Hi all!

Relady: The concert was good except for Al's continuous side remarks about picing. Go figure.

Avondale: I guest you have to wait to see what happens next with your H.

Wallace: You are correct when you say that one has a new perspective on the opposite sex after what we have gone through.

Wes: Watch those joint accounts!

Me: Still trying to get over cold.

Later.

Hi All,

I hope everyone enjoys the 'last holiday weekend'. I will take off for San Diego tomorrow after I file my papers. I didn't realize this would be so emotion. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I actually thought I was past this point!

Did all of you feel like 'crap' at this point? And did you feel better after it was over?

Petvet

What was the point of Al and his comments at the concert? That is the first time I've heard of him doing that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> What was the response of the crowd? That would definitely make for an uncomfortable concert.

Wallace

Cat goes crazy, girlfriend calm, is there a story here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I just couldn't resist that. Hope you're doing better. Maybe you should have used a stick instead of your body to break them up. How are you going to keep them apart?

What are your plans for the weekend?

Avondale

I hope all is well with you. Did you check on the refinancing of your home? Rates are starting to go up and will probably continue to go up until after the election.

EC

I'm not sure if you're still around. We will certainly miss you and your words of wisdom. And I don't think anyone was curious or even concerned about your ethnicity.

I will have to warn you though, it's not that easy to leave. You will always think of us and eventually come back. I speak from experience. It feels like family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Leah2be, Volkswes, LauraLee, WGTT, and Everyone

Have a great and wonderful weekend.

relady

Hi All,

Petvet...

Maybe old Al has a bladder problem, and that's why he kept making references to it all night long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I haven't been to a concert for quit some time. I use to love them and go all the time. Now I just don't want to hassle with all the crowds... so unless it's someone really good in my eyes... I usually stay away.

Sorry to hear that you still have your cold. Summer time colds IMO can be some of the worse you can get... they seem to last forever.

Well I hope everyone is doing well... and I also hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend! Mine starts at 5:00 p.m. today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Last night after I got home from school, I recieved a call at home from a friend's mother that I haven't talked to in about 6 years. She asked me how things have been with me lately. I told her that things weren't good. She said she didn't think so, and that she knew somebody that works where my W does, and that my W is the big talk of their office, and that she goes to lunch nearly everyday with OM. I wasn't surprised to hear this, but it was still very upsetting to me that people that don't even know my W have heard and know how she is acting. The only way she knew it was my W was she heard where my W works.
Hearing this made me sick at my stomach again and make me sick thinking about it now. She asked me if my W realizes how she is being looked at by everyone where she works. I said, more that likely she's in such a haze that she doesn't realize, or either she's to the point where she doesn't care. I hope that her parents and friends start to see everything too, and that maybe she'll realize how bad she looks at work. I wouldnt care if got to the point where she lost her job. I find myself wondering why do I want this woman back still.

Still haven't received any papers, and her mail seems to have finally stopped now.

I also found out today through one of my W's friends that knows the whole story, that my W got moved to a different department at work. I wonder if it was due to something coming out about the A. I also wonder if this could be helpful.

<small>[ September 02, 2004, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: VolkWes ]</small>

Hi relady,

Cat goes crazy and the G/F is remaining pretty calm as well except I have one problem, that I'm not liking at the moment.

She just called me at work, and told me that her exH is at her house waiting for a telephone call. This is the third straight day in a row that he has showed up at her house.

The first day, he cried and said he made a big mistake cheating on her for all those years and basically asked for another chance. According to her, she told him no.
She stated that she did get closure finally after he spilled his feeling out to her.

Funny thing though... he is moving to Illinois to be with his G/F and they are going to live with her Dad. He's 49 yrs. old and his G/F just turned 32. Sounds like a real disaster in the making... huge age difference, and going to live in the same house with Daddy.

He evidently quit his job, because they cut his hours back to 30 hours a week... so now he's hitting everybody including his kids, and my G/F up for money.

I told my G/F that this guy will be back, and you haven't heard the end from him... not by a long shot. This guy was suppose to have left 3 days ago... and he's still here.

I asked her how she would feel if my exW was coming over to my house and just coming up with lame excuses to just be around. She said, "I would be upset"! After she stated that... I told her I would talk to her later, that I was busy... and I hung up.

The odd thing is... in actuality... it really doesn't bother me. In days gone by... I would of been really upset. But that was back in the days when I was a married man.

Your perspectives about the opposite sex IMHO sometimes change.

relady... what your feeling is not uncommon... even when you think you've made it over the hump.

I can only speak for myself... but I don't think I will ever truly get over what happened concerning my "M".

It's always somewhere in the back of my mind... it just needs something to jog everything forward for me to start looking at it all over again.

Most days are for the most part good, and the memories fade to a certain degree... but they never truly go away... at least not for me.

Hang in there! It will only last for awhile and then it will tuck itself away until the next incident or trigger brings it forward.
The good news is... as time goes on... the hurt and pain of it all does in fact slowly diminish to a point where you can just shake it off and go about your business. It does get easier as time goes on, but it will probably never go completely away IMHO.

As far as my cat and dog are concerned... they are pretty much avoiding each other. What caused the whole incident is beyond me... but if it happens again... I'm going to take the cat to PAWS, and let them deal with her.

Have a great Holiday relady

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Relady - I just looked at my calendar and I had made a note about your filing. You will be in my prayers. Enjoy your time in San Diego <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Wes - (((Wes))) we have all been where you are - having your spouse talked about, your marriage speculated upon, etc. Your answer was correct - she is in such a fog/haze that she doesn’t realize (or care!) about what people think. Unfortunately, you are the “victim” (in this way) of her behavior. We all were victims - and for some of us (Wallace and I in particular) our kids had to go through that too. As for getting papers from her - what are the laws in your state regarding D ? Is there a waiting period? Does legal separation have to be filed first?

Wallace - I seem to recall not that long ago that your GF exH was calling her or showing up at her house. Were these issues not taken care of then? Is it possible she’s enjoying attention from two men? While I have attention from none? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hope everyone has a great Labor Day...I’ll be around, not much going on here except seeing H on Saturday morning.

<small>[ September 02, 2004, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi again everyone,

I thought I would pop on in here and see if anything was new going on... and I see Wes posted while I was either writing or having to stop writing to take care of a few things while I was at work.

Wes...

A WS knows no boundaries when they are caught up in an "A".

In other words... they don't care what is going on around them, as long as they are getting their current desires met.

My exW did a lot of her dirty work during the day, so as not to bring about any suspicion upon herself. She in fact (and I'm not kidding) went through 18 jobs in a little less than 2 yrs.

At that time, I couldn't understand what the problem was with her losing almost a job a month in such a short duration of time. But after everything came to light (which was about 3 days after her moving out) that she was having an "A" (which I never suspected), in addition to the other many things she was involved in... all of the puzzle pieces were very quickly put together.

I guess the sad part of it all... is you start hearing things from all over the place after all the damage has been done.

It is a devestating thing to go through, make no mistake about it. But you as a person need to hold yourself up, say as many prayers as needed and walk the walk, and do your best to maintain some sense of being while all this is going on. As time goes on... it will taper off... and you will find a sense of being human again... it's going to take some time, and there is no quick fix for it.

Watch your finances... because if you don't... you will find your self in a mess that you can't believe.

avondale...

Your memory serves you well... because her exH has been coming around (and not to see his kids) more than I care for... and she knows that he irritates me.

UPDATE: She called my cell phone, and I didn't answer it (I was in heavy traffic congestion coming home from work, and I just didn't feel like talking to her at that point in time).

When I got home, I called her.

She told me that he left at about 1:00 p.m. (he was there for about four hours). He never did get his supposed phone call... so he made a call to his G/F's Dad, and of course he wasn't available. Then according to my G/F, he called his G/F, and she stated that she really wasn't sure if she wanted him to come out there to live.

This gets real involved, and it's really a long story about this guy, and I'm not up to writing a novel about how big of a loser this guy is but I'll summarize the following;

1. He was suppose to move to Illinois to live with his G/F and her Dad, because he had his hours cut to 30 hrs. a week, and decided to quit his job. (His G/F moved away several months ago... because she lost her job from the same place... imagine that! Sounds like someone I was married to).

2. he draws out all of his retirement, after spending all of his money that he received from his half of the house, and is going to move and try to find a new job.

3. He puts in a call to her Daddy (which he decides not to take), and then calls his G/F shortly thereafter to tell her he is on his way over to Illinois.

4. She tells him, that she is not sure she wants him coming out there, and my G/F is sitting there while he is on the phone, and she hears the whole thing.

5. According to my G/F, my G/F tells him that he needs to go and look for a new job in Illinois, because she said he dumped his apartment, has a truck loaded with all of his stuff in it... with no where to go.

Now does this sound like a screwed up mess or what?

In so many words... I told my G/F to get rid of him once and for all... or I'm all done.

If I get one ounce of anything that I feel is inappropriate that may have happened between these two... I'm will dump her so fast she won't even know what hit her.

I'm watching this whole scenario very closely... and trust me... if this clown shows back up to her house again... I'm going to call it a day.

She wants to get together tonight because she knows I have a four day weekend... but I really don't want to see her right now. Plus she started to pressure me about getting married again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Anyway... that's it in a nutshell for the moment... I'm sure there is more to come... and when that happens... that's when I say, "bye bye".

She may in fact think she has two men.. but in fact she may have none.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wes: As the others have said, as long as the WS are getting their needs met, they don't care what other folks think. They will do anything.

Wallace: It will be interesting to see whether your GF supports her ex with financial support. He is coming around for a reason. Besides, the guy is a user.

Later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> relady writes:

EC

I'm not sure if you're still around. We will certainly miss you and your words of wisdom. And I don't think anyone was curious or even concerned about your ethnicity.

I will have to warn you though, it's not that easy to leave. You will always think of us and eventually come back. I speak from experience. It feels like family.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">relady is right, it's not that easy to leave! Somewhere on the recovery board, they talked about a reuinion board where people post. I had the link but had trouble getting into the thread. EEEEKKKKSSSS hopefully its not personal!

-----------------------------------------------
Me - just concentrating on me. Real estate is going well, the kids are back in school and soccer - we may get hurricaine frances here - but who knows.... it keeps changing.......

Gotta run & get YS, just couldn't resist posting in response to relady's comment to EC

EC - Blessings to you wherever you may be

D.

Hey Wallace,

What's new with me? Not a whole lot. I'm still working at the same place I've been at for the past 5 years. But I am going to buy a house back in my old town.

I'm over, I believe, my "commitmentphobe" tendeencies - D, no marriage from H, side effect. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Had an unusual night Friday night. Not a person to go to the bar. A friend and I decided to check out a new bar/restaurant because we want to try country linedancing and they have classes Wednesday nite.

Interesting night! The guitarist kept giving me this "look"... then he has me sing along with the band, (I'm laughing), comes over to play his guitar at our table, joins us during break and gives me his card. What!?!!! Am I 21 again? Didn't this stuff happen when I went to the bar... ummm... a number (let's not say the number) of years ago?

Decided, as I decided back then, going to the bar was probably not the best idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Oh... I was a good girl and all that.

It was unique, though. It was like stepping back into a time machine... stuff that happened years ago... happened again.

I'm a tad too old to have "guys from the band" hit on me!! lol

Glad to hear you survived the cat attack.

Talk to you later.

Laura

Well, here’s the update of my weekend visit from H - On Saturday morning he came over and got things we had agreed to. Actually went through several rooms. I was doing great UNTIL he opened a drawer which had some photos taken the last few years of our marriage - pics of trips including our 25th anniversary, Thanksgiving with both our families, etc. He was just sorting through them and I’m not sure what got me started crying - either his blase attitude (ignoring these trips which he planned) or the fact I was reminded that I’ll miss traveling, or what...but I had to leave the room for a few minutes to compose myself. But ever the glutton for punishment, I called him Sunday and suggested he come back and go through a few more rooms on Monday. My thinking was “why drag this out more than necessary, I want to be able to move on”. So now everything except the garage and the main closet where 25 years of photos are has been taken care of. I guess we’ll have to make copies of photos - what did y’all do ?? He agreed to the appraisal I got of the house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , so now I need to figure out how to “buy out his share”, and I’m not sure how that works. I will make appt. with lawyer and home inspection guy this week.

How was everyone's weekend?? We escaped Frances here in NC. Petvet , I think you and WGTT might be in the path...?

<small>[ September 07, 2004, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

I still haven't recieved notice or papers from my wife, but
I just got an email from my W saying.......

I need to get some of my things from the house. I need my bed, the rest of
my clothes, my washer and dryer and my serving peices b/c I am helping
w/Leigh's baby shower. D****, my dad, K****, and I are going to come by
Wednesday night while you are at class. Please leave the glass door and
storage shed unlocked. I just think it would be easier if I come and get
these things while you are not there because I need my friends and family to
help and I just don't want things to be awkward. Please reply to my email
and let me know what time your class starts and ends.

I don't know if I should allow this, or if I should be present while she is there getting stuff to keep watch on everything. Any opinions?
I tried to get my lawyer, but he's supposed to call me back. My heart is going wild now, and I'm very nervous.

Everyone I talk to so far says not to allow it without me or someone here for me. The washer and dryer are in our storage building and are not used, and the bed is our guest bed, which both came from her parents. The serving pieces were wedding gifts. It seems like she is trying to be in charge, and I don't know that I should allow it, and I believe everything should be written down or atleast discussed. I tried calling her cell phone for the 1st time in several weeks, and wasn't surprised with no answer.

I also think this is kinda short notice, and she has obviously planned it out.

Wesley

<small>[ September 07, 2004, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: VolkWes ]</small>

Wes -
The first thing to establish is - are these things really “hers”? If you agree (she brought them prior to your marriage), then the best case scenario is for you to be there, and to not create a scene. Don’t whine, don’t cry, don’t argue. If she has people to help move things, then just be there, out of their way. I definitely think you should be on the premises because, to be honest, you can’t trust her or her friends. WS aren’t rational, and she may take something, or snoop in YOUR stuff. I think if you could mention at some point in the evening, with or without others hearing it, that you want to work on your marriage, and want her to give it a chance, etc. , that would be good. Nothing more or less, and it would once again reiterate something positive.

Wes -
Ooops, we cross-posted...she has every right to the things that came from her family. But I'm confused. What has she been sleeping on since she moved out? Does she have her own apartment or is she living with her parents? Why does she need a bed now (and not before)?

You are right, it does seem that she has planned it out (by getting help organized) and it was too short notice. It won't hurt to get it in writing what she wants, but if you push that, it may backfire and she'll get angry.

Some spouses change the locks to the house, but that sends a whole other message to the WS and I don't know if you want to do that yet.

I would tell her that you understand there are a few things she wants AT THIS POINT, and you will be glad to let her into the house yourself. You would prefer her to not be there when you aren't there, so you will arrange to miss class (?) or she can choose another night. You do feel that this is too soon to do any serious dividing, because you want to work on your relationship and are hoping she will want to, also.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What has she been sleeping on since she moved out? Does she have her own apartment or is she living with her parents? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has supposedly been staying with her friend, who has been currently living at home with her parents. She is one of the ones coming with her. I'm assuming they may be getting a place together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would tell her that you understand there are a few things she wants AT THIS POINT, and you will be glad to let her into the house yourself. You would prefer her to not be there when you aren't there, so you will arrange to miss class (?) or she can choose another night. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's what I'm leaning toward. Surely she can wait another day or 2. I'm sure she's not gonna like that answer, and is probably expecting me to just let her have her way. I am thinking about calling her father and expressing that to him also. It is almost a 2 hour drive for him to come. I really think that is too many people for the few things that she mentioned. The washer and dryer are apartment size and her and one other person can get them. I'm suspecting that she wants to take the dining room furiture, and other things for her to have that many people.

<small>[ September 07, 2004, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: VolkWes ]</small>

Hi All,

Hope everyone had a good "Labor Day" weekend... mine was too short as usual. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

avondale...

I can only imagine how you felt when your "H" was there going through some of the things that I know has some very personal feelings behind it (especially pictures). I haven't looked at any of our family pictures since my "D"... too painful.

I would try to get the seperating of the personal items over and done with ASAP. No sense having to go through that over a long period of time... to much of a heartbreaker.

Wes...

If your "W" is out of the house... I would not let her back in without you or someone you can trust entirely to watch every move she made. I would change the locks, and deal with the outcome.

She is in a position to really dictate just about anything she wants at this point in time. Legally she has every right to enter the house at this point unless you can prove to the authorities that your legally seperated, or your in process of filing a seperation. Most of the time... the authorities will not want to get involved in a civil matter... and they may side with you about not having her come into the house... if you can show cause.

Good Luck... your in a tough spot right now. I would try to reason with her that you would like to be there when all of this transpires and see what her comment to that is.

Laura_Lee...

I know how you feel when you say that somethings pop-up and you feel like your twenty one years old again... I've ran into that myself several times myself.

Sounds like you had a great time!

I had a great Labor Day weekend myself.

Me...

Quick Update:

Well my G/F's exh did in fact leave.

I told her... the only sad part about the whole thing IMO... is he will be back... sooner than she could possibly imagine.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wes
The reason she has so many people coming to help may be just as much for moral support as to actually carry things away. Why not tell her you love her, and if she needs any extra help other than 2 people, you can help out? That would fall under "Plan A" if you can pull it off without having an emotional breakdown <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Is that too much for you? Be honest, only you can answer that!

I have yet to reply to her, but I will soon I guess. Otherwise she's likely to just come anyway.
My attorney is in court today, and I wanted to see what he had to say about it, since I have yet to receive anything from her legally. I'll update later with more info

Hey Everyone,

Wes...

I would definitely talk with your attorney before anything transfers from your home.

We are talking about marital assets here, and no single person can just come in, and decide they are going to take this, that, or any other item they so chose without a court order.

Each State is different... but most States will only allow a person to take the items that they need in order to survive... especially if it's their decision to leave the home. Unless it's agreed upon by both parties in advance that they can have this, but they can't have that. I believe they can only take what is the absolute necessary items that they need... nothing more. Beds, furniture and the like are off the table until it has been agreed upon by either both parties or a Judge rules who gets what.

You need to talk to your attorney... and I wouldn't take a lot of time doing it... and I would not let her in to get anything until you have.

avondale...

When are you and your "H" suppose to get together for the next round of splitting things up?

That's gotta be tough stuff to have to go through that.

I said an extra prayer for you today... you are in my thoughts, and I know what your feeling.

(((((avondale)))))

Petvet...

I assume everything is going well for you. I'm glad to see that your doing well.

So have you two set a date yet for getting "M"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady...

Interest rates are getting ready to go up again... and here I was thinking about buying another house... but I'm not sure if I want to get stuck with a higher interest rate when I do (which might be about June of next Year).

What's the talk in the Real Estate Industry at this point?

Are they looking at a soft market coming with interest rates going up... possibly home prices dropping, or does everyone think it will stay the same?

WGTT...

It seems like you are doing well too.

Glad to hear that your business is taking off.

What's your thoughts on the Real Estate market within the next 9 months?

Leah, Trusting Him, EC, (and I know your still out there), and anyone else...

Let us know how you are making out when you get a chance.

Me...

Well my G/F's exH called her last night "collect" from Illinois at about midnight last night.

I knew it wouldn't take very long for this guy to resurface.

He's sleeping in his car with no job, and no place to go, and wants to get back with my G/F and try it again.

I told her for the last time... get rid of this guy or I'm gone... it was my final word on it.

Hope everyone is hanging in there.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

I let my W know yesterday through E-mail reply that if she wants anything from inside the house that I am going to be present when she comes. She actually called me later in the day. It was the first time I have heard her voice or even heard anything from her in about 4 weeks I guess. It was nice to hear her on the phone. She didn't like my idea of me being there, and tried to talk me into letting her in without me there. I didn't back down. She said she'd have to call me back and let me know when she rearranges things with who was helping her. I also let her know that she didn't need to bring so many people, and that if she needed any more help than her dad, that I will be there and can help. The washer and dryer are tiny apartment size ones, and the bed is a lightweight full size bed.

I aggree that she can have these few things that she is wanting. The washer and dryer which actually belong to her parents are just collecting dust in my storage building in the back yard since I bought new ones a couple of months before she left. and the bed is in our guest bedroom and was hers before we married.

I am thinking of writing up a paper for her to sign saying what items she is recieving when she comes. If she is bringing someone to help her then I am going to have someone there as a witness for me too. My attorney was in court yesterday, but I'm gonna try to reach him again today, or talk with his assistant.