Georgia:

I've been looking in, checking on you.

I just get so frustrated with your xW. She does not perceive of herself as being a WS..like you have deserted her and did not give her permission to PLAY with the OM...YUK...

About the house..Can't the realtor schedule an appointment with your WW, bringing along a handyman? My realtor knew of such a person who did all of the necessary repairs in our house before it was sold. This way YOU could be proactive and not rely on her to do anything.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Mimi...

I am so, so....frustrated right now. This is a MAJOR set back for me. I'm considering seeing if any of the local tattoo & piercing places do labotomies....(okay, just kidding).

However, I am thinking about telling Jeb we're going to Charleston for the night and just taking off. (Talk about running away from your problems!).

I was seriously thinking about the handyman / cleaning woman idea with the realtor. But...keeping in mind that the next step, if we cleared that hurdle, is to actually have prospective buyers SEE the house, well...

Raise your hand if you think xW is going to let realtors / clients into the house while she's still living there. Com'on raise them real high where I can see them...

That's what I thought...I don't think she will either. I think the ONLY real solution is she's going to have to be removed from the house in order to sell it.

Getting Mary into the house (even one time) really serves very little purpose in the grand scheme of things.

Georgia

I forget. Is the X planning on moving somewhere..before the house sells?

Actually, I don't know what her plans are.

I do know that she was looking at some townhomes last October & November, but I don't know what became of that.

Georgia, BTDT!

Another divorce saga:

Divorce filed April, 1998

July 1999, divorce trial (finally) Yep, trial, what fun ex thought all from the marriage was his! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

November 1999, judges decision of final settlement

March 2000, pay sheriff to start process of selling enough of x's property to settle divorce decree

September, 2000 community property house goes up for public auction in 30 days with weekly notice in local newspaper

October, 2000 FINALLY get settlement check from ex on last day before public auction

Asked the deputy sheriff working my case, "how many divorces have you had to go to this extreme to make sure settlement happens", his answer TWO, which includes your case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />



It certainly is! Hang in there and enjoy the weather with your 4-legged boy!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, believe me!

Good point.
Nevermind everything I said.

I can not imagine what Mary would go through trying to show the house if either:
a. WxW was there, and making a scene
or
b. WxW was not there, but left a mess, or dogs in the house, or heaven only knows what to insure that prospective buyers run away and never look back

At some point I always put on my best Pollyana attitude and look for the positive that God will bring out of every situation, and here I go in this instance:

WxW continues to ignore calls from Realtor, will not allow realtor to stop by to see house, take photos of house, or show house. GG goes through all the prpoer hoops, as outlined by his attorney. In the end, there is another visit before the judge, where WxW is reprimanded by judge, and told "You have done everything you can to drag this out, in spite of GG's best efforts to comply with my instructions. At this point you are considered a hostile party, and I am requesting that you vacate the premises within 30 days, so that the Realtor can go forward with the sale of the house."

Certainly not a pretty scene, but likely to be the best way to get the house empty so that it can be properly shown and sold. In fact, if she were asked to vacate the house, that would also solve your issue of how to get your remaining stuff.

What a mess.

I always read your posts because I can relate to the madness of trying to deal with a WxS who continues to live in some sort of fantasy world where they are the victim, amd completely incapable of seeing that their actions are in direct relationhip to their current state of affairs.

I sold my house 3 years ago and my WxH still blames me for "selling the family home". The last email I received from him said that he doesn't need to pay child support to me any longer because I should still have plenty of money from selling the house.

in fact, this morning he once again gave me his "woe is me" line of "I want to move into a bigger house so that YS can have his own bedroom now and not share with his step brother. I can not afford to get a bigger house as long as I am still paying child suport. I need you to sign a new custody agreement, giving me custody, so I can quit paying child support and get a bigger house."

the man is remarried, with 2 step sons, and still it is my repsponsibity to take care of him.

Do you ever wonder what a sitcom with my xW married to your xH would be like?

Maybe Georgia'a ex can be forced to sell at auction (like my post above), they'd get about .60¢ on the dollar, wonder which way would she like this to go? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

indeed.

I actually got to the point where I got the "I am sorry for what I did to you" at one point. For a short amount of time. But then it was followed up with "I shouldn't have to be broke because of it" He filed bankruptcy this past year, and told the boys, numerous times, "I have had to file bankruptcy because your mom left me with a lot of dept to pay off, and because she took everything away from me". he had the boys feeling a little sorry for him. they didn't come right out and say so - but I could see it in their eyes.

Well...reality of his debt issues is .....OW charged more than one HUGE cell phone bill to his credit card. At least twice it was over $900 for only 1 month. he told me this story himself, when he was trying to get sympathy. "woe is me, she convinced me to pay for her cell phone a couple of times, and then she kicked me out, aren't I worthy of your sympathy" Also, his truck broke down and he charged the repairs, he bought a new boat motor, when he started seeing another married woman and they decided to move in togehter, he had to pay to breake his lease on the aprtment he was living in at the time. His new wife has a nice diamond ring, his new wedding ring is not a simple gold band, it actually has several stones, blah blah blah ad nauseum.

what it all comes down to is this: Instant gratification, and entitlement.

But I never bring this up to the boys, and never will.

there are times when I feel a certain amount of anger towards your ex's brother. I think he is helping feed her woe is me monster.

Get into the scriptures this weekend. Play music you like, eat good food. you know the routine, you have been there before. Go back to your list of good, positive things to do for yourself when you are feeling frustrated/angry/depressed/etc.....

Thanks, WOF...

I'm going to go home and talk this over with Jeb. We may just have to do something special.

Have a good weekend, all my MB friends.

(A slightly battered & bruised) Georgia

GG,

Since you are a huge ice cream fan Skinny Cow do a really good fudgecicle and less than 100 calories for one!

Spend time with Jeb. My cats got me through my desolution and subsequent criminal cases with my ex. Many a night were they there for me. Just giving me the love I needed. I know Jeb is the same way.

Regarding the sale of the house and you picking up your items may I suggest that when you go back to Court you have a clear plan in place that you want done. Outline to the judge your ex's willingness to comply with the order and then suggest that whithin such a period the realtor is allowed in to take pictures and decided what needs to be done. Ex needs to leave the house unattended for that period to give you time to examine the state of the house and collect your belongings. If you decided to have outside people fix/clean the house than make sure that comes out of the settlement of the house so it is equally shared cost between the two of you and you are not footing the entire bill. Also suggest that by a certain date your wife will have to vacate the premesis because due to her behavior you are less than willing for her to cause the house not to show. I would also try and re-coup some of the money lost from not being able to sell the house in a timely maner due to your ex's behavior. This would be your negotiation point with the other lawyer. GG can I also suggest that you pay your ex on time. You do not want to have a counter claim of breach. It sucks but you want to be above reproach.

Wishing you all the best. And BTW why is it taking so long to get the transcripts? I would always have a turn around time of about a week. Maybe you will need to go to the Court House and get them yourself if need be to make sure this moves along. Each month that goes by you loose money.

Morning, folks...

MN2, I don't know why it's taking so long on the transcripts. I, too, find this a little troubling. I think my attorney is losing interest in my situation and is doing very little to encourage it's conclusion. I don't remember if I posted this, but he's no longer in private practice and has joined the public defenders office. I think he would like to be rid of me soon.

Friday night was a beautiful evening. Jeb and I went for a long ride through the country, with the top down, to a little town about 30 miles from here. I had a late dinner there and then we drove back home. It was nice, I enjoyed it.

Oh, before we left Friday night I sold my Honda. The folks are supposed to come get it today an bring me the money. A young student at the local medical college bought it.

Saturday I took the time to give my house a good cleaning.

Sunday afternoon I paid a long visit to my CASA family. A lot of troubling things there and I spent a long time there. The kids are great! I played wiffle ball in the yard with them and had a great time with the kids.

Tonight I am having a friend of mine from work and his wife over for dinner. We (xW and I) used to be good friends with this couple and spent a lot of time with them. I haven't seen her since all this mess started, but he and I had lunch about 2 months ago and I broke the news to him then.

Menu tonight is gilled chicken (with mozzarella cheese stuffing), red skin mashed potatoes, cantaloupe, biscuits and gravy. (I'm getting hungry already!).

No dining on the deck tonight. It's cold today and misting sleet.

Georgia

BTW - I'm feeling better today and not quite so discouraged.

GG,

Sorry about your lawyer. You already know this but you need to get this resolved. Talk to your lawyer just remind him of his duty to you as he is still on your retainer! Nothing makes them move faster. Like it or not he has to finish it. If need be to light a fire under him just go by the Court House and pay the fee and get the transcripts. Trust me my turn around was always a week. This is with my and ex's complex civil and criminal cases.

Dinner sounds good. If you are ever in England feel free to come and have a good home cooked English food. My H is a great cook!

I hope you enjoy everything you do for CASA. It sounds like you will at least make a difference in some children's lives. That is more than most do. Prayers are with you.

FGG:

"Menu tonight is gilled chicken"

Isn't that some kind of fish? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Back 2 you, FGG.

Hope you're doing better.

-ol' 2long

2Long....you've brought a chuckle to my face. Believe it or not, I can type about 50 WPM, but not always with the best of accuracy!!

Well, my attorney has been sick for the last 2 days, so I just went ahead and xferred another $800 over to xW. The assistant in the office where he works says that the transcript was delivered there yesterday, but that's too late to help me this month.

I've been getting almost daily e-mails from xW talking about everything in the world except OM. Someone ran over our mailbox and she said I needed to come put up a new one (no response from me). She asked why I was keeping an out of state p.o. box. I have no clue what that is about, I've not had a p.o. box since college days.

I've been in touch with my friends in WPB and they've invited me to come visit. So next Friday (2/17) me and Jeb (Jeb & I?) are going to South Florida for a few days. As hotels are really pricey this time of year, I was able to get an oceanfront hotel in Palm Beach through Priceline for under $100 / nt. However, it'll cost $75 extra for Jeb to stay. Jeb and I talked about it and...well....he's never been to the beach (as far as I know), so I told him he could go too.

I had a great time with my friends Monday night. They brought tons of desserts (I know...I know), and we ate well.

I think the Lexapro is beginning to kick back in. I'm feeling a little better (emotionally) than I was for a while.

Now...if I could just convince xW to move out of our house, that would really be a good thing!!

Georgia

I looked for your update this morning and felt a void...glad you updated this afternoon.

Your wife doesn't seem to understand that you and she are really now DV'd and she is no longer entitled to the perks (fixing the mailbox) of having you as her DH. You are no longer at her beck and call.

I hope you and Jeb have great weather while on your weekend at the beach in So. FL..

My H's temp. out of town job is scheduled to end on the 16th and he will spend that weekend at a men's retreat that our church offers each year. He's gone for the last several years and has gotten lots out of attending. It will be a particularly good way to destress from working 7 days a week , 12 hours for 5/8 hours on the weekends.

Inspired by your example, after my H gets home, I want to start having friends over for dinners. We have always meant have people over more but there has always been one excuse or another. I think my problem has always been stressing over wanting everything too be perfect and it never can be, nor does it need to be perfect.

Morning folks -

Glad you're H is going to be back home, Trix. Working long hours can take a lot out of you, it's good that he is going to get a "buffer" weekend to get him back to reality. My friend that was over on Monday night fights "workaholism" and we discussed that Monday night. His on call 24/7, even when on vacation. His W is not too happy about that. Anyway, a whole 'nother subject...glad you're going to have H back.

I have found it a real blessing to open my home up to others. You're right in that it's never going to be perfect, and it's even rare that there is a "convenient" time. But the rewards in friendship make it worth the effort.

I'm happy to report that there are no e-mails from xW this moring. I was dreading reading my mail as she's gotten to where she e-mails almost everyday. (I was particularly inspired by her calling me a "cad" and threatening to garnish my salary!).

Last night on the way home from church I stopped by Penney's and bought myself some new clothes. I'm getting where I enjoy shopping for clothes.

My next home Bible study is February 21. I spoke to the former homeowner this past Tuesday evening. She's really having a rough time right now. Her mother has had heart surgery since Christmas and she's not doing well. She (the mother) normally cares for the grandkids but now she can't. Anyway, a long story but she's seems to be struggling with a lot of stuff right now.

I've got a lot of stuff to do dealing with my CASA family before the weekend as well. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed with personal stuff. I may need to take a day off from work to catch up.

Georgia

Well, the realtor called me last night and left a message to call her. So I called her back this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find out that she had met with xW yesterday afternoon.

She tells me that xW was very receptive and pleasant. She said the house is in great shape and she thinks it will sell really fast. Also, she thinks now that she can sell if for $7,000 more than she had originally anticipated, which means she's listing it for $53,000 more than we paid for it just over 3 years ago.

Anyway, she was really, really complimentary of xW's cooperative attitude and said she thinks we will have no problem getting her to cooperate with the sell of the house.

I will be signing the contract this morning to get it listed.

In other news...incredibly enough I called the DFCS case worker yesterday to set up an appointment (hopefully this afternoon) only to find out she's quit already. No news on who the new case worker is. This is ridiculous.

Georgia

And now you see the need for CASA volunteers...so kids don't fall through the cracks.

Caseworkers are overworked and underpaid...they have a case load that is superhuman, and are paid just enough to not quite be competetive with a server job. It is easy for people to get cynical about the system, and burned OUT!!

I am glad your wife finally came through and met with the realtor. It's good that you are likely to get a better price.

In my area in FL properties have increased at least double that and more. My house (under 2000 sf) could probably go for $425000 or 450 and just a few years ago it would have been about $250K. (we paid $47900 for it in 1980 when it was 900 sf) Homes are inflated now and I don't know how people just starting out can handle afford a mortgage.

It will be a relief for you to get the house sold and close that chapter in your life. (Not that miracles can't happen...I just wouldn't hold my breath)