Good Morning all -

Okay, let me just get right to the point.

I'm not ready to give away any details yet, but I just had to tell you all.

I believe that there is a really, really good chance that I have met "THE GODDESS".....One that quite possibly could give Mimi a real run for her money (sorry Mimi...but she did drive a convertible too..and, well..you know how I am about that! She had to sell it, but wants another).

I'm pretty sure she could pass the battery of questions that would fly my way from this tough audience...but I would like to ask that you be patient and let me come back to all of those. I promise that I will brief you at the right time.

My pastor has been gone for 2 weeks so he and I have not met (in person). He will be back Sunday, I will meet with him early next week for a "reality check" discussion.

I will say this much...she and I have had the "cart before the horse" discussion and we're in total agreement (and commitment) on that issue.

Georgia

It didn't seem to take you long to get over your pre-divorce 'relationship'.

I guess you know not to move too fast this time.

All the best,

I like what I'm hearing!!!

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Whew....I was really sweating bullets waiting on the all important Mimi pre-endorsement.

Thank you...there will be more..

GREAT!!!

Did you read my post about my hubby...the CAer...?

No...let me see if I can find it...

Okay...to supplement just a little of what I said over on your thread....

Last night I asked "Lisa" (not her real name) if I could pray with her. I did. She cried. She's 51 y.o., said she had never once in her life had a man pray with her and she has longed for that for so long....

Georgia:

I'm liking Lisa so far...wonderful for you both to be establishing such a relationship..

But, suffice to say, my H is not going to pray with me right now over this issue.

Check out my response to you on my thread...

Men tend to leave out so many important details. I can't believe Mimi isn't asking, but then, she is pretty patient these days.

I won't ask either, but you know what we are thinking.

I hope things are improving with your Sons. My relationship with my sons continues to get better as we go along, and it is a really good thing.

SS

Hi SS -

I think that Mimi is respecting my request to allow me to set the pace on dissemination.

But..as I said earlier..I do believe she would fly through the MB Goddess screening process and leave many in awe in her wake.

However, I do also know that my judgement may need a reality check, which I will be gettin from my pastor later in the week.

#2S/DIL called and asked to come visit me this Sunday. I'm smokin' ribs (again). Things are, slowly, getting better.

Thanks for asking...

Georgia

I think that Mimi is respecting my request to allow me to set the pace on dissemination.

Translation -
I'll talk when I'm good and ready -

You should have been a lawyer. (grin)

I think the timetable is fine - no matter what it is, but you are fun to tease sometimes.

We took a vacation last week and 3 of our 4 sons went camping with us. (With their wives and children.) The time you spend with them, and the things you say to them will mean a lot more to them than you might think at first glance. (so to speak)

Be prayerful about your relationship with them. Take time to think on it, and things will come to you.

That's from one dad to another.

SS

SS -

I still think #1S is having a harder time than anyone in the family. I am concerned about him.

When I left there Father's Day, I gave him an DIL a card (and asked that they open it later).

I wrote in it something to the effect that should there be a time that they felt couseling would benefit either one of them, that I would hope this would help. (I enclosed enough cash to pay for about 3 normal counseling sessions). I also wrote that it was not necessary to ever let me know whether or not the money was ever used.

I have felt the right thing for them right now is respecting their space. Calling to just tell him that I love him and was thinking of him sometimes, but with no strings attached (ie. invitation to dinner or asking him any "leading" questions).

Anyway...that's what I felt like I should do for him right now...

Georgia

Edited to say that I have totally ignored your other comments and stricken them from the record!

I have felt the right thing for them right now is respecting their space. Calling to just tell him that I love him and was thinking of him sometimes, but with no strings attached (ie. invitation to dinner or asking him any "leading" questions).

Anyway...that's what I felt like I should do for him right now...

This is exactly what I mean - it FEELS JUST RIGHT.
I was going to suggest it, but then I thought: "You know, I don't need to be telling him every little thing, he is smarter than I am, and I am sure he can figure it out."

God is a sure guide, and when we really want to know, he will help us. I know this is true.

Have a good weekend. Or - Make it a good weekend. I bet you can.

SS

Good Morning, folks...

SS....anytime you have advice to give (dad to dad) feel free to get it here FX-P1! I sometimes feel like I'm probably the last one to see the obvious sometimes.

I hope the Goddess shares with us how the pillow talk diplomacy and Sat. morning went for her and H. And...I hope she doesn't come flying in here again having checked her toga at the door (you know I'm kidding, right?).

Hummm.....seems like the sun is shining a little brigher today, the birds chirping a little more today. I must be coming down with something.....

Georgia

FGG,

3 weeks is a long time with no word from you.

How are you?

-AD

Thanks, AD...

Wow....has it been 3 weeks already? I'm not really sure what to say.

I guess I should start with Lisa. We are still seeing each other, but we've both agreed that we need to take it slow (she initiated that conversation, but I agree). It is hard to believe how we've gotten to know each other in a month, but it has been really, really nice. I don't know if this is going to be a long term thing or not, and the "slow it down" talk definitely helped me to get my feet back on the ground. I constantly have to remind myself of SH's words last time we talked that I need to learn to "guard my heart". Fortunately, Lisa has the wisdom to know that is true of both of us.

That being said, I am going with her this weekend to visit her son and his wife (she has twin boys). I don't remember if I said this here, but this son is a youth pastor in a small town in north FL. (There's been discussion already about sleeping arrangements. I get the air mattress on the floor of the spare bedroom).

My new church continues to be a blessing to me. I am still meeting with the pastor weekly over lunch and assuring that he knows EVERY detail of what's going on in my life. He has such tremendous insight for a young man...he is definitely being used by God.

And, our associate pastor (the former gang member who still has spiked hair that I have a hard time getting used to!) is starting an A.M. mens prayer group next Tuesday (only 5 of us to start with). That should be intense.

Next month I am going to start teach the SS for H.S. students (both boys and girls). I don't know how that is going to go, I've never taught teen girls. And...needless to say, this is a diverse group.

I had dinner with #1S/DIL last night. I kind of get the feeling that our "future" relationship is beginning to emerge, which is not what I wanted at all. It is more of a surface type friendship, whereas I had always so longed to keep the deep intimate communication that we used to share with each other. I suppose that I need to get used to my new life...I don't think that's a part that I will get back even though it used to be what I thought would make the blessings of grandkids such a joy someday.

I've been keeping busy with my major home improvement project. I've got a big hole in the wall adjoining my back 2 bedroom and I'm installing double French doors. And..I've hired a guy to come in this weekend while I'm gone and refinish the hardwood floors in both of those bedrooms. The floors are currently painted (yuck!!), so this is going to make a major improvement.

So...life begins to take on the flavor of some normalcy. I got a letter from xW's rabid attorney a couple of weeks ago that she is considering taking me back to court for more money. (sigh) We'll just have to see what happens there, but that is indeed a little bit stressful.

It's hard to know what to say here on a routine basis. I just don't feel comfortable laying out all the details of Lisa and our R., and I'm not sure why. There are no "secrets" that I want to keep out of the public eye, I just think I prefer the confidentiality of the discussions with my pastor over that. I hope that isn't offensive to my friends here.

Thank you, AD, for caring and asking. I appreciate your friendship.

Good Morning MIMI.

Georgia

Georgia:

I need your help!

Check out my PERSONAL RECOVERY post.

What a BLESSING for you to be checking in today!!

FGG,

It's good to hear from you and get your update.

Georgia, I'm worried about you. As far as I can tell, you are one of the good guys - and I want the good guys to win.

I'm sorry the relationship with your son has become distant. I'm guessing that your (former) relationship with Lynn is a big part of that. Is that the issue? - or is it just that he's having a hard time balancing between you and his Mom? I don't have any experience which would make me competent to offer any suggestions, but I can ask questions.

Each of us is different - and do things at different paces. I was very surprised to see, for example, FaithInMe so quickly remarried and so quickly having another child with her new H. (There is a cute photo of him on the photo thread - holding a baby bottle, and looking very tired. Just between you and me, I envy the guy.) And, I'm also surprised to see you so quickly filling the empty place left by Lynn. Don't think I'm telling you what to do. Perhaps I'm envious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Your relationship with your pastor sounds really great! My pastor finally spoke to me today about a phone message I left for him 2 weeks ago. He suggests I call next week. <sigh> But, as good as it is to have a pastor as your confident and advisor - ultimately, you are responsible for your own life. Not every thing your pastor supports may be good for you. Not every thing he advises against may be bad for you.

I may step on some toes here, and some may mark me as a cynic (which I am not), and I fear you may not like me anymore <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> but... here goes. To set the context, I will report that my church recently voted to borrow several million $$$ to build new buildings - and will have to double the membership in 3 years in order to make the mortgage payment. I haven't given much to my church for the past few years (as I've had overwhelming financial oblications until recently), and it took my pastor 2 weeks to get back to me and say "call me again next week." If you were a poor man, or your church were not in such financial need, do you think your pastor would advise you in the same way? I'm not suggesting that he only talks to you because you can support the church financially (although I suspect he may give you more of his time than he gives to others). But, I do suspect that he may not have the courage to hold you to the standard to which he would hold a younger or poorer man. Pastors are human too. There! I've said it. I'm a CA too, but I'm trying to overcome. <sigh>

On this day, 8 years ago, I became engaged. I had forgotten the date until now. Before I asked my XW to marry me, I sought advice from people I respected. She was 20 years younger than me (and still is, LOL). There is a man in our church - one of the leading deacons, a successful (and wealthy) businessman. It was he who had first befriended her parents 6 years before then - and had built a church in their town - and arranged for their daughter to come to the US (and paid the way for her). It was only through his actions that the extremely unlikely event of me meeting my XW had become possible. So, I went to talk to him. Before I said anything, he asked (with a smile)
"when are you going to ask her to marry you?"
I replied
"She is very young. Perhaps I shouldn't. What do you think?"
His reply was
"It's good for you. It's good for her. Why not!?"
If he had had advised against it, I would have listened to him. But, you see, she had run into some problems, and perhaps he viewed my proposal as a solution. I should have asked somebody more neutral.

But, ultimately, it was my decision to ask, her decision to say "yes" etc.

Ok, this is your thread. Sorry.

But, although your situation is very different, in this it is the same : we each have responsibility for our choices.

I think many of us came to this board looking for somebody to tell us what to do, in circumstances which were bewilderingly new for us. Sometimes (even lately) I have ventured to give advice to the newly betrayed and have been a bit uncomfortable to see them follow my advice.

You are a wise and thoughtful man, FGG. Are you sure you are not moving too quickly?

I fear I have written a post both too long and too meddling.

With respect,
-AD

Hi AD (and others) –

Thank you for your concern.

As far as the relationship with my son, I think the whole thing…divorce and all….is rolling into one great big problem for him. I’m sure the Lynn thing didn’t help any.

First, let me address the relationship issue.

I’ve learned a lot…and I’m sure there is a lot more to learn. I’ve learned what a “transitional relationship” is, and how it differs from a “rebound relationship”. I’ve also learned you can be so in the middle of things (forest & trees?) that you can’t see it clearly.

I’m not so sure you fill spaces left by anyone, so I don’t know how to address that. However, I will say this much. There is no doubt in my mind that Lisa and I (mostly due to her wisdom) are taking it slow. Actually, I would come very close to characterizing our R as “good friends” right now…and I know that we both have some thoughts that we MAY NOT be the “right” ones for each other…but we’ve agreed to explore a friendship and see where it goes. I think, for what it’s worth, that it is a very healthy relationship.

I would like to save my comments on the pastor situation until later. I am sorry you’ve had a less than stellar results from your pastor. Please allow me to say though, that I do believe my pastors motives are pure. I have opportunity to see his interaction with others in our congregation who are of…shall we say…less desirable circumstances, and I see the same level of interest and concern. But…I will admit that he is a rare bird in the world of clergy (which may mean I’m joining your cynicism).

And..you are welcome to share about your XW on my thread anytime you want (it’s been a little dusty lately anyway). But…to your point..you are absolutely correct that each of us, no matter the counsel we receive, must make our own decisions. Perhaps you and I both can learn from our past experiences in that regard….

Georgia

Sounds ALL GOOD to me, Georgia!!

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