Hi All,

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and thank you for your input.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I recall correctly (and I may be very wrong)that whole time after he left, you did try to contact him a little bit...but he didn't think you were trying to initiate anything those times either, did he (even though you WERE wanting to work on things)? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have never tried to contact him because I knew I would only start to beg and get my feelings hurt. I sort of left him to God. We have never spoken in two years! I decided that if he wanted to work on things, he would surely let me be the first to know. He did contact my pastor a few times, that was about it.

The letter I sent him about the divorce was 'businesslike' with my signature and his letter to me was the same.

The six month waiting period will end in Sept. I have a final paper to sign to have the judge grant the D. The court will send him a copy.

I'm not necessarily interested in being his friend, because that will probably never happen unless God intervenes. I do want him to know I wish him only the best.

We are at opposite ends of LA and would probably never run into each other unless God was in it!

At this point, I am definitely not interested in reconciliation whether he would entertain the thought or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Although, I can't totally dismiss what God would want to do, He would have to come in person to tell me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Hi all,

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I was down with some sort of stomach flu this weekend... but I'm back up and running.

relady...

I'm running about the same as you and EC, and personally I don't think I would want it any other way. I haven't seen, nor spoken to my exW for about 2-1/2 yrs... and most of my kids, except one (saw her briefly by accident about a year ago), have no desire to communicate with her as well.

What is there really to say, or do?

I don't know all the fine points of the state of each others actual "M", or lack there of. But IMO, sometimes you need to disassociate yourself from someone who has caused you a lot of pain. In most instances, and if given the chance... they will continue on right where they left off... that's if you allow them to still be a part of your life.

I'm not speaking about everyones situation... but there are the exceptions where your better off not communicating with them at all, depending on the nature of what all transpired to get you were you are now.

You can forgive them for what they did, and forgive yourself as well... but you don't have to have them as part of your life, unless you feel that they have truly shown remorse for what they have done... or your just asking for more problems if you do.

When the trust that you have given someone that you truly loved with all your heart is broken, shattered, or whatever verb you want to put in there... IMHO, it's over about 80% of the time.

Yes... it would be nice to know what caused them to do the things they did in order to possibly correct your mistakes that may or may not have led them to ruin a "M".

"But, there is "no excuse for an affair", plain and simple... none.

It would take more than a miracle for me to even want to think about having any kind of a relationship with my exW.

She has been, and still is nothing but trouble, and IMHO, she probably always will be. I want myself to be as far away from her on a one on one basis as I can get... and my children can decide for themselves what kind of relationship they want with their mother... they are all old enough to make that choice for themselves.

I know I may sound bitter... and I may be. But after 2-1/2 yrs. of being away from this person... I'm still dealing with the ripple effect of what she left behind. I really just want her and all of her garbage out of my life... I don't think that is to much to ask.

EC...

Thanks for the encouragement... it is appreciated.

I'm going to take my time... and I agree with what you said. I don't plan on making another mistake that ends in "D".

Trusting HIm...

I agree with the others... your going to have to finish the rest of the story. It was a nice gesture on your former's part.

What do you think prompted her to do that?

Petvet...

Are you going over there for a vacation, or is it business?

For the record... my exW married some guy that is as old as her dad from what I've heard... so go figure.

My exW's life, has gotten to the point where it's so ridicules, it's not even really worth the time to waste discussing it anymore... it's that sad.

All I can do is pray for her, and sometimes it takes a lot of effort to do that anymore... but I still do.


avondale...

You are holding up well it seems, both you and relady.

Any news from your "H", at this point?

Well I hope everyone has a good week this week. Can you believe, that we are almost into the fall season already. This year seems to have just shot by.

I guess time flies when your having fun! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL!!!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ August 02, 2004, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

WELLLLLLL
I got a call at home from H yesterday afternoon. I had previously suggested he go into the backyard sometime during the day to see it's condition (it's overgrown really bad, unlike front yard, which is marginally better). He wanted to know if this was a good time to look at yard. I said OK, come on over and immediately regretted it (house was messy, my clothes were not perfect, etc...). Anyway, he saw the yard, agreed we needed to do something, and we discussed a few other things that should obviously be done before selling the house. I still haven't decided what to do (sell or stay), but am looking at a house later this week. Anyway, one thing he mentioned was some "capital gains" tax rule about having to live in the house 2 of last 5 years. What do y'all know about that? By his estimation, he has to file by July 2005 (3 years after he moved out) or else he forfeits waiving this capital gains tax rule. And get this - the main reason he has been moving so slowly to Divorce is because he didn't want to deal with his dissertation and divorce at the same time. It's all about HIM! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sorry, just had to vent!

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all,

avondale...

The sad truth is, that with most WSs... it usually is all about them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">QUOTE BY AVONDALE:

one thing he mentioned was some "capital gains" tax rule about having to live in the house 2 of last 5 years.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe that is a true statement that your "H" brought up. You do have to live in your place of residence for at least 2 years... or you have to pay capital gains tax on any equity/profit you get in the year that you sell your home.

IMO, you won't have to pay it... if you file single in the year that you sell it... because it has been your residence, and you live there... but your "H" probably will have to pay it... unless he lies to the IRS about his current residence status.

Petvet and relady can probably elaborate on it more fully... but that is my understanding of the capital gains rule concerning the selling of your home.

If he has been gone for more than 2 years from his residence he may have to pay the capital gains tax... but there may be some loop hole someone knows about.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

Hope all is well.

Avondale

Yes, there is a capital gains rule that states you must live in your home 2 years out of the last 5 years to avoid paying taxes.

What is the address he uses on his tax returns? Are you still filing jointly? That will make a difference.

As a married couple you will still have an exclusion of $500,000 equity free and clear of taxes. If you take the exclusion it would only be $250,000. In certain cases the IRS will allow a reduced exclusion amount in cases of divorce or legal separation for the relocated spouse.

Your H is right if his 5 year period is up next year, then if you decide to sell he will be ok, if not he will have to pay.

If you decide to stay, no problem. Although it appears to be in his best interest if you sell.

Petvet will probably be able to add more.

relady

Thanks for your input!

We file taxes married, filing separately (although in 2003 I think I filed head of household because son lived here long enough). His legal residence is his physical address, not our home.

We bought the house 22 years ago for $80k, have done additions during that time totaling maybe $40-50k, and the tax value is now $289k but I think that's too high and I've asked for a re-evaluation. So how do I figure out what is gain for me if I buy out his share or we sell it together? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> What if I buy out his share and then sell a few years down the road - how much do I pay then? Arrrghhh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Avondale

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We bought the house 22 years ago for $80k, have done additions during that time totaling maybe $40-50k, and the tax value is now $289k but I think that's too high and I've asked for a re-evaluation. So how do I figure out what is gain for me if I buy out his share or we sell it together? What if I buy out his share and then sell a few years down the road - how much do I pay then? Arrrghhh
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whatever you owe on the property is subtracted from the current value. Ex. If you still owe $20,000, Your equity would be $269,000. As long as you're still married your one time tax free exemption would be $500,000, so there would be no taxes on your profit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, if you buy your husband out, you will have to give him $134,500. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> You would then have to qualify for the loan plus the $20,000 you still owe. Otherwise, you would have to sell and he takes his half and you take your half.

If you decide to buy him out and sell later, you would still be exempt from paying taxes on $250,000 of your equity.

Hope that helps.

relady

Hi all!

Avondale: I will do some checking concerning the capital gains issue with the property. If I were you, I would not sell the property until after the divorce. You will need to get an appraisal (private, hush hush deal) to get a value on the property to best make a decision. I would probably get the house refinanced. That's what I just did to settle the divorce mess and give him his equitable share based on the divorce judgement. What's not going in your favor is that rates are going up. I'll get back with you on this.

Wallace: Yes, seeing grandpa with ex was a shock.

EC: Does your ex have grounds for more money?

Relady: What's the purpose for contacting your H? He has had over a year to contact and have decided not to. What is there to talk abbout?

Me: I had good vacation. The Imperial Palace is off the chain.

Later.

Hi All,

Hey, it's almost the weekend again. I was planning to take the day off and go to the beach, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> but work prevailed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Wallace

Did you read the thread about the three year relationship? And have you taken Harley's questionnaire 'choosing the right one to marry'?
They both might be of interest to you.

Petvet

You do ask the hard questions!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I haven't really thought it through. You're right, we haven't talked in two years so it is a mute point.

How about if I send a letter with Chapter 1 of our Marriage and then end it with The End. Then type 'the rest of the book cancelled for lack of interest'!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh well, just a thought.

Avondale, WGTT, EC, L2B, TH and everyone else, Have a great day.

relady

Hi All,

Hope everything is going well...

Petvet - To answer your question " Does exw have grounds to go after more money? I think she may be looking looking at this law....The courts have the choice to lower or increase an already existing order regardless.


61.14 Enforcement and modification of support, maintenance, or alimony agreements or orders.--

(1)(a) When the parties enter into an agreement for payments for, or instead of, support, maintenance, or alimony, whether in connection with a proceeding for dissolution or separate maintenance or with any voluntary property settlement, or when a party is required by court order to make any payments, and the circumstances or the financial ability of either party changes or the child who is a beneficiary of an agreement or court order as described herein reaches majority after the execution of the agreement or the rendition of the order, either party may apply to the circuit court of the circuit in which the parties, or either of them, resided at the date of the execution of the agreement or reside at the date of the application, or in which the agreement was executed or in which the order was rendered, for an order decreasing or increasing the amount of support, maintenance, or alimony, and the court has jurisdiction to make orders as equity requires, with due regard to the changed circumstances or the financial ability of the parties or the child, decreasing, increasing, or confirming the amount of separate support, maintenance, or alimony provided for in the agreement or order. A finding that medical insurance is reasonably available or the child support guidelines in s. 61.30 may constitute changed circumstances. Except as otherwise provided in s. 61.30(11)(c), the court may modify an order of support, maintenance, or alimony by increasing or decreasing the support, maintenance, or alimony retroactively to the date of the filing of the action or supplemental action for modification as equity requires, giving due regard to the changed circumstances or the financial ability of the parties or the child.

Take Care

PetVet

Biloxi for a couple of days! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I can't say that I've ever been there. But. . . my former had planned a suprise birthday trip for us there bacn in the summer of 2001. To bad she never told me until after the fact.

But. . . glad that you had a good time while there. Hopefully every thing else is going good for you.

EC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> arrearage, emancipated and 61.14 Enforcement and modification of support, maintenance, or alimony agreements or orders.--
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*chuckles* Had to go visit Webster to make sure I could speak. I'm assuming that your YD is now out of the former's care but you're still paying support for an arrearage.

It sounds like she may be able to do it but I am curious who's financial ability changed. If the YD is now out from under Mom her's definately increased and your's probably did not (unless of course you got a HUGE raise and forgot to tell me hoe to do the same <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

I sure hope it works out to your benefit.

relady

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> IMHO, when a wife has an affair and wants a divorce, she should forfeit her child support and also be declared unfit!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do want him to know I wish him only the best. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In that case, should you ever run into him then by all means be as pleasent as possible. Should you pursue him to let him know that? If your heart tells you not then let it go.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How about if I send a letter with Chapter 1 of our Marriage and then end it with The End. Then type 'the rest of the book cancelled for lack of interest'!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Funny! I fell out of my chair reading that.

Avondale

I know absoutely nothing about tax laws and trying to browse the internet at 36k is so slow. Listen to the advice of the others.

It's all about HIM! I know the feeling and my heart goes out to you.

Wallace

Hate that stomach flu. Must have made it over here too as I was out for a couple of days with something. Glad you're feeling better.

You spoke well in your reply to relady and it even shed some insight on me and my former's contact...but...the 3 little ones throw a HUGE monkey wrench into the fire.

Sound Bitter? I do not think so. While I know our young ones play a huge role in my feelings and desire to reconcile I do feel that if there were no children involved I would have been shed of that relationship quite sooner.

Me

As Paul Harvey would say...

"Now, for the rest of the story."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She may have felt obligated to do the chores or something like that. I don't know what to make of situation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You nor anyone here, the best we can do is consider it a blessing and go on with life. I've thought about the obligated thing and find it quite hard to believe tht after her actions over the last 2 years that she would feel obligated to do anything that would benefit me in any way.

I wonder what sparked that? Just my thoughts, I think it's something that's been in her heart to do for some time, and the opportunity presented it's self. You never know what to expect sometimes, hang in there.....

I would like to think so and only time will tell. I can assure you that this was the first thing that she has done that benefits or impacts me directly in a positive manner in well over 2 years. But...if you are familiar with Gary Chapman and "The Five Love Language's" she would fall under "Acts of Service. For her to do this could possibly indicate a softening. Who knows.

Part II

I actually think that was Part 2. It was probably what transpired prior to this gesture that may have lead up to it.

Our YD was baptised Sunday 2 weeks ago. If you all could have seen the smile and glowing face of her you hearts would have jumed with joy.

One of my former's co-workers attended and our YD went home with her that afternoon to spend the night. Since they work together our YD was to spend the day with her Mom on Monday. That did not last to long. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Monday morning former called and I could hear YD in the background. Apparently her and Mom had a disagreement at the store and it ended up in a battle of the wills. I think neither of them won. My former wanted to know if I was in a position to keep YD. She had planned on her staying with her at work but the altercation must have changed those plans.

Either way, my former arrrived at work and I took YD. My former began to explain what happened and made mention of arguments between her and YD Friday and Saturday evenings, that she (former) had cried herself to sleep Friday because of YD’s constant remarks. "I hate you", "leave me alone", "I don't love you" and probably quite a few more.

A, she's angry.

This has nothing to do with our divorce! She been this way for years! You know we've been washing her mouth out with soap since she could talk.

There's no need to get angry but YD is angry and you and I both would be foolish to think that our divorce has not made things hard for her. You and I were talking last Monday and I listened to how she was talking to you, very disrespectful, loud and demanding. Tuesday night when I had her I was explaining to her that she has to stop using that tone of voice and being disrespectful toward you. She said, "But Daddy, I’m just angry about BF."

This has nothing to do with BF!

(Former begins to cry so I say just go to work and we'll talk about picking up YD later today and close the car door.)

YD and I have a pretty good day and I take her home early for a nap before her Mom comes to pick her up. When she arrives I begin a conversation that I have been avoiding for some time. Basically saying that she and I have to put aside our differences, anger and bitterness for the sake of our children. In a nutshell I guess;

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You and I have to put aside our bitterness and anger toward each other</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As Mother and Father we have to come together for the sake of our children</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They will one day treat their spouses just as they see us treat each other</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because we are divorced we are going to have to work 10 times harder to help them survive</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And probably several other areas were touched on.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Former’s response.

We talked for almost an hour. She never came from behind the couch, just stood behind it and talked. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> She agreed on many items but offered up some justification and became defensive when the topic of divorce or boyfriends and girlfriends came up.

*chuckles*

After I told her again what YD had said last Tuesday evening she went into a detailed list of what YD sometimes tells her. "I think Daddy has a girlfriend", "I really like (female name) and I think Daddy does too", "(another female name) is really sweet and I think she likes Daddy".

I do have a life and I do try to include the children as much as possible. But, does YD ever say to you “Mommy, I’m angry at Daddy” or “I’m upset at Daddy” because of something we did or because of someone we spend time with?

No, but YD even invited BF to her baptism Sunday. And BF’s mom really wanted to see a Baptist baptism and she's never seen anyone baptised. How would you have felt if BF and his mom had been there Sunday?

Well. . . I would like to think that you would be kind enough to give me some advance notice the first couple of times that this happens. Yes,it would have been akward but I would have dealt with it. Boyfriends and girlfriends will be something that each of us will have to deal with and while uncomfortable or awkward at first I am quite sure that both of us will adjust and do what is best for our children.

But nothing to the extent of anything I do that makes YD angry or upset. My thoughts as former went through the list of women was that she was fishing but I only offered up the fact that I do have friends, both male and female that the children and I go out with sometimes.

In the end we did agree that it was something we would need to work on to help the children.

But.............................

I had the children Tuesday evening and we had a wonderful time. As I was tucking in YD I made a casual comment that if she wanted to invite Mom’s BF to her Baptism or anywhere else that it was fine with me. That she and I both are going to have to learn how to deal with other people in our lives.

Ouch!

YD shouted that she did not want to invite him anywhere. I attempted to explain to her that Mommy and I had talked and I already knew that she had wanted him to come to her baptism.

"I did not invite him! Mommy was talking to BF Friday night and she asked me if I wanted him to come. And he was telling her that she needed to get a grip on her children and not let them run so wild. Mommy got angry at him and started screaming and crying and that made me cry. I do not like it when they fight and I told her to just get off the phone and she started screaming at me. That made me mad and then I started screaming at her. We both cried ourselves to sleep that night."

Now I know when YD is not telling the truth by her actions. She typically begins making excuses, complaining about her legs hurting or saying that she is tired and just needs to go to sleep.

This child was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> that I was trying to put words into her mouth and did not like the idea that she had invited BF to anything.

So now a bit of the truth has been revealed about the weekend arguments and why YD feels the way that she does today. It also causes me to question if the conversation my former and I had Monday had any bearing at all or if it was just all hot air.

Which of course brings us up to the nice gestures on Wednesday.

Trusting - You made up for lost time with that post. That is a GREAT rest of the story! Very interesting and revealing! Your YD is caught in the middle if your former is willing to use her child like that. And I think it does probably explain the generous actions of your former in cleaning the house on Wednesday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Petvet - You said Biloxi...then you mentioned Imperial Palace, which I thought was a casino/hotel in Las Vegas. Maybe it’s a chain...So how much money did you win? Hope you didn’t LOSE any...

EC - Sorry you’re having to deal with more legal junk. You deserve so much better. Any word from your daughters about a future visit to you?

Relady - Did you decide to not write a letter? Do you have a specific date for the divorce finalization? Keep us posted on that. I’ll be praying for you.

Leah - You are gonna have a lot of reading to do to catch up now! Hope your vacation is going well.

Me - Thanks again everyone for your input. Yesterday I met with a real estate agent to see one particular house. Prior to seeing it I had been praying for God to make it clear to me what to do (stay or move elsewhere). Well, this house was similar to mine in size and cost yet maintained by HOA. It needed work (like mine does) and also has additional cost of $330/mo for the HOA dues. In all honestly, emotions aside, it just wasn’t any better than what I already have and probably would cost more. So my decision (as of this moment - subject to change by a fickle middle-aged woman) is to try to buy out H’s share of this house. He and I will meet next week to talk more seriously about financial stuff, and I’m sure the house might come into our talk. Also, I have an appt. for an appraisal next week, and H doesn’t know about it. I think I will also suggest to H for us to get a home inspection done (share cost) prior to selling...that will help confirm to me what I’m in for, in possible future costs, by staying here. I’ll do that anyway, even if he doesn’t want to share the cost.

WGTT - I haven’t forgotten you...please post an update!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. My son is here and he's going to mow the yard for me. Yippee! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All,

Just dropping quick line to say hello...

The last couple of days I had a chance to watch the Oprah show and Dr. Phil show..


Oprahs was on married women (teachers) who had affairs with minors (students) and a teacher who posed nude...

On Oprah, I marvelled at one woman who was in her 30's and said she wanted the affair because she was now able to do everything she missed out on at 16. Her lover was 17 at the time now 22. I marvelled because it was though if I was watching my exww. This lady was so bold and brazen and unashamed...

Dr. Phil's was on a woman who had 5 affairs...and a man who had 2 affairs, still hiding the facts...

Once again I marvelled because I remember exww serial affairs, more sorry she got caught and still creeping around...

Take Care

Hi all!

Avondale: You are making the right moves. I am going to point you in the right direction as for as IRS capital gains stuff is concern. Right now, I am working with extensions that are due next weekend. There are two Imperial Palaces, one in Vegas and the other in Biloxi. Oh! I betted so little, I could not tell you whether I lost anything or not.

EC: Your ex is fighting over beans. Let her try. If she is unsuccessful, try to get attorney fees and an order from the court for her to stop these pestering court filings.

Relady: Beginning and End storyline to H, what's the point. Put your energies elsewhere.


Me: Living life!

Later.
Trusting: I love fairy tale environs like Biloxi and Vegas.

Hey All,

It's late! I'm just getting in from a jazz concert and still wide awake. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

TH

Thank you for your comments and the end of the story, or is it the middle? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My niece disliked her mothers boyfriend because he would talk about her to her mother like she wasn't even there!! She is seventeen and felt he was looking at her inappropriately. She now lives with her father, thank God. Daughters really need their fathers. Make sure you give her lots of affection. Take her to the best places so she won't be impressed by the first boyfriend that takes her to McDonalds!

Avondale

In California the wait is 6 months and 1 day. So, I'll be there early on the 3rd, since it is the start of a long weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

No, I won't be writing the letter, I'm just going to work at putting it behind me.

Petvet

Sometimes I think it is still a little hard to believe that you can go from 'married' to 'divorced' without any conversation other than 'sign here'! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't spend alot of time thinking about it, I'm too busy for that. Just one of those mysteries of life.

relady

HI everybody, I posted to the wrong place, but here is where I intended to be.
I have spend several days reading this thread- whew! I actually had to skip several.

My husband told me in January that he didn't love me anymore and that our marriage was over. He still was in the home on weekends to see the kids, which was normal because he works out of town all week every week anyway. He finally moved out a month ago and told me he was seeing an attorney. How long does it take to serve somebody papers? I though it was quick. Also, when did some of your WS take off their wedding rings? Mine is still wearing his. i want to think it's a good sign, but I've had several "Wrong" good sign in the past 6 months so maybe I'm wishful thinking??

Country Mama ,
Welcome to the Tough Love thread. Yes, I would think it is a good sign when a WS doesn't take off their wedding ring. Your post didn't have a lot of background info on it, so it's not clear to me what you personally want...do you want to stay married? Divorce laws vary by state, so there is no "set" time length about how long it takes to get served. Also, your husband may have to save up the money to get a lawyer. Both of these could help you stall for time if you want to work on your marriage. Could you give us a little bit of your marital or personal history? And you may want to consider posting in "General Questions" forum too. They have a lot of traffic there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HI EVERYONE,

You all have been busy writing. Glad to see everyone is doing okay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TRUSTING HIM,

That was quite a story about your former wife. It certainly was a nice gesture and would have been especially nice if it wasn't guilt motivated. From everything you write you seem to handle her, your children and the entire situation with such grace. You are doing really well. I hope your situation continues to get better as the days go on.

WALLACE,

I hope things are becoming clearer for you. How are you and your girlfriend doing? Have you resolved the big "M" question of timing? I've been thinking of you and praying for you.

AVONDALE,

It seems you're working hard to get all your ducks in a row and have given this house situation a lot of thought. I'm sure you will make the right decision about how to handle it all.

RELADY,

I think you've come to the right conclusion about the letter to your husband. It does seem you're ready to move forward. I think it's great that you can do so with such a great attitude. You seem bitter free which is such a wonderful testimony of God's work in your life.

PETVET, E.C., WGTT,

Hope you're all doing well. Glad you had a nice weekend away, Petvet.


ME,

Vacation went well. The weather was sunny, the lake beautiful. I had a great time with my sister and brothers and all the other extended family that came to visit. The girls had a ball playing with their cousins all week. It was really nice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Since returning I've been very busy with various projects around the house. Today I was working outside all day. Trying to get everything clean and organized. Hope you're all having a good week. Take care.

Hi,
Okay, here's a bit more of my story. We have been together 14 years, married for 9 in June, and have a 3 and 1 year old. Yes, I do want to stay married, but I guess I'm just resigned to the fact that he doens't want to be. I've received MANY mixed signals, or so I thought, but he has not really wavered much on his opinion, which is that his feelings for me are gone and he can't get them back, and sees no point in doing anything to try to get them back, we're just too far gone. I"ve suspected OW, but have no proof and nothing substantial. I spent the first 6 months trying to talk to him about the marriage and what we could do to change things, but he had no interest and my discussions with him actually aggravated him more. I guess that was Plan a? So now I am doing more of plan B, as much as I can since I still him almost every weekend when he sees the kids. He has told me that he has seen an attorney, but that was a month ago. He has the money, no problem there. He has not ever said the word "divorce" to me during any of this, just that the marriage is over and he plans to pursue that avenue.
My other sticky situation is that we sold our house last year, have been saving and searching for another, and I have a place I want. BUT, I've been a stay at home mom for 3 years and have no income, so I have to buy this house with him or I can't get a loan. Any advice on that end? Thanks, Country Mama

Hello All,


Welcome Country Momma. I read your story, but I'm concerned if you really dug down to the problem yet? Not for just the sake of putting your marriage back together, but learning where things went wrong so even if there was a DV, would you repeat the same things again in the next relationship? Not saying anything was your fault, but Plan A is working on you? Has he noticed anything diff about you that causes him to pause and rethink his decision?

It don't sound like your marriage has to be over and it's worth a try. The only way to be effective is to get the facts and know if there is an OW. Exposure will bring peace....Don't walk through the door of DV if you don't have to, it's not what people think, unless you're getting abused or something....It's better to rebuild than to tear down if all possible...

To answer your question how long does the process take? As Avondale said, every State is different. I'll give you an example of what I've experinced from FL ....

First there is a petition filed..
Then you get a copy served by a Sheriff and have to file an answer in so many days otherwise you default....

Then after your answer is sent back to the court you are notified of the court date. This whole process could take up to 3-6 months, it's all based on how fast the clerk of court is moving and how fast the Sheriff is moving and if there are attorneys involved,kids and property, etc...

Then once you get your court date, that date could be up to 6-12 months away, it depends how busy the court is.....


Me: Not much new....I found out that exw and the Judge have been conversing secretly off the record trying to get around the law...As I said it's a crooked court system...They're trying to get me in a hearing without going through all the legal procedure, thinking I'm going to do as they say...so much for that...

Anyway, in my legal studies, I've learned a new legal term. This legal term is so powerful that courts are starting to abolish it because it can stop some legal processes involving money dead in it's tracks, it called " Laches". You can use it or become a victim of it, depending on your issue. It's a two edge sword...

Take Care