dating,

As per Pep, the hospitals I am on staff at are VERY aware of sexual discrimination/wrongful termination lawsuits. Yet, sadly the economic impact that this "physician" brings to the hospital can not be discounted. Past experience shows that the administration/medical staff are usually at odds over the proper investigation and action to be taken on a complaint against a physician.

From your posts I see your righteous anger, but perhaps your best approach is to let the matter drop if you are being driven by a sense of retribution. Revenge can be a VERY dangerous game. This man has little substance, is he worth possibly losing your job over? Hasn't he done enough damage? File it as a lesson learned and move on with your life and job.

IMHO if you are trying to protect yourself from him knowing that you are the one reporting then you ought to have the PI inform his wife of OW1 and OW2 (you). For, if she only is told of OW1 and only confronts husband of OW1, he's going to probably come to the conclusion that OW2 ratted him out.

dating an MD II:

I may be in the minority, but I think that if the choice is you let the PI's you've employed inform the OMW as well as the OOW's H [as to what's been going on] ...or NOT at All.....then Please have them Informed (even if your name Never comes up).

It is more important (IMO) that the truth be told (by someone)...then from where the info. comes from.

Please do at least stick to this course and have these innocent victims informed to what is / has been perpetrated against them.

At this point in time, they don't care what your motivation is.
(They may think about this later on.....but for now its irrelevant to Them).

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't have cared if the OM's OOW had told me out of spite, revenge or compassion.

I would only have cared that I finally knew the truth and therefore could DO Something About it!
[Sadly, in our situation my W ended up having to be the one to break the news to Her Friend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />...who was the OOW].

"Oh, the Memories"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <gag>

Sorry dealan-de. I misread. Maybe because I feel like scum now knowing that I am an OW. Even in spite of the fact that I did not know. It's not a good feeling.


Cymanica. I will admit that just getting out seems so much easier. But having been betrayed before by my ex, I really wish someone had told me.


I have thought of this as well. It's a good point. It would out me and indeed deflect attention. My sole worry. That the information will seep out into the medical field. We decided not to publicize our relationship because we didn't want people thinking that business was linked to personal. God. Now I think about why he really didn't want to publicize. And that maybe the business WAS linked to pleasure. This is so demoralizing. I will feel better when W and OWH know.

I will cogitate on this. I just really don't want to be known as the physician whore. Because that's what I feel like right now.

I know and I understand. You ARE doing the right thing...I know that doesn't help you a lot right now, but you've got a whole board here pulling for you. Chin up! This is not your sin. Don't try to take on as some sort of pennance.

Your finding out, then taking action is more than enough to ease your soul...keep telling yourself that, then hand it over to God. He'll take it from there.

(((Hugs)))

- Kimmy

Ok...I am not getting this.

Ok...I am not getting this.

You did get the PI. YOu got your info. He IS married. And now you're still wondering what to do?

As I have said before, any workplace is a hotbed for hormones...either a hospital or an office building or whatever...

You will not have any problems with your xlover if you treat things professionally. B/c of your work related relationship, i would no longer get onto his computer or into any of his business stuff...you alluded to that part earlier. It is time to cut things off clean and simple. YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO THIS MAN YET YOU'RE POSTING ON A SITE MAINLY FOR THOSE MARRIED STILL AND BETRAYED. I'd say this is a divorced/divorcing issue...

It is time to end this professionally. I would not give him any further info. I would have a speech ready and make it simple. Something like "Ihave a friend, we shall not say any names, and it is come to my attention you are not the single man I believed you to be. Due to the fact you ARE married, I will not see you any more. It does hurt me quite alot since I was once betrayed in my former marriage and it is not funny you doing this. I wish to continue our jobs, and know you will respect my wishes and your space. I also will ask you to be kind to your wife and family and consider getting some help for your family and marriage recovery." That's all I would say. I would be kind, gentle, and decent about it. I would be all business at work.

I know...last fall I broke up with my unmarried bf, also a clinician, and we had to sometimes work side by side should a patient crash or if there was a serious comp lication (I could handle most). We never had any cross words and my job professionalism never came into question. He never ordered less tests from me, and nobody lost revenues. It is all in how professional and emotionally mature you are when you handle this.

You're imho...way to emotionally involved with him and I think you need to let the sleeping dog lie now.

I think it's not really your place right now to inform the wife btw. I think that could cause professionalism/job issue. If a neutral party with NOTHING to gain does this, then so be it. But other than that, you need to get out of the whole stinking thing.

And again, I am a medical professional. I do not cheat. My bro in law is a surgeon, and he's faithful. My friends are physicians and the ones I hang out with are great people. It is not the job, it's the person...and the soul inside the person which has possibility to do either good things or dispicable ones.

You need to just refocus and reframe your life. I did. It really helped.

I hurt for the man's wife. I really do. But right now you must do this foremost:

Decide Why you want to expose...Personally, I feel it's because YOU feel betrayed; but his wife is the one hurt most...words from you are in reality, coming from yet another woman...another lover. It is what it is...and you cannot erase this fact whether knowingly being an ow or not.

I just think your motives aren't all about her...your words show your pain and sadness. It does stink. but being his wife would be harder than walking in your shoes...she IS married...you are NOT. and unless this is handled properly and carefully, you had better watch out for falling feces. that is the only thing...you can breakup and do it professionally, but if you go around telling his wife and revealing to the world his little secrets, adding more pain and drama, it's not really helping anybody in the long run except your ego in the exposure. I think exposure is best when only a last resort to stop an affair...now who's affair are you trying to stop? Your married bf and the other girl? His marriage? I don't get it.

IF it's really about his wife, I'd end it first with the lover...then I'd wait quite a while..weeks for sure...until the xbf wouldn't suspect you, and then if your motives are right, I'd have the neutral party to tell her.

this way, you're already out of the picture...and it could be any one of his present or past gf's to tell her.

You gotta be smart....and take yourself OUT of this picture. It's already too crowded to begin with.