That way neither of you have to sit by yourself. She's such a doll and sweetheart.

Probably a small congeration, 400 attending Worship Services. My formers first boyfriend also still attends there but always manages to keep his distance.

Church Laders - probably one of the reasons I really went back. When I first approached the Pastor about this friendship his only response was "Ssshhhh! This needs to be kept quite." As of yet I still feel that he has not handeled the situation as the Church should have but he does have his good qualities. Who knows, this may have been his first time having to deal with something like this that included members of his congeration. We are all still learning from this.

The demise of our marraige. I feel he still thinks that everything was all my fault. My former had a very large image and presence in the Church. One that protrayed a very Godly woman. He much like her Father (also an ordained Minister) have no idea of the real impact an affair has on one's mind nor the things they are willling to do to either cover it up or save face. But in the end it all comes out in the wash.

My former. I just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , wish her a good day and continue on my way. (and sometimes go home and cry, but have not done that in quite a while) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With the Lord in your life... you can't go wrong!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen!

EC

I'll join you in that no G/F club. Still early for me but it is not a place I want to go anytime soon.

But you might want to try that ice cream thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sounds pretty intresting.

Me

Doing well...A group of us, 3 men and 5 women started a study on "The Purpose Driven Life" tonight. The first meeting went well and we all went out to dinner afterwards. That in itself was good. Most of us are graduates of a DivorceCare class and we did this to continue the fellowship from that class.

Met with my IC again today. He thinks I am doing well but is concerned about our youngest daughter and her actions. He recommended that I call my former and arrange either a 30 minute talk or lunch to "discuss" my concerns about her. This of course got a chuckle form me.

But he them reminded me that even though my former never acknowledges to me anything that I say she does listen. (Does that mean she still has or is beginning to have a little respect for me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) He then went on to state several things that she was now doing because of other concerns I had about the children that I had mentioned to her. Always in a firm but pleasent attitude.

God Bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!