... on the reason why she is moving out...
ww: "i would rather you be happy without me than unhappy with me"

... after directly asking her if she was having an A:
ww: 'i am not interested in anyone else. i just want to be alone for awhile"
...the very next day:
ww: "i'm "sort of" seeing someone"

...on having SF w/OM:
ww: "i don't know of any other way to move on"

...on the OM:
ww: "i see a lot of the same qualities in him, as i did in you"... next breath... "i consider myself a good judge of character"

...on me being homeless after the M-home was sold:
ww: "you can use my apartment, i have moved in w/OM, and i never really stayed there anyway"... next breath "what's the matter with that? i'm just trying to help you out!!"

... i have heard a million of them... i used to joke around, saying i needed a rosseta stone to decifer them...

Four of my favorites from WW's mouth

1. " I need security" OM is a 26 y/o waiter on a cruise ship that regaled her with stories of all the women he had bedded.

2. " The only reason I won't write the NC letter is because that is what you want me to do"

3. " I hope he realizes how important family is" Uttered by WW upon being told that a previously estranged nephew has expressed regrets and rejoined the family circle.

4. " I hate my father but I will respect his advice in this matter" Speaking of her father who is a serial adulterer and is presently juggling a wife and at least two other women

I'm curious about something. Would you say your spouses showed examples of rational thought before the affairs, or were they using this level of logic in their problem solving all along and you only noticed when it became personal?

Wow Elspeth...I don't know how to interpret your tone...I'm really hoping it wasn't meant to be as caustic as it sounds.

But to tell the truth dh was the most down to earth, logical and loving person till his mother died. Then, he allowed his world to shatter...and only in the past year has he been able to become even remotely like his old self.

So, to answer your question, yes. He was a perfectly rational human before the A.

- Kimmy

Hmmmmmm.

I'll bite.

I guess I noticed it more after it wouldn't pass muster with a 6 year old child.

You tell me, elspeth - how many of these example statements seem logical to you? Are you suggesting we were ambivalent of similarly illogical statements before they became "personal"? Do you really think this level of logic could sustain a normal adult existence (excluding politicians)?

WAT

My WH was a very intelligent, rational, responsible person before his A. I always had the greatest respect for him and trusted him completely.

He had always taken care of the bills because my bill-paying style was too "creative" for him. We used to jokingly call him "the responsible one" in our relationship. Looks like I'm the responsible one now.

Just a few days ago when he was trying to bait me into an argument after he found out I did a background check on MOW on the internet, he said, "You think you're smarter than I am, don't you?" At the time I replied with reverse babble, but wanted to tell him, "I never thought so before, but I'm starting to think so now!"

My favorite "dumb stuff" came from the OW when she told me that she didn't date married men. At that point she'd been having sex with my H for 15 months, had spent 6 hours with him earlier that day, including a drive and a stop at a restaurant. We'd been married 16 years, so H was definitely married. He was also living at home at that point.

I never have figured what part of "married" or "dating" she didn't comprehend. She's never looked too bright to me since then.

Elspeth, I was and am a rational human being that allowed my immaturity to take over for a while. My H was before his A's a loving and responsible person. Not sure what you are looking for with that question.

Well, no. It was meant to be curious. I really do wonder about things like that.

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is because he has what I call cute little duck feet-they turn out when he walks. I see that as very endearing. Since I was single when I met him, there isn't any problem with my having fallen in love with him for any dumb reason I wanted to, but if I were married at the time and told my spouse that the OM had "cute duck feet", it would sound pretty demented. It wouldn't be that I changed, just that the context made things that sound cute in one context sound crazy in another.

I didn't say any of these statements seemed logical to me.

Look, so far as I know, I don't know any of these people, so I don't know whether or not they were more logical before they had their affairs. That's the whole point of my asking-to find out. I'm perfectly willing to believe what you folks tell me on that score.

Me - "So what was wrong with our marriage?"
Her - "Well, you made oat bran muffins that one time..."

elspeth...

my stbxw was seemed very logical to me when we were together, until she miscarried... after that, she changed dramaticaly... she was actualy very upset that my SIL was having a baby and planning when she would have her next... quite sad what trauma can do to people... since she refuses to get help (IC/MC/Support groups), it has become difficult for me to empathize with her any longer... 18mo after the mis,,, she left me for OM... and started spewing the illogical, very redundant, self-centered cr*p (2 this day)... cry for help?.. maybe... but she refuses to get any...

...sad state of afairs, beyond expectations...

Samm, how sad for both of you. I'm sorry to hear how that happened.

My "alienisms"

FWW about OM: "He really respects you and out M" ( I think I may have sprayed her with whatever I was drinking at the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

"Everyone at the retreat (where she met OM) was anonymous" then emailing him less than 30min later.

"All we talk about is small talk and our M. He wishes us the best" (this came a few days before I found half-naked pictures of him sent to her email)

"He's dating somebody else now. That should make you feel better" ROFLMAO

"I promise I won't talk to him again until we're OK" I guess she must have figured we were OK a day and a half later.

One of my favorites <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"He reminded me of you when we first met. Just not as well endowed and a terrible kisser." We laugh about this one now.


Great thread. We could all use a little humor <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Some of your WSs must have been abducted by the same mothership that took my WH!

Because I am so new to all of this, I get new alienisms on a regular basis.

Here's another one:

WH: "None of this is really any of your business. It doesn't really involve you."

Me (thinking): No, I guess exposing me to STDs, leaving me and the children, hiding money, diverting mail, and sneaking around for a year really has nothing to do with me whatsoever. How selfish of me to even ask about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I forgot a few.

"Why do you need to know what I say to him (OM)? Why can't you respect my privacy?"

"Why don't I ask if (OM) can do it for us? As soon as he does it I'll be done with him" referring to using OM's services for our business.

"All good things come to those who wait" about me asking for NC

"Thank you for putting up with my insanity" - in recovery

re OW: "I feel bad for her. She's not a bad person. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like this."

Excuse me? She, herself married, targeted, pursued and seduced a married man. If she's hurting now she more than deserves it.


"I've got this handled. It's not your business."

Our M? Not my business? Interesting.

Oh, I forgot my favorite.

Upon my telling him that him calling her or continuing to see her hurt me, he said, "well, if you weren't snooping and spying on me and monitoring everything I do, you wouldn't know about it, and you wouldn't be hurt."

FWW-What does it matter if we had SF one time or a hundred times.

FWW Yes I took them to an amusment park with OM. Whats the big deal? It's not like they saw us kissing or anything?

Me-Did you kiss while you were there and they just didn't see it.

FWW-I don't remember.

Me- What were you thinking sneaking down to his basement apartment while my family and the kids were upstairs. (He lived in my aunts basment apartment where she was staying)

FWW I wasn't sneaking anywhere. I am a grown woman I don't have to sneak around.

I know you wanted me to get a tatto for you just because I got my bellybutton pierced for OM and thats why I said no.

She probably has said some of the stupidist crap I have ever heard this is just a sample.

Wow...

The most hurtful, wrong thing my XH ever said was when we were separated and he started putting up profiles on online dating sites (we didn't end over an affair - depression and other stuff I couldn't deal with anymore - and wish I'd dealt with differently).

My blood ran cold when I saw he'd written (btw put his marital status as "divorced" - we'd been separated 10 months or so).

"I married too young and for all the wrong reasons."

HELLO?

We met when I was 17 and he was 20. Lived together 3 1/2 YEARS before we married, and I don't think anybody put a gun to his head at that time. In fact, after a lengthy engagement I asked him if he was going to make an honest woman of me, or cut me loose... HE CHOSE TO MARRY ME. Our first child came along over 2 years into the marriage - so that math works out right.

I was crushed. More crap to find himself a honey. And he found one alright - more like she found him, ripe for the picking on a dating site. She's still using him...

Another classic - when XH told me that the live-in GF was moving back home after a year of sponging off him (with her 2 baby from 2 baby daddy...) - "It's not because of ME. It's <<our state>>. She doesn't like living in <<our state>>."

Of course - she's madly in love with you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you... it's only that she wants to do that from 2000 miles away. (Likely so she can pick another ripe sucker off the vine at the same time!).

He's still "involved" with her even though she left 3 months ago. Sad.

At least recently when I approached him about reconcilation (again) I didn't get all the babble about she makes him happy, she accepts him for who he is, he's a better person because of her blah blah blah - I heard all that just before the D was final.

He's still not quite open to reconciling - but at least he didn't throw all that junk at me. It would have been DJ of me but I think I would have shot some holes in those statements this time.

It's amazing how WS and estranged spouses all spew the same junk.

When I engaged in my post-M relationship (pre-divorce - no flames please, I know it was wrong and I've repented)... I thought up the same junk - but nobody was fighting for my M at that point - but I justified some stuff with similar crap.

So I know what it's like to be in the fog. I just came out of it more quickly than my XH - he's still buried in it.

JinGA