Hummmm....

I dunno if that is much of an excuse.

I've not really organized my thoughts yet into a coherent speech, but when I do it will contain the following bullets:

- Proverbs 31 woman
- example as a Mother of 2 boys (albeit bigguns')
- your grandmother (did she ever "learn" to cuss?)
- status as a Goddess
- lines it is okay to color outside of
- lines it is not okay to color outside of

So there...that is the high points of what I may eventually turn into a 2 X 4. Take note that I have never, ever 2 X 4'd anyone on this board...so it is serious if you get my very first one ever!!

(BTW - I threw caution to the wind Saturday night and wore "the shirt". You know, the one with the ridiculous Hawaiian print. Graying hair, Hawaiian shirt, hairy companion with pointy ears...all with the wind in our faces as we cruised the city).

Life is wonderful...even with some lines that I still like to color within...

Georgia:

Are you kidding or serious?

At any rate, I'm more than ready for your 2X4s-serious or not! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My grandmother, bless her heart, is at fault for making me into such a "good little girl" who never, ever, ever colored outside the lines....

She, actually cussed (in a whisper-not to be heard) and was definitely not a conflict avoider...and ALWAYS..ALWAYS.."wore a little lipstick" with her hat and gloves on Sundays...

Actually, I'm learning to be MORE and MORE..like her..not the watered down version..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is COOL...

My H has his eyes on that BMW 330..has been saying, that car "looks like you"...Hmmmm...is driving that car in or outside the lines..I guess it depends on what I'm wearing that day.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've had to think about how to answer that.

My conflict avoider (still very much a part me) wants to say...nah...I'm just kidding. I almost get sweaty palms just knowing that I'm treading on shaky ground. (Isn't that ridiculous for a 49 y.o. professional man?)

But another part of me wants to say that I am concerned when I see my dear friend relating "learning to cuss" as a positive growth characteristic.

Yes...by all means learn to color outside the lines. You and I both have had decades of walking a straight line being the "perfect" parent...held (by our own inhibitions) to a near impossible standard.

I LOVE coloring outside of the lines. I know there are probably lots of conservative folks who look at me at traffic lights and see a middle aged man in MLC. But you know what? I don't care, I love having a convertible.

But....there are lots of lines that if I color outside of would NOT be wise for me to do. Ex.: It has occured to me that no one...absolutely no one would know (or care) if I visit the nude bars that are within minutes of my house. But...that's a line that I need to respect. Does that make sense to you?

Okay, color outside the lines, Mimi...Enjoy it...but don't let that mean that ALL lines are bad.

Is that a good enough explanation that I don't have to endure your wrath?

BTW...I looked at the BMW web-site. Cool car. You know that I would get the convertible!!

Georgia

I have started a post several times these past couple of weeks, and when it turned into one of my big long WOF novels, I deleted it. But there is something I want to comment about.
Part of our own personal recovery - either with or without our WS, involves reaching a point where you decide that it is ok to feel happy again, and to choose to do what the right things to help you feel happy again.
I remember reaching a point where I was able tot say "I am not a happy person right now. My boys are seeing a Mom who is miserable. It is hurting them, and hurting me. I am going to start pulling myself out of this". And for a long time, I was still open to reconciling with my WH. But I just decided that I was not going limp through each day just hoping to check another day off the calendar. I was going to find ways to enjoy my life. I think that is important whether your path includes recovering with your WS or not.
For me, and I think this is true for you too, I decided that I was going to find ways to enjoy life, even though it was hard at first! There is a restaurant here in town that I really like. When my WxH first left I thought "I will never get to go there again - I have no one to take me there" (In reality WxH never like to go there anyway. he would only agree to go when it was my birthday) So I decided to go by myself! It was really hard at first. But I went at lunchtime, when the crowd was smaller and the prices cheaper, I took a book to read so I could pretend that I was busy, I took a deep breath, and I went. And I enjoyed it. I love the food there, and I didn’t need my WxH to take me there. After that, I tried several places that I had always wanted to try, but my WxH was not interested in, and I began to enjoy my life. I was still open to recovering WITH him, and if that had worked out I would have at least been glad for the chance to try a few new things. I do remember having occasional feelings of guilt, when I would see him and how miserable he appeared. I would feel guilt that I was starting to heal, and be happy again, while he was continuing to spiral downward. But I really had to remind myself that he had made bad choices, and was continuing to make bad choices, and I could not save him from that.
I think you mentioned something that has really been helpful to me. During your counseling with one of the Harleys, you were told that your WW needed to agree that relationships with OM were 100% out of the question. That fidelity was one issue that was not negotiable. That was a good thing for me to remember, because I went through a very short time where my WxH was interested in "getting back together". His actual words were "I like your new house, and I miss the boys, I want to get back together" and I had to wrestle with that for a while. But he still did not believe in fidelity, and that was clear. I made the choice to stay out of a relationship with any man who did not believe in 100% fidelity. Life is tough enough. Marriage is tough enough. There was no way I wanted to involve myself with someone who had experienced the pain of an A, had the broken life to prove it, and still would not agree that marriage should be 100% between just one man and the one woman.
And since I had allowed myself to recover, personally, and had allowed God to bring Joy back into my life, I was able to move forward at that point without feeling like it was D day all over again.
Ok, so I have all ready posted too much. I guess I have been just trying to see how I, and you, and others, reach the point where we can say "it is good to be in a convertible, with the top down, on a clear day. Even if I am all by myself. I would rather be with someone, but it is ok that I am not" while others still spend day after day convinced that they could never be happy on their own.

Thanks, WOF, for that post. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I, too, feel guilty at times. I know that xW is insistent that she would like to get back together, that I've abandoned her..etc. My friend in FL told me when I was there "I can assure you that Mrs. xGeorgia is convinced she has done nothing wrong". WOW!! So...excuse me if I don't jump back into that "opportunity". I think not!

I find that eat out a whole lot less than xW and I did together, but I have gotten to the point that I can go out and eat alone and enjoy it. I usually take a book to read too.

It is so liberating when you decide you can be happy without feeling guilty. There are a lot of currently BS's out there who don't know that..and probably don't believe it can be true of them.

Back to the other topic...I hope she didn't just storm off in a huff and decide she's not going to speak to me anymore!!

BTW - I just got back from my lunch meeting with my "pond" contact. Very interesting conversation. His primary interest is obviously selling me stuff, but he will come to town and help me with the first few ponds I do. And...I'm going to his city on April 12 to work with their crew in putting in a "pondless waterfall".

Georgia

Georgia:

Faith is saying EXACTLY what I was saying in my "coloring outside the lines" post. After so many years of being unhappy..prior to D-Day, after D-Day and all that entailed..I AM FINALLY HAPPY and I am doing all sorts of things including SOME coloring outside the lines...

Sometimes I even question it..saying to myself..Can a person be this happy..maybe something is wrong with me...STINKIN THINKIN....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Whew....thanks Mimi...I've been sweating bullets.

Yes, we are definitely on the same page there. Glad you're happy. It is nice, isn't it?

To me...evening looking into this pond business is coloring outside the lines. It would have scared xW to death. I've always worked for someone else...never been an entrapre..entrerprae....small business owner.

By the way...a Shih Tzu would look great in the BMW 330. (Maybe even better than a Schnauzer in a Saab!).

Georgia

I changed my mind on the dog for now.

Sounds too much like taking care of children.

As you may have noticed, I am into self-indulgence these days. Well, I do take good care of my H now...and, of course, he takes good care of me..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Nite, folks...

Off to the gym as well as to get more rocks for my pond "re-do".

Georgia

Georgia:

Come on out into the ring..no hiding..not fair...

IMO, it's time to work on this CONFLICT AVOIDANCE...

Don't you think it's an important part of PERSONAL RECOVERY?

I'm not saying to COME OUT, KICKING AND SCREAMING..

I'm asking you to express your opinion...

What could that hurt?

Check out my post to you on cc's thread...

Okay...there you go.

I hope you're happy now...

You're going to get me into a big bruhaha (is that how you spell that?).

Okay, Mimi..you're in charge.

I've got an appointment with my IC. (First this year)..

Georgia

See...I told you so!!

Big bruhaha over there with WAT and FH. Poor cc was only asking a simple question....but no!! It's got to turn into a name calling forum...

At least they can't start a fist fight.

Still think there's not a God?

My boss just called..totally unexpected...to tell me this Friday I will be given a bonus of 5% of my annual salary (in one big lump sum!).

And...I was mailing my income tax TODAY with a check for almost that exact amount!!

Incredible!!

ABSOLUTELY there is a GOD who has ALWAYS BEEN SO GOOD TO ME! I receive MIRACLES almost daily.

Voicemail from my H today-something pretty much like this: "I'm remembering all of our special times together..we've had our struggles but we have lived a blessed life..thank-you for all that you have done for me"..

Now...that is COOL!!!

Put on your pink sunglasses and enjoy!!

Mimi...incredibly enough I heard "Cheap Sunglasses" on the way home right after I wrote the above. I turned it WAY up....81 deg outside, sunny with the top down. Does everyone around me think I'm as hip as I feel???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Anyway...real news.

I talked to my realtor this afternoon. The closing on the house is still on track for 12:00 (High Noon) on April 28. And...xW is buying a house and as soon as she gets this check then she is closing on her new house. I mean like immediately while at the same lawyers office. Cool...lots of reason for her to get out now. No closing on our house...no closing on her new house.

The realtor told me the next big hurdle is we've got to get the builder back into the house to fix some wall damage from a roof leak. I've got to start working on that Monday morning (nobody works here this week).

And....(this seems like my day of good news!) I did my state taxes and discovered that I am getting a refund of over 1/2 of what I owe in Federal. That....coupled with my bonus...makes for a very, very nice surprise.

Tonight I invited my next door neighbors over for dinner and we had planned over lasagne, salad, and bread. They are great neighbors and I enjoyed their companionship.

Georgia

I'm glad things are looking good!

See, we seem to be over the worst!

Thanks, cc...

You are getting there, too. (Too crowded over on your thread. I have to holler over the crowd to talk to you).

Those "feelings" you are talking about...that is one thing I think you will find that time has a way of heeling. It is sad...I suppose it will always be sad. I still miss xW so much...but not who she is...but who she formerly was.

Sorry I can't help more on the Catholic issues...but I'm ignorant on that subject (even more so than on most other subjects!).

Georgia