Hi all!

Wes: Keep doing to your plan for now. She knows that she has mail. If you really want her to have it, mail it to her or just throw it in a box for future retrieval. Check out all joint accounts, loans, etc. If you do have joint loan, see can you get her to sign over all the responsibility to herself. Talk to your bank or lender.

Avondale: Lets hope that he takes your appraisal. Remember, you are in the driver's seat. Don't sale that house! Oh! Contact IRS at 1-800-829-3676 and ask for publication 523 and 544. Both deal with selling homes or assets.

Relady: Yeah, I'm afraid your niece is using her situation to get sympathy from each parent which equates to GOODIES.

EC: Good advice to Wes. You are a psychologist in the making.

Wallace: You have had the flu? Well, I think I have caught what you had. You don't need any shades. Keep those bifocals on buddy.

Me: I'm sore all over, can't talk, and I am suppose to hear Al Jareau Friday night. Do you think there's a chance that a sip of Jack can knock it out of me?

I'm gone.

Hey All,

avondale...

In regards to my house being finished as far as the remodeling goes... I could only wish.

It's an ongoing project that probably will not end until I sell my house. There is always something that you can upgrade, or change in order to improve it.

Since I'm doing all the work myself, it kind of limits me to a great degree as far as time is concerned. There is not enough of me to go around for all the things that I would like to do... but I keep plugging away at it when I get a good chunk of free time.
I do have most of the major things that I wanted to get done, completed though.

My Dad is not doing real good at this particular time, and TY for asking.

He may have to have part of his arm removed in order to try to stop the spread of the type of Cancer he has. He has been into see a number of Doctors already. In fact he goes in to see them just about every day. Right now... I'm not sure what the outcome may be... as they are still running a number of tests on him at this point.

All the "D" talk has stopped between my Mother and my Father since all of this came to light concerning the Cancer. I'm thankful for that part of it... but I wish it was for a different reason.

I personally can't believe they were even entertaning the thought of such a thing after 54 plus yrs. of "M"... but I have seen stranger things.

relady...

As I read your post a big <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> came upon my face.

For the record... my reading glasses are sun glasses... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

They are sun glass frames with a slight dark tint to the lenses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Right at this very moment... my G/F and I are getting along extremly well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm laughing while I'm typing this... so bear with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well if this means anything... I'm coming up on two years with my G/F. (I'm still laughing).

Oh, Oh... I have a phone call.

Talk to everyone later.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hello Everyone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ran through and read/tried to catch up on each of the happings in your lives. It sounds good for most and that makes me happy.

Wes....

Listen to these people and they will guide you right. At this point it sound as if your wife has made up her mind and there is no changing it. Plan A? *chuckles* My wife and I have been divorced for almost a year now and I still try to Plan A her. AND...even in the midst of her new BF it sometimes appears to be working.

Let God change you in the the man He would have you to be and your wife will find that attractive. But that is her choice and you can no way change her or her preceptions. Those belong to her.

All...so sorry that I have not been able to keep up here and post. It seems that all kinds of good stuff is going on over here. Finances have caused me to look for a smaller place, lo and behold it was the former who found an apartment within my range. She even took the children by and they all agreed that it was nice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Maybe I'll figure her out one day

So, trying to find a way to reduce expenses, move, stay busy at work, new DivorceCare Class started with 20 people showing up for the first one has kept me busy and in the road.

Praying that God will continue to work in each of your lives and give you your hearts esire.

P.S.

A lady gave me a small book the other day, "Dare To Desire" by John Eldredge. Very Enlighting! A must read for those who feel that tugging desire in their hearts.

Hi All,

Well the weekend is finally here and I have no appointments scheduled. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That is not good!!

Petvet

You're right, my niece is a master at manipulation. Her mother put her out, so she now lives with her father whom she has always been able to wrap around her finger. I'm proud of him though, still no cell phone.

Al Jareau huh? That should be a great concert. Is it an outside venue? Those are the best. If 'Jack' doesn't do it, try 'tequila shots' guaranteed to do the job!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are sun glass frames with a slight dark tint to the lenses. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are those the ones that get dark in the sunlight and lighten when you go inside? If so keep your GF inside, so you can see better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Right at this very moment... my G/F and I are getting along extremly well. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In that case, stay in 'this very moment', don't venture out!!

Avondale

You may be able to find those publications petvet mentioned on line at the irs website. They usually provide their publications and forms there. You could be on hold forever with them.

Everyone, have a great weekend.

relady

Hi All,

relady...

In regards to my sun glasses... yes they are polarized, and I may be as well... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sometimes... when it comes to a relationship with the opposite sex, I feel that I just really don't get that concerned about it anymore. It's the word's in that one song... "Once bitten twice shy"!

I've lived my life, and I accomplished most of my dreams. My kids, my family, and of course the Lord, is what life really means to me at this stage of my life.

I have the Lord, and I have my kids... and that is where I try to put my main focus on these days.

I feel blessed that I was given the opportunites that I was given in my life time.

In spite of everything that has happened... I still believe that the Lord is still blessing me and my family.

Your right about your one statement... you won't make it without the Lord.

With all of the wonderfulness that is surrounding me with my Dad, and such... the Lord and myself are communicating quite a bit these days... more so now... than probably ever before.

I just sometimes wonder when all the wonderfulness will ever end.

Trusting Him...

Good to hear from you!

As you walk in the Lord... people will definitely take notice. It will only attract the people that the Lord wants in your life... and that is a very good thing.

Your heading up a Divorce Care group? Correct me if I'm wrong... but you were heading up previous groups as well, were you not?

I got a lot out of the Divorce Care Group that I attended... I highly recommend it to anyone who is going through a "D", it puts many things into perspective.

Good to hear from you, let us know how things are progessing.

avondale...

O.K., we are going to talk some legal stuff here.

You take your apprasial for your home, and you present that to the mediator. That in fact is considered admissable to the Courts.

If your "H" wants to challenge it... then he will have to get an appraisel on your house for himself, and then challenge it.

Keep in mind that any upgrades you have done to the home since your seperation needs to be deducted from his apprasial... as he cannot include that as part of the pay-off settlement unless you agree to it.

Stay with the lowest appraisel that you can get. I pointed out every last thing that needed to be done with my house... and I got a far lower appraisel for my house, had I not.

It was used in Court, and it was admissable evidence to the Judge for him to make a determination as far as who got what.

Needless to say... she didn't get anything for the house or anything else for that matter... and after it was all said and done with... I started remodeling my house.

As sad as it is to say... per my attorney. "You are in a War"!

It's not much to walk away with it all considering all the grief and angst that they put upon all of the family as well as yourself. But there is no sense in rewarding them with anything more than they deserve. What they really deserve... is the boot... right out the door... and nothing more... to live the life that they chose to undertake.

Don't settle for anything less than what you have had your house appraised at. Buy him out if you so chose, for the amount that the Courts or you both decide to come to terms with, and be done with it.

I personally wouldn't budge from what the house appraised at.

Country mama...

Haven't heard anything from you lately... how are you doing?

Let us know when you get a chance.

Petvet, EC, Leah, WGTT, and anyone else I might have missed...

Hope all is well in your lives, and everything is going well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

I went and spoke with a lawyer on Friday. It went well, he answered all my questions, and said to let him know if I get anything from her or a lawyer.

Friday when I got home there was a change of address notice from the post office. So is having her mail forwarded somewhere, but I have still recieved a few things of hers, Like her statement on her car, and another overdraft notice from her bank. She bounced 4 checks this time. Good to see she is managing her money well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Overdraft fee of $140 for 4 checks totaling $30. My lawyer eased my mind on any debts that accumulate. Said I don't really have to worry as long as my name isnt on the accounts.

I've been thinking about what I would say if my W came to me needing money.

I had a good day today. I went out and did alot of stuff for myself. Got a haircut, new clothes(needed due to losing so much weight lately), some new sunglasses, and tires for my truck. I spent quite a bit of money, but it felt good, and it's something I havent done in a long time.

I haven't tried to contact her still, but wonder how long I should try this....indefinitely? Does anyone have any thought on that. There has to be a point where it ends and either try to contact them again or either take action on DV. I'm curious to hear what other people have done.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Wesley

Wes - I thought the car loan was in both your name and your wife’s, or that you were a co-signer on her behalf. (Didn’t you say that in an earlier post?) So if she’s behind in payments, or bouncing checks, I think that could come back to bite you. (Remember the point of having a co-signer!) I’m glad you saw a lawyer, did you tell him about that? On another note, it’s good that you went out and did stuff for YOU today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said : I'm curious to hear what other people have done.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been married for a total of 27 yrs and separated for over 2 years. I receive some financial help from my H; I know where he is and if something happened (like when I had cancer surgery) I would let him know. But I can go months without ever interacting with him, and even then, most of our contact is through e-mail. Now we’re interacting more due to impending divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Each situation is different. You haven’t been married very long at all, and I assume you’re a young whippersnapper. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I know that for ME, I didn’t want to do anything that could be construed as moving towards divorce because I didn’t want that on my conscience. I think most (if not all) people on this thread waited a very long time (years?) before divorcing. Only you know what is right for you; just pray that God will show you.

Hi all,

Wes

It looks as though you're following in my footsteps! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Friday when I got home there was a change of address notice from the post office. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By the time you get that notice, approximately 10 days have passed. When that happened to me, I noticed my mail had stopped as well. Make sure you go to the Post Office and let them know you still live there.

My H sent all my mail back rather than let me know he had it!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I haven't tried to contact her still, but wonder how long I should try this....indefinitely? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My 'indefinitely' ends next week. I never contacted my H and he never contacted me except to discuss divorce and that was all in writing!

Your W may or may not contact you about money. She knew this would happen and has probably planned for it.

It sounds harsh, but don't be a doormat. And if you continue to try and reach her, she will definitely hurt your feelings at this point, especially if she's with an OM.

Continue working on yourself and enjoy being with yourself. Do the things you have denied yourself. When I started to do those things, time kind of flew by and I realized I no longer wanted the same relationship with my H. You will discover the same thing, guaranteed.

And to quote our friends signature. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Stay Strong

Wallace

What a wonderful testimony! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sometimes... when it comes to a relationship with the opposite sex, I feel that I just really don't get that concerned about it anymore. It's the word's in that one song... "Once bitten twice shy"!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You've got to be concerned, some 'vampires' leave bites that never go away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet

Did you make the concert? If so, how was it?


I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

relady

Well guys and gals this is the end of the road for me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . I'll no longer be posting. It's time to go another direction. I appreciate all the encouragement from everyone of you. It's been difficult journey but I/we have survived.

Thanks for all the prayers and advice over time. When I first came here I was so low a worm could look down at me having gone through 5 affairs with WW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Continue to lift each other up and let your life give another hope. I'm sure I'll drop by in the future so keep up the good work of healing. You guys are the greatest <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and this is the bestg thread on the board I would say

Not that this matter, but just in case you wondered as we limit our identity for privacy sake, my culture is african american, as if you didn't already know.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take Care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

EC
I don't know if you're still online, but would you kindly explain what is going on? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> You can't just write "bye" without warning! Why are you leaving? You (and your experiences) can be of valuable help to those on this thread, not to mention the hundreds who post in other MB forums. Has someone offended you or something? Please don't go! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ August 29, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Well, I am actually still getting my mail, so the post office didn't mess up mine, but I am still getting mail addresses to her too, so they may not have hers changed correctly. The statement came for the car payment. I don't know is keeping up with when it is due or not, but I hope she is, and that she'll just know to make the payment.

I'm wondering if the car payment is something I should e-mail her, or leave her a message about. I've been thinking about if she doesnt make the payment on time, what I should do. I don't want to put any money towards it, but I don't want my credit ruined either.

I figure if she spoke with an attorney last week, then it might be another week or so before I hear anything or recieve anything.

Wes ,
What makes you SO sure that she DID change her address? Also, I’m still not clear - is your name on the car loan or not? If it is, no matter what capacity, you could be liable if she doesn’t pay. I hope your lawyer explained that to you. Did you call the loan company to confirm that it was paid last time, and how it was paid (online, by phone, by check)? Is it possible she wants to make things difficult for YOU by not paying? Do you have separate bank accounts?

Options:
1) Fill out a Post Office change of address form for her (assuming you know her address).
2) E-mail her that her mail continues to come to your home, and you don’t want her to get into trouble by not paying on time, so you’re writing to give her that reminder.
3) Call her with the same information. Stick to the subject. Tell her you love her, but don’t get into other conversation.

Me - Hubby talks to lawyer tomorrow. I expect to hear from him probably at the end of the week. I pray she doesn't assert the "he doesn't need to pay alimony" stand he's thinking of... His lawyer has a tough attitude, according to what I've heard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hey All,

Wes...

avondale and relady have given you some pretty good advice in their posts.

You need to start protecting yourself... like right now!

I've seen this, and I have lived this all before, and many of us on these boards have as well.

You need to immediately look at all your finances, and anything that you have a joint account on... you need to get your name off of it as fast as you can.

Do you own a home? If you do... you really need to watch your "W's" actions, and really step up to the plate ASAP!

In regards to the car loan you cosigned for... I would watch that like a Hawk. If she's bouncing checks the way she is... it's just a matter of time that credit cards can enter the picture, as well as forgeries, and the like.

It can get real ugly, real fast, if you don't protect yourself.

If she has any type of access to any of the following... be it credit cards, Bank accounts. unused checks, etc (and they don't have to be in Joint Accounts). It could in fact turn your lfe around... and not for the best.

Protect yourself!

EC...

After what I've been through... I hate goodbyes... so never say goodbye.

You have come a long way, and you have a lot of knowledge to spread around these boards EC.

avondale is right, you should still post when you can and let others learn from your experience.

Anyway... your in my prayers, as well as everyone else who is on these boards and all who have been on these boards.

I personally didn't know you were African-American, and it wouldn't of mattered to me anyway. As far as I'm concerned... it's not the color of a man's skin that makes him a man. It's honesty, integrety, and courage that makes the man... and you fit all of the above in my eyes EC.

Stay in touch when you can my friend... and may the Lord bless you always.

relady...

I've already had my blood drawn from a vampire (my exW). so I don't have much left to give.

Speaking of which... one of my cats got into a fight with my Dog in my house Saturday night. They were tearing my living room apart, so I jumped in on it, to try to get the cat off of the dog's head.

Well to make a long story short... I got the cat off the dog's head, as she was trying to scratch his eye's out... but I think I got the most damage out of it after it was all said and done with.

I have what looks like three knife wounds in my side from the cat while I was getting her off the poor dog, because he was taking a beating.

I had to go to the Doctor to get shot's and the whole nine yards from there, after it was all said and done with.

The Doctor said he had never seen anything quite like it, because the cuts were so deep and so long, he though I was in a knife fight.

Well that's how my Saturday night went.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi avondale,

We must of crossed posted.

Are you asking for alimony in your "D" agreement? It sounds like you are... also did you ask for maintenace, or is he, or has he paid any maintenance since the seperation?

Are you working through your attorney as well while all this is being drawn up, or are you going to show him (your attorney) what you think is fair when you come to an agreement.

Have you decided what your going to do with your house yet?

Hang in there avondale... there is not a lot you can do at this point but play the waiting game, and see what he comes up with.

Make sure that you get him to keep your Medical Insurance going at mimimum... along with everything else.

Let us know what transpires when you get news of it.

I'll say a nice long prayer for you tonight.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Wallace... and everyone else... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace, maybe I'm lazy... but I can't seem to go back in time to reread posts. I wanted to touch base and see how you are and what is new?

Update?

How is everyone?

Anyone still working at a XS from the past... reunited... or is everyone seeing new people now?

Couldn't help but notice... post number... 666... maybe it's time to go!

Laura

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Hi all!

EC: Why are you leaving? Your insight has been a valuable part of this thread. I think it is important to show those on the thread that we can work through the hurt and pain of our current or past relationships. Post when you can buddy. Also, it does not matter what your ethnicity is when it comes to WS.

Relady: The concert was great; however, I was not impress with his fetish for making urinating comments throughout the show. It could have left those out of his act. I've tried whisky, etc. I'm still hacking.

Avondale: Do you have hard evidence of your H affair because you may need it if he has a hard nosed attorney.

Later.

Wallace - You give a whole new meaning to "Saturday night cat fight" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sorry you had to go to the doctor, though! What set your pets off like that?

Clarification about me - I am indeed asking for alimony. I have been getting a generous “household support” amount every month. While I don’t think he needs to continue that same amount, I am hoping for something about 50-75% of that range. My attorney knows all this from our last conversation (remember, I’ve been expecting H to move towards D for a loooong time now). Our situation meets more than half of the factors that our state sets down for alimony. As for the house, I have decided to buy him out (or however that works), so I’m going to stay here. Unless something else breaks down, LOL... As far as hard evidence of affair, I have emails and copies of credit card bills, but the most important fact I have is H telling each of our families that he’s “emotionally involved with another woman”. I am sincere in saying I don’t want this to be dragged through the mud, I want to handle the situation with integrity. Hopefully we can settle it ourselves.

<small>[ August 31, 2004, 05:07 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Wallace - Yes, we own a home. The house and her car are the only things that we have jointly. Last year I was talking to her about closing accounts and a opening a couple of joint ones, but I'm glad we never did it now. If the mail continues I'll e-mail her to let her know, but there wasnt anything of hers in the mail yesterday. I believe she normally pays her carpayment online. I plan to start calling every couple of days to check that her payment has been made, but I left the account number at home today.

HI EVERYONE,

I'm still reading here but haven't had that much to say. Also, things have been really busy with my girls. They all went back to school yesterday and also have all started their soccer seasons.

My husband and I are still hanging in there. He is gone most of the time and is very busy with work and travelling. I still am ever striving to be the wife God wants me to be. Still praying for the miracle of complete healing and true intimacy in this marriage.

EC,

So sorry to see you go. Hope you can post every now and then and give us an update. We all enjoyed reading your words of wisdom.

AVONDALE,

You asked if I work. I've been a teacher in the past and went back to work part time as a substitute in the past couple of years. Right now I'm thinking of just being full time mommy and homemaker. I'm quite involved in ministry at my church and also volunteer a lot in the two schools my daughters attend. With my H gone much of the time, I find I really need to be here to maintain some stability and order.

I've been keeping you in my prayers as you go through this D process. You seem to be thinking thru it all very carefully. Keep looking to God to see you through.

WALLACE,

Ouch! Hope your wounds have begun to heal. I guess I still rather suffer at the hands of cats and dogs than WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm also sorry to hear about your fathers continued struggles with cancer. It sounds as if God continues to use all these various experiences to keep you in close contact with Him.

I too have been having many conversations with the Lord in relation to many things in my life. I'd be so lost without Him. Keep looking up!

HI TO PETVET, WES, RELADY AND ANYONE ELSE I MIGHT HAVE MISSED. Hope everything is going well for you all.

Hi All,

Just thought I would drop in for a moment, as I'm at work right now, and have a little bit of time.

avondale...

I kind of figure you were on top of it, as well as your attorney.

Glad to hear that you decided to keep your house. You will most definitely want to get as low and as reasonable of an appraisal on your house that you can get then.



Laura_Lee...

How are you doing, and what have you been up to?

Just to bring you somewhat up to speed on my end.

I have been "D" for almost 2 yrs. now.

I've been dating for about about 2yrs now as well.

Haven't talked with my exW for over 2-1/2 yrs.

Scratched by my cat pretty bad the other night... and that's about it for the moment.

Wes...

Watch your "W" and any debts she may pile up... because it could effect your home in the later stages if in fact she does file for a "D".

Leah...

Good to hear from you... and yes it the pain is a lot less from a cat scratch than what any of us are going through.

Well gotta run.

Stay Strong!

Wallace