I just returned from the hospital visiting Mrs. Reese. She has taken a decided turn for the worse. She seeme very disoriented, very nervous and jumpy, and extremely talkative. I couldn't understand a single word she said, but when I got ready to leave she asked me if I could stay longer. I told her I had to go back to work, but I would come back to visit her again. I wouldn't be surprised if her time is very, very near.

Then I stopped by to see my admin asst. I don't understand oncology, but he tells me they are trying to get his platelets up to a level where he can have chemo, then schedule a bone marrow transplant. He says his brother has been tested and is a match.

Okay, back to work.....

FGG:

My thoughts are with you.

Life can seem mysterious a lot of times, can't it?

My W's grandmother broke her hip in her 80's, I think. I remember hearing shortly after that, that they think it breaks *before* they fall, and that's why they fall, not because of falling. Pep would know.

I'm so sorry for your news about the admin asst. I hope that whatever his "journey" now, it's a peaceful and loving one.

Just wanted 2 check in and let you know that I still keep reading...

-ol' 2long

Thanks, 2Long....

It is odd they are on the same floor, same wing of the same hospital. There is a transition on the hallway and that wing becomes the "oncology" unit.

I was visiting Mrs. Reese Saturday afternoon and she was complaining of her back hurting. She was walking very stiff, not like her at all.

Anyway, her S was there today and he told me that her D (his sister) is out checking into nursing homes today. I think everyone realizes that her "at home" days are probably over, even if she manages to get through this.

Georgia

You're a great neighbor, Georgia.

Thank you AD -

Well folks, I'm trying to wrap up some stuff around here and I'm getting ready to take a few days off. I'm not coming back until next Tuesday, July 5.

I bid you all a happy July 4th.

Georgia

Georgia,
I will mis you and Mimi these days.

Look how well Suzet expresses what I believe about God's plan for us:


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD

Good Morning to all -

Hi cc, it it good to be back, thanks for the kind words. I read the link you posted, and I too think it does a good job of summarizing the way God often works in our lives through our trials. The example I like to use is the Israelites as recorded in the O.T. Whenever things were good, they would stray. However, when the odds looked insurmountable, and there was no other recourse, they would turn back to God.

Okay, a brief update.

Friday night my a/c went out. I had someone come out and look at it Saturday and the compressor is burned up. As the unit is 13 years old, I've got to buy a new a/c. I've already contracted with someone to come out and install it early this week. This is $3K that I hadn't planned to spend. The house is REALLY uncomforable right now, staying around 88 deg. inside. I think Jeb is disgusted with the whole thing, he's staying on the cool floors instead of the bed.

Mrs. Reese was moved to a nursing home on Thursday. The home is in a small rural town about 30 miles away from here. One of her sons, the one who seems to take care of her the most, is upset that his sister chose that one. I think there's a family feud developing, I'm trying to not get sucked into it.

I went down to see her on Sunday afternoon. Her mental state is much improved, but she can't walk. They are working with her in PT, so I don't know how much mobility she is likely to gain.

When she found out that my a/c was out, she told me to go stay at her house. I wasn't going to say anything else about it, but her son came over yesterday afternoon and brought me a key and told me to help myself. So last night Jeb and I went over and stayed for a while in the cool comfort. But, we went home to sleep.

I did a lot of yard work this weekend. I went to DIL's mother's house on Saturday and dug up a lot of flowers and transplanted them to my yard. It was a lot of HOT work, but the place is beginning to look pretty nice, if I may say so.

#1S/DIL went to visit WW's parents this weekend. I haven't talked to them since they left Friday.

This was a hard weekend for me. I think this was the first July 4th that WW and I, as well as at least one set of the kids, haven't gonet to my IL's house for the holiday and had a family cookout. As I said, #1S/DIL went, but I stayed home. I know that WW didn't go either because right now #1S will have nothing to do with his Mom.

I had lunch Sunday with #2S/DIL. They seemed to be okay, but I still think they are needing to just kind of "distance" themselves from this whole mess right now. I didn't have a chance to have a real discussion with them, but I would like to do so. I'm really not seeing much of them right now.

That's about it for me right now. Back to CASA training tonight, and I think I'm supposed to go back to court either tomorrow or Thursday.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI...

Well, we are expecting a report on the weekend with H from you, Mimi. Was it a nice trip?

Georgia

George,

I just want to say how impressed I am by the way that you have put together a new life for yourself - of course keeping the best of the old (your son's and DIL's).

I can see the progression from... a place of your own - pottery class - Reggie and other neighbors - new church - new, more permanent, place of your own - CASA etc.

You are a strong man, Georgia.

I see my own enthusiasm come and go. When I first moved over here, I had a burst of enthusiasm... which has faded considerably. I think having Internet installed is part of the problem. Before I had internet, there was nothing to "do" except work on the house, yard etc. I am extremely lonely and isolated. I've got to break out of that - as you seem to have done quite well. Without the internet, I would be forced to reach out to people in a more conventional way.

All the same, you are an example to me, and I appreciate the opportunity to watch you.

-AD

Georgia,

I'm really sorry about the AC blowout. If co-misery helps, the day I moved out - the AC compressor in my van locked up. The final cost of replacement was about $1600! For a car, not a house! <sigh>

If you haven't commited to the compressor swap, you should consider replacing the entire unit. It might not be much more and will give you much more service - possibly save on cooling costs as well. My system here (a year ago) cost about $4.5K and has been a very satisfying investment (Carrier, if it's OK to say that on the boards).

-AD

Hi AD -

A few things about the AC. The unit is 13 years old, so I am replacing the whole thing. I am able to get the whole thing (3 ton gas pack, Rheem) for $2,700, which seems reasonable. The compressor and repair of the old one was going to exceed $1,500, not too wise for a 13 year old unit, I think. I was able to find a guy who works for a local company who does this "on the side", with the full consent of his employer so he's not violating any sort of code of ethics. However, I will have to help him remove the old one and get the new one in place.

I too indeed struggle in many areas. I am still having a hard time getting motivated to keep myself in shape, and I've gained way too much weight. My IC tells me this is common in my circumstances.

I do miss so many things in my life. The fact that I have lost WW at the same time (approximately) that the S's left home and got married leaves me with a great sense of how it seems like yesterday I was the H / F of a vibrant family of 4, and now it's me and Jeb. It is very, very hard indeed.

Also, it is hard knowing that I'm losing so much of my past "heritage" so to speak. All those years together, the memories and the places we've been, the things we've done. And...her family members that have been so dear to me for 3 decades. I may be able to continue a "civil" relationship with them, but it will never be the same. Ex: Missing out on the family get-together for July 4. That really hurt a lot and was very depressing.

However, there are things that I've wanted to do and haven't felt free to do because of the sitch with WW. One is pottery, but WW wouldn't have "tolerated" me going out one night a week without her. So...I enjoy the freedom to do that now.

And...I've always wanted to entertain folks at the house. Not too impress them, but just to enjoy friendships that can only be made when you sit down with someone for several hours at a time in a relaxed setting.

And, even though these are things I want to do, I have to MAKE myself do them. It would be very, very easy to just turn into a couch potato and watch TV mindlessly everynight. After all, whose going to tell me that I can't?

Please don't give me too much credit. This new life is indeed hard, very hard. But, I just have to remind myself that I don't really have any other good options right now, and I just have to try to make the best of this situation. I try to think of those marriage / child rearing years as a "phase" of my life which is now over, and at 49 I'm entering a phase that is yet to be defined.

It can be exciting, it can be fulfilling, but it is definitely scarey.

Georgia

Hi Georgia:

I was awaiting sharing with you how wonderful our trip was. It was truly marvelous..almost idyllic..wonderful time spent together, lots of conversation about our past, present and future..lots of adventures..lots of beautiful settings. TRULY UNFORGETTABLE..

Then, my H wants to come back and act like an A-Hole last night. I've been breaking my brains trying to figure this all out today. Am I being unreasonable? Is this part of the fog? Why can't he handle reality? Is the Fourth a trigger for him, bringing back memories of her? I haven't come up with the answer yet. Maybe I won't. Part of the whole Recovery Process, I guess.

I think it's about not wanting to share me with our son. He got ticked off last night because son was out and called me about having a headache. H said I was "babying" him by showing concern. I mean he seemed to really get mad about him calling and me showing concern. He started ranting: "Tell him to come home if his head hurts so much" d-which I did. "He wants you to show how much you care about him"-What's wrong with that? "He just wants attention from you". You get the picture. This really hurt my feelings.

This comes after me praising him all day yesterday about killing the beetles, cleaning the windows, etc. He was outdoing himself on these household activites. Trying to work himself out of the fog? He seemed highly responsive to my praise but yet seemed to be trying to work off some kind of funk. I guess, returning home to the real world.

So how's that for a rollercoaster? When you go wait up, it's the pits to come down.

I told H that he hurt my feelings. He came back by saying that he felt justified in his reaction. However, I continued to voice my concerns. He, the man of action, has "acted" like he is sorry in his phone conversations with me today. BUT........ I wonder "what's up" with him.

He is definitely close with our older son, calling him on the phone, wanting to help him purchase a condo, etc. He seems to remain highly resentful of our younger son, makes me want to take up for our son....

SO THERE......What do you think?

When I was over at Mrs. Reeses' house last night, I noticed a very worn and tattered Bible laying on a table next to a red leather recliner. I picked up the Bible and looked through it.

Inside was a note that Mrs. Reese had written in it on the cover (title) page. I don't want to paraphrase it, so tonight I'm going to go over and copy it. Tomorrow I'm going to quote it here, what a 92 y.o. woman wrote in her late H's Bible after 71 years of marriage. It is very touching.

Later....

Georgia

Georgia:
Are you there? I just posted to you....

Oh Mimi....

Yes...I'm here...let me gather my thoughts.

Stay with me.

Georgia

Oh, Mimi...

It hurts me to feel your hurt.

I'm just going to share with you my first thoughts, take them for what they're worth.

Recovery doesn't mean an end to all problems of all sorts now and forever. It means an end to the A, and a re-establishment of the R between W & H. You have that.

But...I don't think that this means an end to all heartaches. Why are you equating this outbreak relating to YS as being related to the "recovery", or even the A at all?

Didn't you tell me once that H has always had problems relating to YS (going from memory here)?

Mimi....I know you're feelings are hurt, and I'm glad you were able to tell him that. I'm going to take a liberty that I would only take with a close friend (you). Don't blow this out of proportion. Yes, it is important....and yes you've had your feelings hurt. But, cool off, allow it some time, then sit down with H and tell him (again) that you're having a hard time understanding his feelings. Ask him to help you understand.

Remember, you've told me 10K times (okay, maybe a little less) not to point to OP's actions, but to your own. IOW - "H, I'm having a hard time understanding your actions last night. I want to understand you, even things that bother you. Can YOU help ME understand better?"

And....I would nix the A'hole comments....probably wouldn't get him to open up too much!!

Georgia

Georgia:

I'll be leaving in about 5 minutes. Will read your post when I get home tonignt.

Thanks for being there....

Did you get it, Mimi?

Okay, I'm leaving. CASA in one hour.

I've got to go to let Jeb out, apologize to him for the heat, and I like to shower and change clothes before I go.

I'll look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

Georgia

Georgia, I got it..

I didn't call him an A-hole out loud! You know I don't talk that way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's still hard not to associate everything with the A. I do have to say that we remain in Recovery, though. Howver, come to think of it, H seems to have almost erased the A out of his memory as if it didn't even happen. BIZARRE! He went with me to a conference workshop and became teary at the thought of having to live his life without me, what he himself had almost chosen to do. He brags to others how long we have been married.... Rewriting history again as if those A years never happened..

I will sit down and talk to him about it. I haven't yelled or screamed. I have remained calm and assertive.

It's just that it hurts more that this comes after such a wonderful time.

My woundedness and sensitivity about things is what's left over after the A.

We seldom argue or disagree about anything these days, though.

Later.....