Well, heres the same sad old story. H cheats on W, they get back together, nc is promised, w gives up her entire life and dd's life to move to the other side of the city, w finds cell phone bill with ow's # on it, W snaps and kicks out H's 42 inch plasma tv, H gets really mad, w takes clothes out of the house. H then stops W, calls ow in front of her and tells her in no uncertain terms he's back with his W. ow then hangs up on him. ow calls back and yells where r u right now? i yell back with his wife, [censored]!! she yells she wants her credit cards back, i yell i tore those up months ago! wh hangs up phone. dont know what to do. im sitting in this wreckage of a house that i destroyed. my clothes on the table, my bags of underwear in my car, had to retrieve my laptop from the car to write this.i asked h how does he feel now? he says relieved that its finally over. i ask what now? he says we move forward.god, why is this happening to mme? i just want to settle down and live the good life and h keeps putting this whore back into it. please someone , is there anyone to talk to?

a mutual aquaintence of mine and ow's called me to tell me ow called her crying asking her if its true h and i were back together. she says she told her yes, they've been back together for months and ow hung up.

Shelly - Okay, time to calm down and breathe deeply. This whole thing can make you really crazy. It sounds like things have come to a head, and your husband wants to work out things with you.

Now is the time to relax a little, and take time to recover from the rollercoaster ride. Hope you didn't wreck the house. Try to get some rest tonight.

Well it's a start.

Now just decidc what you want next. Follow the guidelines. This may be a bigger "bump in the road" than most in recovery may face but you can get through it.

The tv, maybe not, but you can. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Robby thanks for the chuckle. I dont know how i did it i just snapped, theres actually a hole in it the size of my foot. i can hardly breathe, my breath is coming out in little wheezes. believer thanks for your kind words. im shaking right now , i can hardly type.

Shelly... I am so sorry this is happening to you! My FWH also was still in C w/the OW after he moved home the 1s time. Hehas been back out almost 6 weeks now... I had to draw the line somewhere!!

Immediate issues... are you certain he will stay out of it now? Can you really trust anything he says at the moment? I couldn't... it is time you get you and your DD to a safe place and let him deal with the consequences of his actions. It is a total kick in the teeth, I know!! ((((shelly))))

Obviously he was lying to her too, which means he was playing both ends against the middle...so wrong! Mine finally admitted he "wanted to keep his options open" a**hole! I had to make it clear to him that I was not just an option, I was not a choice... I was his WIFE!

You can work on the other stuff "down the road"... You have given him chances, probably more than a few (this was my H's 2nd A) and you are still in this awful state!

Remove yourself & your DD (or insist he go) from the situation before it has a chance to hurt you further. It took packing up three kids and driving two states away for my H to start to "get it" and it is still a work in progress!

Are you physically safe at the moment?

Shelly - You can do this. It is a horrible rollercoaster ride. Please calm yourself. Right now, things seem bad, but tomorrow they will be better. I promise you that.

yes, my h would never put his hands on me, even tho he looked like he wanted to when i destrored his pride & joy. brek my heart, ill break your tv.

Believer, im trying to calm down, i can hardly breathe. i just took a xanax and hopefully it helps before i kick out his other tv.

...yeah, he's lucky it wasn't his head! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Is he still there? Did he leave?

no. he went out. im just sitting here shaking, talking to my computer, going insane.

I seriously think there needs to be some physical distance here. Even if he is promising the moon and stars, I am sure you have heard it all before... what is going to change if you continue to allow him to hurt you this way?

You are a strong & worthy woman who deserves to feel whole again.

Your H may be capable of doing just that, but only time will show if he is or not...

Is he coming back? Is there some place you and DD can go for the night? *if* he comes home tonight you need to not be there

he's alraedy here. if i cant get back to you guys right away, believe me i will when he goes to sleep. Please you guys thank you for everything. Ill be back when i can.

michelle

Take care Shelly - Try to relax.

I agree, thinking & praying for you!! Keep telling yourself..."I am worth more than this!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Shelly. Nice job. I think your husband knows your upset. Unfortunately, the anger won't help build back your relationship and it seems to be costing you money. Those TVs aren't cheap. I think your husband needs to be in withdrawal, and you need to calm down.

You're not alone. I had to keep from Completely f#$&*g up a poor 19 year old who was caught IN MY HOUSE with my wife. I feel your adrenalaine.

Now, you guys just sit there and listen to music for a day. Don't call him names. Explain that you're hurt. It's hard to trust him. Etc. But then listen to him.

Ending an affair is the hardest part. After that, everything else seems to be easier. On Saturday pick up the house. Do something non-confrontational. It's hard for us men to hug someone that's trying to kill them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You can do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

... I still think he needs to know there are consequences for his actions!! Have you read "Love Must be Tough" by Dr Dobson? Great book!

Shelly, are you okay?

okay, had to retrieve my laptop from the car a second time. you just arent going to believe what happened. wh came home sick as a dog and asked me to please go mget him some medicine. before i left i told him i dont lie to you right? well give me that watch she gave you. just a suspician in my head. he handed it ovre to me and said dont destroy it ill give it to my brother. i left with the watch. in my car i sent ow a text message saying "i broke that ugly watch you gave him, if your hurt its your own fault for being too much of a coward 2 find out the truth!" she text me back saying he swore on his DD he wasnt with me. i called her back and we got to talking. she told me that he isolated her from all her friends and family, was living with her sister up until he moved back in with me in december, they just had sf 2 days ago, and so on. we looked at each others phones and we had the same messages. the pretty little champagne glass he gave me on valentines day she has the other one. my mind is spinning with all this info. i asked her what did she want to do? she said confront him, i want him to tell you all the lies he's been telling me. we went to my house ,H was sleeping, she yells, nelson!! he wakes up and doesnt say anything. she starts hollering tell your wife this and tell your wife when you said that, and he basically looked at her, looked at me and said to ow, "i never said that your a liar". ow's face got redder and redder. He refused to substantiate anything she said in front of me. i told him I thought you said i was your life . he said you are my life, i made my choice i want to be with you. ow walked out crying. i drove her back to desplaines and softhearted me gave her a hug. I feel sorry for her. for myself i feel nothing. no sorrow no pain, just everything is blank. ill be back later, i think he's here.