Good Morning to you, Georgia:

What comes to mind to me this morning is that you are such an EXTROVERT! You seem to thrive on time spent with others. Have you ever taken that Myers/Briggs assessment? Your style seems so different than your WW who shuts herself up in a room with OM....

Later....

Hi Mimi...

Yes, I've considered what you've pointed out quite a bit lately. I am quite aware that I have ALWAYS wanted to have friends come to the house for dinner and such, but W was NEVER open to that. Even the couple that were our best friends here had only been to our house 2X, and both times were a major stressor for W. I have always accepted that as a difference between W and me and just accepted it rather than make it a big issue. She and I had talked about it, but she just couldn't stand to have company, even her own parents (or mine).

It's like now I have the freedom to enjoy others and make new friendships, and I may be overdosing.

However, I often wonder if her inability to make other true friendships somehow became the root of the thing with OM#1 & OM#2.

You're getting way out of my league on the Myers/Briggs assessment. I don't know what it is. My company once had me and some other tested for managment potential (long before I was a manager) and the only thing I remember about it is that I am somewhere around the 96 percentile for stress tolerance (good thing, eh?).

What is the M/B assessment, and can it be self-administered?

Georgia

I have done it on line before. I'm not sure exactly what website I used.

Try this one to see if it works. Have Fun!

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Georgia, I've found a way to get your news while at work: I'll get your posts emailed to me! Unfortunately I won't be able to answer.

I think I need to detach from MB for a bit, not read so much. It's getting to me, all the betrayal and the cruelty. It's so sad.

Good Morning to all -

cc - I have MB set up to e-mail me any posts on my thread, so I see any posts immediately.

I appreciate your following along, even if you just read. The court date is 2 weeks from today, and each day feels more and more like a vice sqeezing me tighter. It is not something I look forward to.

Sometimes I have to stop reading other folks' threads because of what you say. It is indeed a universe of people suffering from betrayal and deception. It sometimes strikes me at just how mean and uncaring spouses can be even when they once devoted themselves to on another.

Today at 3:00 (EST) I have an appointment with my attorney to plan for the divorce. I hope to know more about what to expect after the appointment.

Last night I went to a local clothing store and bought myself a pair of pants and 2 shirts, as well as a new unbrella. It was nice to buy myself some new clothes, but it was depressing too because WW and I did a lot of shopping there together. It might be trite, but standing in the dressing room trying on clothes without her waiting outside for me to come out and give me her opinion was hard. I missed her being there.

I did cook myself a good dinner last night, which was nice. Grilled chicken breast that had been marinaded overnight in teriyaki sauce, cream corn, green beans. And, after the shopping Jeb and I went to Sonic and I got one of those tiny little junior banana splits (Jeb just got a cup of ice water. I think he felt like he wasn't treated fairly).

Tonight my friends (the couple WW and I were close to) are coming over to my house after church. It will be the first time they've been there, I'm looking forward to seeing them.

GOOD MORNING MIMI.....

You will be interested in knowing that one of the 2 shirts I bought is a wild "Hawaiian" print type shirt. However, the other is conversative, 100% cotton. Our local Eddie Bauer store closed a couple of years ago, so I had to go to a more generic store.

Georgia

Good Morning:

I don't think it's TRITE to miss your WW when trying on clothes....

I hated going shopping when we weren't together...

Now I much enjoy trying on clothes for/with him again....

Not to bring up a BAD subject BUT... What's going on with the DIET and EXERCISE? I did notice the CREAMED corn and BANANA SPLITS.....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Mimi....

Well, obviously I'm not doint too good on the diet / exercise front. I've not been back to the gym again.

I have forced myself to quit buying ice cream when I go to the grocery store. Seems like Bi-Lo always has BOGOF of something like Breyer's. Man, they make some killer ice cream these days. The last two that I bought was Heath Bar ice cream and Oreo ice cream. I KNOW that one of my big weaknesses is I eat when depressed (or despondent). Last night I left the clothing store and there was a Sonic right across the street, and....well, the rest is history.

Thanks for bringing it up. If I can feel a little chastised, I can probably have more success in getting back into my routine of work outs. I know I need it.

I don't want my death certificate to show "Death by Ice Cream".

Of course, as I write this I'm sitting here eating Papa John's pizza. I'm chairing a teleconference at 12:30 (EST) for 4 facilities (the other 3 are in CST), and I've ordered pizza to be delivered to everyone participating.

Nothing says "morale" like free food.

Georgia

GG, what about sugar free snacks? There is some really good sf ice cream out there now. I have also discovered Jello sugar free jello [in the little cups] which is great with a dab of sf Land of Lakes whipping cream out of the can. Its great!

edited to add my other newly found sweet snack! Fresh strawberries mixed with 1/2 cup Splenda and refrigerated. Then add a dollop of that sf whipping cream I mentioned above. This is about a once a year treat for me, fruit kicks up my sugar cravings and plays havoc on my blood sugar.

thanks for the ideas, Melody.

Perhaps the next time I drool over the Breyers, I'll go down the aisle till I get to the SF ice cream. I don't think I've tried any of it before.

Georgia

GG, it's amazingly good!

Well, off to the attorney's office.

I'd rather have a kick in the head than to have to keep doing this.

Georgia

EDY'S LIGHT ICE CREAM tastes wonderful-many different flavors!!

Check and you'll notice that there is not much difference in calories between SF and LIGHT ICE CREAM. SF is mainly for those with diabetes...


HI MEL...

Hi GG,

I've been lurking on your threads forever now, wanted to say HI, and I'm sorry about all this. I am terribly impressed with the way you conduct yourself. Give Jeb a scritch for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm a MBTI-junkie... If you're really an extrovert (and I wasnt sure), I've got you tagged at ENTJ or ESFJ; a real boy scout!

I hope you have a nice evening at least. Please take care - Dru

Good Morning to all –

Well, yesterday afternoon / evening was certainly an active one.

The appointment with the attorney was intense, as I expected. He has not received back from her attorney the items we asked for in discovery, so he is to inquire about that. However, that isn’t a show stopper for us. We had asked for records of any trips out of the country in the last 12 months and all e-mails to other men for the last 5 years. She hasn’t responded.

My attorney tells me that I need to have a very detailed list of anything I want from the house and our personal belongings, such as photos and the kids stuff (we’ve still got all their baby toys in the attic). I’m going to start my list of what furniture I want so as I remember what’s in the house I can add to it as necessary for the next couple of weeks.

We spent a long time talking about the sale of the house. He plans to ask that the house be sold and the equity split (which is what I want). And, he said there are a lot of stall tactics she could use to avoid actually selling the house (such as grossly overpricing it or never being able to meet an agent who wants to show it). So, he is going to ask that if the house isn’t sold in 90 days, it will be auctioned off on the courthouse steps.

My agent says she has 3 clients who would like to see that house right now and she feels comfortable that she could sell it in less than 30 days, very likely within 1 week. And, she’s anticipating getting about $50K more than we paid for it in November, 2002. My attorney has asked that the agent put this in a letter and we’ll present it to the judge.

We talked alimony a bit also. He is suggesting that I will likely end up paying $1,200 - $1,500 month for about 3 – 5 years. He is going to suggest to the judge that as WW has time to talk to OM 50 – 100 hours a month on the phone, that she has time to get another job as she only works 20 hours week.

I’m going to meet with him one more time before August 3. This is getting so intense.

After I left there and cooked myself dinner at home, Jeb and I went to visit Mrs. Reece. When I walked into her room and hugged her, she just held onto me and cried and cried. She said she misses her home so much and is so tired of being in that place (the nursing home). She asked me if I could take her home. I told her that she would need to discuss that with her kids, that I knew they were doing everything they could to make sure she got better quickly.

I was amazed at how lucid she was. It was probably the best conversation I have ever had with her. She asked all about the air conditioner, my parents, my kids, and Jeb. However, she told me how lonely she is and how much she wants to go home. She said she never thought she would be in this kind of a predicament.

She again starting telling me about her husband, how they had such a good life together and how much she misses him. For the first time, she told me he died of a brain tumor. She said that she told him that she would take care of him and not put him at home and she did. She said it was very hard because he got to where he couldn’t walk, but with the help of lots of other people she was able to take care of him at home until his death. She said that she could never have put he husband in “a place like this”. I told her that I knew her kids would doing everything they could to take care of her and that she had to trust they had her best interest in mind.

She said she thought she would have recuperated better if she had gone to the local rehabilitation hospital instead of a nursing home. She asked me if I thought it was too late for her to transfer there. I told her that was something she would need to discuss with her kids.

She thanked me over and over for coming to visit and told me that she had hoped I would come back. I prayed with her and left.

I got home about 8:30 and my friends arrived at my house about 9:00. That was such a major BLESSING!!! That was the first time I had sat down with both of them since I left, and I love them both so much. They stayed until about 11:30. K told me that she doesn’t blame me at all for divorcing WW, that she would do the same thing. She still sometimes goes out with WW, but she said that WW will not talk to her about any of this, she only talks about non-threatening stuff. By the way, she and Jeb got along quite well. He napped in her lap.

It was such a wonderful evening, I needed that SO MUCH!!! We agreed that we would all get together again soon and keep our friendship close. K even said they would accept an invitation to dinner anytime, so I took the hint and I need to invite them over.

And….that’s about it. Man, what a busy afternoon / evening.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI

Edy’s, eh? I think I’ve got a coupon for some discount on Edy’s, too. (I’ve become a couple clipper).

Oh, and I need to do the M/B evaluation. How long does it take to do this?

Georgia

Hi Georgia:

It's EDY's GRAND LIGHT... It's really worth a try.

Not bad mouthing you, my friend. At our ages, with high blood pressure and stuff, we have to be concerned about our "cardiovascular systems". Exercise has to be a priority for you. OK?? It won't be death by ice cream. It will be death by heart attack or stroke. Did I scare you enough? Don't you want to age well like Mrs. Reese?

Speaking of Mrs. Reese, I wonder what's up with her children? She probably could qualify for acute rehab. She probably even could go home. She sounds depressed. Seems like they would know her position on this given how she cared for their Dad. I know this is nothing that YOU can do anything about. Just makes you wonder about them. Wonder if she shares her feelings about the situation with them?

If you click onto that site, you can take the M-B quickly on there. That stuff is interesting...

Later....

Hi Mimi....

Thanks for the 1X2 on te exercise (not quite a 2X4).

Last night when I left the n/h, I tried to call Mrs. Reese's D under the guise of just letting her know that she was doing well, but she wasn't home and I didn't leave a message.

Here is my quick take:

Oldest son (60's) too busy for Mom. He's been to the nursing home 1X. He has some form of cancer, his wife has been diagnosed with Alzheimers'. He still pastors a local church.

Youngest son & wife goes to see his Mom everyday. He takes care of her house. However, he and his wife both seems (how can I phrase this?) like maybe there are some mental areas that may be a bit lacking.

Middle child is the D. She seems very intelligent and coherent. She seems to be the decision maker and sees her Mom about 2X week. I think she is calling the shots.

I think I will call her and tell her that a friend (you are my friend, right?) suggested something called acute rehab.

I don't know how much she tells them, or how much they listen to what she says. Last night she was very cognizant, but she's trying to run her kids decisions through me and I can't be allowed to be in that spot. However, what little I know I think that if she could have a live-in care giver at home she would be infinitely happier. However, I'm not privy to all details so I hate to second guess.

Georgia

Yeah, Georgia. You know you don't need to take on Mrs. Reese. You certainly have enough on your own plate.

The best you can do is to continue your visits with her after contacting the daughter.

Georgia

Good Afternoon to all –

I would like to summarize some of my thoughts today, if I may.

It was, I believe, last October that I stumbled across the MB site and began my long and winding saga. Those early days were so hard. I remember the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and despair, almost encompassing me to the point that I felt like I was smothering. Suicide crossed my mind more than once.

It has now been one year this month since #1S discovered, in the middle of the night, that his Mom was having a relationship with another man. I was so proud of #1S when I heard him get on the phone and say (I can still see and hear him in my mind) “I don’t know who you are, but you are obviously causing problems between my mom and my dad. Please don’t ever talk to my mom again”. Well, “Mom” got angry with #1S and told him he was “disrespectful” of OM and owed him an apology.

And, next month it will be one year since #2S/DIL got married. I’ll not recount the whole history, but he found out about Mom about 3 months later.

And now I am on the precipice of being divorced after 29 years (almost) of marriage. I was engaged when I was 19, married when barely 20. It seems, all at the same time, like just yesterday and a whole lifetime ago. So many wonderful, wonderful memories….

But I am concerned now about how my situation and continued presence here is affecting others, especially newcomers, on this board. I did (to the best of my ability) follow Plan A. And I did (to the best of my ability) follow Plan B. I failed miserably sometimes, I excelled at others.

But here is what I want to say, especially to the newcomers. The Marriage Builders principles are a PLAN, and nothing more. And, in my opinion, a very good, well thought out plan that has a good likelihood of succeeding. In my field, I want to put a probability of success on those who use that plan, but I’m not sure those numbers are available.

I like to think of it as a parallel to cancer (forgive me any medical ignorance I demonstrate). And, I think this is a fitting analogy, as an inappropriate relationship is like a cancer in a marriage. Left unchecked, it will almost surely grow and get worse. I think I did that before I discovered MB, and perhaps I contributed to the growth of the tumor by my own inattention (or lack of a PLAN).

But, I would hope that if I sought medical help for cancer, the physician(s) would develop a PLAN for my treatment. But….would the PL.AN be assured of success? I think not. However, I would likely concur and work on their PLAN as I knew the alternative would likely be an atrophy of my health.

Likewise, MB is a PLAN. It is nothing more. It is a way to attack the tumor growing in a marriage that has, in some instances (I don’t know the %) proven successful at either reaching remission, or maybe even a total cure in some cases. However, that is not always the case.

During one of my last conversations with Steve Harley, he said “The patient is not responding as expected to the medication”. In other words, the tumor has continued to grow. I know of other “patients” here on this board who have received the same treatment with dramatically better results.

So, I want NO ONE to look at my situation and become disheartened in their own situation, or even attempt to compare mine to theirs. Each “patient” is unique, and each starts their PLAN with a clean sheet of paper.

Is there other plans that work better (higher rate of success) than the MB plan? I don’t know. But, I feel confident that at least having a PLAN is essential to the patient if they are going to avoid just passively watching as the tumor engulfs them.

My divorce is in 12 days. I am so despondent I can hardly stand it. I will likely be dropping off of this board for a while, or at least posting very little. I see no likelihood that anything of significance is going to happen.

I am going to visit my in-laws for a last time (at least as my in-laws) on Sunday. I don’t know if they know that the date has been set. I’m going over to tell them that they have nothing to be ashamed of a parents, that I know they have always been great parents and I don’t hold them in any way responsible, and I still love them both.

Then, I am going to drive back to Atlanta Sunday night. I’m catching an early flight out Monday for Houston and will be there until late Tuesday night. I am going on a work related trip and finding that right now this is helping me keep my mind off of my divorce.

I will work (back here) Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Then, I am taking off the following week (the week of the divorce) and I plan to stay home and work on landscaping.

I want to thank you all for your comments, following along with me, and for the compassion and care I have felt from so many of you.

Georgia

Hello GG,

I am very sorry. Please be good to yourself this week - Dru