Well, as strange as this may seem, her e-mail is just another confirmation to me that I'm on the right track. Every time she makes another attempt no matter how feeble to justify her R with OM(x) (where x = any real number) then the easier it makes it for me to say "good riddance".

I'm WAY beyond debating the acceptability of whether or not I want another man in my life if it makes my wife (xW) happy.

Georgia

P.S. - Thanks, Trix. You made my day!

Words escape me.
I sit here and shake my head.

"as strange as this may seem, her e-mail is just another confirmation to me that I'm on the right track. "

This comment makes complete sense to me, of course.

When WxH first showed an interest in "dating" me, I felt like I was not interested in him, but wanted to at least try for the sake of the kids. But then he would say something completely outrageous - still justifying his A - and I would think "nevermind".

I don't know how someone can continue to make such ridiculous comments.

I suppose if her only outlet for her depression was crack cocaine, you should have allowed that too. And if her only outlet was killing people, that should be allowed? Is it truly ok to do whatever you "feel" like doing to make yourself happy, even at the cost of others?

this makes me think of a good book, written by Pastor Ron Mehl called the "Ten-Der Commandements". He basically writes that the 10 commandements were not written to punish us or limit us, they were written by God to protect us. God says "Do not commit Adultery" because it hurts EVERYONE involved. You, your boys, your in-laws, and your WxW. Your WxW is really starting to suffer the effects of her own sin. Sin hurts everyone invloved. And as long as your WxW refuses to aknowledge her sin, refuses to turn from it, repent, and quit sinning with Om(X) then she will continue to suffer. The "Ten-Der" commandements are specfic on this. Do not commit adultry. And in my opionion God is not trying to punish her for what she has done, it is the effects of her own sin that is hurting her now. Yet she refuses to see it.

I guess you could suggest a 12-step program?? Still no hint of your happiness or feelings in her emails. It's all about her, isnt it?


Right on!

She sounds so classically addicted... you could substitute 'pot, alcohol, the Soaps,' whatever for OM(x)... none of which are any more attractive than what she's offering you. The error in her logic is that she HAS the OM and STILL isnt happy. Now she's free to go get OM(3), OM(4)... as many as she wants, and she's still not happy.

You deserve so much more. Hang in there! - Dru

This may seem like a small issue at this point, but in my e-mails to her I've asked for a time that I could schedule the movers to come over and get my stuff (ie - dining room suite). She's not even acknowledged that request.

I'm not getting a good feeling about this!

In other news....test on retaining walls, drainage, walkways & patios tomorrow.

Georgia

not a small issue at all.

If you had stuff that belonged to her, I am certain you would be getting letters from her lawyer.

Would it be possible to just set up a time, and say "the movers will arrive on ___ at ___."
If you did arrange the date and time, and then she wasn't there, would you be able to access the house?

I suspect she is trying to force you to meet with her, in person, to get your stuff. That way she could look sad and depressed, and you would feel sorry for her, and you would come running back to her, agreeing that she should talk to anyone she wants to in order to help her feel better. if only you could see how miserable she is, you would fix it for her.

Sound possible?

I have no great suggestions. I suspect your attorney will need to get involved.

I remember the first time I saw my WxH, after the D was final. I thought I would feel sad, or bad. I didn't I was just surprised at how awful he looked. Un shaven, wrinkled clothes. My only thought was "why did you choose this life? Why do you continue to put yourself through this?"

WOF -

She has changed the locks and I have no key. If I arranged for the movers to come and she wasn't there, well I'd be stuck with a bill.

I think she is still trying to be "in control" of the situation. ie - she'll sell the house when she's ready, she'll move when she's ready, she'll let me get my stuff when she's ready.

Of course, I do agree with you that if she could just get me to understand how hard this all is on her....well, I must've never loved her or I wouldn't be putting her through all this (I've heard that one from her somewhere in the last year).

I got one of these Christmas card letters from my xFIL before Christmas. It had pictures of his family members, including xW. It broke my heart, she looked awful. Big creases in her face, she looked like she had aged 10 years. I cried. I SO don't want to see her right now.

I'll run the furniture issue by my lawyer as well and she what he says. I've got a feeling it's back to court.

Georgia

Hi FGG,

I always read your thread (when I stop in on MB).

If it's still your house (jointly) you can break the locks if you cannot otherwise gain entry - and (ask your legal advisor) will be breaking no law. You could also have a locksmith meet you there - show him the legal documents (deed with your name on it would be nice).

-AD

Good Morning, folks...

AD - Are you having trouble sleeping or something?

Well, a new and expanded edition of WW's e-mail awaits me today. It is obvious she is heavy into the "woe-is-me" mentatlity, along with heaping as much guilt on me as possible. Snippets:

"Yes, the house is not on the market yet, but that is because it is not in the condition to be on the market. You have been aware of many of these problems for over a year. At one time the work would have been under warranty, but I don't know about now. And no, I was NEVER contacted by the builder. There is a leak in the garage, and there will have to be sheetrock work done there as well as in the diningroom. Then there will be painting that has to be done. I have no intention of leaving my home unattended while work is being done, and I don't want to put the pets through any more stress than is necessary. I have once again found more roofing nails on the driveway. I hope this doesn't mean that there are additional leaks.

There are cracks (probably visible only to me), in the shower stall in the master bath. A broken light fixture in the master bath. No one ever looked at the A/C unit upstairs. It hasn't been turned on since the last time you had it on. I've since learned that this is also bad for the unit, but I couldn't have turned it on anyway not knowing if there was indeed a problem, or if this is just the way that heat pumps work, but dad said he thought there was probably a problem.

Other things that need to be done: the staining of the fence was never completed; the deck stain is almost gone; the yard needs mowing, weeded, edged, hedges trimmed, you'll need a bushwacker for the back forty; I could probably walk on the green pond, (I think there are still spooked fish, and yes, I did clean it once), speaking of green, the stucco on the house is green, as well as the fence, and needs to be pressure washed, as far as I know the windows have never been cleaned in the three years we owned the home, and yes, I still have leaky windows from tracks that need to be cleaned out. Then of course there is the carpet and hardwood floors. I cleaned the hardwoods once, but the Rainbow thing didn't work properly, so this time I was just going to wash the worst areas by hand.

I'm sure the realtor can't understand why I say the house is not ready for pictures, but I'm sure you can. I'm just now starting to be somewhat able to handle my depression. I do as much as I can each day, but daily life keeps me busy enough without the other added stressors, which btw aren't good for my health.

Soooooooooo, I don't want to hear from you any complaints about the house not being on the market yet....."

"So now you have almost a short chapter of a book, but if you insist this is the only way that you'll communicate (a bit of a cowardly act in my opinion), then you will have to accept the fact that when I sit here writing to you I could be doing something else to help prepare the house, although I will admit, I usually choose to do computer work when I don't feel like doing anything else. These days I don't enjoy the computer. I would p refer to be reading, watching T.V., or spending time with the dogs. "

Perhaps my attorney (who will read her e-mail) will have some good advice this afternoon.

Sigh...

Georgia

Perhaps xW could stop waiting for OM 2 move down 2 live with her and simply go live with him and his W in Canadia?

Sorry this is still so in your face, FGG.

-ol' 2long

Wow, if she spent even HALF the time she spent with OM on the phone, she could get some of these things done.

Have you read Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders?

She is a Renter (if not a Freeloader)...

Talk with your attorney about evicting her, taking ownership of the house to get the work done, on the market...leave your stuff there during the sell (full houses show better than empty ones). Make sure you offer to help her move...so she doesn't take too much...she does feel SOOoooo entitled.

I have started reading Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders...the new book is called the Field Guide to Relationships. Wow, it sure does explain quite a bit...about the spoiling you did? NOTHING wrong with it, you just wasted it on a person who wasn't as invested in the relationship as you. And no WONDER she is depressed...she has to live with herself and her decisions. Wouldn't YOU be depressed if you knew you had turned from God so drastically?

Oh my, GG!

This is just an attempt to stall the sale of the house so she can live there and sponge off you.

You won't stay and divorce her because of her A- well she'll make you pay somehow.

You're such a good man, and I'm terribly sorry.

Maybe the OM could make a short trip down from Canada, since he is such a good, innocent, pure friend, and rescue this damsel in distress friend of his. After all, eh has done SO much for her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Well, incredibly enough my attorney still doesn't have the court transcript so we didn't accomplish a thing.

I showed him xW's e-mails. He said since the judge had not ordered me to help get the house ready to sell, that I don't need to worry about it. However, the judge did order her to list the house, which she's not done. He said she is clearly in contempt.

He knows that I've not paid the mortgage / utilities yet. He told me to give him until next Wednesday to come up with an answer. So, I'm going to e-mail xW and tell her that my attorney is still working on it and I should have an answer by next Wednesday.

I had a very, very aggressive work out last night. I strongly, for a few moments, considered getting angry about this whole thing.

Georgia

My email to xW today:

"Good Morning,

I met with my attorney yesterday. He is still awaiting some information from the court and said he should have it clarified by next Wednesday (Feb. 8).

I looked at the 4 medical bills. The only one I had not paid is the $17.00 to the dentist.

Again, I need to schedule a time to get the dining room suite and other stuff, as well as to return those things I’ve agreed to bring back."

xW's reply to me (already this morning):

I have not heard from the realtor this week. If it is a sunny day tomorrow with no rain, (she told me she would prefer that for the pictures), perhaps I will have the inside picked up enough that she can make a few pictures in the afternoon, BUT any outside pictures will be horrible. The yard looks unkept. We are trying to get as much for this house as possible, right? Or do you want to lose money on this like you did on the car? You seem to be made of cash these days ....... always running to attorneys.

My utilities are currently paid up to date, (ahead of time), as well as the EMA, but the house payment is past due. I might remind you that it needs to be mailed NOW in order to reach its destination before the penalty date. I do not have another pay day until the 10th. Had I known you were going to be such a cad I wouldn't have paid my other bills in advance."

Then...as an afterthought I got this additional e-mail:

"One of these days you would think I would learn to take my brother's advice. It seems I'm too soft and kind. Ever hear of garnishment of wages?"

This is the woman who are one time I was "one flesh" with. D**n aliens!!

Georgia

Sounds like she is wanting to play hardball. My tendency would be to go for the throat...kind of an old injustice thing I've tried to lose. Fight fire with fire..all that.

She gets no sympathy from me. Do everything possible to get this behind you as soon as possible so you can be done with having to have any communication with her for a long while; NC...is what she needs.

So, she is threatening to get nasty...FGG deserves punishment and humiliation now? :rolleyes

Okay, I couldn't take it any longer. Here is my reply to her:

"The other e-mail I’ve sent you has the spreadsheet showing where I reimbursed the 2 checks.

The $50 charge was after the divorce date, I no longer pay your co-payments.

You will need to call the realtor to set up an appointment. This is your (by court order) responsibility. Mary is waiting on you to call her.

You get over 50% of my income.

Your attorney has charged you more than 2X what my attorney has charged. I think if I were you, I would ask for an accounting.

The house payment must be made by the 14th to avoid penalty.

Yes I have, but I’ve paid EVERYTHING that I have been ordered to pay.
Have you ever heard of “contempt of court”? Perhaps you would wish to discuss this with your attorney. This is serious, very serious:

These answers were interspersed as a "reply" to her e-mails, so it may seem a bit disjointed.

My ears are red.....

I don't blame you for being pi$$ed off.

You have been more than fair to her.

She doesn't get that is didn't ever have to go down like this.

I wonder if she is even capable of ever 'getting it'.

I wish I could say "unbelieveable" but at this point this crap has become so predictable.

It is good to get angry, and it is good to let it out on occasion.
Unfortunately, she is not going to "get it". She is likely to respond to each point with similar "woe is me" statements.
I don't udnerstand it, and it stinks, and it is all very predictable.

One thought I had - on the whole issue of whether or not she has time to tidy the house for pictures - when I was preparing my house to sell my realtor had a list of people we hired to help, including a lady who came in and scrubbed the bath tub, and a guy who came in and did the handy man type chores. Perhpas you could email WxW and tell her that "Mary would like to be there Saturday at 10:00am to take pictures, and she will bring a cleaning person from XYZ cleaning agency, who is going to make a list of cleaning projects that you would like help with. Also, please alert Mary to any other projects that you feel are necessary in order to put the house on the market"

I know she will still come up with more "woe is me" crap, but if Mary is coming with a cleaning lady (person) than it might be harder for WxW to claim that the place is not ready for pictures.

I'm sorry. She sounds like a teenager who didnt get her way. I cant say I'm surprised, why is it that the WS's who cause all this pain and trauma get so mean at the end? They just cant go out with a whimper, it seems. I am sorry, you're too pleasant of a guy to have to be dealing with this. It wont be more than a few more months till the house is gone - just hang in there! - Dru

Well...I got back and she's left a message on my voice mail. As soon as I heard her voice, I just deleted it.

As of lunch, I've officially restarted the Lexapro.

In other news...

Some folks are having my Honda checked out and if all is well they're going to buy it. That would be nice, I've got a sizeable tax liablity from having to file "single" when my witholdings have been based on MFJ.

72 degrees and sunny...drive home and back at lunch with the top down. Now...that is NICE!!

Georgia

EDIT -

WOF....Here is an e-mail that I sent her quite a while back"

Mary needs to be the one to determine what repairs and / or “enhancements” need to be made to the house prior to showing it. After Mary sees the house, if she believes that there are issues to be addressed immediately, I will coordinate getting those things taken care of. Please contact her to set up that appointment.