I'll try to say it again but a little nicer this time so I don't have to delete.
I am worried about Vnus, and I wish he was still getting the support/advice from this site. It's too bad you and TMCM couldn't talk with him privately through email.
I feel he feels remorse and I worry about self-blame. He has been working hard to change as shown by his quitting his band, staying in IC, not carrying on with other women.
The in your face kind of affair she has been having while still keeping Vnus hanging on, all the time blaming him for it would be intolerable if she were a man doing it to a woman. It has got to be devastating to Vnus and if he continues to blames himself for it with no chance to make amends, he could end up a broken man.
She may say she "loves" him but her actions are not loving. She has taken away his support board and continues to blame him while taking no responsibility for her own actions, which have been very hurtful to VM for what, almost a year?
She downplays her own affair, even denies it, as well as her knowingly dating him when he was married. I see no remorse in her for what was done to his former wife. This is pretty scary behavior. The whole narcissism card could very well be pinned on her in my opinion.
Hopefully Vnus is still reading here and gathering strength, and hopefully he can rise above his own pain enough to detach from this destructive drama.
It only takes a split-second to see the error of your ways and become a changed person. And sometimes the mental/emotional health of a person is more important than the marriage and I believe that when you love someone, having known the pain of betrayal you would not drag him through that hell and then blame him for it.
"xring" and resilient did give some pretty on the mark replies to her.
*** I wonder about the purpose of posting on a site where there is no "plans" for change, like there is here. But maybe all it takes sometimes is for a few "words" to really hit home, and you begin to question yourself and your own actions in the destruction of a marriage.
