Yes, then she just gets her FGG fixes while still keeping her status quo attitude and lifestyle...eg. OM#2 if we can assume he is still in the picture.

I wonder if you will ever hear her say she wants you and no other for the rest of your lives. I still have my doubts that she is even capable of being that kind of woman. It is like the fidelity part of her brain was damaged or removed by the 'mothership'.

LOL..sad to say..but funny..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well...without going into all the details, I need to go over to the house tonight. The "official" home inspection is tomorrow and the realtor says that I need to go there tonight to get one item I want to remove.

(Okay..it's my highly customized pole light out by the pond. I want to put it by my new pond. I installed a sensor to turn on flick bulbs at dark...extra switch to turn on regular bulbs manually, added an outlet to the base...etc. I've had it for many years and I brought it from the former house).

So...we'll see what happens tonight.

Courage...courage...courage....

ROAR!!!!

I must disagree somewhat.

Yes, she needs 2 experience the consequences of her actions, but I would approach it as a simple matter of fact: This is her chosen lifestyle, which is incompatible with FGG's chosen lifestyle.

Wish her well, be her friend (2 a reasonable, probably rather restricted limit), and let her learn from her experiences, if she will.

...but maybe that's what you said, in not so many words.

-ol' 2long

Humm....she just called again.

I am going over tonight to get the pole light and I'm also going to get some of the other things.

This isn't (IMO) the time to start setting limits that might again inflame her (not being a CA'er here...more like a manipulator!).

Anyway, the point has past that I'm trying to influence her behavior. I just want a civil relationship that isn't too chummy.

Should be interesting how it goes tonight.

(Do you ever feel like this is a soap opera?).

Yes, like a soap opera.

I think it is best to not be too chummy yet..I think it best to wait until after the closing and your lives are comfortably separate. Then be as chummy as you are comfortable without her taking advantage of your 'friendship'. I would think she could fall into a friendship where she'd like all kinds of odd jobs done...FGG the handyman - when it is to her benefit or convenient for her. Maybe I am too negative or leary.

Yes!!!

I am home, at long last. It was after 9:30 before I got there as I went after pottery.

xW was very pleasant, and we actually sat down and talked for about 1/2 hour about the house and other stuff. She showed me the floor plans for her new house and we talked about that a bit. She seemed totalled resigned to all that is happening..and actually was very pleasant.

I had forgotten what a nice house I used to live in. It looked so good!! A strange thing...for a long, long time (since about the advent of OM#1) I had done all the house cleaning. If I didn't do it, it just didn't get done and it would get so bad that I just couldn't stand it any longer. I actually tried once to see how long she would tolerate it. The dust on our end tables got so thick that it actually started separating into little "corn rows". I finally gave in and cleaned the house.

Anyway...the house was absolutely spotless tonight!! It was probably the cleanest I had seen it since we moved in. I don't understand it.

I got the things I went after and took some time walking around the yard. My Leyland Cypress (25 of them) had grown to about 5' tall, my dogwoods (40 of them) we actually small trees with blooms. Man...it was so hard. The rose garden was just full of roses!!

But, all in all it was a very successful visit. No LB'ing, nothing but pleasant conversation.

She is still the most wonderful...beautiful...STOP IT ....STOP IT GEORGIA...You know where it will lead if you allow yourself those thoughts!!!

Argh....back to my new life. Jeb is glad I'm home.

Hey GG,

Try and remember why you are where you are at and all the wonderful things happening in your life now. I know that when I think very fondly of my ex, lets face it I loved him once, I then try to balance the view by remembering the two year legal battle and how I got to that point. It then reminds me why I left him in the first place.

I am sure you new yard will be just as wonderful and you will think fondly how you created it.

I am glad the visit was pleasant.

Maybe once she got the house all cleaned to sell she found it easier to maintain...or she really did a special clean to impress you.

It sounds like you aren't feeling very indifferent towards her but still feel love and care...but you are DV'd.

I'd like to have a more accurate view of your XW. Maybe you could describe her so I can adjust the picture in my mind.

Oh well, you don't have to. It has not been that long since your DV was final. If you dwell on her you won't have eyes for others when enough time has passed so you'd be ready.

Eventually, you'll want companionship....another relationship in your life besides Jeb. Unless by some miracle your XW....I wish she would....I wish I could shake her...I wish someone would have or could have gotten through to her.

My guess? She hired someone...

Good Morning (I decided to make this a late day)..

I think I do realize that as long as I don't allow myself to scratch below the surface, then all is well. She is still a very kind and caring person.

However, I know that most likely when I left last night, she was on the phone with OM#2 (assuming nothing has changed). And...she still has that "center of the universe" mentality.

Description eh?

Well, she is short- a fraction under 5'. Blue eyes...extremely smooth and baby-like complexion that belies her age. Most people would think her to be in her 30's. She has fairly short straight brown hair. She is also a little on the...um...how can I say this??? gravitationally challenged. Not excessively.

I'm going back over tomorrow night to get more stuff. I didn't really even get started good last night, still a lot to get.

Georgia

...

Georgia:

You didn't answer my question from yesterday.

Are you interested in MBing at all with your X?

If so, it is important, IMO, for you NOT TO BE HER FRIEND.

Plus, if you develop a FRIENDSHIP with her, it will continue to ENABLE her R with the OM and will limit your ability to get involved in a new relationship. Don't you think?

How do you know that she is still in contact with the OM?

If so, I don't understand your chumminess. You have lost your house..that you love..because of this..

I haven't been in your position and probably can't relate..but I couldn't imagine sitting down and being friendly with my H if he brought me to the point where you are....






Who is she?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

stby...

Mimi...

I think I did...although maybe a bit indirectly..answer your question:

"Anyway, the point has past that I'm trying to influence her behavior."

Let me clarify. No...I am NOT interested in MB'ing with her right now. As strange as it may seem, I honestly don't care whether or not she's in contact with OM. I think she would have told me if she had permanently ended that R, but I don't find that I am curious about it.

In my mind, it is more important now for me to be establishing the ground work of our future relationship.

In the next 2 weeks we will, out of necessity, have a lot of contact. I've got to move out, we've got to meet Friday morning with the builder/realtor to get some repairs taken care of, etc.

However, I DO NOT want to establish a close, chummy friendship where all is well. I just want to be civil and pleasant for the future. I think that is not only best of each of us and the kids, but future GK's.

Okay, I admit that my 2 statements are contradictory. But...I find her to be a bundle of contradictions. We could sit down and talk and it was like the old "her", but I could tell that with just a small nod she could quickly slip into the "woe is me" role.

I think if she was more consistent, then I could offer a more consistent perspective of her.

Anyway...that's the way I feel. Right or wrong.

Georgia

You were the one that said this:



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hello! lo .. lo .. lo .. lo

It's mighty quiet in here.

Anybody home?

How are things, FGG?

You were at a dangerous stage and then disappeared for a week.

-AD

:::sound of knuckles on wooden door:::

:::small whiny voice (not XWW):::

Hullo, can FGG come out and play? Hasn't it been two weeks yet? Are we there yet?

:::jumping up and down with my arms hanging down:::

AD inspired me. It's his fault.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LA

P.S. Could we say that FGG is having a movement? Or would that be awful?

Hi FGG,
Wishing you well.

SS

Hi FGG,
Your absence is noticed and you are missed.