I think you did the right thing not letting him come back home without the hard work.

You say he's been trying, but other than promises and words, what has he done? What has he apologized for?

I like Dad, I'd be behind him 100% if he turned it around any day and started ACTING like a H...but making promises and asking you to allow him to return to the family home without fulfillment of these promises is a bit like a loan on your love...aren't you in debt already?

Hi, MT3B! So sorry you and dad are still on the merry-go-round. I just wanted to encourage you to proceed with the divorce. I think there is nothing else that will disentangle you from the triangle. Nothing has changed. Dad is still on the fence, now using the results of the paternity test as some sort of magic answer that will help him "do the right thing." Bllcchh. Same old same old.

You can always remarry Kandi, though once you are free I don't think you will ever go back. In that case, just be assured there is a Mr. Right out there for you AND your boys. And, yes, he will be pretty special.

Hugs.

~ Snow

Dear Mt3b,

Step back from the chaos and think, do you really want t/b with someone as unstable as a WS? One minute he wants t/b your H and the next your mortal enemy. It is still all about him. Until he gets of his rump and shows you by his actions, the talk will be cheap at best.

You can plan your future or entrust the lives of yourself and your children to someone who is fickle with his relationships. Would you trust your doctor to perform even a simple in office procedure if he couldn't even hold a decent conversation with you as a patient? Well that is what the WS sounds like. Someone who looks sane by acts just the opposite.

Would not be surprised if he reads this and has a mouthful of spewing to say about me and other crazed stuff. WS' are weak when it comes to holding their tongue. Just be prepared.

So Mt3b, think long term. You didn't do wrong by NOT letting him back home then nor now. If you did, you'd probably still be where you are now only more angry because you would have been disappointed again.

Hugz to you and your children, I know it is hard but better to get wise to his shinagigans and save yourself more grief. Remember when real recovery hits, you w/b doing less work, not more. As long as you feel the strain of any R with him, then recovery is not even in sight. Better to take protective measures since he can't seem to keep himself in one character on a permanent basis.

Wow, the A really changes one's character and not for the better. Ask the WS if they are proud of their choices, then leave them to wallow in it. Don't wallow in it with them, otherwise they will never have the incentive or the example to come out of that mire.

JMHO,
L.

Mom, I read this on SuzyChapStick's thread, a post by Mulan... really made me think of you and Ed...

by Mulan:[color:"blue"] 'Suzy - what you are seeing and experiencing is the huge, massive Ego Trip of the WS who is watching his partner fall apart over him.

The BS always thinks that if he/she can just get the WS to understand how much the affair is hurting the BS, then the WS will want to stop. I am the world's worst for doing that.

But it never works.

Why? Because like any other narcississt, the WS does not feel anyone else's pain. All they see and hear is "Wow, she really loves me. She'll ALWAYS be here no matter what I do! And OP feels the same way! I am hip-deep in women who are crazy about me!" And off they go to keep stuffing that bloated ego, enjoying it all to the fullest while the BS has a nervous breakdown.

This is why Plan B works. No more ego-feeding. No more huge arrogant narcississtic power trip for the WS.

Please consider it. It's for YOU, not for him.
Mulan [/color] '

It's all about Ed's ego, and what he thinks he can get away with. He's very dangerous...