FGG:

(boy, I'm not getting the work done I said I need 2)...

Let's assume that our sitches are somewhat similar, though I'm not DVing and I've never been in plan B.

I have been at the end of my proverbial rope for a very long time, though.

Can epiphanies occur 2 save the day at this late stage? Is there a cavalry after all?

Who the heck knows?

...nevertheless, one did at my house (well, it happened over the phone, really). After almost 4 years since d-day, with the thought of DV looming seemingly-inevitably on MY particular horizon...

The M-convo was triggered by a convo about finances, but the epiphany was triggered by my simple, but honest and objective, response 2 my W's news about RM planning on getting married. And among the many things we talked about, the most important thing she said 2 me was "I appreciated you being honest with me about how you felt about the news. I hadn't even thought of that."

And, people:

My W just said the same things FGG's W said about still blaming me, in part, for her A, and also that she couldn't be sure she wouldn't have another one if I didn't meet her needs... ...just a few days ago.

I think we're starting recovery now. I have no illusions. No fantasy dreamy fairlyand fu2res - no hearts popping around my head.

My point, though, is that we don't know what might happen next with FGG's wife. She might break down and give herself over 2 FGG's guidance. She might steel her resolve (such as we might imagine it 2 be) and live like this forever... ...but somehow I don't think so.

I think the interesting developments are in the works, even as we post.

best,
-ol' 2long

Hi, 2long.

Feeling 'in love' is very similar to drug use. The first time it is more wonderful than any feeling you have ever felt before (Georgia). Then the second time, at the same dosage level of the first time, it is still great but not quite as good as the first (other man #1). So, the third time (other man #2), you increase the dosage in the hopes that you can reacquire the same feeling as the first. The only problem is that you have literally begun to alter your brain's ability to produce endorphins and other complex chemicals in sufficient quantity to achieve the same effect as the first time.

Now the drug user or infidel wants to do it again, except they will go to extremes to get back that feeling. Eventually, some drug users overdose. A few lucky ones stop what they are doing because they finally begin to understand the vortex they have been sucked into. Others just continue on, barely living, while the drug of choice slowly but surely erodes what is left of their life.

My experience tells me that Georgia's wife is after her next fix, whether Georgia becomes other man number three, or she finds someone else. Until she crashes, the cycle will continue.


All the best,
Gimble

Hi folks -

I've stopped by the library on the way to my lawyers office. I appreciate the input of each of you.

Our conversation Monday night was "bittersweet". It was wonderful to sit down and talk with her, to hear her ALMOST sound like herself again. But then....with the same calmness and sanity continue to cast ALL blame on me, accept none herself, and predict her future behavior if I fail...well, that was the bitter part.

I can honestly say that I have tried, to the very best of my ability, to be a good husband. I forsook my wants and desires to allow hers, I read all the self-help marriage books, I was even going to counseling during the #1OM years without her knowledge, trying to learn more about how to meet her needs.

The point is, there are areas that I can still improve, but I don't think it would be such a momentous shift as to be able to prevent an affair that she might be going to have.

Last night, after pottery, I called her. She was surprised to hear my voice. I told her that I spent a lot of time thinking about our conversation Monday night, and that I appreciated her coming over. I told her that this was going to be short, I didn't want another long discussion. I told her that I that I had tried to be the best husband I could be, and I was very sorry that I had fallen short of her expectations. I told her that she had been a wonderful wife, and I regretted that she had been displeased with me. I told her that I could not live the rest of my life knowing that there would be another man waiting to take my place if I didn't measure up to her expectations. And...for that reason I would be continuing with the divorce.

I didn't give her a chance to talk. I said good-bye and hung up. She called back but I didn't answer.

So...here I am. 45 minutes until the appointment with my attorney, then our appointment together at 3:30 PM.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for both me and her.

Georgia

Take care, FGG.

-ol' 2long

FGG,

You did exactly and I mean exactly the right thing in calling your W. I hope that whatever happens at the lawyers, that you can take comfort in knowing you heard her out, you thought about her statements and you responded in a truthful and heartfelt way.

I just know that your life is about to improve with or without your W.

God Bless,

JL

JL:

Help me understand this statement.

Jimmy Mac, a FWS, says this about himself on another thread:



I don't see Georgia's WW as being different than other WSes who are still in the fog. She would need to go through withdrawal before the fog lifts. She is probably still in contact with the OM.

IMHO, Georgia has made the decision to be finished with her which is the risk that WSes take...losing out on a wonderful spouse.

To me, it's sad and tragic....

I grieve for the losses in Georgia's family because of his wife's foolish choices...

GOD BE WITH THEM...

Mimi,

It is very simple. One way or another this whole tradedy is about to be over. FGG will divorce and be free from the drama of his W OR she might see the light. Given the character I have seen in FGG I suspect he will find fulfilment in his life no matter what happens, but it will be without the divorce hanging over his head (that will be resolved soon).

No deep mystery here.

God Bless,

JL

Maybe not a popular point of view..

However, I see divorces as tragic...necessary and inevitable in many cases yet TRAGIC....

FGG,

I guess I don't see your divorce as the end. You'll have an on-going relationship with your WW at some level because she will always be the mother of your children.

What I see the end of...is the dysfunctional relationship marriage you've had with her. That needed to end. I'm sad for her in that she wasn't able to take responsibility for herself during all the time you gave her to end her
affair(s). She hasn't begun to learn anything yet...she's still had the crutch of your support during the proceedings that's allowed her to escape the consequences.

Now it's coming to a close. IMHO you're doing her a favor by NOT protecting her from the consequences of her choices (thanks Noodle); therefore not protecting her from falling and learning how to pick herself up again. You've given her plenty of opportunity to do this right - she just doesn't get it.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I agree with JL your life will get better...but in the immediate future you will feel great grief.

2long's and my friend SC suffered greatly after doing stellar Plan A & B...his wife didn't get it either - she still doesn't - he's divorced now and has moved on, and from the sound of it - he has an amazingly rewarding relationship with a marvelous woman now. He's truly happy and fulfilled in life.

Take extra good care of yourself now.

CSUE said:



It seems as if JL was not recognizing this..is what I was saying...

Mimi,

I think you did NOT read what I said. I believe CSue and I are in complete agreement. I am not sure what you were questioning about my original comment.

JL

Sorry JL. I read this but I still don't understand this way of thinking. It does not fit with my POV.

How can the TRAGEDY be over and then GEORGIA divorces.. To me, a DIVORCE IS A TRAGEDY..

It seems that you are making two inconsistent statements..CSUE did the same but I did not comment on the inconsistency of also her statement.. TO ME...

That is my POV..

I believe that GOD brought Georgia and his wife together and SATAN is winning in tearing them apart....

That's my belief system...

I am of course biased by my own experiences..

My parents were divorced when I was an adult..they both remarried...YUK..

Wow.
How could anyone argue with that?
It is sad. Divorce is awful. But I have to agree wtih GG on this. It hurts my heart to read these words, and imagine how I would feel if my H were to say this to me. I am married to an awesome man now, who I love dearly. If, someday, I were to lose my mind, and treat him in such a horrbile fashion, and he were to speak these same words to me, it would break my heart. To have someone you love feel this way - like they had tried their best, and were sorry that they had fallen short.

Mimi- I agree with you that D is an awful alternative. But I can't help but feel like this situation is different from yours, in that GG's wife has all ready had 2 A's, and says she may have a third. She isn't saying "I am so afriad I will fall off the wagon again, and I want you to help me" she is saying "If you don't do everythng right I am going to find someone else to take your place"

GG - I will be praying, for your wife. She needs to get right with God. No matter what else happens in her life, she needs to get right with God.

Thanks, WOF.. This is helpful. I understand exactly what YOU are saying here... It is different than my FWH...

I agree with this, too...

FGG,

praying for you.
cc

bump...

bump again. Thinking of you...Hope everything turns out ok.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope there are enough things to do around the house to enable you time to think.

Good Luck FGG. I take JL's view that the divorce in itself is not as tragic as the events that have led up to it. This is the beginning of the end, and better times are around the corner.