Oh...and on the book issue.

I'm still taking a breather from heavier stuff and working my way through Earl's (the former owners name) history of our city (and newspaper), as well as reading one of his Sci-Fi short stories. I ordered a couple of the "Amazing Stories" magazines from a web-site and received those earlier this week.

I'm enjoying my foray into local history right now, especially that surrounding my house. I think I could pretty easily change vocations into some sort of historical research and really enjoy it. The local historical sociey has an opening for a marketing type director. If it weren't for the financial considerations, I'd apply for it. Of course, that would likely be futile as all my education and experience center around aviation, and I've no real meaningful knowledge of history. But...it is tempting. If I lost my job, I'd probably take a shot at it rather than move to another city to practice my craft elsewhere.

I've thought about your comments of me not beating you to heaven by a SIGNIFICANT time frame. I'm going to try to stick to my work-out schedule. Not only for health, but I can tell my mental acuity and sense of well-being has been negatively impacted by my lack of physical activity.

Georgia

Good Morning to all –

I hope you all had a good weekend. I found this first Father’s Day separated from WW to be a bit depressing. I went to my parents house for lunch Sunday after church and was joined there by #1S/DIL. We had a good lunch and enjoyed some time together. After I went home #2S/DIL came over to the house for a while and visited. It was nice, but I really did find Father ‘s Day to be a numbing reminder of the whole situation. Every Father’s Day I remember Fathers’ Day 1979 when our friend “J” gave me a “Father to be” card (#1S was born late 1979). I don’t know whey that made such an impression on me, but I remember it every year. It was probably the first time it really hit me that I was going to be a father.

I asked #2S if he had seen his Mom lately. He told me they visited her the preceding week and she seemed to be doing okay. He said she has been doing some yard work (she hates yard work) and has the yard looking pretty decent. He said she is having a hard time keeping the pond under control and it is green with algae.

It was with mixed emotions that I heard she’s doing okay. One part of me wants to hear that she is doing terrible, can’t live without me, etc. But, another part of me wants to hear that maybe she really is going to be okay and maybe she is going to find happiness in whatever life it is she is seeking. I know that sounds confusing, but maybe it’s because I find myself confused a lot.

I guess I WANT her to be happy, but I would like for her to be happy with me as her H. I don’t think (at this point, anyway) that is likely to happen. If not, I would at least like to know she is happy with whatever life she has chosen for herself.

I feel like this is making absolutely no sense, so maybe someone can decipher my thoughts.

My assignment for CASA training by tomorrow night is to write a brief autobiography (1 – 5 pages). I’ve been thinking about that one, I’m going to write it tonight.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI....

Georgia

Hi Georgia:

I feel for you. I can remember how hard Mother's Day was during MY PLAN B. My kids were trying to cheer me up and to make me eat when they took me out. I remember them being so worried about me.I could hardly function, not eating or sleeping well at all. Believe me, Georgia, you are doing so much better than I was.... I admire you although I know it's hard for you....

An autobiography... That sounds like fun... How are you going to squeeze such an eventful life into 5 pages. The Adventures of the CAPED CRUSADER in his LONDON FOG!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am so proud of myself! I actually installed a new hard drive on my computer. Well, with the phone support of HP and H helped me put it back together in the end. I'm just so glad that I didn't give up and my computer is now working!

Both sons gave their D beautiful F's day cards. OS wrote a note inside. Even YS gave a card saying something like "I'm proud that you are my Father"! They are noticing his efforts and H seems so happy about this. I think we've graduated from BABY STEPS..... Thanks, Georgia...

HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY to you.....

Georgia,

I understand your ambivalence. You have spent the last 28 years trying to make your W happy - trying to take care of her and wanting for her every good thing. Your heart cannot abandon that.

On the other hand.... I understand that you would want her to fall flat on her face and come running back to you. Well maybe not exactly like that, but close enough. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have the same kinds of thoughts - and I've only been married 1/4 of the time that you have.

But in all of this, whatever happens with your WW, you are a very blessed man to have two fine sons! I'm sure they are blessed to have such a fine father - and they know it!

-AD

Hi Mimi...

That is very kind of you, thanks for the Father's Day greeting.

On the autobiograph, I guess I'm struggling with how much I really want to put into it. I probably could turn it into a book (or at least a novella). I could probably tell them more than they really want to know. (You really liked the London Fog comment, didn't you?).

Oh...and congratulations on wearing the IT hat at home!! Glad you've got the computer up and running again. When things settle down a bit and I know how my finances shake out, I'd like to get a new PC and home internet access. It is $42/month here through Comcast.

It sounds like things are advancing well for you in the area of H relationships with OS & YS. I know that is exciting and rewarding for you, your future looks bright!!!

Okay, I'm going to meddle just a bit, forgive me. I try to avoid (sometimes unsuccessfully) to not offer input where it's not been solicited. But...

I see on another thread your comments about how you involved YS in the A discussion and how you regret that. I wonder...do you now involve YS in the recovery discussion to help him "feel" the same recovery that you do? In other words.....he heard how bad Dad was during the A. Does he now hear from you how hard Dad is trying, how Dad has recovered and how glad you are you held on, how you've had to forgive Dad (even though it was hard) and how glad you did because he's the only H you have....etc, etc.?

As we've discussed before, you can't change what's going on in YS mind, or "demand" how he should feel about his Dad. But...in the same way he heard bad things from you, it would be nice if now he heard about all the good things. It is, however, the card that YS gave to F is no small thing. He could have very easily picked out some generic card, but he CHOSE one that said he was glad F is his Dad. That is terrific.

I remember a couple of years ago the card that #1S gave me. He wrote in it that I had shown him what a Christian husband was supposed to be like and how much that meant to him as a husband. That was before he knew about #1OM or #2OM (may have been before #2OM came on the scene). Anyway, it meant so much to me, and I know this card YS gave your H really meant a lot to him, even if he didn't show it. Do you and H talk about things like this? What did that card mean to him?

Okay, end of unsolicited soap box. However, I've got to admit that if WW and I get back together, I'm going to have to totally re-educate Jeb!!

Georgia

Thanks, AD -

Seems like me, you, and 2Long are going to have to start the "First Husbands Club"...

I do indeed try to see the blessings that I have which are so significant. One is that I am so grateful that this whole thing didn't come crashing down until after #2S got married and left home. Also, it is such a blessing that both boys have such wonderful wives.

I even have to be thankful for all the wonderful years that WW and I had together.

Thanks again for your kind words, AD...

Georgia

Georgia, you asked:



You forget how much you have already helped me SOOOO much with this. At your urgings, I continually do all of the above.. I'm pretty sure my discussions partly account for the card. Also, there is much work on my H's part....He's been making it pretty clear to all of us that he is not going anywhere......talking about our future as a family (the four of us)...planting and planting and planting flower gardens...

Don't ever feel that you are meddling....

BACK LATER.....

Georgia:

I'm back. I haven't shared a lot about my H as he is now. I've talked a lot about him as being a WH. I just want you to know that I think you would really like him. You guys have a lot in common. Well, I know you both know HOW TO TREAT A LADY....

You asked:



My H is such a man of action. He might not talk specifically about his "feelings" but he cried when he read the cards. He just said they gave me "good" cards.... He put them both on the ledge. They will stay there for awhile. He still has the birthday card standing on the bureau that our OS gave him last year, almost a year ago. See what I mean?

He talks to me almost incessantly. It is so important for him to be near me and to know where I am at all times. It's weird to me! I used to downplay and almost resent this before the A. I didn't understand the importance of my physical presence to him. I still don't really understand it. Enough of that... I'm thankful. I no longer take him for granted.

Yes. I'm helping with the healing of us all.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed: her husband, also and he praises her.." Proverbs 31:26-28

All of that is good, Mimi...

I like the descriptor you use for H: "...a man of action..". That is cool.

I'm glad the cards meant so much to him. I cried when #1S gave me that one a couple of years ago. Not only because of his message, but because I knew what was going on between me and WW that he wasn't aware of at the time, even while he was complimenting me on my R with W.

I too am enjoying planting flowers and work in the yard. That feels so good, so much therapy there. I LOVED cutting fresh roses and taking them to WW while she was in bed. I miss have rose bushes (and I miss having WW to give them to!). I remember when we moved into that house that I told her the first thing I was going to do in the yard was plant a rose garden for her so she could always have fresh roses. And they took off, we had some of the most beautiful roses that I have ever seen.

Well...feet back on earth now. I'm beginning to toy in my mind with how I'm going to install a pond in my backyard. #2S thinks I need to do a "dual" pond where a little creek connects them with a bridge over the creek. I'm seriously considering it. As you can see, I really like this sort of thing.

Tonight, if all goes according to plan, I am going to return to the gym and try to jumpstart my exercise program. I know I have allowed myself to get grossly out of shape in the last 6 months and I miss the feeling of well-being that comes from a good workout regiment.

Okay, that's it for now. Glad you don't mind my comments, it is exciting to me to hear how well things are going. I know it's still a rollercoaster ride, but I think each peak gets higher and each valley gets shallower.

Georgia

Do you have a secret for getting rid of Japanese Beetles? Those A-Holes have returned, eating up everything...

H says we need to "go on the attack"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Did you have those expensive coy($) fish in your pond? We ended up in the midst of a small convention of pond owners with these fish! Those were some interesting people!!!

LOL...you know that life is getting back to normal when you can curse the Japanese Bettle!!! I bet you thought you would never care about such things again....and here you are.

Well, I've got a full compliment of pesticides and fungicides at the "big house", but I can't recall what pesticide I found to work the best. I always found Funginex (I think that's how you spell it) to work wonders on fungus.

Amazing how handicapped a 49 y.o. man without his garden stuff can feel !! (My Dad bought me a shovel for Father's Day).

However, I've not found J.B.'s that hard to get rid of with a normal Lowe's available pesticide. Jeb and I are fighting the battle of the fleas right now. I think he is losing patience with me, he's always got some fleas.

Georgia

For the jap beetles, what you need is liquid seven.

The powdered stuff doesn't seem to do anything to them, but liquid seven will lay them on their little backs pronto. You can hear them falling like rain after you spray something with the stuff (propperly diluted, of course, LOL).

-AD

Mimi,

I think it's "Koi", and I wouldn't mention it except that I am such a notoriously cavalier speller that when I do manage to get one little word fixed in my mind with the standard spelling, I'm proud of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-AD

Mimi....I missed your comments about the pond until I saw AD's note about the "koi".

Well, embarrassing as it may be, I only used cheap gold fish in my pond. It was amazing how large they will get when in a 1200 gallon pond, and they are (even though "goldfish") a real variety of patterns and colors. And, they live a LONG time. When we were moving into the new house (Nov, 2002), I didn't have the new pond ready when we moved in. We had a much smaller pond at our previous home, and we had come to consider our fish as pets so we didn't want to leave them. So...we moved into the new house and the tub in the guest bath (it's a 3 bath house) became a temporary fish pond. We moved our fish into the tub and they lived in there about 3 months while I was installing the new pond.

And...one more pond story and I'll quit. Last summer we looked out our window one afternoon and there was a huge Blue Heron sitting in our pond. He ate our biggest fish before we were able to run him off. Then he would just go to the next door neighbors fence and sit there and look at us. He eventually ate more of our fish, but he quit coming around after a while. Talk about a ridiculous sight, those birds are BIG and when he is sitting in a back yard pond, that is a silly sight!!!

Okay, I'm anxious to go dig holes and install pond(s) now. I love the sound of water over rocks and seeing fish dart about.

Give me a few weeks, I'll be ready to get started on it.

Georgia

GEORGIA, YOU SAID:



Great! Now, with working out, you're all set for the summer!

AD:

Thank you so much for the tip on LIQUID 7. I'll be getting the ammunition for the "attack" just as soon as I leave work today.

Using another one of my grandmothers' sayings: "You've got to taste the bitter with the sweet".

Although we have the invasion of the Japanese beetles, H further reported sighting hummingbirds this morning. He was so gleeful about this!

THANKS FOR BEING HERE, GEORGIA'S COMMUNITY!!

Hummmm....I've had my hummingbird feeder up for quite a while and I've not seen a single hummingbird.

Georgia

Today was the very first sighting!

Someone told me that they are just now coming "SOUTH" from Canada.

Plus, you have to have the "right flowers".

They were after our "purple flowers" which I don't know the name of.

Have a good evening and don't be too hard on the Japanese Beetles...

I'm going to try to work out, clean my very dirty car, do laundry, and write an autobiography.

Oh...I finished a project this weekend that I had been working on for a long time. I now have the worlds largest mirror in my bedroom. I may take a picture of it and download it here. I'm very pleased with it. This is the 1870's window that I bought several years ago and I've finally refinished it and turned it into a mirror.

Georiga

Good Morning all -

Well, the evening went pretty much as planned except I've still not gotten my autobiography written. I may write that quickly at work today because I am supposed to have it ready for tonight. BTW - I have gained 16 pounds since my last visit to the gym.

I have decided that of all the various types of housework, ironing is my least favorite. I've gotten all my laundry done but a big basket of Eddie Bauer cotton shirts that are waiting to be ironed.

In other news...I found from the National Register of Historic Places that there is a local historic district that is less than 1/2 block from my house. As the boundary on the NRHP web-site gives the boundary as "roughly" outlined by various streets, I've e-mailed them and asked if my house is included within the historic district. (Maybe I can put a historic marker in the front yard).

I got a Father's Day card in the mail yesterday from my in-laws. It was a very nice card and they simply wrote in it "We love you". I thought that was very kind of them. I dropped them an e-mail this morning thanking them and giving them my new address.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI...

I hope you and H were able to exterminate those pesky Japanese Beetles. #1DIL's M has invited me to come over and dig all the flowers I want from her yard. I still have one flower bed in the front yard I've not planted, so I'm going to take her up on her offer and get some more flowers for my yard.

Georgia

Congratulations on making it to the gym!

I hate ironing too! My H does all the ironing. He loves it for some strange reason. He even irons his boxers..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I only cursed and flicked away the beetles last night. They are SO YUCKY!!! I worked on bringing the computer back to life.

Will you be getting perennials from DIL's mother?