Hey All,

Just an update!!

I turned down the tickets. I think he definitely has a problem. We haven't even seen each other yet and he is already acting like we're a couple. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What Have I Done! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

relady

Hi all,

Relady...

I think you did the right thing by not going. From what you were describing... this guy sounded like he was coming on way to strong and to quick.

If he thinks your a couple and you haven't even been "D", and/or really haven't even seen this guy... I would avoid this guy at all costs... sounds like big trouble to me.

In response to your earlier post... I am in the midst of much confusion concerning everything that is going on in my life at this point. My Dad, IRS, the way things are going with my G/F.

I feel like I'm caught up in another transition in my life that I'm not ready to take on. I'm still trying to heal from all that has happened in the past... and I need that time to fully heal.

I haven't questioned my faith... but sometimes I feel like God is just letting me go through all of this to test my faith, or maybe I am beginning to leave him behind... I don't know.

I listened to this song... and it really summed up what I'm feeling right at the moment... It's called "Walking and Thinking", by a band called RA, and my son gave it to me to listen to

It goes like this... (acoustical guitar arrangement only) It in actuality is a very sad song.

This is the first verse.

"From the air I see your loneliness".

"You carry on despite your fear".

"Inside a box you keep your sanity... and it will never seem clear... to me".

"Over the hills a light it flows, it shows the Angels laughing... where is the love that were suppose to find".

"Lost in a maze of games so very dark and overwhelming... lost in these thoughts, that seem to rule my mind".

It gets darker... and the part that bothers me... is it really hit me... hard!

Right now... I am in the middle of a moment, that the Lord is not helping me with, and I don't think I'm helping myself with either. It just seems to go deeper as time goes on.

I'm still fighting it all... because it seems that anymore... that is what I do best.

In time... I'll figure this all out (hopefully with the Lords help).

I may quit posting for awhile, until I pull this all together.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ August 27, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi All,

Wallace

You're right, he appears to be serious trouble. I am going to avoid him like the plague. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like I'm caught up in another transition in my life that I'm not ready to take on. I'm still trying to heal from all that has happened in the past... and I need that time to fully heal. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, you do need time to heal. It's almost impossible to get the 'you' time when you have a girlfriend along with her baggage and constant barrage of marital talk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If you're staying with her to avoid the confrontation or drama of letting her go, don't. This is going to happen sooner or later from pure pressure. Believe me, sooner is better.

There are times when we feel like the Lord has abandoned us. He hasn't stopped talkimg to us, we just have so many things going on, that we don't hear. Ask Him if there were any instructions He's given you that you haven't followed. And make sure you spend quality time with Him just as you do with your family.

Listening was a major lesson for me.

Stay away from the sad songs.

Another clue, is that if you feel like you are being pulled in every direction 'helter skelter', you're being 'driven' and not 'led' of the Lord. He is in no way involved with confustion. When you can't decide what to do, do nothing until you hear from Him. Once you make a decision, you should be totally at peace with it or it is not of God.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In time... I'll figure this all out (hopefully with the Lords help).
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe me, you won't figure it out without Him.
You cannot do this by yourself.

relady

Wallace dear Wallace,
I was concerned when I read your post. I didn't even need to think about what to write - because I know I cannot say it any better than Relady did....so I'm just going to repeat her post.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree, you do need time to heal. It's almost impossible to get the 'you' time when you have a girlfriend along with her baggage and constant barrage of marital talk.

If you're staying with her to avoid the confrontation or drama of letting her go, don't. This is going to happen sooner or later from pure pressure. Believe me, sooner is better.

There are times when we feel like the Lord has abandoned us. He hasn't stopped talking to us, we just have so many things going on, that we don't hear. Ask Him if there were any instructions He's given you that you haven't followed. And make sure you spend quality time with Him just as you do with your family.

Stay away from the sad songs.

Another clue, is that if you feel like you are being pulled in every direction 'helter skelter', you're being 'driven' and not 'led' of the Lord. He is in no way involved with confustion. When you can't decide what to do, do nothing until you hear from Him. Once you make a decision, you should be totally at peace with it or it is not of God.


quote from Wallace:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In time... I'll figure this all out (hopefully with the Lords help).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Believe me, you won't figure it out without Him.
You cannot do this by yourself </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't stop posting! Remember, you have control over whether or not you allow yourself to give in to the negativity that does not come from the Lord. We love you and care for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All,

Happy Friday!!

Avondale - Hope your meeting will go well in Aug. I agree with Wallace, it would be nice if your H turned around and got it together. You mentioned

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think EC decided to audition for the latest "Bachelor" television show?? (I know we heard from him but it was soooo brief)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I would be to scared to audition, besides can you imagine me being on there with 20 women on my arms trying to bring them all to church at once <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Wouldn't that be a sight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I guess that's like having a family outting with the kids going to " Hooters " <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


I never considered myself a "Bachelor" but just a single guy trying to reverse himself from a crispy critter from all the mess...

Relady - That's good you backed off from the guy. I think his feelings are "Old" infacuations for you, trying to relive his past feelings and emotions. Eventhough you are detached from your H, it's still best to make it a clean cut. You've been doing good this long why mess it up.

Wallace - Glad you got your taxes done, what a relief that can be. That's some good lyrics to the song, I'm sure the music part of it ought to be good. As far as your g/f, time is the best friend you can have now.

Leah - Sorry to hear you have to deal with be lonely at times, but on the other hand sometimes those are the times when you can be creative. I'm with Wallace, I was too busy to see my exw was lonely, but she wouldn't communicate to me that she was lonely. As I look back, I think her communication was like, hey let's go to the mall, let's go do this or that. I think I refused because it involved spending money, and since I knew we didn't have any to spend, my thoughts were, why get myself in deeper debt, I'm already depressed, therefore I avoided going to those places, but to her it was a place of relief.....


Me - Nothing to much new happening. Trying to adjust to my new financial status since CS ended. Starting to house shop now, hoping to buy in the next few months. Since I'm single, it seems that I'm starting to have conflicts with married couples. I think my singles causes problems. I think they get the idea, I'm living responsibilty free which cause envy or threat.

The married women feel left alone if the husband hangs out with me, don't know why, I'm not a woman chaser, neither am I gay. Yet I treat the couple as one and don't divide them.

The men feel threatened if there wives speak to me like they always have, but now it's seems it's different now that I'm single, so now I get the distant treatment from some. It's the same married friends....

Sooooo, I guess I'll have to find me some single friends now......When I was married we treated single friends as bothers or sisters and family..I guess it's a different day.....


Hello to everyone else.....

Hi all,

relady and avondale...

Thank you both for the advice. I'm taking a look at all my options at this point in time. Not sure which direction I'm going to swing yet... but I'll let you all know when I decide to make a full blown decision.

EC...

I went through kind of like the same thing your describing concerning my "M" friends. Some I have seen a few times here and there... but for the most part... I haven't seen that much of them, only on a few occasions.
I met many people through the various "D" groups that I attened, and made many good friends there as well... so I usually get together with them and people from Church.
Not much time to do much visiting w/ friends at the moment... but hopefully in time that will change.

I wish that I had finished with the IRS... I'm still in the heat of the battle, and I'm not sure at this point which way it may go. Hopefully you will get to post that again when I do actually win and finish up with them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope everyone had a great weekend, and hope your week goes well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone,

((((WALLACE))))

I just read your post and am so concerned about you. You seem pretty discouraged. I completely understand those feelings of confusion and defeat... those are the times when it's toughest to keep looking up and keep moving forward. But please, make the choice to keep trusting the Lord. He is the only One who truly has all the answers.

In my tough times, I often think of the verse,"Be still and know that I am God." It's easy to get tangled up in our own thoughts and activities, and often we need to do just as that verse says. I will pray for you my friend.

Thanks for your thoughts regarding my situation and lonliness. I didn't know you had your own business too. Everything you wrote is so true... things don't matter. I have told my husband I would gladly give up all the "stuff" to have him at home more. The big house is nice but so nothing in comparison to the dream of a shared life and love. It's so sad to see him pour himself into this business just to lose out on all that really matters in life.

But that is something God has to show him. All my attempts just bring anger and frustration on his part. He wants me to be supportive of all that he does, which currently means he's very, very absent. He has been on business out of state the past few days after working non-stop for weeks. It's a situation I have to continually give back to God. He alone can fill my empty heart and bring H back to Him.

Please take care of yourself Wallace. I hope to hear you can find some time to find some peace and direction in your life. Keep posting...we're all here for you!!


EC,

I can understand why you wouldn't want to jump on the idea of spending time with your ex if you felt it meant shopping and more wasted money. Unlike your situation, I have often expressed to H how much it would mean to me to have him home with us. I would be delighted to just have his company, without going anywhere. As I wrote Wallace, I don't care much about material things. The relationship is what matters. I just wish my H shared the same value and perspective.

I can relate somewhat to your difficulty with friendships with married couples. Unfortunately, because I attend church without my H and do pretty much everything with just the girls and I, we aren't regarded as a couple. Most people think of me as a single mom. Sadly,I pretty much think of myself that way too. But obviously I am married, so I can't really hang out with the Singles group either. So I have my lady friends, but as far as couple and family friends, that has all changed in the past five years.

I hope you can find people that are accepting and supportive of you. Of course, you can always post here... we're here for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


RELADY and AVONDALE,

You both seem to be doing well. You have stayed strong and committed thru long periods of time that would bring lesser folks to a point of compromise. I admire you both for doing what's right and staying the course. Keep looking to God - He will bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


TRUSTING HIM,

Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you are doing well.

HI to WGTT, PETVET, and anyone else I might have missed. Hope you all have a great week!

Hi all! No, I have not eloped. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Leah: You may want to encourage your H to revise his work schedule for more you and family time, or he will slowly but surely lose his family.

Relady: Take you time; I get the feeling that you won't be on the open market very long. Don't rush into anything.

Avondale: Twenty five year wait? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> In the end, you will be responsible how your life evolves. Life is short; especially, after you have exhausted your options.

Wallace: How about this recommendation. Tell your GF that you would like to have some space for a while and that if she would like to date other folks that would be OK with you. If you are getting alot of drama at the dating stage, what will your life be like later.

Later.

Hi all,
Not much new with me. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the last of summer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Trusting , are you still around? You haven't posted in a while...hope everything is OK.

WGTT , same for you - no posts. I know you're in the middle of "a situation" with your H. Have you begun any action?

<small>[ July 29, 2004, 06:45 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to let you all know that I won't be able to post for awhile. We're going on a family vacation. Hurray!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My extended family is headed north for a reunion and week at the lake. Should be lots of fun!

Hope all of you are doing well! Take care and keep looking up.

Hi all,

Not much new going on here either... but I'm sure that will change (calm before the storm).

Petvet...

Thanks for the advice. I had brought splitting up for awhile to my G/F, and it did not go over real well. See the problem is... she doesn't want to split up... she wants to get "M".

What is putting her in these moods... is she doesn't want to wait any longer to get "M", but she knows it's out of her control... because we both have certain circumstances that need to be dealt with.

Leah...

Hope you have a great time while on vacation.

Good time to bond with your "H".

Hope everyone is well... gotta go... the President of the Company is here today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

All

*chuckles* Still here but a lot going on in life. Computer died, cable disappeared, laptop is slow on 36k modem and this thread takes eons to load <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

So....I try to read from work but can't post from there. Going back and reading now to catch up on all the happening's.

Here on this in? *SHOCKED*

I had the children Tuesday evening and their Mom was going to pick them up from my house around noon that day and I had agreed to go into work a little late so that they would not be by themselves for a long time. OD had just turned 13 and we both feel that she is responsibile enough to watch over them for a few hours.

As I was leaving for work I told the children what they needed to do before Mom arrived. OD was to get a bath, make her bed, vacuum her room and put her clothes away. DS was to make our bed and put his clothes away. YD was to make her bed and put her clothes away. They all were to put away all dishes they used for drinks or snacks in the dishwasher and be dressed and ready for Mom when she arrived.

Did I really expect for all of that to get done? Nope. .. but I did have some expectations.

But upon arriving home late Wednesday evening I was shocked to see that the living room and kitchen was clean. As I walked down the hall into the bedrooms I was even more shocked to see that ALL the beds were made up and ALL clothes were put away. By now my heart is pounding and I am so PROUD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> of the children that I think I need to let them know. Opps! It's 11:30 PM, just a little late to call them and express my sincere appreciation.

They were leaving early Thursday morning to go to Florida with Mom for the weekend so I may not get to call them tomorrow either. OK...I'll just write them each a letter and it will be at home when they arrive and know how PROUD I am of them. But of course YD takes care of all the problems for me. She calls early Thursday morning because her monogramed towels are at my house and she just has to have them to take to the beach. She checks with MoM and it's OK for me to bring them by as I go to work.

Upon arriving at their house DS runs out to hug me and I tell thanks. He asks, "For what?" For doing everything that I asked you to yesterday. By now YD has come out and I tell her "Thank You." Again, "For What?" For doing everything that I asked you to yesterday. When I got home last night I was so proud to see that everything was done.

They both replied at the same time, "We didn't do anything Daddy, Mommy did it all."



Now I can think of 1001 different reasons for absoutely nothing to have been done at my house


</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm in a hurry kids and have to get back to work</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Daddy can deal with that when he gets home</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ya'll don't do this at home so why do it here</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You should have done this sooner, get dressed and let's go</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and about 900 more</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
but I am hard pressed to see why my former made all the beds, put away all the clothes and even ran the dishwasher.

I did go on in the house and tell her;

"I was in the process of telling the children thanks for doing everything that I had asked but I've discovered that the thanks needs to go to you. Thank you for doing all of that."

Trusting - what a GREAT story!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But you can't leave it hanging! How did your former respond when you thanked her???

Hi all!

Avondale: I guess things are at a relative calm for you.

Wallace: Enjoy the calm while you can.

Trusting: That was some story. She may have felt obligated to do the chores or something like that. I don't know what to make of situation. Going forward, she whether she has similar acts of kindness in other areas of your life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Me: Getting ready to go to Biloxi for a couple of days. Other than that, things are calm. Oh! I was shock earlier this week when I found out that my ex is dating someone older enough to be her father and maybe my father. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It was kinda funny.

Later.

Hi All,

TH - Hey that's a great story! I wonder what sparked that? Just my thoughts, I think it's something that's been in her heart to do for some time, and the opportunity presented it's self. You never know what to expect sometimes, hang in there.....

Petvet - Oh, I'm sure you just love it when the WS goes out and finds grandpa <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> They'll try to jumpstart anything. As I heard a young guy say about him and his senior wifes night love time, " Well I guess it's time to go jump the old trampoline" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Leah - Vacation time! That's great have fun...

Wallace - Hang in there, if she knows you're the right one, she'll wait. Some people are in love with idea of being married (security) but not with the work it takes to stay in love, take your time.

Avondale - So how are things going with you these days?


Me: Well here I am on saturday trying to figure out my strategy, searching the laws. I got a letter today that exw is taking me to court "again" to increase the small arrearage child support amount that I still pay. This issue was aleady settled in early 2003. When will she stop? She lives her life to always trying to gain monetary revenge. I feel like I'm starting all over again with the court stuff. Anyway, I'll find out monday if she can legally do this, eventhough my YD has emancipated...

Take Care

Hi All,

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

TH

What a great story! You have to give us Part 2. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L2B

I hope you're having a wonderful vacation.

EC

My brother is going through the same thing with his X. She has put my niece out of the house at 17 and she is currently living with my brother and she's asking to increase the child support! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> The only one making money is the Attorney!

IMHO, when a wife has an affair and wants a divorce, she should forfeit her child support and also be declared unfit!

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take you time; I get the feeling that you won't be on the open market very long. Don't rush into anything.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will definitely be taking my time. Right now I'm not interested in investing time in a relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Opinions Please <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My D will be final in September and I haven't seen or heard from my STBX since I sent the papers for him to sign...Did any of you write a letter or make a phone call to end on a friendly note? did your X call you? Or did you just let things go as they were and celebrate your brains out? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was thinking about writing a letter and I don't want him to think I'm trying to initiate anything and I also don't want him to think I have bad feelings towards him either.

So, what is the best way to do that?

relady

Hi Relady,

Thanks for the encouragement, at least i'm not alone out there...

As far as calling or writting your soon to be xh as soon as dv is final....It depends on how your relationship is now....I tried to be friendly but she had lots of anger and vengence, so for me it was best I stay away..... My dv day was a mixed emotion day,I remember celebrating afterwards....

Since exww had OM(s) during dv I was ready to end it...Since my OD's gradutation was 1 week after dv, I remember speaking to exww, but I never saw her and haven't since 2001.......except for a glimpse back in May 2004 in passing when I was there, she looked like a stranger.....

Anyway, it's possible to be friends afterwards, I think it's more peaceful when you are, otherwise if the person inflicts emotional pain, then cut communication and never look back..

Take Care

EC

Thank you for your input. My stbxh and I don't really have a relationship. We haven't talked in 2 years nor have I seen him. I wrote him a letter along with the D papers to sign. He signed them and mailed them back. The only communication in two years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He could still be angry, but why? Could it be because I never begged him to come back and I've always known where he is? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

relady

Relady

If it's up to you, then by all means do whatever is in your power to be friendly and sociable. There are some out there who no matter how well we treat them they will continue to hold onto their bitterness and resentment. That... is their choice.

Much like EC I have tired my best to part on friendly terms with my former but at times it seems that she would rather have her hurt and anger then treat each other with respect for the sake of the children.

Relady
I know I don’t have the divorce experience -yet- to draw on, but here’s my 2cents worth about your question, with some food for thought...

If you write or call him, what would you say? "I’m sorry"? What was the tone of the letter you sent with the divorce papers? Is it possible that letter was enough because it conveyed the olive branch you're hoping to extend to him? If you had additional contact through letter or phone, would that affect him any way?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Relady said:
I don't want him to think I'm trying to initiate anything </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I recall correctly (and I may be very wrong)that whole time after he left, you did try to contact him a little bit...but he didn't think you were trying to initiate anything those times either, did he (even though you WERE wanting to work on things)? So it's quite possible he wouldn't think that now, either. Could be, he's just obtuse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

What are the chances of you two running into each other? Is your town small? Do you have the same friends? Do you go to the same church like TH? These factors may help decide if another point of contact to "end on a friendly note" is necessary.