Folks are forgetting that Georgia has stated that he did have wonderful years and memories with his WW, including special romantic times and the rearing of their sons...

His marriage was not dysfunctional throughout their many years together...

I really wish Georgia the best...

I will pray for him and his family as he heals from this tragedy....

Mimi,

I am not forgetting this at all. It is what makes all of her behavior for the last 5-6 years all the more painful to him and it makes the divorce very painful as well. But, I am of the opinion that he cannot "fix" her and I think he should take comfort in the statement "This too shall pass."

It is much easier to remove someone from ones life IF that someone has ALWAYS treated you with destain, disrespect, anger, whatever. It is quite another when a large part of the interaction has been good to great. The woman he is married to today is NOT the woman that he was married to for over 20 years.

It is truely a great tragedy, but it will pass. FGG is a good man, and on the whole good people have good things happen to them more often than bad. I have confidence in the man, and that is what I am really saying. I have confidence that his faith, his heart, his honesty will stand him in good stead once this is over.

God Bless,

JL

JL:

This was so BEAUTIFULLY STATED....

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this...

Thanks for clarifying this....

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Hi folks...I'm going to keep this short.

I'm pretty much an emotional wreck and I don't feel much like talking right now.

The appointment at the attorneys office was more or less a trap and a waste of time. I'll go into that later. However, I can now report that I have personally sparred with an attorney and I kinda enjoyed it.

We are still married. We found out that the clerk didn't have an official petition for divorce and said that my attorney had failed to file it. He personally went to the courthouse yesterday and looked through the judges file and found our petition, dated March 28. By then, our court appointment had been canceled (by the judge).

I've talked to WW several hours (by phone) since then. She is panicking, no doubt about it. However, we're still miles and miles apart on what a marriage is.

I found out this morning our new court date is now October 7.

More later, thanks to you all for caring.

Georgia

I've talked to WW several hours (by phone) since then. She is panicking, no doubt about it. However, we're still miles and miles apart on what a marriage is.

I have been afraid she would even lie to get you to pospone the D, and then drag you through the dirt another 6 months. Remember if she starts to sound good to have her call Steve H. My bet is that she wouldn't do that.

Of course, you have always seemed to be on an even keel, and do the right thing, so my worries are probably in vain, but the prayers will continue.

So sorry for having things go badly. Though I don't know exactly how you feel, I feel for you, and I wish it were otherwise.

SS

OH MY, GEORGIA!!

You're on my mind and in my prayers.....

FGG:

I hope you're hanging in there.

I guess my questions would center around the na2re of her panicking. Is it because she's losing her comfortable lifestyle, or losing you?

A lot of your options probably depend on the answer 2 that.

Though Oct 7th is only a few weeks away, though. maybe between now and then she'll realize the immediacy of this like she may have been successfully avoiding up until yes2rday. She and her lawyer may have "fooled you" with this technicality this time, but they're less and less likely 2 succeed in like fashion with time.

best,
-ol' 2long

FGG:

Well, things seem pretty much as expected. I certainly expected a trap - but figured it was OK, since your lawyer was going to protect you - but it seems you took care of yourself. Was he there?

I am very very sorry for your pain. I have only a hint of it - since my marriage is much shorter than your. But, you are strong!

How's the deck project?

Think deck, deck, deck.

-AD

Good Morning to all –

Well, it was certainly a momentous week.

On Wednesday when we went to her attorney’s office things really began to unravel. She had the big stack of financial disclosures that I had filed from her Notice to Produce and she immediately launched into that, asking me various questions and trying to understand all the paperwork. I kind of got the impression that this was the first time she had looked at a lot of it. So, I answered all of her questions to the best of ability. I think she was confused much of the time. She was trying to “prove” that I had been hiding money, but she failed miserably at that simply because I haven’t been.

We spent about 45 minutes going over all that, and then she just nonchalantly turned to my attorney and said “oh, by the way….you never filed for the divorce”. Needless to say, he was stunned.

Then, I was surprised to hear her asking why we didn’t go to counseling together. I must say, I was surprised that she was indeed trying to get us back together. I told her that I wouldn’t go to counseling while there was still another man involved. She turned to WW and asked her if she would be willing to give him up. She didn’t say yes or no, she just kind of hesitated. She continued to ask her, and basically tell her, that she had a decision to make as to whether she wanted to be married to me or have this other guy. She said she wanted to stay married.

Both her attorney and mine agreed that there is a local counselor that they would recommend. So I agreed to go with her.

Then, I talked to her again Thursday. I asked her exactly what she had agreed to on Wednesday. She said she had agreed to quit communicating with OM. I asked her if that meant forever. She said that forever was an awfully long time….she wasn’t sure about that.

I just told her that I changed my mind and I wasn’t going to counseling with her. She’s had another man for most of the past 6 years, and all during that time I have been asking her to go to counseling. Her firm answer has always been NO. I told her that I’m tired of her jerking me around like I’m a puppet on a string. Now, in something like 36 hours before the divorce was supposed to be signed, she has this sudden urge to go to counseling and will give up OM#2 for some amount of time yet to be specified.

I called my IC Wednesday after the appointment and he saw me for 2 hours Wednesday night. He says that I’m being subjected to the equivalent of “emotional torture” and he questions her motives in doing what she is doing. Also, he questions her attorneys’ motives in spending all this time questioning us, then suddenly informing us that the petition wasn’t on file at the courthouse.

She and I have talked more since then. She angrily and forcefully continues to put blame on me for not meeting her needs, as well as saying she was driven by hormonal imbalance in menopause. She said she’s on hormones now and is beginning to feel like herself again. However, the entitlement for her A’s is just amazing. She is willing to accept none of the blame, but willing to spread around lots of blame to others. I sometimes think she sees herself as Queen of the Universe (far superior to Goddess’!) and we all exist to make her happy. She even started in on how her Mother has failed her and the fact that she and her mother have never been close….well, you get the idea. It MUST be somebody’s fault, right? I didn’t let her get away with that, I told her that she a mother that most women would be proud to have. She may not be perfect, but she has been a loving mom and cares deeply for her family, as well as being a devoted wife for over 50 years.

Oh, remember the short conversation that I had with OMW when we were in Vancouver? I told her that I didn’t think it would be wise for them to move here to Georgia, and I told her that I thought her H and my W were way too emotionally attached to one another. Well, WW told me when I talked to her Thursday that I had a caused a lot of problems in OM / OMW’s marriage with what I had said. I told her I thought the problems were related to OM spending time with someone else’s wife (mine) rather than attending to the needs of his own wife. She told me that was not the case at all, that I had caused their problems with my conversation.

I know that I’m probably on shaky ground here with my MB friends, but here is where I stand right now. There are no words that she can say that will change my mind, I’ve had it. We will divorce, and she will be forced to grow up. She will have to get a real job, buy a small house and pay her own bills. Once reality sets in, she may find that she doesn’t have time for OM#2, 3 or ……..?

Anyway, as you can tell, I am very, very frustrated.

But…the deck is going great! The basic deck portion is done and I’ve started on the bridge.

I have a neighborhood association meeting tonight. We’re planning a community cook-out on October 1 at the big park that borders the neighborhood.

Georgia

No GOOD MORNING to me?

What's up?

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I'm sorry....can you ever forgive me?

GOOD MORNING, MIMI.....

FORGIVENESS IS MY MIDDLE NAME...

I am at a loss regarding what to say to you though...

Your WW sounds "nuts"..

I can't think of a better description. Sorry...

And...she knows where my weak spot is. She's already told #1S that offered to go to counseling and give up OM, but "your Dad refused to work on the marriage". I'm sure she's telling similar stories to other friends and family members.

I think sometimes I'm way too sensitive to what everyone else thinks, and I'm just going to have to put on my blinders and trudge on through this mess. I hve this propensity to want to make decisions based on what others will think (does that mean I have low self-esteem?).

Anyway, I have really been drug (dragged?) through the mud in the past week, not much of a vacation, really.

Georgia

It seems so odd that your WW wouldn't understand how damaging her lack of commitment and unwillingness agree to permanently give up other man/men really is to all concerned including HERSELF. She is missing a cog in her brain to be so unable to observe her own choices and behavior as getting her to where she is now. All that entitlement and blaming others...pushing it all away from herself...wow.

I think you are doing well to stand your ground and not cave to her games. You aren't the bad guy here and I hope both of your sons realize that and can see what is really going on. You are caring for yourself enough to not allow your wife to use you as her doormat.

FGG,

You won't be surprised to hear that I agree with your decision. 100%


You know in your own heart what is right - and even if you can't explain it to another person, you still have to do what's right for you. God is with you, you are doing God's work in whatever direction he leads you.

Thanks for your comments.

This is probably the hardest it's been for me since our separation. I have a desire to want to jump right back in the middle and try to "rescue" her, as well as pull our family back together.

But, every time I talk to her it's like she wants to "normalize" her R with OM. She just continuest to casually talk about him like he's just part of the family and it's no big deal. When we talked Monday night, I told her that it hurts me when she talks about him. She said that we needed to be able to have open communication where she could talk about whatever was on her mind (hard to argue with that, right?).

Anyway, this whole thing just continues to be more bizarre than I can express.

However, Jeb continues to pledge his undying love to me, no matter what. Me and that dog really, really get along well.

Georgia

Hi, Georgia.

It is time to set a boundary.

"Wife. I am willing to converse with you on any subject, except for other man. If you mention him, or attempt to discuss him in any way, I will immediately end the conversation. Let me be perfectly clear. The only discussion I will have with you regarding other man, is if he is totally and forever out of your life, or if the judge asks me questions about him. Do you understand?"

Then the first time she mentions him, you hang up the phone with no "good by" or if the conversation is face to face, you immediately turn and walk away. If she chases you apologizing, you continue to walk away. You simply must get that control back between the two of you. It is not a game. She wants control and she is very obviously willing to manipulate you to get it.

God bless,
Giimble

Georgia:

I agree totally with Gimble!

How about drawing such a boundary with her to see what happens?

Actually, Gimble's approach was recommended to me by Steve H. when my H first started talking reconciliation...

FGG, still praying for you for whatever it's worth. You will do the right thing.

My new bounday is that I just don't want to talk to her anymore right now about anything. All that happens is I just get sucked right back into this vortex of turmoil and have to deal with it all over again, with the end result being exactly the same.

Then, I have to deal with the demons in my head replaying those tapes over and over again. (i.e. - "you've been emotionally abusing me for 29 years")....

If she comes over again, I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and sing "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy...."

Georgia