Hi All,

Avondale

Happy Belated Birthday. Mine was last week and I pretty much stayed close to home. I went back and forth between Disneyland and California Adventure Park for a few hours. There is a rollercoaster at California Adventure that I just love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Petvet, WGTT, EC, and Everyone Else

Hello, I help you're having a wonderful week.

relady

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: relady ]</small>

Hi All,

I apologize if I offended anyone, I will edit my post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have a great weekend.

relady

Relady
Not sure what you needed to apologize for. I read your entire post soon after you had originally typed it and nothing seemed amiss to me. Sometimes we go a few days without any postings here, especially during the summer. Do as your conscious tells you, but don't assume silence is a reflection of the previous post.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Avondale

Thank you. I think I felt it was a little harsh since I've been gone awhile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Silly me, I should know we're all tougher AKA Tough Love, Duh!! than that after what we've been through. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

relady

RELADY,

I read your post when you first wrote it and went to look for it just now. Is it gone or am I overlooking it?? Anyhow, from what I remembered reading, it was just fine. The part you wrote me, I thought a lot about as I tend to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm trying not to "think" too much. But as everyone here knows I'm a work in progress.

If I remember right, you mentioned the idea of still hearing God's voice after filing. I liked what you wrote because it's very true. If we're following God's path, we will hear from him, whether that path is divorce or marriage.

I didn't mean to suggest that staying was necessarily the more "spiritual" choice because I truly don't feel that way. I'm sorry if that's how I came across. I was just saying I can't bear to be here sometimes without a whole lot of help from God. He's the only One who can give me the patience and love I so desperately need to hang in there.

But, I'm ready to call it quits if there is adultery again. And, I feel totally at peace about that before God. It's taken a long time to solidify things in my mind, but I now feel I must have this boundary for many reasons.

So, if the apology was directed towards me or if the editing was done for my benefit, please know both were unnecessary. Before writing on this thread, I always enjoyed reading your posts. You seem very wise and have a wonderful attitude about things. So feel free to write away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ME,

Well the phone bills are all in and reviewed. All checks out fine. I guess it's all about perceived power and control. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sometimes I think its all one big huge game with H. A game I really don't like much at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So, like I wrote AVONDALE, it's all or nothing. If I stay I just have to let all this stuff go and trust God to reveal truth if there's something I need to know. Easier said than done. But with God's help, all things are possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you're all having a great weekend!

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: Leah2be ]</small>

Hello everyone

Just a quick update - no intervention yet - WH hasn't been home.

I am amzingly well and feel a sense of peace. It's like putting WH in God's hands and leaving him there. I just need to focus on HIM.

Tonight I told a new friend (female) that I am gratefull for what I went through because I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Sooooooooooooooo tired. I've been working lots - playing catch up.

D.

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: relady ]</small>

Hello All,

Sorry about the double posts, My finger hit the wrong key!

L2B

Thank you for your kindness. I'm glad you got a chance to read it. I certainly wouldn't be able to write it again!

All

A Personal Observation

I would really like all of your comments on this one.

In the last few month, I have friends and relatives who have been introducting me to different men. Never mind the fact that I'm not even divorced yet and it doesn't seem to bother them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Last week I had a gentleman call me out of the clear blue sky that I haven't seen in 30 years and he was the best friend of a guy I dated in college! We are from the same town and he has become a well known successful businessman here in California.

Anyway before we were two minutes into the conversation, he went on to tell me how he felt about me at that time and could we get together this weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My theory is this: When ever we develop a strong relationship with the Lord on a daily basis, the enemy is not happy, so he goes into his bag of tricks and finds the one that will trip us up. So, there is either a blessing around the corner or I'm walking toward 'purpose'.

We as WS have to really be alert, although this guy's comments were pleasing to my ear, he wasn't of God. So we have to have the ability to step around the 'props'.

Another thing I have observed, is that when we work on ourselves and become health mentally, we begin to attract a different kind of person than our WS. They are more in tune with what we 'deserve' than what we 'settle' for.

Something that makes you go hhhmmmmm!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

relady

WGTT - Thanks for the update. You're doing great, if you can say you're grateful for what you've been through cuz it made you what you are today. That speaks volumes!

Relady - I agree with what you said - the Enemy is always looking to trip us up. I'm sure friends and family all want you to "be happy" (even though we all know relationships aren't THE THING that makes one happy, they sometimes enhance our lives). Sooooo....you said
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anyway before we were two minutes into the conversation, he went on to tell me how he felt about me at that time and could we get together this weekend!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what did you say to all that?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And I'm not familiar with CA law, what, if any, timetable is there regarding divorce/separation, etc.?

<small>[ July 18, 2004, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

RE Lady


We do attract different people as we grow. I don't think I would have been attracted to WH back then, if I was as healthy as I am now spiritually.

I believe the enemy will temp us. He's cunning and patient. How do you feel about re-marriage in situations such as yours?

Did you read sunrise1's post? She had an old boyfriend re-appear at a summer camp they had attended. She went back after 17 years and her old BF after 22 years!

Have a great week! I am going to take my kids to atlanta to see a braves game & spend the night. Should be a lot of fun.

Blessings to all,

D.

Hey again!

Avondale

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what did you say to all that?????? And I'm not familiar with CA law, what, if any, timetable is there regarding divorce/separation, etc.?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I explained that I wasn't interested in a relationship, and until my divorce is final, I would avoid all appearances of a dating scenario.

Of course, he didn't understand that and further explained 4 phone calls later that he would not let me go again! Again!! So, we would talk until September and then 'date'!

I have no idea yet what Gods plan is and until then I have asked him to remove those that shouldn't be in my life!

There is a 6 month and 1 day waiting period, so September would be the month. The scary part is that I am so 'ok' with it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WGTT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tonight I told a new friend (female) that I am gratefull for what I went through because I wouldn't be the person I am today.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have said that many times to other ladies in the same situation. Sometimes it takes something drastic for God to get our attention, and He will certainly remove those whom we have placed before Him.

You're right in that, today my H would not be my choice either. I sometimes marvel and praise the Lord for what I have become today. I feel better and I treat myself better!

So, God would have to do a mighty work in our H to have them return to their rightful place in our lives.

I hope you intervention goes well. I admire your strength. It's appears easy for me, since I have had no real contact for two years.

Hello Everyone Else

Hope you had a wonderful weekend.

relady

Hello Everyone, hope you had a great weekend.....


Relady - Sorry, but I'm the cold water friend " Splash, Splash" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Hey, I would take it slow and make wise decisions....Don't get tripped up, what you build now is what you'll be walking in, in the future.

Hello, Petvet, Avondale, Wallace, Leah, WGTT, Dave, Momma8 and anyone else I missed.

Take Care

Hello All,

EC

Thank you for the cold water! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It was so hot today, it was just what I needed!

Not to worry though. I realize it is just another tactic of the enemy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Unless God says he's the one, he's not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope everyone had a wonderful day.

relady

R E Lady </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So, God would have to do a mighty work in our H to have them return to their rightful place in our lives.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God can do all of this and more!

I am headed out of town to see my college roomate and take the kids to a baseball game in atlanta.


D.

Hey all,

Still busier than a bee... but thought I would drop in and say hi.

Relady...

If you edited your post... because of what you posted to me... don't worry about it. You have always had good advice... and I would never take it any other way, but in a positive constructive way.

I wouldn't want you to hold back... that's the beauty of it all... you tell it like it is.

This is the "Tough Love" thread... and after what we have all been through... we can dish it out as well as take it.

Concerning your little encounter there... I agree with EC. I personally didn't start dating until after I was legally "D". I think it's bad business, plus in God's eyes your still "M".

If you did date this guy... IMHO... you would be commiting adultry, because your legally still "M".

This guy may be a nice guy... but he is moving awful quick IMO.

Your smarter than that, and I know you will make the right decisions.

So... I'm still waiting for you to go ahead and tell me more concerning my relationship with my G/F.

If I'm doing something that I need to know about, but I'm not seeing... please feel free to let me know... and I know you will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Leah...

Well I'm glad to hear that your "H" finally coughed up the telephone records and everything checked out.

Is he still treating you well... or do you think he is up to something?

avondale...

What's going on with your "H"?

Do you have anymore meetings coming up in the near future?

WGTT...

It does sound like you are doing well in spite of your "H's" sideline activity.

Do you still plan on following through with the intervention?

Thanks for the update... and keep us posted.

EC...

What's new my friend?

Have you heard anymore from your YD, or OD?

That's a darn shame that their visit fell through. Have they made any other plans to get together with you in the meantime?

Petvet...

Things are either busy and going well... or both, because I don't recall seeing a post from you in awhile.

Hope things are well.

Me...

Well I finally got my IRS papers filled out and sent... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now all I have to do is wait to see when my court date is for.

My G/F and I have been doing pretty good so far this month (holds breath and crosses fingers), hope it keeps up.

Well if I missed anyone (and I most probably did), I hope you are all doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ July 20, 2004, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

HI EVERYONE,

WALLACE,

You asked if he's still treating me well. Actually, he's been working almost every waking moment, so I haven't seen him much at all.

I'm just trying to keep busy in a constructive sort of way and also am spending lots of time with my daughters. Still fight loneliness from time to time. But God is ever present even when H is not.

Glad to hear the IRS mess is behind you. Yeah!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And glad this month is going good for your G/F and you. Hope it continues.


RELADY,

You are wise to continue to stay away until D is finalized. It will certainly be worth the wait to have a totally clear conscience before the Lord. I'm glad to see that you are doing well as you move forward in life. God bless!


WGTT,

Glad you're spirits are still up and that you have peace within. What a testimony with all you've been through!


AVONDALE,

I hope you continue to do well. Anymore conversations with H? Had an interesting conversation with a lady yesterday about her brother. He walked away from the Lord and his family for 25 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But eventually came back to his relationship with the Lord. She spoke of consequences with him. Because although he desperately loves his former wife and wants to reconcile, she is no longer interested. I guess they're very good friends and she never remarried but she isn't at the point of wanting M with him again. Let's just hope if reconciliation is what is to take place, it won't take 25 years to get there! Take care.


EC, PETVET and OTHERS,

Hope everyone is doing well. Hope you all have a great week!

Hi all!

Avondale: Happy Belated Belated Birthday! What type of cake do you like?

Relady: I have noticed a total tranformation from last year about you. You are very at ease. You were correct when you said that our mine set and appearance attracts certain people in our surroundings.

Wallace: Yes, kids can be a problem with second marriages. Think with your head sir. Two years is not a long time to wait to get married.

Me: Just living life.

Later.

Do you think Petvet eloped??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I bet that will get him to post)

Do you think EC decided to audition for the latest "Bachelor" television show?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I know we heard from him but it was soooo brief)

All teasing aside....Not much new with me, waiting for H to call and arrange the next meeting. I figure it will be in August, since my b'day was in mid-July and our anniversary is mid-September. Hopefully he has learned from his mistake of filing for separation on our anniversary and won't repeat the bad timing.

WGTT - How was your trip??

Hope everyone else is doing well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Guess who is back?

avondale...

Petvet must of known you were posting that... because it looks like you crossed posted while he was posting... how ironic.

But hey! It worked.

Concerning your "H"... let's hope that he doesn't have to do anything more... but come back home to you and put his "M" back together.

I always try to pray for you and everyone else on this board to try to find a resolution to their situation, and to allow the Lord to have everyone follow his lead.


Leah...

With your "H" gone all the time (hopefully it is strictly business), I am sure that there are many times that you feel lonely.

In order to have a sucessful "M", IMHO... is that both spouses have to be grounded spiritually as well committed to their family without exception... including work.

When one spouse is gone all the time, for whatever reason... they in fact are not fullfilling their part as a Parent, and/or Spouse.

When one thing such as a job... takes away from the family... be it any job, and their time is devoted to that, more than their own family... the family suffers.
Yes it's nice to have a big house, new cars, and all the frills that go along with it... but at what price does everyone in the family have to pay because someone is caught up in trying to be a success, and, "hey everyone! look what I have"!.

Well guess what? You have all these nice things... but you may not have your "M", or your family anymore... because your too busy trying to stay ahead of the game to have all these nice things.

I found this out in my own life and "M" the hard way. I worked long and hard hours when I had my business... and I thought I was doing the right thing (being a good provider). What I didn't see while all of this was going on... was the lonliness that was being put upon my family.

If you don't have someone to share any or all of what has been accompished... then in fact... you have accomplished nothing except what is in your own mind.

Your "H" needs to wake up and smell the coffee, and maybe drink about 10 cups as well. IMHO... if you lose your faith in God and your job is more important to you than your family... your headed down a dead end road.

Keep the faith, and keep doing what your doing... the Lord will be their for you during your times of lonliness... I know... because I have been there and done that.

God's blessing to you Leah.

Petvet...

Good to hear from you!

I agree with you 100%, I thinkit's not asking too much to have my G/F wait until the kids on both sides all grow up and get on their way before we decide to tie the knot.

Now if I can only get my G/F to see this samething... it would be a wonderful thing.

Glad to hear that your doing well.

Trusting Him...

How are you doing?

Keep us posted when you get a chance.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey All,

I hope you're having a wonderful mid-week.

Wallace

I should have known you were 'tougher' than that!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you did date this guy... IMHO... you would be commiting adultry, because your legally still "M".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are absolutely correct. I don't plan to date him before or after my divorce! I'm just not interested in that at the moment and I can't afford to be sidetracked. Although, he did get back stage passes for a girlfriend and I to see George Benson on Friday night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This guy may be a nice guy... but he is moving awful quick IMO.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It feels that way to me as well. He didn't call on Monday and on Tuesday wondered why I hadn't called him!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He has never been
married so that in itself is scary!

I took care of that little scenario very quickly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My G/F and I have been doing pretty good so far this month (holds breath and crosses fingers), hope it keeps up.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The end of the month is not here yet! How about if you uncross your fingers, breath and move on?

L2B

It is very good to keep busy to close out the chatter in your mind. Lonliness is very real regardless of how close your walk is with the Lord. The hardest lonliness is when they're in the same house!

No dating for me! I am not interested in having God mad at me. I've come to far.

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have noticed a total tranformation from last year about you. You are very at ease. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow you are very observant! Many people have said that to me, but only through conversation. For you to see it in my writing is amazing. Thank you.

I have the peace of God that I had only heard about. It has a lot to do with moving forward and feeling like it's the right thing to do.

Remember though, I haven't seen or talked to my H in 2 years. Seeing him or talking to him could blow everything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WGTT, Avondale, EC and Everyone Else

God Bless and have a wonderful week.

relady