Hello Everyone,

Just learned of a big lie and deception on my husband's part. I haven't confronted him yet. It happened months ago and I'm just not sure if I would gain anything by going there. I'm thinking and praying about it for the time being.

Right now he is once again away on business. In fact, he just called to say he was heading for the airport for another state. He was originally thinking of being home tonight and driving up north. Now he's flying to a different state, flying back to another city, driving to another state and heading back here sometime toward the weekend.

Then he might be racing this weekend. But he hasn't let me know about that for sure. He invited me to come but isn't definite if he's going. I've had five other invitations to do things this weekend. I feel like my life is always on hold because his life is one HUGE question mark. I'm trying to decide whether to just plan to not go so I can make definite plans one way or the other.

TRUSTING HIM,

You made some good points that were certainly worth considering. I believe in the importance of extending good will as much as possible. As far as trust, I pray for the ability to trust hubby unless I discover good reasons not to. As lies and deception have happened repeatedly over the course of five years, it becomes harder and harder to trust.

After sixteen years of marriage, my eyes have been opened to a lot of truths that I just didn't want to believe for a very long time. I use to believe my husband truly loved me, wanted the best for me and our marriage. I gave, loved, and forgave time and time again. BUT, I feel that he abused that love and walked all over the grace that was extended to him.

In fact it seems that the more mercy I extend to him, the less he respects me. It's as if I am granting him "a license to sin..." I have truly prayed and strugled with the balance of love and boundaries. I'm still not sure of it all, but I'm continually looking to the Lord for the answers.

I'm so sorry about your daughters ankle. It's hard to imagine her mother getting ready for church and ignoring something as huge as that type of injury. That would be very upsetting to say the least. It sounds as if she very well might be responding to the situation with guilt. I hope things get better for all of you very soon. When I read your posts, I hurt for you and your children. It all seems very familiar. I will keep praying for all of you.

WALLACE,

You, too, remind me of myself. Always wanting to forgive, to think the best of the other individual, to feel things will get better... Please, please just be careful. I want you to be able to enjoy a stable, loving relationship with your lady friend. If that's not possible, please move on and save yourself much heartache to come.

Hi to AVONDALE, PETVET and EC. Hope you are all doing well. Keep looking up!

TRUSTING HIM

I wanted to add a couple of things to my last post to you. I hope I didn't come across like I was trying to blow off your suggestions. I really did like what you wrote. In fact, I went back and reread your post, then wrote the three items out about negative thinking. I do agree with those statements.

I guess what I was trying to say was that I've had to come to a point of accepting reality rather than the huge fantasy I had going on in my head. I tend to be an incurrable romantic. I always love a happy ending and desperately like to see the prince and princess stroll off into the sunset together. I wanted to believe love was
and is a forever thing.

But I was so in need of a wake up call. Five years ago my husband did his best to convince me he didn't love me. He was very much with someone else and he continuously told me he didn't love me, was no longer attracted to me, found with OW what he never had to me... you get the idea. BUT I was still determined he loved me. I sat there and said as much to him. lol Talk about love being blind, deaf and dumb.

So I hope that explains a little of why I'm now trying to face reality (hopefully not negativity) rather than stay in denial of what I really have.

I do love Philipians 4:8. It is one of my favorite verses. I've memorized it and often quote it back to myself as a check point of my thoughts. I do need it. Thanks again for what you wrote.

WALLACE,

I wanted to add that like you did, I am praying daily for truth. As I wrote earlier, today I discovered a lie from months ago, but an important one. So yes, God is faithful to show us truth. Thanks for writing.

Hey y’all
Thanks for the responses about names...I guess I’ll say to hubby “your girlfriend”. I just cannot bring myself to say her name. Even if Trusting is right and it means I’m holding on to bitterness, I just can’t say it. Sorry! I found a photo of her online and to be honest, in my totally unbiased opinion, I’m much prettier than she is. Honest! LOL I showed the photo to several friends who all agreed with me. My lawyer’s appointment got postponed until the end of this week - I’ll keep ya’ll posted afterwards.

Trusting - I would agree with the others - your former was acting out of guilt in some form or fashion. Guilt for going to church instead of taking her daughter to the emergency room, guilt for not being the mom she should have been, guilt for going to B/F house and not being with daughter after injury, etc.... When she’s with the kids on her days, is she a good mom? Or more self-centered? Did your daughter feel neglected or rejected because her mom didn’t take care of her ankle when the injury first occurred?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Who is Anglecheeks? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you mean Angelcheeks? To be honest, it sounds VERY MUCH like a name from a chatroom (actually a female name, IMHO) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . What’s YOUR opinion?

Wallace - I know you’re getting ready for your little fishing trip. I hope they’re biting for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . The clarification about your G/F was good. But keep in mind, we hear your vents more than your praises of her. (Which is one of the things we’re here for- to vent, I think!) What you write is the only perspective we have. So if you want me to dance at your wedding, you’d better start balancing it out with some of the good qualities she has.

Leah - My heart just goes out to you. What kind of business does your H have that he travels in that manner? What will you do with the old lie you just found out about?

EC - What are you up to these days?

Petvet - hope you’re doing well, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And a hello RMA, DavePR, Chris-CA123, Mx8 , and any lurkers

<small>[ June 08, 2004, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

I have a break in the action at work and thought I would chime in.

Leah...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Leah:

Just learned of a big lie and deception on my husband's part. I haven't confronted him yet. It happened months ago and I'm just not sure if I would gain anything by going there. I'm thinking and praying about it for the time being. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If it is a big lie... I would bring it out and let it be exposed to the light of day. You will most likely only harbor resentment if you keep it to yourself and it will most likely build until you can't take anymore of what he is dishing out to you IMHO.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like my life is always on hold because his life is one HUGE question mark. I'm trying to decide whether to just plan to not go so I can make definite plans one way or the other. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Living like this takes it's toll. It's not a good place to be on a day to day basis, and it wears on you.

I have a suggestion... have you ever tried making plans for yourself while not waiting to see what your "H" is or isn't going to do?

When you find yourself in situations like this... go out and make plans to do things that you enjoy doing. If after awhile your "H" doesn't notice that your living your life... I would take a long look at my "M", say a nice long prayer, and let God's will be done.

avondale...

Calling the other woman "your girlfriend" is adequate when talking with your "H". I don't think that shows anything negative. Hopefully he doesn't expect you to be her best friend... I think that's a pretty good name to call her.

There was no doubt in my mind avondale... that you were more attractive than your "H's" G/F. I know your a much better person than she is, make no mistake about that. Usually, when the spouse goes out and has an "A"... the OP is usually about 10 steps backwards from what the WW spouse had.

Concerning my G/F's pros and cons.

The good things are, and in no paticular order.

She is very reponsible... a good mother... a loving and caring individual, with a love of the Lord that usually shows through most of the time... but I guess like all of us... we have our moments.

She is not a half bad cook, and she is a very good homemaker as well as a business woman.. and she is financially repsonsible... which is a huge one in my eyes.

She is the complete opposite of my exW. So take all the negatives of my exW, and turn them to postives of my G/F, and there you have it in a nutshell.

In the last 1-1/2 yrs., we have really gotten along rather well. We will get tripped up over mostly things that have to do with the baggage that is still left over from our previous "M", but slowly... it's getting cleaned up... piece by piece.

Well I hope everyone has a great day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

AVONDALE and WALLACE,

Hello to you both. I'm doing okay with the discovery of the lie. I'm disappointed but not bitter or angry. I'm sure I will confront him with it when the timing is right. I need to in order to move forward in our relationship.

Avondale,you asked what line of business he is in. He owns his own engineering/manufacturing business. He is an inventor of many different types of specialty equipment and machines.

I'm anxious to hear how your meeting goes. Hope you're doing well. Oh, I'm not surprised to learn your much prettier than OW. I'm not sure what you look like, but you certainly have a lovely spirit and I'm sure you are equally lovely on the outside. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Whenever anyone learned of OW, they would just tell me hubby was crazy. That always was affirming to me.

WALLACE, Your absolutely right about going on with life without him. Most times I just make plans for the girls and I . But the races involves my ten year old daughter going with him alone if I don't come along. Although he insists she is perfectly safe, I'm concerned about her being there alone while he is racing. The other two girls both have things they are involved with at home. So that is why I am torn this weekend. If his plans don't involve one of the girls, then we always go ahead and plan something on our own. Sometimes he does seem to notice and want to join the fun. Other times he's too busy with his own life.

I'm glad to hear the nice things about your girlfriend. I could kind of read between the lines and pick up on some of that before. After all she must be special if she caught your eye. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

ME,

Today is the fifth anniversary of D-Day. Wow, it's hard to believe. I wrote about it over in Recovery. Basically, I wrote I'm thankful for all I've learned and that I've come to realize I will be okay even if the marriage never truly recovers. We each have to live life to the full and we each have our own choices to make. Sometimes that includes the benefit of a stable marriage but sometimes it doesn't.

Hope each of you is enjoying a good week. Take care.

Hi all!

Avondale: I would just refer to your H's lady as "Significant Other" because that's exactly what she has become. That's the reality of the matter.

Leah: Fifth year anniversary of D-day? I cannot imagine dealing with mistrust etc. for that long. Maybe my spirituality is not very strong.

Wallace: I hope you enjoy your vacation. Remember: what bothers you now, will bother your later. You are correct when you say that no one is perfect; however, perfection does not come into play when you are dealing with the "Can I live with it Index". Only you know how the flaws rank on your Index ranking. As long as you can deal with it, it is entirely up to you.

To all: We come from different areas of the country with various experiences. When it comes to cheating spouses, the cover may look different but the deceptions and lies take the same shape regardless of the cover. As I said before, my spirituality may be as good as I thought. I am reading alot of despair and unhappiness from folks who have been going through stuff for many years. Why do you have to continue to be unhappy because someone else does not value your feelings and has lost respect for you. Once again, I bring up the "Can I live with it Index". If you don't know, stress will kill you. Buddy and I have come to a pack that we want as little drama and/or stress as possible. We have just lost a past president. I grant you that he was not one of my favorites; however, I have to give him credit where credit is due. One of the things that I am impress with is the relationship he and the first lady had for eachother. Fifty two years of marriage is almost unheard of in our society. She stood by her man through thick and thin. Even today, she is suffering very much because she has lost her MAN. The point I am trying to make is that many of us have a choice. We can chase after things that are not really there. As a priest said to me when I first went to hin concerning my marital difficulties, he said, "it is what it is". I was heart broken after hearing that statement because it was plan and simple, but he was right. It has become one of my favorite reality statements that keep things in perspective. For many of you, I am afraid that "it is what it is". God Bless You All because I have been through what you are going through. What many of you had does not exist anymore. It is what it is, AND I KNOW IT HURTS TO FACE THAT REALITY.

Later.

Hi Petvet,

Wow, I'm impressed, so many words. lol. You're right..."It is what it is" Thats a good summation of reality. I guess some of us in this thread, me included, want to hold onto dreams a bit too much. But I think I have made progress in seeing reality a bit more than I use to as I wrote to Trusting Him.

Actually, Í really am at peace in my heart right now. Things with hubby aren't the best, but I feel I'm moving forward in life. Eventually, it will either come together or it won't. I'm okay either way now.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope you and Buddy can continue to enjoy a "drama-free" relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ME,

I talked to my husband this morning about what I perceived as his lie. He of course had memory failure on this point. But he did take care of the situation this morning, albeit with a bit of an attitude. So, life continues on.

I miss hearing from a lot of you. Hope all is okay. Take care and have a good weekend!

Hi All

I was astonished at Petvet’s lengthy post! In fact, I was in shock and that’s why I couldn’t respond before now. He started this thread, and has been posting for 2 ½ years and this is the LONGEST post he’s ever done. But ouchie... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Petvet - I’m not sure what to say. As far as “it is what it is”- Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem to be. And then there are other times that one hopes whatever “it is” will change. And we all know that sometimes those changes can and do occur. Yet hope is what counteracts the stress. We all know stress can kill you - but each of us have different capacities for handling it and different levels before reaching burnout. I know how easily internet postings can get misinterpreted - in fact, perhaps I misunderstood yours - so I will just go sit in my corner and try not to pout..

Leah - I’m glad you were able to talk to your H about “the lie”. And I think it’s a positive sign, however small, that he “took care of it”. (Now I feel like I’m talking in code, LOL). Even small victories are victories indeed. You are a very gracious person.

Me - I spoke to lawyer and have several ideas about approaching hubby, talking about divorce, and dividing property. In fact, lawyer said I don’t have to decide about the house yet, we could make it a determination after divorce. We could say if I decide to stay there, I’ll pay him his share, or if I decide not to stay, we put it on the market within 6 months. She said it’s not uncommon to decide house separately which is good news for me, cuz I’m so torn. I left the lawyer’s office feeling pretty good and my next step is to talk to H, hopefully later next week (I have a busy weekend).

EC , Wallace (can’t wait for the fishtales) Trusting , WGTT , hope y’all have a great weekend.

Hi Guys and Gals,

Wallace &#8211; Oh boy you and your g/f hitting the bumps? Well that&#8217;s normal, however remember what you see is what you get and you can&#8217;t change anybody but yet they can change their ways. I think I&#8217;m on Trusting Him&#8217;s side, We&#8217;ll live your relationship out with you , watch and support you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I miss the companionship but don&#8217;t miss the pain. Have fun on your fishing trip&#8230;I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ll have the story about the big one that got away as it wrestled you to the ground and took your pole from you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Avondale &#8211; There&#8217;s nothing wrong with seeing an attorney, it&#8217;s the smart thing to do. Why get yourself in financial captivity over your H&#8217;s mess? Just be at peace, God has more love and mercy for us than we realize&#8230;You&#8217;re not going for vengeance and to take from your H, you&#8217;re going because you want to be a good steward of what God gave you. It&#8217;s being faithful over what you have to one day be ruler over much.

Leah &#8211; I&#8217;m sure your H may think you&#8217;re over reacting. The main thing is to know the facts, sometimes lack of trust can push them into it even if they are going through temptation, but that&#8217;s still no excuse on there part. If they are trying to restore the marriage open and honesty is the best way to conquer any obstacle, hand in there&#8230;

Petvet &#8211; Have you read the book you ordered very much? And did you learn anything that you didn&#8217;t know already about a WS? I agree with you 100% on the stress issue, a person can get overwhelmed. I think my survival process has been prayer and reading the bible. A study has been done that prayer keeps a person healthier than without it, especially in times like these. One benefit that happens in a Christians life when going and gone through adversity Is that if you are seeking God in the mist of the storm a greater anointing comes in your life that happens with relationship with God in a special way. That&#8217;s why some people can go through the fire and never get burnt because God is with them in a very close way. It&#8217;s puzzling but it happens and they have the greatest joy deep inside&#8230;.I think what we see here a lot is a persons valley and wilderness experience&#8230;and sometimes it&#8217;s ugly&#8230;....yet they still have joy, if you're watching from the outside, you can't imagine going through it....you say whew! What drama..

Me &#8211; Getting ready to launch out and do some things I&#8217;ve had on hold. YD will be coming in 2 weeks to visit. OD may come.

Hello to all our other buddies&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;

Hey Everyone,

Well I am getting ready to leave for the weekend, but I couldn't help myself from not posting after reading Petvet's post.

O.k., I'm back for the moment...

Petvet...


"It is was it is"?

You and I go back a long way, and I have to agree with avondale, it is the longest post you have done in a long while... but that statement IMHO is too simplistic and too generalized... not to take anything really away from it... because in many cases it does hold true to a certain degree.

Granted... it may be what it is at the particular moment... but the eventuality of it doesn't always remain a constant. In other words things change... so what maybe the "is", at that particular moment doesn't necessarily mean that in fact it actually will be the final outcome.

I give you my "Hope" quote, at the end of my signature line.

Petvet... I understand the drama that we all went through. It doesn't mean that the drama will end there. In act if I was a betting man (which sometimes I am... (if I know I am going to win on a sure thing) I would say that the drama will continue to at least a certain degree.

I personally think that most people don't go out and look to cause drama in their lives... in fact I think most people look for quite the contrary.

But as life usually is... it sometimes doesn't always go the way we would like to see it... hence... now all of a sudden we may have some drama in our lives.

It will happen to you... and it will happen to all of us... it's just the way life works... that's the reality of it all.

But I liked what you had to say... no offense... but I think your shrink/ MC or whatever he is... was too cut and dry with you. It's just too simplistic, and I'm surprised that your Doctor would be that blunt.

Usually you and I agreee with about 99.9 of everything that's thrown out there... but I'm sorry to say my good friend... I have to say with all due respect, that we can't look at things that Black and White. At least for me... it just doesn't work that easily.

You have been through the mill, just as most of us have been... and with that... sometimes we become a little calloused. Soften your heart my good friend... and try not to put this into a Black or white situation. Your life appears to be going good, as well as mine... but things do happen... as I know you well know.

Glad to hear that you and your buddy are doing good though... keep up the good work.

I have one question for you though... was this your "Swan song", or your last post? Just curious, because it sounded like it may just be.

Leah...

I'm glad to hear that you confronted your "H" with what you had found out. It doesn't surprise me at his respnse though.

In the eyes of the Lord... you are doing the right thing. I would continue doing what your doing... because it is in fact the right thing to do. It is painful... and in fact you are Biblicaly
justified in getting a "D", if in fact you reach a point in time where you feel like... "enough is enough".

I always look forwad to your posts. You, in my mind are a wise person, and I appreciate what you have to say... as I know you speak from the heart.

avondale...

Just curious... have you thought about going through mediation?

The reason why I ask this... is because you can save yourself a ton of money... rather than going through your attorney's on how to divide both of yours and your "H's" assets.

Most of the time.. a Judge will demand mediation, or an agreement before it's brought forth to him. They think their time is too valuable to waste on how the Courts may affect each person's life. It's a sad stituation... but unfortuantely... it's true.

EC...

So your YD is coming to visit you with the possibility that the OD may visit as well?

Praise God!!! I know you have been looking forward to this for quite a long time.

I agree with you in your last post... without prayer, and the Lord... I as well would not have made it through this ordeal.


WGTT, Momax, and Trusting Him...

Prayers and blessings to you all, and hope everything is going well for you.

If I missed anyone... "ditto"

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all! Oh Boy, ouch!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Everyone: I knew I was going to get taken apart by you folks. First of all, Buddy and I do not live a drama free life. We try to minimize the stress as much as possible. Dealing with kids etc., there is not such thing as a drama free life. Life is not perfect for us either; however, after going through my trials with my ex, I have a new perspective on life. Most people including myself take the "It is what it is" statement the wrong way when they first hear it. On the surface, it sounds simple, but after you sit down a ponder the true meaning of the statement, one comes to the conclusion that it is more about acceptance which is more than black and white. Some of you are correct when you say that the tolerance level varies from person to person. My intent was to initiate thought. I did not expect everyone to agree with me. Everyone knows their particular situation better than anyone and knowing this I try to help wherever I can. That's the reason why I don't write lengthy post because I don't want to cross the line in my comments because folks are going through crisis in their lives, and I want to encourage them wherever possible rather than discourage. Besides, I am a person of very few words anyway, but I am direct and to the point. My comments were not directed at anyone particularly; I thought my comments would be helpful. Yes, God allows us who believe to walk through the fire without getting burnt; however, those who walk through the fire feel the heat, and it is that heat that produces the stress and pressure. Wallace made the comment along the lines that "it is what it is" for only a period of time. I hope I understood his statement correcty. My opinion is either one accepts the way it is, or one has to initiate action to change the way he reacts or take himself out of the environment altogether. Many times situations don't change by themselves. This is my opinion. I am not an expert.

EC: Yes, I finish the book two days ago and receive some insight behind the mindset of a runaway wife, but I was quite baffled by the comments of the author at the end. It seems as though she was justifying the actions of these woman. What do you think?

Leah and Avondale: I support you. No harm was intended by my statements.

Later.

Petvet, I’m sooo glad you elaborated in your most recent post. It helped to have a more thorough explanation behind what you had said! I’m going to respond in Chris-CA123 style:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Petvet said: I knew I was going to get taken apart by you folks </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don’t think you were “taken apart”...but I think without the complete explanation of where you were coming from (as provided in your most recent post) it sounded pretty negative.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> after going through my trials with my ex, I have a new perspective on life
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think we all have experienced a new perspective on life. But as we’re feeling our way through it, we tend to go slower. It’s like finding a light switch in a dark, unfamiliar room.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..and ponder the true meaning of the statement, one comes to the conclusion that it is more about acceptance which is more than black and white </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree - it IS about acceptance, and acceptance by its very nature has varying degrees (more than black and white). I am reminded of the AA prayer, which says the same thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My intent was to initiate thought </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well you certainly did that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Besides, I am a person of very few words anyway, but I am direct and to the point. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well don’t let the reaction to your more lengthy posts scare you away from posting longer in the future! The thought provocation was VERY good. It just helped me personally to hear where you are coming from with the second post, which explained things better. Perhaps you should post in quadruple-length next time, so we get the whole picture?? (OK, I know there is little chance of that, but it can’t hurt to ask, LOL...)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My opinion is either one accepts the way it is, or one has to initiate action to change the way he reacts or take himself out of the environment altogether. Many times situations don't change by themselves </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think there is a more middle ground (see response on acceptance, above). I’d rather be still and hear God than to charge ahead without Him. (I know you weren’t implying otherwise, but just wanted to make myself clear for others reading this.)

Thanks again for clarifying where you were coming from. I hope the extra words didn't zap your energy for the weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We need to hear from you next week (or sooner!).

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

PETVET,

Thanks for your second posting. No need to worry how things were taken on my part. I interpreted your first post as saying one needs to accept what is. Acceptance for me has been a key issue, so I can appreciate that statement. As is the case with most things, balance is key. I often think of the serenity prayer. "Help me to accept what can not be changed, to change what I can change and the wisdom to know the difference." Sorry if that's somewhat paraphrased. I do love the message of that prayer. It's right where I am in this marriage.

WALLACE,

Thank you for the kind, encouraging words. I hope you enjoyed your weekend away. We look forward to continuing to hear good things from you. How is your dad? Any new developments with your parents?

AVONDALE,

I'm so glad to hear your appointment with the lawyer went well. I'm sure it's a relief not to have to make any decisions on the house yet. With time and prayer, you'll know what to do.

Yes, sometimes writing on this forum is like speaking in code. lol I'm sometimes unsure of how much I should share as this is a public forum. If you should ever want to write to me privately, my e-mail address is Leahlike @yahoo.com. Anyone else writing on this thread is welcome to do the same. Some things shouldn't be written in a public forum.

Hope you had a good weekend. I'm still praying for you and your husband. Even though we need to accept "what is" that doesn't mean God still isn't in the business of changing it all around. He does work miracles and although I feel I have accepted the current state of my marriage, that doesn't mean I've given up hope that God could still do a miracle. I still pray for that each day, while at the same time, I continue to move forward in my life.

EC

How wonderful that your daughter is coming to see you and possibly the other one too! It seems you really have gone through the hardest of times. I hope for you that your time of healing grows into a time of peace and joy.

TRUSTING HIM,

We miss hearing from you. Trust all is well.

WGTT and MOM8 Hi to you both also.


ME,

I'm keeping busy with my three daughters. It's great to be out of school and enjoying the summer. My husband has been travelling much of the time so I'm here without him. I still have to struggle with the loneliness factor but am working hard to not get discouraged. I try to continue to be careful to think of the many things for which I have to be thankful. One of which is all of you! Have a good week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi y’all

EC - That’s great news about your daughter(s) visiting. I know this is something you’ve been hoping will happen for a long time. Do you have anything special planned while they’re there? (I’m hoping both will come!) And what are the things you’ve had on hold that you’re getting ready to launch? You’ve alluded to things like that for over a year now. Can you share with us?

Wallace - Can’t wait for you to get back and tell us about your fishing tales <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Leah - Your posts are always so thoughtful and kind. I’ve put your email address in my book for future reference, thanks. What kind of things are y’all doing this summer? Any vacation plans?

Petvet - Do you have any summer plans? What does your son do during the summer? Do you get to have him for a vacation? I seem to recall you and Buddy taking your kids to the beach last year...

Trusting - Haven’t heard from you in a while...how are things going? I hope we didn’t scare you away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me - I meet with hubby tomorrow (Wednesday) night to find out what he’s thinking regarding divorce. I’ll post a report afterwards. I have my facts and info gathered and am ready for anything with God’s help.

WGTT, Mommax8 - not sure if you’re still reading this thread, but if so, “hi”

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 07:12 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Guess what?

I caught a 14 lbs. rainbow trout!!! j/k

I didn't catch a thing... LOL. It rained quite a bit and it was pretty cold and windy almost the whole time I was up in the mountains. I did get a chance to clear my head and enjoy the outdoors though. It is very beautiful country. I saw quite a few Elk though. I really didn't want to come back into the City... but there are all those responsibilities to take care of... so I decided to come back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Petvet:
Hi all! Oh Boy, ouch!!!

Everyone: I knew I was going to get taken apart by you folks.


</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I came across that way in my post... that wasn't my intention. I'm glad as well that you clarified your post... it all is very clear to me now.

You see!!! avondale is right... you should write longer posts. Personally I thought it was very thought provoking, and definitely worth commenting on when I read it.

I have one for you as well... that my "Shrink" threw out there when I was seeing him.

"Everything happens for a reason"! What do you think about that one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All in all though... after you clarified and elaborated on your post... I agree with what you mean.

That was a great post though... you need to throw more of those out there from time to time... just to see if we are awake... LOL.

Glad to hear you and buddy are doing well. My G/F and I are doing well at the moment as well. How is your son doing? Is he on Summer Vacation from school?

EC...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by Ec:

We’ll live your relationship out with you , watch and support you . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for the support so far EC and everyone else... all of you have been great. It is a roller coaster ride at times.

Your going to have to keep us updated on when your YD, and possibly your OD come to see you.

I'm so glad to see you and your daughters getting closer after everything went down... I know how much that means to you.

avondale...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quote by avondale:

Wallace (can’t wait for the fishtales. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL... I got a good laugh when I read that. You make me laugh, and put me in an upbeat mood when I read posts like this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I wish I had one to tell you... but alas... the fish really were not biting with what little time I had. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Any word from your attorney or "H" as of lately?

Leah...

We are all glad that you are here as well... and I find your posts very uplifting as well.

With your "H" gone all the time... I'm sure the lonliness is very discouraging for both you and your children. Your on the right track though... by staying busy. How are your children making out...not seeing their Father all that often. I remember being away on business all the time... from a personal stand point... I couldn't wait to get home. A lot has changed since those days though... Even with everything going on in our lives... I know that loneliness can creep in on us at times... and it's not a good feeling when it happens.

But with the Lord at our side... we indeed are truly not alone... we just sometimes feel like we are, in spite of all that we truly know.

Hang in there... hopefully your "H" will find his way.

Oh I fogot to let you know about my Dad. He does indeed have Cancer, and he is going for a pretty serious operation this August...so I am going to try to fly back to see bothmy MOm and my Dad.

As far as the "D" talk between my parents... after the Cancer scenario came forth... all that talk has ended.

Trusting Him...

I hope I didn't scare you away with my one post. If I offended you in any way... I didn't mean for it to come across that way. Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.

WGTT and Momax...

Hope you both are doing well.

Well everyone... I hope you all are having a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 05:26 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi all!

Avondale: I hope everything went well with your H. I'm glad you understood what I was saying in my statement. Yes, Buddy and i along with the kids are going to DC next week for some siteseeing.

Wallace: Well, at least you had allot of time to think. Since fishing was not good using your fishing line, you probably should have tricked the trout to the surface then club it with a 2 by 4 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ; as a result, you would have had something to bring home. Just don't get caught by the Game Warden. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


Later.

Hi all,
Just got back from dinner with hubby...just in case you didn’t know, Outback has added some new items to their menu and I highly recommend their new Steak Salad. It has sliced sirloin cooked to order AND french fries in the salad mix with bleu cheese vinaigrette dressing. Interesting and yummy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

But I digress. The meeting went well. Hubby’s hands were shaking and once again, God gave me a supernatural peace while I was there. I was able to explain how it made me feel, waiting for him to call (with news I didn't want to hear) the last 4-5 months, and he apologized. He apologized again for not calling when we parted ways in the parking lot. So I think he realizes now how it made me feel. He had no particular explanation other than he was really busy with work - he is Dept. Chair of Fine Arts dept so lots of responsibility and paperwork (not his strong point).

We talked about assets and liabilities (only two of those - mortgage and home equity, since our credit cards are in individual names). Our homework is for him to get values of the assets (I already know them but he doesn’t know that) and I will list household goods. We will meet again next month and compare lists. I think the plan is to do as much up front work on our own to save lawyer costs (my lawyer’s suggestion). Hopefully we won’t need mediation - but the only sticking point might be alimony, so we’ll see.

He did say one weird thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Do I think the kids would want to get together with us and all go out for dinner as a family? I said I didn't think so (I know daughter won't, and pretty sure son would probably opt not to also). I didn't want to make hubby feel bad, but on the other hand, that's the effect of his behavior and I'm not going to shield him from it.

All in all, I think I did really well. I was focused and remembered all my points. I didn’t get emotional (well, I teared up just once and that was only briefly during discussion about house). I had everyone in my home group at church praying for me, and hopefully y’all did too. It obviously helped a lot. Thanks so much. I’ll keep you posted!

QUESTION for the guys - I know you’ve all made mention of child support. Do any of you pay alimony? If so, can you give me a ballpark figure as to the amount?

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 06:02 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Just passing through to say a quick hello...I'm working late tonight and I'm in between a break...

Avondale that's great you were able to meet with your H and discuss things. Did he seem like he still had an eye for you? Maybe a glimpse of hope for the future?

It's a good thing if you guys agree as much as possible outside court( if it comes to that)...

Others might have more info on Alimony. The laws and situations very from State to State. Stay strong, keep the faith.

Well, gotta run see ya later....

AVONDALE,

So glad to hear things went well with your husband. I've been praying a lot for you, especially for your meeting on Wednesday. It sounds as if you were calm, cool and colected. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
That's a great answer to prayer!

I'm glad that you are working together to resolve things as much as possible out of court. That will save you time, money and aggravation. Concerning allimony, you might want to try to look that up on the internet. You could type in allimony and the state you live in. An attorney once told me they have charts with formulas to calculate that based on his salary and how long you've been married. As EC said, it varies from state to state. It would be great if that were never needed.

Like EC, I was wondering if you sense any "glimmer" there. At least you're both being decent with each other if nothing else. Will keep praying it can become more.

WALLACE,

Sorry the fish weren't biting much. At least you had time away. That's always good. Thanks for the reminder that we're never alone with God at our side. I know that intellectually but sometimes need to remind my heart.

I will keep praying for your parents. I'm glad to hear "D" talks have ceased. Maybe that will be a permanent change with all that's taking place. I'm sure God's at work in the midst of it all.

Hope you are doing well and that things are continuing to go well with your girlfriend. Please keep us updated either way. All relationships have their ups and downs and it's sometimes helpful just to vent. I truly understand that from first hand experience. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ME,

Things started out pretty rough this week with H but have been better the last couple of days. The girls and I have been keeping busy with lots of different things from work projects to hanging at the pool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hope you all have a great weekend!