I have always known, as has she, that she has a propensity for addictive type behavior. We would sometimes joke that it was a good thing that she didn't drink because if she did, she DEFINITELY be an alcoholic.

Some examples (and this is all "pre-problems"):

If she did volunteer for something, such as teaching SS, then to her it was like a lifelong committement. The idea of something running it's course and being over was repulsive to her. Like, when I quit teaching Bible studies for Prison Fellowship after about 4 years, she was all upset with me that I was quitting (even though with very good reason).

Another....

When the TV show X-Files came out, she got so obsessively hooked that she actually got into some verbal altercations with the boys over them doing / saying something that interrupted her show. Very strange, because she hardly ever watched TV. Once one of them accidently erased part of an X-File she had recorded...it was NOT a good night at our house.

So..no..I've always seen her as a person who could easily fall into addictive tendencies. Perhaps exacerbated by MS?

OK, Georgia...makes a lot of sense.

FGG,

I'm glad you used your MB journal but you must admit it's not the same as if you had written it for yourself. You probably wouldn't have read THAT journal in court...

But it may have saved you a lot of pain.

Think about it. You're a good writer.

Good Morning -

A pleasant morning to all of you this morning. It's a beautiful 1st day of Summer in Illinois.

cc - You are right about the level of details and such in the journal. I keep starting / stopping on the journal idea. And....thanks for the compliment.

I am really working through several major issues within myself right now. My R with S's/DIL's is high on my list, and I have benefited greatly from input here, I've reread the posts from the past several days and they speak to me loudly. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with me. I SO want to be the present and trusted father...but right now I certainly sense a huge gulf between us that keeps communication shallow and meaningless.

And...my recovery is something that is still ongoing, and in many ways I think really just now beginning to get the toe-hold that it needs to grow. I think a lot about the future. I think a lot (blush) about what traits are important to me in a future wife. That seems almost callous to me...like picking out fruit at the market. But...it's what's playing in the threatre of my mind from time to time.

And...this CASA thing is really, really weighing heavy on me. SHMI - thank you so much for your words. I am meeting (via telephone) with one of the family members tonight to gather some key data (factual data) regarding the guy (we'll call him "Benedict"). I know that I need to approach this issue with the same tact that I would use in a difficult business situation....lower the emotions, maximize the facts.

Mimi...I've reread your Father's Day posts. It thrills me to see how far your family recovery has come. Strange..it seems like our relationships with our S's seem to be a pendulum swinging, now it's my turn on the other side for a while while you enjoy the good times.

Today at work is my once at month teleconference with the CEO. It's kinda the day that I brief him on my activities for the past month, where we are, etc. So...this is my sweaty palm day here.

Georgia

Good Afternoon -

I just needed to pop in to say that xW and I had our first date 32 years ago today. I miss not getting her flowers or something to commemorate the day.

Georgia

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It's remarkable that you remember this date.

What a loss for her!!!

Hi Georgia,

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It is also a sign that you are not yet recovered or detached enough. But you are divorced. This doesn't mean that I think you should forget XW, or those special dates but you really should try to consider the past, past. And not try to relive it in the present. At least try.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

The past IS past. We cannot relive it, or live it. At the same time every minute you spend trying to relive the past is a moment you waste of your present.

Try to live your present which is full of wonderful things and plan your future so that you can make the best of it when it becomes the present. It's what little advice I can give you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Pamper yourself today, you know how to do it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well...I probably shouldn't have left ya'll with the impression that all is doom and gloom today.

Actually, I was thinking this morning that I've been off AD's about 3 weeks now and I'm really, really feeling good. It does sadden me to realize the significance of the date..but I'm okay with it.

I've already treated myself today by making an 'urgent' visit to a local dentist here due to severe pain under one of my crowns. That was first thing this morning. He's given me pain killers (I forget the name) and an antibiotic to hold me over until Monday when I get back home.

I leave here tomorrow evening and fly back to ATL. The group that I've been joining when we go the children's home is leaving tomorrow morning to go back over, spend the night, and go back home Saturday night. When I get to ATL tomorrow night I'm driving over to join them (close to the ALA border) and working with them until we go home Saturday night.

Anyway, I'm still really kind of enjoying my trip here this week. It's nice...

Georgia

...um...

Am I the only one that's picking up on this? The only one listening 2 his feminine side? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

FGG: If you miss getting her flowers, why not get her flowers?

No strings attached, just flowers. Just because your M is past doesn't mean you can't do something thoughtful for her.


-ol' 2long

2Long...you have lost your mind....

Sorry...I didn't mean that the way it sounded.

Er...I just think that might send the wrong message, don't you think? Like..."hey, I'll still meet some of your EN's even while we're divorced and you're still proclaiming your love for Mr. Wonderful".

Hum..I don't think so...

FGG:

My point is that you said you feel sad about this, so why not do something 2 not feel sad about it.

She's not your W anymore, but she's still your sons' mom.

She probably can't be your W anymore (at least not before some major epiphany), but you don't hate her either. Do you?

I'm not really sure what I would put on a note with flowers in that case, but I bet something could be said that wouldn' send the wrong message.


...just a thought,
-ol' 2long

Thanks,2long (really...).

No, I don't hate her. But..I don't have it in me right now to send her flowers.

That is a kind thought..

Really, I don't think you have rocks in your head (hardy har har...my pun for the day).

Okay, I'm heading to my makeshift home. (Now a hotel and I had to move out of the cottage yesterday.).

Georgia

this is all VERY interesting to me. I am always intrigued by people, and where they are coming from. What is going through their mind. How two people can look at the same situation and each come up with an entirely different conclusion.

My WxH did not have an addictive personality.He had some hobbies, but nothing obsessive.

When I look back over our 18 years of M, about the only thing I can point to and say "this was a red flag" was his social immaturity. He is now 44 yers old, and still listens to the same music he did in high school, exclusively. Not just on occasion.He listens to only Elton John and Neil Diamond. When we first met I thought it was cute. After 10 years or so, I was darn tired of it. I didn't complain - it was his own preference. But I did think it was a sign that he was stuck in high school still. he still tells old high school stories - the girl who broke up with him on prom night, the two other girl friends he had in high school. When we first met he was 23, so I figured that he was still telling high school stories becuase it was still fairly recent. But when he reached his 30's, and then his 40's, and was still reliving old high school days, I knew he was stuck. refusing to grow up. When he "broke up with" me, by moving out, and showed up 2 days later to take the boys out to dinner with OW, and meet her, it did not entirely surprise me. After all, he had "broken up with" his old girl friend, and now had a new one, and he was so excited about this new girl friend, that he wanted his family to meet her. It did not seem unusual to him at all. the next week he invited his brothers out for drinks, and showed up with her. Again, anxious for all his family to meet her. when they got angry with him - he was shocked.

So I do not think the addiction concept fits him. I think he is just terribly socially immature. Refuses to grow up. When his current marriage ends, I am sure he will see it as just another girl friend he has broken up with. I have to laugh when I think of what his current wife must be thinking of by now - after a year of Elton John and Neil Diamond. She is younger than he is and I am sure she can not relate to his taste in music at all.

When I think of your XW getting angry at her son over a messed up video tape of the X files - that is just ridiculous. it is a TV show. No TV show is worth making your child feel bad. She could always look forward to the re-runs in the summer.

I think you are definately getting some good insight there.

Hi WOF...

Nice to hear from you again.

Your xH and my xW definitely fit different molds here. What you are describing in NO WAY fits my xW.

There was an incident that remains in my mind that may be moot, but it was so alarming to me at the time.

Our very last weekend before we moved into our new (dream) house, we had a garage sell to get rid of the leftover stuff (at the old house). Remember, this was about a year AFTER the end of the #1OM fiasco, and about 1 year before #2OM showed up on the scene.

Anyway, she was at the new house. Late in the afternoon about the only thing left at the old house was our Amana Radarange. One of those big shiny front deals (early 80's). We had a built-in in the new house, so we didn't need it. We had $25 on it, but hadn't sold it. A couple showed up late in the day and offered me $15 for it and I jumped at it.

When I got over to the other house I told her that I had sold the microwave but I had to take $15 for it. She got so angry that she came down the steps yelling and furious and starting kicking me as hard as she could. She actually broke the skin on my shin in several places. I was stunned. This was in front of #1S.

I didn't say much then, but when #1S wasn't around I truly, truly unloaded on her like I never had before. I told her she had better never hit me again, that I wasn't about to be a battered H, etc. She never apologized..only fumed over me selling her microwave for $15.

I was really, really troubled by that. It never happened again.

Georgia

Hi Georgia,

Let me guess ... She's the one who put the $25 price on it?


-Paul

Wow! (fgg, that is. I'll wow the fact that AD posted later!).

She kicked and screamed over one of those dinosaur microwaves?

My W has never been physical like that, but I suppose I've been yelled at on a comparable level. Not recently, thank goodness.

I did get scolded a little on the phone the other day, for buying a '30 Model A before selling the one I have. But instead of just taking it, I told her "I told you several months ago that this is what I was going 2 do." She's been pleasant about it since.



Wow. AD!

-ol' 2long

Well...hello AD. Nice to see you again.

Actually, I don't remember how we had the $25 price on it.

And...that was very, very out of character for her. Took me by surprise for sure. It was 4' 11.5" of total fury.

Well...believe it or not, the pastor (the new one) just called me. He's on vacation (Disney World) and said he was just wanting to see how things were going with me. He asked if I got to the support group last week, how things are with the boys, etc. Questions more probing than the average pastor would ask. I think he takes his role of accountability partner very seriously.

A very wise young man for 33 y.o.

Georgia

Good Morning everyone...

It's a beautiful day in Illinois, and a wonderful day to be heading back to GA.

I am really looking forward to an evening drive tonight with the top down as I head over the children's home.

Life is good...

Georgia

ON THE ROAD AGIN...JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GIT ON THE ROAD AGIN...

Mimi...you know the drill. You're in charge while I'm away and traveling.

(I have cursed you all my making you hear that song over and over and over in your head the rest of the day!!!)..

Good evening and weekend to all....

Georgia