Well...we had a very nice dinner together, very pleasant.

I told them the news after dinner and asked if they would forgive me for failing to be the Christian example that I want to be to him. My son...with his lip quivering (like when he was 2 y.o.) told me that he would forgive me.

It was wonderful.

Raining on the way home (that's right..it's a rainy night in Jaja). I'm having my neighbors over for grilled hamburgers tomorrow night.

What if being here, being there in your life, in your family...is important to example to you how you can be less than you wanted to be, in your eyes, and even if you hide it for awhile, then show it, you're still loved, anyway?

What if you're learning love isn't earned?

LA

I think you did the right thing. I understand how difficult it was for you.

I am glad your #DS1 voiced forgiveness. His lip quivering expressed how much this whole thing has affected him.

If they've known about Lynn for a while, and knew that she was a part of your life prior to the divorce or since around the time of the separation, that was better than if you had kept it from them and lived a lie of omission (much as you did with us)...as if you were better than your wife even without saying as much.

I am not really sure how that all went down and if both sons knew all along and didn't say anything to their mom.

I forgive you too...not that it's of any consequence to your real life.

I imagine it would be difficult not to conflict avoid to a group such as this where we have pretty high standards which include radical honesty as one of our rules. It would be tempting and easy to withhold tricky personal truths that would be in conflict. I think it a surprise that you didn't tell us because you seemed so candid about so many little details of your life that you've shared in your saga.

I tend to agree with SH because I can't see how your sons would ever accept Lynn after the way it started. Time will tell if you can get to that point whether they would ever accept her as a step mom. I tend to think they may always look upon her as an OW. I guess you'll cross that bridge...

Good point!

This bugs me....

YUCK...

Both boys will go through a range of emotions over this next year. At one time feeling like they would never want to see their Dad "dating" someone other than their mom. The next day feeling like they want Dad to have someone to come home to at night. They will struggle with the thought that Dad is home alone night after night, while they have wives, and some day even children to come home to.

I do want to make a comment about the church and whether or not you and Lynn should have been allowed to attend there as long as you were seeing her while you were still married.

Two examples from my own life:

1. WxH and I used to attend a church that he had attended since birth. We were married there. When he moved in with OW the church elders called a meeting with me, and his family members who also attended the church, and discussed the biblical steps to discipline him. We followed the steps as outlined in the book of Matthew. WxH never repented, accused the church of "judging him" and used all sorts of words like "whoa re they to judge" and "it doesn't help to preach to me" and "I refuse to talk to anyone else who wants to preach to me".
The church elders were following all the right steps. They supported me and me children, the prayed for us daily, and they confronted WxH in a loving manner. In the end, WxH refused to repent, and he is officially not allowed to attend that church any longer. I do not know if he could eventually admit that he made a mistake, and agree to repent of his sin, and eventually be allowed back into that church. At this point in his life he has absolutely no interest in going into that building ever again. In his mind, they were mean to him. They tried to point out his sin, which he did not want to hear. He occasionally attends a different church in town, but only about once a month. It is very sad that he cannot attend the church he attended since birth - but those are the ugly consequences of his actions.

I remember attending meetings at the church and feeling sad for him, but also feeling such love for those people who took time out of their day to meet, pray, and minister to me. They stood up for what was right, and I have great respect for that. At this point I attend a different church, but that is only because my new H and I are involved in a new church plant.

On the other hand, listen to story #2:

My new H went through a period where he was not fully committed to his faith. He was divorced from his 1st wife about 7 years ago. He was not a Christian at the time. Soon after his D he got involved with a woman who was clearly not a good match for him (rebound relationship?). Se was filing bankruptcy at the time, and struggling to pay her rent, so he moved her into his house, with him. Soon after, he realized that living together was a mistake, but was not sure how to back out, knowing that she could not afford to live on her own. Around that time, his sister was praying that eh would come to Christ, and he did. So there he was – brand new Christian, living with a woman that he knew he could not marry. They were not getting along well; they were clearly not well suited to each other. He knew that if he married her, it would end in D, and he did not want to go through that again.

He was regularly attending a large church near his house, and become friends with one of the pastors. The woman he lived with would only occasionally attend church. The pastor would take him to lunch, and just become friends with him. Eventually, one day the pastor confronted him and said “you need to move her out of your house/. This relationship is not right. The bible is very clear on this – you should not be living with a woman outside of marriage. He knew the pastor was right, and he struggled to do the right thing, but it still took another 6 months before he was able to finally get up the courage to say, “We need to stop living together”. (By the way – at that time, I had not even met him yet. I met him about a year later). He helped her to find an apartment, and paid her first month’s rent, deposit, etc. As soon as she moved out he felt huge relief. They agreed to go their separate ways, and see other people. A year later I met him.

My new H and I are good friends with that pastor who befriended him. The pastor has supported us while we dated, and when we got married. My H admits that living with that woman was a mistake, and wishes he had never done it. He now has to explain to his older son “Please don’t do that – I know I did, but I have many regrets”.

So…. which “church” was correct? The one that has ostracized my WxH and will not allow him to attend? After all, they are only “practicing what they preach”. Or the church that befriended my new H, when he was a new Christian, and lovingly brought him into a right relationship with Christ?

To tell you the truth, even I cannot answer this question. I feel that both situations were correct.

Faith:

Interesting in your mentioning of your x-H's church...The church that betrayed me/us was the church that I attended from before birth, where I was baptized, where I was married..my great grandfather was one of its founding members..that church was so much a part of my life that it defined church for me...my H eventually became one of the church leaders...

If it matters at all, when I mentioned "practice what you preach"..I meant, in keeping with what the Bible says...not church law or doctrine...

In Georgia's situation, I didn't understand why the pastor, as the church leader, if he knew Georgia was married, did not take this as an opportunity to lovingly counsel Georgia regarding THE WORD..not CHURCH LAW...

That's the appeal of the Catholic Church to me now..I know we've had this talk before...

I like the idea of holding Church Leaders up to the Highest Standards..of course, we know the problems with priests...However, there is that expectation in that religion....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Okay, here is what is happening in my life real time. I would appreciate input / warnings / what ever.

I was just now in the back yard working on the pond. The neighbor 2 doors down drove up (Pam - she parks behind her house). She got out and yelled to me and I walked around to the front yard to meet her. She was crying rather uncontrollably. Seems she has been getting some kind of government housing assistance (she rents) due to her disability (I supposed the M.D.). She says she is only able to work part time. Anyway, she got notified today that her govt assistance has been reduced to $1 month. So...she says she can't afford to stay there etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, I asked if she and her D (7 y.o.) would like to join us (me and the neighbors between us) for hamburgers tonight. She seemed grateful and plans to come.

I'm willing to listen to cautionary words. Did I do the right thing?

Georgia

Just make sure not to let her move in...

Sorry, Georgia..

Couldn't help it...

She probably would take you up on it...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know that you are serious..but it is Friday afternoon...

BTW...Do you wear T-shirts that say: "I will take care of you"?

No, but I have pants that say "KICK ME".

I figured that since our neighbors will also be there, it is at least a safe environment to talk. We'll be on the deck.

Thanks, Mimi....that did kind of make me smile.

FGG, how was the evening and specially, how was saturday? I checked for the fireworks but must have missed them.

Hi cc (and others)..

I'll update later, it's a really busy day for me since I've been out so long.

All is okay, thanks for asking.

Georgia

Man,how the day has flown by.

I did want to give SOME updates before I get to bed.

Let's see...

Saturday's graduation went very well. I sat by myself, #1S/DIL sat by themselves, and xW and her parents all sat together. #2DIL's parents and brother were there as well.

After graduation, we all went to lunch together. It was very pleasant, I didn't really feel too much tension in the air at all. I was quite surprised at how cool xW was towards me, kinda like I didn't exist. No complaint...just stating a fact.

xFIL & I talked some at the restaurant. General chit chat about my work and stuff. He was very pleasant.

After lunch we all went over to #2S/DIL's home. xW and I actually exchanged some pleasantries and she was very nice. (Don't tell anyone, but I actually caught myself kind of watching her from afar at the restaurant).

I asked S to open my gift before anyone elses and then I left. I wanted them to all be able to spend some quality time together (he doesn't get to see his grandparents that often). Back home late Saturday afternoon.

I sent #2S/DIL an e-mail Saturday night and told them that I needed to talk with them in person about some changes I had made in my life. He called tonight (about an hour ago) and asked if I could come up tomorrow night. So...tomorrow night I'm taking them to dinner and we'll have the whole Lynn conversation.

I'm still fighting that battle. I've got to discuss this with you all but I'm just too tired to get into it right now.

And...the dinner Friday night with Pam & her D and our neighbors Friday night was real nice. I actually enjoyed her company, but she's had a really rough life too (is it a given that every single middle aged person has a story to tell?). To leave out a lot of the details...she came down (with D)again this evening. I decided I really needed to deal with that issue right now and we had a very, very frank talk that I cannot get involved in a R right now. I told her about Lynn and how that I'm still working through that issue. Anyway...I'm really, really glad we had that talk.

It seems like every day of my life is a whole life time. It is so strange, every day takes a whole new twist and things happen that are so bizarre.

I went to another church Sunday night and I was really impressed by what I saw. (Mimi - you listening?). It is my former denomination (okay...Baptist). It was obviously at one time a very..shall we say "upscale" downtown church. However, it's now in the midst of a very blighted area. The congregation is obviously a very diverse mix of the poor and the not quite as poor and crosses ethnic lines. I sensed a real church...one that is reaching out to the people around them, not looking at how they can escape to the suburbs (like where I DID live) to enjoy the "proper" crowd. Anyway...reading an awfully lot into one visit for sure, but time will tell.

I stood and talked with the pastor (who is WAY too young...perhaps 30ish) in the chapel a long time after church. He was so genuine and asked me to join him for lunch one day this week. I've got his cell...I need to call him and schedule that.

REPEAT AFTER ME....

GEORGIA NEEDS ACCOUNTABILITY!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I've got my car back (one of the true simple pleasures of life...top down and 88 degs.).

That's it for now. Some more painting tonight and it's looking good. I'm just taking my time on this remodeling project and making it look the way I want it. I like having a "hobby" going on.

Georgia

What are you up to FGG?

Heyy GG, where are you? How are you doing?

Hi cc (& others)..

I've been feeling like a need to sit down and write out what's going on, but I've just been putting it off because it all seems so overwhelming.

I’m not sure where to start.

Well…my involvement with this church in the past week has just been amazing and really transforming. I’m going to call it Avenue Church as it is named for the avenue it is located on.

First, let me set the tone of this church. The pastor and associate pastor both are in their early 30’s and both graduated from the same college as my kids and DIL’s. Plus, the pastor and #1S/DIL’s pastor were roommates. And… the pastor emeritus of Avenue is the grandfather of #1S’s pastor.

The associate pastor grew up in the neighborhood around the church. His parents were both drug addicts and he and his brothers often scrounged through dumpsters for food for the whole family. He joined a gang when in his teens.

Anyway, the pastor and associate pastor have been there about 6 years. When they came, it was a dying stuffy downtown church that was openly shunning the surrounding community. Needless to say, the surrounding community had become…shall we say…not the right kind of folks.

Anyway, these guys came on board and immediately sensed that a church with a crack house across the street has plenty of local mission work to do. Many of the earlier crowd has left and the church is wholly focused on the local community. The racial mix reflects that (maybe 50/50 white/black).

Now…how I know all of this. The pastor and I had lunch last Thursday. He told me the church’s whole story, and I told him mine. I told him all about Lynn and the whole situation. He told me of a couple of affairs going on in the church (one involving a deacon) and how they are handling it. To summarize, they are using the Biblical model of accountability / confrontation.

I asked if he would be my accountability partner and he agreed.

They have a small group Bible study that meets on Thursday nights at the associate pastor's house. He asked me to come that night as they were having a cookout as well and it would be the last meeting until Fall. I went and had a wonderful time.

Sunday I went to church there AM and PM. I was impressed with the sanctuary, it is truly grand (the first time I’ve been in the sanctuary).

Tonight #1S/DIL are coming over for dinner and I’ve asked the pastor to join us. I’m smoking ribs and I’ve got to put them in the smoker at lunch today. I anticipate that this is going to be a very enjoyable evening. I had told the pastor a little about #1S upcoming job (with the mission group) and mentioned that he was going to need some office space. The pastor offered that perhaps he could help with that. Hence, the reason I’m inviting them both over tonight.

In other news…

I spent the entire weekend working on my bedroom remodeling project. I am very, very pleased with it. I’ll have to post some pictures.

And, Mrs. Reese’s house sold last Thursday. It was on the market less than 24 hours. I understand that a medical student has bought it.

Okay, that’s what’s going on right now. Sorry for the long silence.

I would like to summarize by saying that the last 2 weeks have really been ones of growth for me. I am reading a number of books right now, including The Purpose Driven Life. I’m beginning to feel like I’m making some real progress in my own life.

Oh..back to the church issue again. They are having VBS next week during the evening. I’m going to talk with the pastor tonight to see if they need help. If so, I may work at VBS next week.

The following week I’m back to Illinois for a week. I think I’ll fly this time, the weather is too hot to enjoy a long top down drive.

Georgia

All of this sounds WONDERFUL, Georgia!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi FGG!

I read your answer this morning at work (because I get it in my e mail) and was very glad that you seem to be making the best of a difficult situation. Somehow you always seem to manage to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I hope you find some peace with your new pastor. Sounds like a great person and very much involved with all the subjects you are interested in at this moment. That's very important.

Don't abandon us for so many days. We care.
and you're not saying "good morning" anymore.....

Hi cc....

You made me chuckle. Well, it's not morning, but how about "Good Evening".

We had a wonderful dinner together tonight. They all just left a few minutes ago. The pastor and my S really hit it off, I thought they would. We had a great time together and I think everyone was really comfortable with each other. The smoked ribs were great, but I wish I had taken them out of the smoker just a little sooner. However, my son and the pastor divided the leftovers between them and took them home, so I guess they liked them.

The pastor has offered my S free office space at the church when he becomes director of the mission group later this year. That is a big deal. The agency is currently located in another town about 150 miles from here because they get free office space there. The board has been wanting to have S/DIL move there so they can keep the free office space. So...this is a big thing.

I volunteered to help with VBS next week (evening meeting). The pastor is going to talk with the VBS director to see where they need me.

DIL and I got to talk alone for a few minutes. She said S is still having a really hard time with the D. She said that on the way home last Saturday from #2S's graduation that he cried all the way back home. I wish I could do something to help him work through this, but I don't know what it's going to be.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'm really, really enjoying my newly remodeled room (not quite done, I've still got to refinish the floors and put the French doors in). Here's a couple of real-time pictures (MB is on the monitor, if you can see it!!).

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mb_georgiaguy/album?.dir=/e593re2&urlhint=actn,del%3as,1%3af,0

Georgia

Wonderful!

I have to run today, but I'm glad you are back to being the GG we thought we knew! You certainly sound it!

Good Morning -

Thank you cc.

The mornings here are so wonderful right now. It was 70 deg. out this morning, perfect for driving to work with the top down and enjoying the morning.

I had breakfast on the deck this morning along with my devotion. Right now I'm reading Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" book of daily devotions.

I'm still reading "The Purpose Driven Life", as well as C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce". I have "A Grief Observed" waiting on me (Lewis' book after the death of his wife, Joy).

Anyway, I seem to be filling my spare time with reading right now, when I'm not working on the bedroom.

Georgia