Hi, Sleepless.

So, have you discussed your wife's actions with your sons yet?

How wide is the exposure at this point?

Gimble

Oh sorry.

My 8 year old know mommy filed for divorce but she told him it would be just like before. I told him that we would NOT be a family like before if we got a divorce and he didn't like that. Mom's telling him stories. He wants us to be a family. He's not going to hear about OM for now. I want to avoid that until he's older.

Oldest son knows mom is freaking out from Paris. I'll see him this weekend to fill in the blanks with information that OM is still in the picture, but no details.

I've told much of my office that my wife filed for divorce so they stop asking how my wife is. They're all on my side. I have told the Little League coaches so they can help get my son into the league late.

My family and her family know. I'm sending additional information about the affair to OM's dad.

SH told me not to involve her parents unless directly questioned.

I am going to send an E-Mail to our close friends so they know about Divorce and really close friends about the affair. Steve thought I told enough people about the affair for now. If anyone asks in general, tell them she could not treat me well anymore. Don't use the arrest as leverage. The City Attorney believed there was no case, and neither do I.

I've got a friend since second grade I'm going to visit this weekend to share with also.

What am I missing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

I don't see that you are missing anything. I just wanted to make sure that your sons and friends weren't living in fantasy land, with you playing the part of Ogre. When your oldest finds out that other man is still involved, he is not going to be happy with mom.

I assume her parents are elderly?

I wanted to be sure you had all your gear in order before the big hike. Don't want you half way down the trail and already suffering from blisters or realizing that you forgot your underwear :-)

It looks like everything is in order, so hitch your pack up, check your boot laces, cause hiking time is here.

All the best,
Gimble

Gimble. I'm a little bummed out right now. The OM's flight should have left an hour ago, but since I cancelled the ticket, I was kind of hoping for an irate phonecall or E-Mail or SOMETHING. I want satisfaction! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Boots are laced tight. I'm ready for the climb! I've been envisioning all of the things my boys and I can do together without WW. I think we'll have some fun. I've got a backpack trip scheduled for the middle of June into the High Sierras with some good friends and oldest son.
That will clear the mind.




I think enough people know. I'll be looking for witnesses to testify on my behalf as a "good father" if this goes to court.

I just don't want you thinking I'm some wuss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless I've been following your threads since it all started. I don't think you're a wuss. I actually think you are one of the bravest people I have seen on this board. Still have that brass pair ready, right??!! I just wanted to pipe in and encourage you to keep being brave - now more than ever.

Gimball gives great advice. You have my admiration too.
GS

Sleepless, no way are you a wuss! I think you've shown great courage, and you've been quite the hero to your kids. Um...could I borrow your brass ones, please. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'll second this! Gimble has advised me through more than one late-night meltdown.

Aww shucks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I'm prepared to lease with an option to buy on the brass ones. I'm getting ready for the ride. I'm a little dissappointed that I may not have stopped the OM from travelling to Europe today. Guess I wanted to feel like I had a little control, or that I could tell my oldest that I was able to keep the OM from his mom for awhile. Trying to be a hero to the kids is all I've got left right now since I don't appear to have the ability to be a hero to my wife. (That was an overt act of fishing for compliments from more women <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />)

Thank you for your support ladies.

Pebbles, YOU STAND FIRM. I've been posting on your thread when I have the chance. If our WS's don't want to enjoy life with us, we'll do it without them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm off to play games with my DS8 and read him stories.

Talk to you all later..... REALLY want that phone call like FIM got! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

AWWWW! She got him a new ticket for OM to leave at 10:00 p.m.!! Right now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I was afraid of that. Wonder how much she paid???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like she's still in deep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It's so sad. I can see why she would chuck me, but I don't understand why she would risk alienating the kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

FWWs???

SIS

Hi, Sleepless.

I'm sorry about the ticket. I know that has to hurt.

I don't see any wusses around here.

God bless,
Gimble

Sleepless said:
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.... but I don't understand why she would risk alienating the kids.
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Because she is feeding her chemistry, and her sense of entitlement makes her the most important thing in her life, even above her kids. This is why I hounded you to get your young son away from her. You can find a dozen stories on this site, just like yours, all reading from the same script. Only the actors and surroundings are different.

Don't let this get to you. This is expected, and one of the reasons why you are studying so hard about affairs. If you understand it, it is a lot less devastating, but it still stings like hell.

Hang in the Sleepless.

Gimble

Since you asked for a FWW opinion, I just wanted to let you know I agree with what Gimble said about feeding her addiction. All she cares about right now is her and OM, and the feeling has when she is with him. Even her children are secondary. Scary.

I know you are thinking of this as a defeat on this particular battle, but I think I see it differently. The ticket probably cost someone a fortune. Your W and OM had to deal with problems for a little while instead of their fantasy relationship. Can you imagine their conversations while they were scrambling to get the ticket? Keep shining the light on the A. You can't keep them apart, but you can keep the heat on.

You did good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
GS

Her actions don't surprise me Gimble, I just don't understand it. Not devastating, but it stings knowing the OM is getting over there to be with my wife! It stings knowing I should tell my oldest son. He commented today that "Mom is paranoid" with some disdain.

I've let others at work and personal friends know she's filed for D. I've got a lot of people on my side, which alienates and isolates her. The lawyer I'm seeing on Monday has asked me to collect character witnesses. That will be easy. I went to Parent Teacher conferences. I went to Cub Scout meetings. I went to all of his baseball games. I went to all of his soccer games in the last two years.

Now the ultimate payback would be the OM, WW and MIL in the same apartment in Europe. OMG <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I WOULDN'T want to be around for that. I wouldn't send the late Mother Theresa into that mess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks GentlSoul. It may be better that she doesn't understand I cancelled the ticket. It's just a stressful event for them. I don't want the entire world to know the affair, just a few key people. Right? In case there's recovery? Is it possible she could see what she had so that I look more attractive after the effects wear off? Is that wishful thinking or a possibility?

I saw Ashton Kutcher on Leno last night and I had to turn the channel. SNL had a skit with Demi dressed as an old lady, and I wanted to puke. It was NOT funny.

I was wondering at the ball game last night. If I send WW pictures of the kids, is there any effect to show the three of us in the picture without her, or just the boys? Will it register at all while she's with OM or ever?

Quote:
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... but it stings knowing the OM is getting over there to be with my wife!
=======================================

I am sorry. In reality, that woman is not your wife. She is an individual hell bent to get her fix. Even if she came back home right now, convicted and remorseful, you will never have that same marriage you had before. That marriage died due to betrayal. You can build a new one, even better than the old one, but there is little reason to let the steam roller run over you. If she were an alcoholic, and you where between her and her booze, then she would run over you to get to it.

Quote:
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It stings knowing I should tell my oldest son.
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That sucks for your son. He will never respect his mother the same way again, and there is no way to fix it. He also has a right to know what she is doing since it affects the whole family. You are not the only one she is betraying here. Those boys are in the line of fire too.

The thing is, this is her choice, her fault. She will have to live with the repercussions of her choices, no matter the outcome of your marriage. My mother ended up married 8+ times after she divorced my father. She never found what she was looking for.

Help your sons, they are grieving also.

All the best,
Gimble

Hi, Sleepless.

I don't want to answer for GentlSoul, but I do want to address these questions.

Quote:
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I don't want the entire world to know the affair, just a few key people. Right? In case there's recovery? Is it possible she could see what she had so that I look more attractive after the effects wear off? Is that wishful thinking or a possibility?
==============================

Your wife has to bear responsibility for her own actions. The consequences of what she has done will have to be addressed by her, and those consequences will fall on her shoulders for resolution.

You can't make it all better. That is one of the things that you can't do when you are in recovery. One of your future boundaries, will be to let your wife be responsible for her own messes. That is something that you must do. Whether it is 40 hours in jail, or paying $1,400 for a quickie ticket to Europe.

Quote:
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It may be better that she doesn't understand I cancelled the ticket.
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Why would you think that?

All the best,
Gimble

I'm not trying to protect her in this case. But I need to protect him and show him what can happen if he allows that behavior into his life.

That is a painful existence Gimble. I can see why you've been so adamant. Have you ever forgiven your mom?


I don't WANT the old marriage back and I told her so. My goal is to get her to rock bottom, like the alcoholic, so she can see the recovery. I had a girlfriend before my wife. We dated for almost two years. She broke up with me when we began to get pretty serious. No explanation, just gone. Hurt pretty bad then. I heard she met another guy and I moved on. Over a year later she called and wanted to talk to me. She came to my apartment and I had no desire to get back with her. But her face looked more relaxed, she had a hard time looking me in the eye. But after a 1/2 hour of catching up, she told me I was right. Love is a choice. She had to go through some counseling, but she eventually found she could be happy. She gave me a hug and wished me the best, and left. It reaffirmed me.

I hope my wife finds that. I can't help her do it. But I can be the lighthouse, and make sure the boys know what love is.

Your signature line is blank Gimble. Did you find love?

Hi, Sleepless.

I only reference my mother because she died chasing a feeling that she never possessed. It really is just an example of how people can get so tuned to how they feel, that they ignore the basic choices that they must make in life.

I left home at an early age, she divorced a while after I had moved away. My youngest brother was badly affected.

The reason I am so adamant is because much of the damage done to children is so very avoidable, not because I was hurt.

Quote:
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I hope my wife finds that. I can't help her do it. But I can be the lighthouse, and make sure the boys know what love is.
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And that is what I am talking about. Even in the midst of the storm, you protect your children, and more importantly, you include them in your life. You are still their protector and champion, but they are suffering too. You make sure that some of that suffering is shared between the three of you.

God bless,
Gimble

SNS,

I just want you to know that I've been following your thread and I think that your WW truly doesn't know what she's got.

I wish you all the best.

Cat

Thanks Gimble. We're going to go play pool tomorrow. I was thinking of getting a model rocket and putting it together for a Saturday afternoon launch.

Get Pizza and watch the Incredibles together.

You'll notice I haven't told WW that I know about her lies. I'm not worried about her trusting me right now by deceiving her with the lawyer. I sent her a folksy E-Mail today setting limits like I don't know he's there.



The lawyer told me not to talk about DS8 not heading back to Paris until she discovers we're not there when she gets back from her trip. I had originally agreed to be "nice", but I see no reason for the boys to suffer financially because of her selfish behavior.

I know how my wife got this way. Her mom and dad didn't explain what a healthy relationship is. I'm going to make sure I explain it to my sons. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW. I still don't trust her nor do I expect her to change.
She called me this morning and asked me what I'm going to do to her. She doesn't trust ME. Somebody is missing the point, and it's not me. I sent the above message after her call.


Stay TUNED.

Hi, Sleepless.

The rockets sound like fun. My daughter and I built quite a few together. There are still remnants of the survivors in the closet :-) They are great fun! A toy that both dad and son like, you can't beat that. It you haven't already, get lots of extra engines and igniters. We built some of the big ones, but we always tried to have at least 7 to 10 of the small A sized rockets just because you don't mind losing them so much.

Quote:
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She called me this morning and asked me what I'm going to do to her. She doesn't trust ME. Somebody is missing the point, and it's not me. I sent the above message after her call.
====================================

She has has plans of doing things to you. Think about it.

All the best,
Gimble