I feel exactly like this and I'm on ADs! The pain is numb and the anxiety is less and lasts less since I'm on Ads, but it's only been one month. I decided to take Ads because after 1 year I was still reacting with so much emotion and I knew that the psychiatrist would agree that after 1 year I needed them.

I hope it does get better with time, but I also think that the Ads are important to help make that happen. Maybe you should go back to taking them...

When I rotated thru psychiatry I learned that grieving is normal for one year but after that you should frankly be starting to feel better. My psychiatrist confirmed that that still holds when he told me that if I had gone a few months before he wouldn'thave recomended any medication but it had already been one year and I was too emotional.

There is no reason why we shouldn't use this help. The end result probably won't change, but we can make getting there a little easier and less traumatic. That's what I'm hoping for.

just my 2c

I think it is a good idea to avoid going to the XW's place. I think it would just set back your recovery.

I still say you don't need to entertain those crappy thoughts as they rise to the surface of your mind. When they come up...freeze them in your mind's vision and have a star down with the first tape that starts in that courtroom. The thought will lose it's power and discipate.

It's worked for me with negative thoughts. There is no good reason to entertain them just because they surface. Why? What are you getting by ruminating over and over? It just adds to the pain and resentment. It doesn't heal...it just replays.

You aren't going to come up with some new way of looking at it or a solution by going over and over it. Take the power from those thoughts FGG.

Try it. It may sound a bit abstract but it has worked for me. In time they don't bother surfacing anymore because you won't allow them to take over your bean.

Sounds like a tiring trip you are on...but challenging. Nice they gave you a laptop to use!

FGG,

I have a thought for you to explore. I think that IF you ever find happiness in your life and perhaps it is with a new woman in your life, you will see #1 and #2 sons very very happy.

I am certain the divorce has hurt them, but I would also speculate that what hurts them most is seeing YOU hurt.

I think YOUR happiness is the key to THEIR happiness with regard to all of this.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL

Just hold onto that thought, FGG. You won't fix the unhappiness for your boys. They are men. As JL wisely said, when you start feeling better I believe they will too.

GG-

The story about the dog and Babies R Us is cute.

You may not remember, but we used to e mail a bit when I was on the board before. At the time I was the WW. I was from Georgia???

I'm sad to see that we're both divorced but there is good news- I did divorce but I also met someone wonderful and I'm remarried.

I'm here at MB to keep everything good FOREVER this time!

I hope you remember me.

Good Afternoon, folks..

Thank you all for your comments. I am considering getting back on the Lexapro for a while, perhaps at least until the house is sold and all assets are split. However, I do kind of enjoy having some of the other emotions back, even if they seem a bit overwhelming sometimes.

I appreciate your suggestions. I think I will start trying to hit the pause button on the tape player....then I'll try to picture the tape going up in smoke (ala Jim Phelps of IMF, for all you baby boomers).

As for the boys happiness, I don't know about that. I've divorced xW, but she is still their Mom. As I build a new life, she will always be their Mom. I guess time will tell. #1DIL has told me that #1S so badly wants to have a R with his Mom, but she (DIL) isn't so sure she even wants to have a R with her any longer. I know that hurts #1S, and he must be so torn as to how to deal with this.

Last night xW called my personal cell phone and left me a message. I've not listened to it yet, I'm really dreading hearing her voice.

Yes,cw, I remember you. I hope that all has worked out well for you, I know you were going through a lot at the time. Good to hear from you again.

Last night in Dallas, I think I might see if there's a steakhouse nearby.

Any Dallas affecinados who know a good steakhouse here?

Georgia

Hi GG,

I check in every now and then to say HI - it's been 20 pgs or so, now. Hi! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You know, it's really like any other loss. I think your sadness is very understandable. You've been through alot, and nobody won, here. Things are slowing down a bit, it's all starting to sink in and get real. I'd just allow yourself to be a bit sad for awhile, let the AD's help.

It's taken me about a year each to get over the big losses in my life. I've heard the same from quite a few people (I sat in on a few Grief Groups for awhile). This is huge, your entire life just changed. It will get better. Please take care of yourself, (and good luck with Saab <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) - Dru

Good Morning all -

Thanks, Dru, for your comments. It is obvious to me that even with these set backs, things are better than they were 1 year ago.

I'm getting ready to leave Tx and head home. Back to ATL late tonight, and I'm sleeping in tomorrow!!!

Have a good day to all my MB friends...

Georgia

I'm so glad you remember me, G but I was so sad to see that your wife never woke up! Unbelievable.

I am well. Still have alot going on but I'm making it one day at a time!

Hi GG,

Glad you had a great time in Texas. Must say it is a lovely state. Mom is getting ready to sell the ranch and then my entire childhood will be gone. The ranch has been in our family for near 200 years. Oddly enough it was my idea. She cannot handle the ranch and I am in England so cannot help her. Plus I am selfish I do not really want to give up my life to live on the ranch and give up everything I have worked for.

I guess what I am saying is that your sons will come to terms with everything that is going on. They are grown men starting their own lives. It will just take them time to grasp/process everyting. For your #1S it must be hard for him because the woman who gave him life is trashing the woman he loves. I admire him for standing up for his wife. The pain he must feel is great.

GG just remember none of this is your doing. Your wife is of an age that she knows better. You gave her a choice and she did what she wanted. Now she is facing the consequences.

Regarding the house can you go and pick up your stuff without her there? You still own the house. Maybe run it past your lawyer.

BTW Congradulations on your new job. I have faith in you that you can do the job. And give jeb a hug.

Hi FGG,

You know if you keep up this trav'lin' you might really be a formerly georgia person.

I always read your updates - but don't have much to say - except that from where I'm sitting, you look to be doing very very well.

I've gotten to the point where I can go to the house that I shared with my XW and do stuff there. I used to walk into that place and immediatly want to go home. Nobody's lived there for 6 months and I'm finally getting the last of our stuff cleared out to get it ready for sale.

Time heals us...

-AD

Good Morning, folks...

I'm back in beautiful GA.

Well, the realtor talked to xW mid-week last week to make an appointment to go over and list the house. xW told her that she wasn't feeling well, to call her back on Saturday.

So, the realtor called her 2X Saturday and left messages both times for her to call, but xW never returned her calls.

I've sent an e-mail to the attorney this morning advising him of this, and asking for an appointment to discuss how we're going to address this. In the meantime, my next payment to her is due Wednesday (Feb. 1). Another 1/2 house payment and 1/2 utilities that I will be paying "while the house is being sold".

I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I shouldn't just pay her the alimony and let her deal with the rest. It's obvious that I'm just making like easier and easier on her and there is absolutely no motivation for her to move on. Actually, she's getting more now than she was before the divorce.

NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR.

There, I feel better now!

In other news...

I visited Mrs. Reese yesterday. She is not doing well at all. She is seriously convinced that her D has taken her money and she doesn't know what's she's going to do. She asked me if she should call the police. I told her NO!!!

She kept insisting that I take her over to her D's house so she could confront her about this. I finally told her that I would call her D for her. So...when I left I called her D and told her that her Mom was confused and I had promised her that I would call...and just left it at that.

So sad...

Georgia

Okay, here is what I've decided to do.

I can't get an appointment with my attorney until Thursday (2nd) at 4:00 PM. Alimony is due Wednesday (1st).

I'm going to send xW the following e-mail:

Just dropping by to say Hello...

Keep looking UP....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Welcome back.

Thanks for the reminder!

Sounds good, keep a copy, and make sure you are documenting all the convo's you are having with the realtor and messages from XW about the house sale...

Good Morning....

I received an e-mail from xW telling me that she is suffering from depression.

At the very end is this statement:

"All I felt was pain and hopelessness, and you kept trying to take away the only outlet I found to relieve the pain."

Any comments?

Georgia

So her only outlet was abusing you, rubbing your face in the fact that she didn't care enough for you to be faithful?

I'd be tempted to respond - your pain reliever is still there - doesn't he do it for you anymore or something?

Good response, KaylaAndy.

OM = Her drug of choice

It is ashame she can't hear herself. How she can continue in her denial/fog is beyond me. She seems only capable of projecting all guilt for her choice to have A's onto you.

This is not about you. You are just about one of the sweetest men I've read <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. She has lost a gem. I am afraid your biggest sin was in 'spoiling' her...and this from a woman who loves to be 'spoiled' but feels a bit unworthy at times.

Wow, tenacious, stubborn, bullheaded...like a buldog, she just won't drop this bone...

I'll be willing to bet her friends, neighbors, family, are getting tired of hearing the same tape played over and over again...

"It is FGG's fault, he won't let me have my cake and eat it too..."