I think I have plenty of help on the Catholic issue so don't worry about it!

It does bother me but it also has a deadline. Once Dr. Harley's 2 years are up, I will develop a NEW plan for the rest of my life. And the Catholic issue will have been solved by that time.

I know we're "cross-posting" here...

I just read your other thread. Interestingly, my xW tried to make me feel guilty by tellng me that I had married her for better or worse. I just told her that if she remembered that much of the vows then surely she remembered the part where we promised to forsake all others..

WS's have a way of trying to make us feel guilty when they suffer the consequences of their actions...even if that includes D.

I understand...

(I just ordered replacement checks with a Schnauzer on them. Does that mean I'm obsessed? Jeb doesn't think so.)

Hey GG -

A co-worker of mine has a Mini-Schnauzer. They like you to think of them often, so Jeb will really like the checks!

Kim

Good Evening, folks...

xW called me and left a message that we needed to talk about income tax. So I called her back tonight, we just got off the phone. We talked for 1 hour, 22 minutes. I should be shot!! It is SOOOOO nice to hear her voice, to talk to her. Oh man...

Anyway, we talked about the house and other issues. I'm going to go over there this week and get my stuff (including the fish from "our" pond and transfer them to my pond).

She still has this "woe is me" whine when we're talking...drives me up a wall even though I do love talking to her.

Today was her birthday. The kids went over to see her today and I know that was special to her. She started crying..said they come see her on her birthday and Mother's Day.

Well, #2S resigned the position at his church today. He's going on staff at a church very near where he goes to college which will be much better for them. He is excited about that. However, that means that I will be seeing him a whole lot less. When I was talking to xw, she started crying and said she would be seeing him even less now that he wouldn't be coming to town every week.

The next few weeks are going to be so hard. I'm going to have to go back over to the house and get my stuff, and spend some time with xW. It just brings this all back down on top of me when I talk to her....it is so painful.

Bittersweet...another good use for that word. 1/2 of me just wants to run over there and throw my arms around her and tell her I love her and I'll take care of her forever....

but the other 1/2 remembers OM#1 & OM#2...and all the rest of the garbage that is still there.

FGG is feeling schizophrenic.

Georgia

FGG,

great to hear fro you but I'm sorry it has to be under these circumstances. I dread the day plan B is over becaue like you I can't help having feelings for WH and wanting to take care of him.

But we have to do it. So think of OM1 and OM2 and be a lighthouse for your WW. She is not finding happiness in the life she has chosen, show her that their are better choices.

[[[[[ FGG ]]]]]

Kinda like Jesus felt, don't you think? "...how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Look your house is left to you desolate." (Matt 23:37b-38, NIV)

Jesus KNOWS, FGG.

But I continue to be concerned about her "stiffneckedness" and refusal to bend her knee in surrender to God. Jesus is feeling the same compassion you are feeling, yet CANNOT "open the door to her heart" Himself, she must open it and invite Him in. And she is fooling herself that she "already has."

God bless you and give you strength and wisdom through yet another trial. May He use this as an opportunity to reach your wife through you.

FGG, that sort of comment is beneath you. No bruhaha between WAT and me. He does NOT believe in the God of Scripture, much less in Jesus Christ, and I do. CC46 WANTS to do what is right by God and is asking a spiritual and faith-based question that is BEYOND the answers of an unbeliever.

But if it will help cc46 in her questioning "what to do" in light of Roman Catholic "tradition" and her problem with her husband, I will gladly leave it to you to help her. All I ask is that someone help a woman who is looking for biblical counseling WITH THE SCRIPTURE and what GOD has said, and NOT man-made traditions or "extra-biblical" reasoning, especially when those things conflict with or are in opposition to God's clear teaching IN the Scripture.

If you can say it better than I can, PLEASE help her. I am NOT interested in "being the one" who helps her. I am only interested in that she gets the BIBLICAL help she is pleading for from anyone who will stand with God.

Why do you say this? I can't understand how you could feel any differently. Your feelings are your feelings. It is what it is.

Hugs to you....

It's just that sometimes I feel like I keep looking back..kinda like I've got part of me longing for the past and part of me looking to the future.

It seems like each time I am in contact with her it sets me back in my forward progress.

Did she not mention OM#2 this time? Was she still as foggy? (I suspect so...)

I can understand why it would set you back to talk to her...seeing her this week may not help that much either.

Is she just feeling sorry for herself? Do you think she has any real remorse or acceptance that any of this was created by her own actions?

I understand your still loving her and wanting to comfort her. You were together a long time you share your sons and your history. This was why, even after my H betrayed me again after his 4 yr A; I was still able to forgive him when he showed real remorse, repentance, and a commitment to change himself and finally really understand the meaning of commitment to our marriage and live it.

No, she didn't mention OM#2, and I didn't ask. I tried to keep the conversation pleasant and non-threatening.

She definitely feels sorry for herself..sees herself as the victim. I don't think she has any remorse at all.

Even if the thing with #2OM ended, that is probably what scares me the most. There is absolutely no reason for me to believe we would have a "safe" future togetherr as there are no boundaries to keep out other intruders.

She's not showing remorse...she's showing pain.

Withdrawal from the OM, you think?

Actually, I think it's withdrawal from me and the rest of the family structure that she's enjoyed.

My desk phone rang a little while ago..it was xW (no caller id on desk phone). She asked me what size filter the a/c takes...

A few minutes later she called back to tell me when the homebuyer inspection is (which I already knew).

I've got a feeling that the "kinder" I am to her, the more I've opened the flood gates to increased communication. This is going to be tricky, finding the right balance of "civility" without going overboard and giving the impression that we're buddy-buddy again.

Georgia

Yes, I imagine she will try to take advance of you.

FGG:

I'm reminded of Spacecase and the decision he had 2 make 2 DV. He "divorced as friends" and still sees his xW from time 2 time (they have 3 adult kids 2gether). He's in a new R and not interested in going back 2 his xW, though she has asked.

If I ever have 2 DV, I hope 2 be similarly detached, but still loving.

best,
-ol' 2long

Why don't you talk directly to her about this, Georgia?

We are continuing to work on this conflict avoidance issue aren't we?

If you don't want her to call you, tell her so.

If you want to know what the status is of her relationship with OM#2 is then ask her about it.

See what I mean?

What's the problem, Georgia?

I think it's up to you to decide exactly what you want and then act accordingly.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE....as you well know, you can choose to ENJOY yourself now...You are FREE AT LAST....

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LOL - Thanks, Mimi...you brought a smile to my face ;-)

You know, someday I hope to not only conquer, but understand what makes me behave this way. In my "professional" life, I can (and sometimes do) tangle with the best of them and hold my own (and usually win because I arm myself with facts rather than emotions).

However, when it come to personal R's, I become a sniveling coward when I need to confront someone.

Anyway...after I read your post just now, I called xW. I'm going over Thursday afternoon and getting all my stuff. She suggested having 2M&AT deliver my stuff to me the day she moves, then they could pick up her stuff here (that I'm returning) and take it over to her new house. That seemed reasonable, so I said okay to that.

However, I'm going to have to fight the sweaty palm syndrome between now and Thursday when I'll be going back over there. That will be the first time I've been there since January 28, 2005 (my how time flies).

I'm going to stand in front of a mirror and practice being tough....and not a CA'er. (I'll picture Mimi hovering over my shoulder)...

BTW..In case you are interested in any MBing..although you are D'ed....I think it's a good idea for your X to continue to SUFFER...

Do not make nice or be friends with her...

Let her suffer the consequences of her actions...THE LOSS OF YOU AS HER FRIEND/CONFIDANTE/COMFORTER....etc.

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