This can disappear if you end up being the man you presented to us. Was he a person you liked? I believe you did. I did.

We all make mistakes. The important thing is to recognize them as mistakes, pick ourselves up and do right! I am sure you are capable of that. You are still very admirable.

And even if the question was not for me, I for one believe that your relationship with XW is over. At least in the near futur.JMHO

2Long...thank you for your wise and insightful post.

and...cc...thank you too for your positive comments.

I hope that Mimi will make an appearance here, I would like to have her in on this discussion.

Yes, cc, I believe that xW has clearly charted her course and I don't see me playing any part in it. Her view is that I need to come back, ask her forgiveness, and learn how to let OM#2 be my friend, too.

No thanks...

FGG,

Thank you for being here.

Can you see how making this about who Lynn is gets in the way of who you are? And who you are is what is important? Do you think from your Proverbs 2 & 3 class, that she would come as anything but what you want most? Contentment, peace, acceptance?

Remember what made your WW wayward? Entitlement fueled by resentment and lack of respect?

We are all here for YOU...we know you're worth it...and have been waiting for you to find you, so you can be in on the secret.

Please consider hiding yourself in another person for so much of your life...and you doing it, again, and hiding it from us, as well. Hiding is the first sign.

LA

G,

I really think your WW is mentally ill. And that is very sad. But I know you have done what you can to find out if that is possible with negative results. At least no one else seems to think that she's sick, or at least that's what I've understood from your posts.

Are you on dessert yet?

Mimi may take awhile. I think this is her dinner time.

Clearly, she ain't done with HER process.

That view will likely change at some point, though it might take years.

-ol' 2long

LA - Yes, I understand the Proverbs connection. I think the first thing that got to me recently was a Dobson broadcast I heard several weeks (or more) ago. He was talking about rebound relationships and talking about how red flags are so quickly overlooked to avoid facing reality. Also, any "missteps" by the OP are quickly overlooked as non-important to continue to foster the "myth". It made me start wondering if that's what I'm doing.

However...(as he serves as a giant pendulum now swinging back the other way)....I really, really do believe she is one of the kindest and most considerate people I have ever met. Is that possible...(sound of a fog horn eerily in the distance...)?

Georgia

CC is correct. I am real busy right now.

You know I have a lot to think about and a lot to say.

But, I want to know a few things.

Did Lynn work at your WW's dr.'s office?
Does she continue to work there?
Is this the same PA who offered to meet your sexual needs?
Exactly when did you begin your R with Lynn?
Why haven't you EXPOSED your R with Lynn or have you? You are now divorced.


I hope you don't mind answering these questions, Georgia.

I would love to have these answers.

BTW,

THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK AND TALKING!!

I am still your friend, Mimi.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Good evening, Mimi...

yes
yes (although she's discussed this with her dr and removed herself from xW's care)
yes
about the same time as the separation
EXPOSED to who? I think everyone (except MB'ers and xW) know.

Like this...

I had this realization recently. I tout forgiveness here a lot. But I haven't forgiven RM for his role in interfering in our M. I even find myself feeling hatred for him at times.

And that's ridiculous, because I don't even know him.

What do I "know?"

I know his actions, and I feel completely justified in judging his actions. His actions are all he is, in my view, because I don't know him or even what he looks like.

I'm sure that my W, like your xW, would love nothing better than for me 2 accept RM as her friend and colleague and be best buddies with him.

But that's never going 2 happen, because their "friendship" was always hidden, never truthful or honest. I'm 53 now, with maybe a 2ple or 3 good decades left in me, and frankly there are a lot of other things that take precedence over accepting someone who I only know through their thoughtless and selfish actions over the past 15 years.

I'm betting the same thing is true with you and your xW's choices. And when you think about it, it's pretty ridiculous 2 expect someone 2 accept a liar and cheat who's "friendship" has been kept a secret for years while you were married, isn't it?

Someday, your xW may realize that. If/when she does, your relationship with her will likely be different. Better.

-ol' 2long

cc - finished the soup, I've eaten 1/2 of the sandwich. Very, very good, by the way.

Mimi...I'm glad you told me because I was feeling otherwise.

Georgia,

From what you have indicated in those answers, you had an affair with Lynn.

I don't think it would be OK for us on this forum to join with you in denying any different.

Your relationship with Lynn certainly affected your motivation to work on marital recovery.

Lynn cannot be considered a Christian.

I don't believe that I would have started a relationship with a married man regardless of whether he had a WW or not.

We all need to talk directly with you about this.

Meaning????

Georgia:

I am bothered that your post from the cottage sounds like what my FWH would say about the FOW...how he used to think about her and his relationship with her...

This is scary for us to be here and be party to you doing this....

It's scary for me...

I'm kind of just rambling, too....

OK. Let's talk a bit about your relationship with us on this forum.

Your relationship with her has gone on for a long time and you have mentioned absolutely nothing about it.

Do you think that part of this is about your need for ADMIRATION?

What can you learn from this?

Not just what you are doing to people that you really know..but also those of us who came on here and read your thread everyday....

I'm sorry...you have lost me.

Me and Jeb are in this cottage, actually a small house...that is being rented out as a B&B. I decided to try something like this because I'm tired of staying in hotels when I travel.

It is indeed quiet and peaceful...

Sorry...I'm don't know what you're getting at.

What's so unfortunate is that if you had opened up to us..maybe we could have helped you..could have warned you...

Instead of talking about what was going on with you..you talked about your pond...being somewhat sarcastic here, I know...

Okay.....I've got you now. I've read your post.

Okay, I agree. Yes, perhaps I felt...okay KNEW...that I would definitely have NO ADMIRATION if I were OPEN AND HONEST.

I guess that's not so hard to see....

Do you think SH would have valuable input for me in this situation? Or...do you feel as though everything is so obvious that you see no need?