Thanks for the encouragement Mortar. I don't understand why it should be so hard for men like us to maintain custody of children, and teach them how to grow into healthy adults. In child custody, the affair SHOULD be considered in child custody. What values is society promoting otherwise. I feel legislation coming.....

I've got one Eagle Scout. I would like to develop one more if I can. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Here's to you dad!

Sleepless
so glad things seem to be going well.

If its ok to ask & not put you on the spot with any legal issue..... why does your lawyer assume its not good to expose to your WW workplace??
I understand you may not to at this stage but of course that may change and Harley says its important in the porcess to bring the affair to a end.
I take notice that your lawyer is an expert in the family court area so wondered if there was a legal reason or just experience that such actions may been seen by the Judge as a type of subtle coercion to get your way etc etc etc
Its seems such a EFFECTIVE tool to help end affairs & is always recommended so I just wondered.

Anyway on the home front A2 is being an [censored] and not doing as the docs told him, had to go to the local ER the other night because he over did it ....... why are these men so darn stubborn?? Well maybe if he wasnt he'd have kicked me out but still, I want a LIVE H & this new bubs needs a LIVE dad!

Anyway I really would like to read the post which says ..I have got DS8 ...& I am praying that you get that well deserved wish ans because right now its best for the little guy.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

My wife denied that she did any of things I accused her of. She claimed not to have a "lover", was not depressed, was not violent and had never hit me before. That was all in my letter to our friends that happened to be coworkers. She claimed I was just angry and vindictive over the breakup of our marriage. Also, not the case. I've been remarkably controlled and calm, until she kidnapped our son. Then I got a little pissy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Her lawyer threatened to hold me in contempt for notifying her superiors and trying to get her fired. On the contrary, I was trying to defend myself from her actions by notifying our friends of my side of the story. She followed up by stating in court documents that they were not friends, which was a surprise to them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I think the bottom line is that my lawyer doesn't want to upset my WW and her lawyer to make court negotiations civil and, therefore, less expensive.

Today I talked to DS8 again. He's still concerned that mommy won't be able to see him if he comes to Seattle. He also mentioned that mommy saw something really bad on the computer yesterday, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. Must have been something from her lawyer. I wished I could hold him in my lap and make it better. The rest of the call was about legos he's buying on E-bay, and how he wants to see me soon so we can play. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to spend the weekend cleaning up his room and getting rid of some clutter so it's an easier place to be. I think he needs some shelfs to display his trophies and models, like his big brother had. I've got to get a rocket launcher so we can launch some rockets too.

My big son says that mom is in counseling, and she seems to be better now that she doesn't have to deal with me. I told him that was good, but the reason she seems better is that she's in "control" again. Both sons are doing everything she says. I hope counseling will do her some good, but I'm not holding my breath. She would have to admit she had a problem first. Her previous counseling sessions shown her to be very defiant, and ultimately useless. We'll see. Only God can change hearts.

Where's the love people??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I fell to page 6.

I've been calling DS8 every day, but weekends. His nanny has been picking up the phone, and handing it over to him. He sounds excited to talk to me, and wants to know if I can come for father's day. How do I tell him I don't have the money because mommy is spending it all on restraining orders?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My folks flew out for the weekend to do a room upgrade for DS8. He's getting a new bunkbed with a futon on the bottom. A new desk, new computer for homework and reading games, a new lamp, new toy boxes (storing the little kid stuff), and getting shelves around his walls for trophies, airplane models and rockets! I'm even wiring a light for his closet (1906 house didn't even have plugs in his room in the beginning). He said mom is coming home from work earlier now. But he still doesn't have anyone to play with, so he hopes I'll come over to play with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> This is just killing me.

DS18 is coming home today for the first time since he filed a deposition against me. He'll be here all week, and then head back to Europe to be with mom. I understand a friend heard WW tell DS18 he's her favorite. What a [email]B@#$%~[/email] to manipulate the kids emotions like that.

Mom's painting baseboards now. I'm going to polyurethane the wood floors with a couple of extra coats, and then wire a light.

I've got great family and friend support all the way around. Feeling loved!!

Hopefully the DS18 reunion will go well! No trust, just talk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Awwww, it's everybody else's fault, the situation your W is in, isn't it now?

Lie, lie, lie. Watch her lie. I wonder what the next will be.

I hope your son loves his room. Super cool.

GC

Hi, Sleepless!

Oh, c'mon, page 6 isn't that bad! I just didn't want to keep threadjacking you until you posted (but I was tempted, LOL).

Your DS8's room sounds great. I bet he'll love it. Your house was built in 1906?! My house was built in 1990 and it's falling apart. They don't build them like they used to, I guess.

I'm sorry you won't see your younger son for Father's Day. But hey, you can make any day Father's Day, right? Why don't you switch Father's Day until the day he comes back? That will truly be a day to celebrate!

I don't want to threadjack (too much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />), but at least it sounds like your son wants to be with you on Father's Day. My kids both have made plans with friends for Father's Day weekend, and it's WH's weekend to have them. He has to give the kids final permission, and he hasn't given them a definite answer yet, but they both really want to be with their friends (and they're mad at WH).

I hope things go well with your older son. Your WW has sure played a mind game with him.

That's one thing I can be thankful for, at least my WH hasn't tried to turn the kids against me (not yet anyway). He may have threatened not to financially support them, but he treats them well when he has them.

Adultery sucks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hi Sleepless.

Quote:
=========================
Where's the love people??? I fell to page 6.
=========================

Did you need a bit of attention? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am glad that you are getting good support from your folks. I can imagine what your father is thinking.

The waiting part is sometimes the toughest part of the fix.

One thing is for certain, your wife's ability to manipulate is going to expire soon enough.

For future research purposes, is this a long running character issue, or did it get exposed with the change in her entitlement? Did you marry her knowing this? Don't answer if it upsets you too much.

God bless,
Gimble

Doesn't upset me at all G. Excellent question.

When we met she had intermittent tempers, but not of this magnitude, and never physical. She seemed to be uptight, but my calm always seemed to balance.

My standard personality has always been very low maintenance. I can have fun sitting in a mall people watching. But later when things came up that did bother me, and I objected, that's when the temper flared. She didn't need to manipulate me or DS18 (when he was 8) because we were pretty easy. When DS18 hit 10 years old, he began to "push back" verbally, that earned him some outbursts, both verbal and physical... and I don't mean spankings. I intervened by re-directing the fire to me an objecting to her behavior, both verbal and physical.

Much of the time things were good, but over time her emotions detiorated into more verbal commands and control. Not much fun. At that time I had a DS12 and DS2. What to do. Let's try counseling! That didn't work. She was very resistant. I was glad to discuss my behavior and look for ways to improve, she was NOT. She was actually defiant.

My choices as I saw them, divorce, counseling again, increased interaction with my wife to seek personal remedies, and after awhile, problem avoidance. I couldn't leave the boys with her in a divorce, counseling didn't work, nor did self help books I tried to share. Damage control seemed to be the only option until an "opportunity" arose. It may be the OM19 was the opportunity God presented me. Now, she's in counseling in Europe. Will any good come of it? Who knows. Her window of opportunity is closing with me.

The short answer is, I didn't observe, or perceive the manipulation initially. However, I slowly clued in, but couldn't think what to do about it. She's always seemed to be strong on the outside, but insecure on the inside. I thought our strengths and weaknesses would be complimentary. Besides, she was hot, she liked camping, football, wine tasting, old houses, British cars, great cook....It was Dopamine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

God Bless you too Gimble.

I'm always threadjacking you! I was starting to feel guilty <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I saw you said they could go with their friends on YOUR weekend. It must be nice to have WH do all your work for you. Like turning the kids against him! He's sounding clingy.



Maybe. But the plumbing and wiring is less than two years old. I replaced it! The structure is rock solid though. Plaster walls. I think DS8's room will be pretty cool, but DS18 better not get pissy about it. I'll have to remind him of everything he has.

Adultery sucks!! So do parents who don't nurture and love their daughters, or protect them from sexual predators, and then treat the abuse like it's no big deal like my IN LAWS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Graycloud. The ability to deny responsibility is staggering! If I wasn't watching it, I would have thought it couldn't happen. Will she keep telling lies until she doesn't know the truth anymore. Can DS18 be diverted back onto the path of truth?

DS8's room should be super cool. Plus we found some good deal at IKEA today. Mom and dad bought this really cool futon mattress for under his bed. Futon Bunk

I remember getting bunk beds when I was his age. It was sooo cool.

Sleepless

DS18 came home last night for the first time since it got really ugly. He wasn't really talkative today, but he was fine with coming into my room to look for socks. We talked a little about fixing the water pump on his car. He hung out with his H.S. friends most of the day. There are about 5 of them downstairs hanging out.... just like old times.
Hopefully he'll be more talkative as the week progresses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

The walls and closet in DS8's room are painted and the shelves for his rockets and trophies are up along the ceiling, and tomorrow it will get some touch up paint on the walls and a fresh coat of polyurethane on the floors.
Of course all of the contens of the room are in the hallway. DS18 wondered what the heck was going on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I'm sure WW will find out tonight when he E-Mails her.

I finished the suspension on the MGB today. Only a few busted knuckles, and much nicer to drive! It's almost as good as a punching bag Gimble!

Tomorrow I'll wire a light for both boy's closets, and the downstairs hall.

WW was trying to IM DS18 on my computer earlier. I resisted the temptation to say something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I need to have a discussion with DS18 about picking mom's side in the court case, and what the boundaries are going to be.
Probably tomorrow.

Hi, Sleepless.

I'm really tired and I don't have anything interesting to say, but I wanted to wish you a good visit with your DS18. I'm sure you'll find a way to get him to open up, after he settles in. Looking for socks is always a great ice-breaker, LOL.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
==========================
I need to have a discussion with DS18 about picking mom's side in the court case, and what the boundaries are going to be.
Probably tomorrow.
==========================

Be careful with this. It may very well bite you in the butt. My opinion is that you shouldn't coach him or try to teach him. Right now, he is not very teachable.

Here is the part you won't like. Let your lawyers have at him. He is 18, and legally responsible for his actions. Let him face his responsibility. I think you are shooting yourself in the foot by protecting him when he is lying. He IS going to try and 'protect' his mother, even if it means lying. Don't you make the same mistake by protecting him by exclusion. He made the choice to get involved. He gets to eat it. That is part of being an adult.

God bless,
Gimble

Actually, I think we're on the same page. I'm not going to try and teach him. I'm going to explain his actions have built a short wall between us. I'm here for some things, but not for others. I won't be doing things for him anymore. He's not going to have the same priveleges in the house. I'm not going to help him with his car, buy him gas or plane tickets, etc. The court will deal with him, I hope they explain the ramifications of his action and that WW's lawyer is held somewhat culpable for allowing his testimony to even be submitted. Her lawyer didn't even read WW's friends statements! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

He's not getting anymore protection from me. I can't protect him anymore either. But I think I need to clear that up for him. He needs to know I was very close to changing the locks on the house.

DS18 worked on his water pump today. He had problems and asked for help. I directed him, but did not help.

His Ex-GF is giving him trouble. He thought my parents are getting a divorce, I don't need this trouble."

I coached him on that too.

The conversations are progressing.

DS8 missed me today and can't wait for me to get him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Okay, Sleepless, where's that update? Hmmmmm (tapping foot)?<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I'll go ahead and bump you up to page 1. I know how you don't like to fall to the nether pages. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry! Been busy with grumpy airline pilots. Here's the update. I found airline tickets for the psychologist going over to talk to WW and son for next week. Only $1500 on top of the $8000 fee. Adultery sucks!!

My lawyer also let me know. Drum roll! WW's lawyer is still going to file contempt charges against me for sending the E-Mail about my side of the story to our friends that are her co-workers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Yes it's true. WW and her lawyer are mad that I let her secret out to our friends who are also some of her coworkers. They don't seem to care that the rumors they spread about me could affect MY career, and that I merely responded to one of their inquiries. I guess I'm not worried about getting in trouble, but it's a bunch more money just to respond. I know most of the people I sent it to will respond, "Yes, Sleepless is our friend. We're sorry to hear about the turmoil in their lives. We hope DS8 is taken care of." Yes, I'm in the twilight zone now. I get the feeling that either WW's lawyer doesn't know what she's doing, or she does, and she's simply building up her summer vacation fund!!

Good grief!

DS18 and I talked about not talking. I essentially said that WW's lawyer would file a restraining order against me if we talked about the divorce because it upsets mom.

Oh, really? he asked. You mean we can't talk at all?

No, just about the divorce.

Oh and by the way this is really expensive.

Oh. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> He was really surprised.

Fortunately he's really opened up.

Sorry about the late post Pebbles. How was the beach?

I just put a second coat of polyurethane on DS8's floors. The bunkbed was delivered today. It's mostly together, just a few more rails. The manufacturer had some quality control issues with the drilled holes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Engineering pet peeve. It looks really good though.

DS18 is in the house hanging out with some of his old BoyScout friends. He seems to be relaxing a bit. He'll be in Europe for all of July, but back in August for his second school year. I told him tonight I wanted him to call one of our friends to vent a little bit about mom and I. I also said we could hook him up with a counselor when he comes back in August if he would prefer. He was listening, but not commital.

But getting back to my last post. Has ANYONE had a contempt charge filed against them for notifying their friends of a course of events to expose an affair??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That wasn't part of Plan A!

My WH threatened to sue me when I began telling his Catholic school about his affair with a fellow Catholic teacher.

First, surely it's not contempt, or slander (in my case) but spreading the joy? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And second, it's true, ain't it? What's to complain/sue about?

Alph.

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
==============================
But getting back to my last post. Has ANYONE had a contempt charge filed against them for notifying their friends of a course of events to expose an affair???
==============================

I can't tell you what the legal ramifications are, other than if your wayward wife's lawyer keeps throwing unsubstantiated crap in front of the judge, things could go very well for you indeed.

Your son's room sounds great. I'm sure he will think it is super cool :-)

God bless,
Gimble