Either that or I'm "nuts"..creepy....too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning to all -

I didn't get home until about 7:00 last night due to a meeting that lasted a long time.

I got home and did 2 loads of laundry and cooked myself dinner (grilled chicken breast, corn on the cob, peas, galic bread). Jeb and I ate out on the deck.

After dinner, Jeb asked if we could go for a walk, so we did (he doesn't ask ofte, I hate to say no when he does). We went for about an hour long walk down through the older residential section and the little cluster of antique shops. It was wonderful, I sometimes forget how beautiful these old neighborhoods are as I see them all the time now. We had a very, very pleasant evening.

When we got back, we were both really tired and slept great.

Tonight is my workout at the Y and I'm being "measured" to check my progress. I sure hope that I've actually lost a measureable amount.

BTW - I discovered that the Y has a computer lab (with internet access) upstairs in the old house that I can use anytime. I am definitely getting my money's worth from this membership.

GOOD MORNING MIMI....

Georgia

Hi FGG,

you didn't say good morning!

I've been very busy this week with international conferences etc. Actually it was more fun than I thought it might be and I even learned a whole ot of things!

But it was also exhauting. I took a group on a tour yesterday. We ended up having dinner at sunset on the beach at a very nice restaurant. Haven't done that in ages!

Anyway, tomorrow I have my nieces 3rd birthday. She lives in a different city so we'll leave sometime in the morning, I drive for about 1 1/2 hours, we'll stay until the afternoon and come back. I hope.

dds aren't coming because they have to study, so it's just my mother, my aunt and I. I always make the cake.

just wondering what you are up to, because you didn't check in today.

Mimi, They can have different personalities.

Believe it or not, we had octopusses, 4 in a row. Each one had his/her own quirks, personalities, they were sweet and loveable. One was shyer than the others, one was bold, one was a comic. They are delicate but beautiful pets.

Hi Georgia - Can I have the recipe for that?? I love Potato Soup. I can't seem to find a good recipe. Always just end up eating the canned kind.

MB's get together in November??

Kim

Good Morning to all –

CC, thanks for asking about me. Sometimes I just get kinda despondent and feel like it’s just time to move on and live a normal life. There are so many folks on MB that are new and need real-time help, I feel like a bit of a leach in sticking around and continuing to post.

Wow…sounds like you had a great time at your conference and the sunset dinner on the beach. That sounds wonderful.

I will be going to a convention in Orlando Wednesday and Thursday (I was just told Friday morning that I was going). It will be a quick trip, but I’m looking forward to getting away for a couple of days. I’ll be staying in one of the hotels inside Disney World, but there’ll not be much (if any) time for sightseeing. Strictly a business trip. I fly down Wednesday morning, back home Thursday night.

Hum….let’s see. I met Friday at lunch with the department head of the horticulture department of the local tech school. He was extremely nice and very resourceful. I told him of some of my ideas and he said he would be glad to work with me and teach me the various things I would need to know. He’s about my age and has a Master’s degree in whatever, plus he still does landscape design on the side. (Definitely a good resource). The only problem is that he only teaches the day classes, night classes are taught by recent graduates. That is not good…I want to be in his classes. I’ve got to work on that. He is teaching a class in “Horticulture Construction” starting in January which covers retaining walls, landscape lighting, patios, walkways, etc. It’s every weekday from 1:00 – 2:00 PM, so I may just have to adjust my lunch break to allow me to be in that class.

I took the afternoon off (Friday) and worked out after lunch, then I did some more work on the deck. Saturday I went to Lowe’s (after an early morning work out) and bought my landscape plants for the pond & deck. I planted all day Saturday and had my parents over for dinner Saturday evening. We ate out on the deck, which was very pleasant.

Sunday afternoon I was invited to #1S/DIL’s house, along with my parents and aunt & uncle. We had a mid-afternoon dessert which I think was supposed to be their official “house warming” sort of thing, but very informal.

Afterwards, I went to visit Mrs. Reese. Last week she was moved to a local assisted living center. It is much nicer for her, she has her own “apartment” (about the size of a college dorm room), and a commons area. The best part is that it is about 4 blocks from our house.

She is obviously doing much, much better. She was very spry and walking pretty good. However, she can hardly hear and it is very difficult to carry on a conversation with her. She told me that last Sunday was her 93rd birthday and her D had carried her to her church that morning. Afterwards, she went over to her house for while and tried to come over and see me but I wasn’t home. (That’s because I was en route to Atlanta to see my MB friends).

Last night we didn’t have our Bible study at our church, so I attended the old church near my house. I enjoy going there. A nearly dead church, but I enjoy the pastor’s sermons. Philemon last night.

Wow….probably way more than anyone wants to know about me.

Okay, Kimberly, if you’ve made it this far. Potato soup recipe, eh? Well, I just made it up and this was the first time I had ever made any.

I baked (in the microwave) about 7 medium sized potatoes. Then I peeled them, cut them into bite size pieces and threw them in the crock pot with milk (2% is what I always use). I grated a lot of cheese (extra sharp cheddar) and chopped up an onion and added in.

I wanted to cook and chop up bacon, but I was in a bit of rush when I did this. So I took thin sliced ham and cut up into small pieces and put that in. Anyway, this isn’t much of a recipe, but that’s how I did it and it turned out very good (I hit the onions a little hard, less onions next time).

Kim - are you suggesting a November get together for MB'ers in ATL? If so, perhaps we should revisit the old thread and see if there is interest. If so...perhaps this time maybe somethink like a cookout at a park with kids included? Just a thought...
Bellevue – octopuses? (or is that…octopie?). I take it you have a salt water aquarium. Now there is a novel idea, a saltwater pond in your hard with octopuses, squid, etc. That would be unique.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me.

I got a bill Saturday from my attorney for another $1,200. Still absolutely no updates.

Georgia

Ok, My Friend:

So, what are you trying to say? I'm not living a "NORMAL LIFE" since I spent most of this morning posting on this forum...

Maybe THIS IS normal life and other folks JUST ASSUME that there life is NORMAL...LIVING IN DENIAL AND CONFLICT AVOIDANCE...YUK... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stop it, Georgia...you are putting yourself on another level from other people...please don't do this.. I don't like the sound of this...OK?..sounds kind of arrogant...

You are DESPONDENT but don't need help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

So, how come you can't help out other BHs who are in PLAN B or anticipating going into PLAN B?

Just a few 2 X 4s for you this morning...

Just what you were needing, right?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Wow...I wasn't expecting that!!

"Putting myself on another level?"

I guess I don't understand where you're coming from. There are many folks who are currently in the throes of the emotional upheaval of their freshly falling apart R's.

Maybe my thoughts would have been better communicated if I said that I feel like I may be abusing the purposes of the MB board by turning my thread into a personal daily blog.

I guess I need to think a little more before I just post..sorry, I didn't mean for it to come across offensively.

"So, what are you trying to say? I'm not living a "NORMAL LIFE" since I spent most of this morning posting on this forum..."

Wow....again, I perhaps spoke before thinking. I'm sorry. You know that I respect your work here on this site.

As far are why I can't engage others with more advice...it seems to me that there are already some key folks (such as yourself) who are dispensing advice far better than I can, so I rarely feel that I have much to offer.

Georgia

But...let me add.

I just got off the phone with my attorney. The next court date is now Thursday, November 17 @ 2:00 P.M.

Every time I get a new date I feel sick. I hear people talking about divorce and acting like this is some kind of liberating thing.

I feel sick, nauseous, sad. This is the date that I cut ties with my best friend, my confidante, the love of my life....

I continue to struggle asking myself why I wasn't good enough? What kind of husband does she want, and why couldn't I be that person? The one person who knows me better than anyone else in the whole world finds me "inadequate".

There...that is the things that run through my mind that I struggle with that I don't often say.

Georgia

I have 'enjoyed' reading your 'blog' (as much as one can enjoy reading about another's pain). And if you haven't realized it, you are effecting many more people than you realize...you have people that are lurking and reading even though they are not posting...this is a bit like an anatomy of an A and D.

Ugh, a new date...

I am dealing a bit with the same kind of things...I have asked my H to move out and we have been separated for almost a month now... There are issues with sexual addiction and...what I've recently realized...my irrational fears of losing him.

I mention this because I wonder if this is what drives you too? I have found over the years I would get anxious, afraid, and downright shaky when he would go out, or was late from work... Granted, some was warranted, because he truly was 'out' of the marriage. But so much of this anxiety was unwarranted, irrational, a bit over the top...

And what did this anxiety and irrational fear get me? Years of sticking around in an R that was too lop-sided for too long. My fear of losing him has made me do some desperate and manipulative things...like kick him out, and then ask him back the next day after no assurance he wouldn't cat around again...

What I've come to realize is the life we had together I fantasized into something it truly wasn't. I had convinced myself I had some sort of control in the M when I had none... I had also felt like he was 'mine' and we shared a connection that nothing could separate. That I was more in charge than I really was, and therefore was more to blame for the demise of our R...

You surprise me often...an engineer and logically minded, yet are exploring your creative side.

Do what makes you feel good right now...

I hope you know how sad I am for you, Georgia....



It's good for you to get this out..to share..to get this, literally, "off of your chest"....

Georgia, you are helping people here TREMENDOUSLY...

Undoubtedly, more than you know...

If you have the time or the energy, I think that you can feel confident that you can help even more...

I don't think I have any more to offer here than you...REALLY....

We are all part of ONE BIG FAMILY HERE..hanging on in there... trying to make it... with the hand that we have been dealt....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi SHMI...

Thanks for your kind words. Up until #1OM, I never felt like our relationship was lopsided, that was (I think) one of the reasons it hit me so hard. I thought I had the "perfect" wife (Mimi and I have discussed this common perception of our spouses).

Even with all of that, I'm glad I was able to stick it out until the boys were both married and gone. However, I know that my tolerance of #1OM most certainly increased the likelihood of the EA with #2OM.

I'm not sure that I would use your words saying that our life was "fantasized" as something it wasn't. Perhaps it was a life that I was pleased with buy I didn't perceive that WW wasn't. I don't want to re-analyze this all, I just have to keep reminding myself that I really did try to do all I could, I never "neglected" or "ignored" my wife, which seems to be a complaint in many mid-life marriages.

oops....

Georgia

Georgia,

I enjoy your blog because it reminds me that life CAN be good if you want it to.

You know I understand your feelings.

I've come to understand that we DO NOT control others, therefore we can't keep trying to blame ourselves for other's actions or deeds.

I've also come to understand that the past is past, and all we can do with it is learn from it. we can't change it or re-live it, or change it.

So we only have the present and the futur and YOU are doing a very good job of enjoying it. Like me, I think you have to get over the feelings that we logically have, but we can change them. Just think of those moments that are more and more frequent when you FEEL at peace, or you really enjoy something. It can be done.

It's true you have spoilt us with your good mornings...

Thanks, cc -

I do think that there is one thing I can offer here that I see very little of.

It seems most enter this battle with a "fail / succeed" type of mentality. What I mean is that if the marriage is saved, which is our goal, then we "succeed". But what about those (and I number myself among them) whose marriages aren't saved by the our best efforts (even admitting that our Plan A's, Plan B's, etc....are often less than perfect).

Does that mean we, by default, fall into the "fail" category?

I like to think not. My contribution to this site, IMO, is that I can say that even though it's hard and depressing, there can be life worth living even after our WS's do their best to destroy our lives.

It's when we RISE FROM THE ASHES TO SOAR that we can see that, if we do everything we can to save our marriages, then are are 2 possible outcomes:

1. We win by renewing our R and our marriage with our FWS, or...
2. We win by building a life we can be proud of without our WS.

I may change my name to "PHOENIX MAN"

Georgia

Well, alrighty then, MR. PHOENIX.....

Exactly, Mr. Phoenix!

Alright, it's a deal...

If the D goes through next Thursday (Nov. 17)and I am, in fact, divorced, then I will change my name "officially" to...

Mr. Phoenix.....

For now...I'm just plain ol' Georgia.

Bellevue – octopuses? (or is that…octopie?). I take it you have a salt water aquarium.

OCTOPI, OCTOPUSSYS, OCTOPUSSES are all correct.

Salt water aquarium has gone now. Too much work caring for salt water aquarium when you have a baby. Sold it a long time ago.

I don't know whether it would be possible to have an outdoor saltwater aquarium, never thought about it .....

but indoors, if you don't travel & can give them time and attention, they are marvelous pets.

Good Morning to any and all that are still dropping by for a visit -

Last night was pretty much non-eventful. I keep expecting to see WW stop by once more, but by now she may have pretty much resigned herself to giving up. I don't know what she's thinking right now.

I had car clean up night last night (it was full of leaves from all the landscaping stuff). Then, off to the Y after I grilled myself a hamburger. Again, I was the only person in the fitness center. I love having the place to myself, but I would think it unlikely for them to continue staying open until 9:00 PM and paying 2 employees to be there just so I can show up and work out. But...it is nice.

I really look forward to pottery every Tuesday night. That is one of the highlights of my week, lots of stress relief there.

I'll be pretty busy tonight getting ready for my trip, which I'm actually looking forward to. All representatives of my company are meeting for breakfast at 6:00 AM Thursday morning (way too early). We've got a new president who is obviously an early bird.

Anyway, I'm still just plain ol' Georgia today.

Georgia Guy, I suspect the "real" reason you don't offer much help to others is because you are still in the "needy" stage. It's easier to let someone else do it and be the recipient of help and advice, especially if others might disagree with what you might offer.

So the "excuse" of "letting others do it" is simply another emotional protection device you are employing, probably subconsciously, because despite the "calm" and "together" appearance you like to project in your "blog," you are really an emotional mess concerning the impeding ending of your marriage.

Georgia, as I have said many times before, you have the right to a divorce based upon marital unfaithfulness. Yes, I, and perhaps others too, will be sad should that day become a reality, but KNOW that God is sovereign and NOTHING is too hard or difficult for Him, be it comforting you in your loss or in reaching your wife to "convict her" of her willful disobedience to Him.

My concern still is, and as you know has always been, that is seems like no other Christians (including the Pastor and mature Christians at the church you and your wife attended) have followed God's command in Matthew 18:15-20. Instead, it's been left up to her to "find her way out on her own" even while she's lost in the fog. In the meantime, everyone "close to her" has been "abandoning her" (in essence going directly to the LAST step of Matt.18:15-20). So she "accepts her fate" in response.

I continue to hope and pray that someone IS talking to her about obedience to God and the need for Christians to FORSAKE sin even if it "appears" to be based in "good motives" (i.e., witnessing to the lost).



Divorce IS a failure, Georgia. Even though God "allows" for divorce in some very narrow reasons, it is allowed because of the "hardness" of one or both marriage partners' hearts and inability or refusal to either repent or forgive.

There is nothing "noble" about divorce. Divorce may be "necessary" in some cases, but it's not noble or "good." Marriage is supposed to be for life...."unto death do us part." It's the husband and/or wife who refuse to obey God and who refuse to honor THEIR marriage vows when troubles, even big troubles hit (in sickness and in health; for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; what God has joined together, let NOT man separate). How long does one endure? How long is "long enough?" If God doesn't "act" within the timeframe that WE establish, is God to blame or are we simply impatient and wanting to be "in control" instead of waiting on God's timetable?"

We Christians "buy into" the same sort of worldly propaganda that unbelievers do. "Me" becomes more important that "we" or "thee." The idea of adopting a posture of "servanthood" toward our spouse, come what may, is replaced with something like, "servanthood only so long as MY needs are being met." We start thinking, "I can't do this anymore...." and directly tell God to "get lost" and take His promise of Philippians 4:13 with Him ("I CAN do ALL things THROUGH Him who gives me strength.")

We find "other things" to occupy and distract our minds. It's human nature, and we often have to CHOOSE to obey God rather than succumb to "natural" human tendencies or temptations. God put you (in my humble opinion) in your wife's life BECAUSE God knew that she was going to need a "man of God" to help her in her time of weakness and need, to guide her back to the "sheep pen" of Christ after she had "wandered off." But, as Jonah ran, you have found the "Fight" hard and difficult, but you've been fighting it in "worldly manner," not with the full weight and authority of God.

The "good news?" Even if you decide to allow the divorce to go to conclusion, God is still capable of reaching your wife. The only question remaining will be whether or not you will still be "available."

The danger also exists that she will die before she repents of her adultery, in which case she will NOT be in heaven and that she "never was saved," because God is quite clear that unrepentant adulterers are included in the "club" of those who will NOT be saved and be in heaven. One way or the other, this current "battle" is a battle for her soul, and perhaps indirectly for yours as a "Job-like" attack on what you hold dear, to see if YOU can be separated from God.

Yes, there is also "good news" that those who have gone through divorce and are walking with God can, and will, build a life that can continue to honor God. You see, God WILL help ALL who call on Him in obedience, even if we have taken some "wrong steps" in our lives or had "circumstances thrust upon us" by unrepentant sinners. But don't sell the "impact" and the "witness" of divorce short. It tells the world that "failure IS an option," especially if they are looking at a Christian couple who have "supposedly" been joined together in a COVENANT with God.

The "results" of disobedience to God's commands are evident throughout this site and the postings. You CAN witness for God to others with the simple truth that Jesus gave us..."If you love me, obey my commands." Your "job" is to witness FOR Christ, nothing more. It is up to each of us to decide, to CHOOSE, to obey "no matter what," or to ignore God and "do it our way."

God bless.