I think somewhere between your suggestion and Kayla Andy lies the truth. Consequences DO come with your actions. Assistance from dad beyond food and shelter comes when there is no more betrayal.

Thanks G girl



Let me paint a more detailed picture of S18. WW became pregnant her Freshman year in college. The sperm donor never knew he was a father. WW raised him on her own, and calls him her gift from God. S18 made her realize that she had to take care of this child, and turned her failing GPA to an Tau Beta Pi honor role engineer. Along with her strong will comes a strong need to control her surroundings. WW and S18 have a very strong bond that cannot exist with S8. S18 is hers alone in her mind. During his growth, he only wanted love from WW, yet she has always been very critical. Seems like nothing is good enough sometimes, while other times she CAN be compassionate. However, she abandoned him when she took the post in Europe because "she was selfish." S18's mental turmoil from the desire to be loved by his mom is intense. He feels like DS8 has taken his place, and WW and I are not as strict with DS8. If I could read S18's mind, he's thinking, "If I do this she'll love me. If I do this one more thing, she'll love me." That's NOT how love should be. I need to model a better behavior than that. Once I recognize the betrayal, he needs to know it's NOT OK. That doesn't mean I can't offer forgiveness when he returns repentant (seems to be a theme tonight)... which he does until mom asks for another "favor".

Grape Girl, you're close. Gimble you are too. It's difficult to punish a person when the threat of retribution from your mother must be weighed against the little actions of stretching the truth in court papers, and deleting files he rationalizes are already submitted in court. Guilt is a consequence too.

God Bless everyone who's in pain and is struggling. Go out this weekend and celebrate the Independence of our country, the life you've been given, and the blessings you have.

BTW. Here's what I did write.



He's still sharing with me. He knows he can count on me. I just need to protect myself from WW.

Hi, Sleepless.

So, today is the big day, right?

God bless,
Gimble

I flew out to DC on the 29th and hung out with a good friend. The next day I got to Dulles at about 10:30 a.m. and began reading, pacing, etc. waiting for DS8's 12:30 flight which was then delayed to 1:10. But at about 2:00 this big 8 year old smile came running out of Customs and jumped up and gave me a big hug. He apologized for not leaving a note on Mother's day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I told him that was mom's job. WW packed some clothes, but no baseball glove, no toothbrush, no swimsuit.... Either WW is getting scattered in her current state, or she just doesn't care. We called mom as soon as we got to our next flight. DS8 says mom is really sad. He also blurted out that he wants to go back to Paris to learn French, and mom will come back after her two year assignment is up. I told him that wasn't our decision anymore, and we would just have to wait and see. He would talk about a few things, and then say, "Dad, I want to change the subject." I said we can talk about anything he wants whenever he wants.

I asked him if he liked the lady from our hometown. He said she was really nice. I said she would visit us at our house too. He asked, "Do I need to be on my best behavior when she comes?" I said you should just behave like you always do because you're such a nice boy.... and he is.

He also told me all sorts of things WW is doing. She's going to coach a baseball team at his school that she's going to start <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. She's also signing him up for Cub Scouts. She bought him a new bicycle and kept all of his toys in Europe with her, which was another reason he mentioned he wanted to go back to Europe. I told him his toys would be wherever he is.

After 4 hours of flight delays we made it to Chicago last night. DS8 fell asleep on the way and I just carried him right to bed. Unfortunately he woke up at 4:00 a.m. and couldn't sleep anymore! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I told him dad wasn't done yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Right now he's playing with his 6 year old cousin and holding his new 2 month old little cousin. He's having a great time. Tomorrow we drive to Lake Michigan and Sunday we go downtown Chicago.

I've stopped clenching my teeth now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WW called twice yesterday, and sounded tense. DS8 said mom was going to a therapist. I told him I thought that was GREAT. Mom needs to find out how to be happy. Right now WW isn't going to a therapist because the therapist is on vacation and has too many clients. (No surprise in Europe). Maybe there's a chance for her. We'll see.

Sleepless

Hi, Sleepless.

It sounds like you can relax and enjoy your time with your son now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It does sound like your WW is a bit frazzled. No toothbrush?

Gotta love kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He sounds like a sweetie.

I was hoping you'd check in with us. Have a great time!

Hi, Sleepless.

I am glad that your son is home. Good times.

Don't worry about your wife for a while. let her do whatever it is she does. You concentrate on re-connecting with your son :-)

What about those rockets?

God bless,
Gimble

What a weekend! Three hours of boogie boarding in Lake Michigan's 2' waves, playing in the sand, and sleeping at my sister's 1930 cottage with DS8's two younger cousins! Then we drove downtown Chicago with Grandma and Grandpa to stay in a neat hotel, swim in the pool on the 40th floor, take a sauna for the first time, and watch the fireworks off of Grant Park. The other really cool thing was taking a shower in a room where one wall was entirely glass and looked out onto Lake Shore Drive and the Lake. DS8 wasn't phased at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Heck, we were on the 40th floor, who could see!

Yesterday we flew home to catch the fireworks at our friend's house and celebrate her 36th birthday. When we walked out of baggage claim toward the car, DS8 looked up at me and said, "Dad, you have no idea how could it is to be home!" Just music to my ears. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He's been surrounded by people who love him, since he got off the plane in DC. He thinks his bunk bed is cool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> But WW seems sad that the bed we built him has been dismantled and moved to the basement. She's been texting me to try and catch up with him. I texted her today that she can call him between 6 and 10p.m. on weekdays. That would be 3a.m. to 7:00 a.m. her time. She can work at calling him at the appropriate times now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I, of course, make sure he is available during that time, unlike her making DS8 available to me.

Tomorrow is my first two hour psych eval with the Parenting Evaluator. DS8 is going for a three hour eval at the Sylvan learning center to figure out where he's at.

I did learn from DS8 that WW is going to start a baseball team for next season, sign him up for Cub Scouts, get him a cat.... It's nice to see she's become interested in him now! I guess that's not entirely fair, but she sure let her career and her 19 year old boy toy get in the way. I'm not really jealous, just really disappointed. She told DS8 that he should come back to Europe through next year, and then she'll cut her tour short to two years, and then move back home. But then, it's still all about her. Doing what makes her life better, not her family's.

I still need to work out my Plan B letter, but I think I'll put that off for a little while.



It's rambling, but oh well. Off to bed.

Pebbles! How was SFO? Did you eat Dungeness Crab on the Pier? Gimble. No rockets yet, it's raining! It's a nice gentle warm rain though.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Busy week this week. My mom was out here taking care of DS8. WW calls DS8 every day. I heard her today telling him, "I can't wait until you're back in Europe." DS8 said, "Me too mom." When I asked him if he really couldn't wait to go back, he told me,"Dad, I don't want to hurt her feelings." I told him not to worry because the evaluator would make the decision for us. He also reminded me that everything will work out in the end because God has a plan. (Thanks for the reminder Lord) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I told him that God certainly did have a plan, and all I could do was what I believe is the right thing, but we'll have to wait and see how things turn out.

So this week I had a 3 hour test of my personality. 720 questions like, T or F, "I am energized when surrounded by friends." "I often think about killing myself." "So called, 'Illegal' drugs have caused problems in my life." Each question was asked about 3 different ways to see if you change your mind. This was followed the next day by a 2 hour interview by the psychologist. "What was your relationship with your father, your mother, your sister? Describe the history with your WW. I think that went well. Plus I get to come back next Thursday, and she visits my house on Friday.

I've spent every night with DS8. We built a Lego Star Wars Turbo Tank. He tells me he loves me almost every day. We've played some great video games. He started at the local Sylvan Learning center to improve his reading which has REALLY fallen behind. Yes, the psychologist got a copy of the Sylvan evaluation. He really likes it there.

Today we went to see the Fantastic 4 with his buddy. He's downstairs now with his friend, who is sleeping over tonight.

WW calls every day. She wants me to buy her a plane ticket with my benefits so she can fly back this summer. I'm not sure if I should. Her lawyer filed paperwork for another restraining order (I don't know what for). She also stated in the financial paperwork that I was recklessly spending money by redecorating the house. That was my parents purchasing DS8 a new bunk bed, dresser and desk! I've been paying for lawyers, psychologists, and food. WW has been buying OM19 $2000 worth of plane tickets!! She also claims that she needs $1200/ month for JUST FOOD to feed three people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I'm frivolous?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

DS8 said he knows that either mom's or my heart will be broken no matter where he goes. I told him it wasn't his decision to make, and not to worry about that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

My 8 year old son is pretty damn resilient. Anybody else's kids showing them the ropes??

Today life is good. I have hope that DS8 will be here for the Fall. I have hope that WW's bubble will burst, and she'll think about her kids, and not herself. I know I can't take her back the way she is. It's nice to see my family and friends again. WW could never tolerate spending time with them. She was apparently too insecure.

They can brainwash POWs into turning on their country and family, can't you brainwash psycho wayward spouses? We can put up a space station but not rewire brains??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Your son is a very wise young man. Bless his little heart. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like...fun? I'm sure you did well.

Wow! What has she been eating? I could feed my present-sized household of three (which includes one teenaged boy) for almost three months with that much money!

It just breaks my heart that kids have to be stuck in the middle of all this mess left from an affair. No child should have to worry about his/her parents' hearts being broken or wonder where he/she will live. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Threadjack warning: My 13-year-old son told me a fib today about something silly. My 9-year-old daughter told him, "Don't you dare lie to Mom. She's been lied to enough." I had to take several deep breaths to keep my composure. Kids are so much more aware than people think.

Enjoy your time with your family and friends. You deserve some normalcy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Try to forget about the psycho alien brainwashed WW for awhile (good advice coming from me, hmmm? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />).

Hi, Sleepless.

The test is a standard. It sounds like the "Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2" MMPI-2. Goggle it for a description. I bet you did fine.

I bet your wife didn't do so hot with it.

If your wife does have her lawyer file another frivolous restraining order, then that is a good thing, because the judge is going to get really ticked off at her and her lawyer. This is also a good thing. Sucks for you for a little while.

Please don't buy your wife anything, especially a plane ticket. If you don't agree, just ask your lawyer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Right now, I can't imagine the devastation to your son, with both parents in the same house.

Sleepless, your wife has popped a fuse. I am really surprised that she hasn't lost her job yet. I expected that to happen weeks ago. If she is working under contract, I wouldn't expect it to be renewed. That might not be fun for you, but it might very well be the start of her 'wake-up' phone call. In much the same way as Pebbles' hubby, she really needs to get dragged on the bottom for a while until her entitlement wanes. Nothing like hard times to break someone's not so hard-earned entitlement.

I'm glad your son is home with you.

God bless,
Gimble

AHHHH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You even know the name of the damn thing!! You are just full of surprises my friend. I got the MMPI-3 too. One of those questions had me laughing for quite a while. T or F, "You have not seen a car in 10 years." I got stuck on that one for about 10 minutes looking for the trick question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

How does the test catch a person with nutso tendencies. Like the thoughts of suicide. The unhappy thoughts. Do people just tell the truth on those things?


I could care LESS about a restraining order. DS8 is here and I'm thinking the judge will get ticked off too. My lawyer said, it'll be too expensive to fight it, let's just order one for her too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Cool! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


No, I agree. I was just looking for anyone to give a reason why I should. I was thinking it was mutual money at first, but then realized it's her expense.

[quote] I am really surprised that she hasn't lost her job yet. I expected that to happen weeks ago. If she is working under contract, I wouldn't expect it to be renewed. /quote]
She's been telling DS8 that she'll only be there until her first two year stint is up in April 2006 and then be back locally. (I kind of like her over there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />) I sense she's been exposed to some unpleasant realities. She sounds kinda normal on the phone with DS8, so that's good for him. He hangs up and says, "mom sounds fine!" It's like he's relieved. I'm glad she's learning to protect him a little.

I'm hoping the court will award me custody and require she pay child support for his daycare and Sylvan Center after the assets are split. The parenting evaluator seemed pleasantly aware of Sylvan, and is expecting the evaluation.

God Bless you too Gimble.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Here is a link for you discussing parental alienation syndrome and the MMPI-2.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-siegel.htm

Gimble

Thanks for the link Gimble. I'll absorb that tomorrow morning.

Big news today. For those who have followed the thread since the alien abducted my DS8 to Europe with a restraining order..... two women helped WW with the abduction. Today I ran across one of their husband's. He is also the father of the nanny that replaced the OM19. (I AM writing a book!) He was really happy to see me and talked about the stress his daughter was under, but how she really bonded with DS8. He explained that his wife like to take the woman's side on these things, but he and his daughter thought DS8 would be better off in U.S. too. WELL DUH!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I tried to explain a little of my side, but he was like Sgt. Schultz! I know NOTHING.... NOTHING!.

Then I got an E-Mail from the alien.



This one is like something out of Psycho! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
YIKES!

Plan B letter - I love you dear, but since you were converted into a cyborg and all of your emotions were sucked out of you, I just can't continue this relation ship anymore. The kids and I are entering the witness protection program. Good luck with the shock therapy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BTW. I've got friends 1200 miles away who threatened to beat the crap out of me if I agree to reconcile. I'm really concerned for the boys now too. I told her I would send a ticket if she sent money to my checking account. The money never showed. She wants to visit with DS8 the four days before the trial date. She abducted him once, why not again???! And yes, the taxes are taken care of.

I'm not even sure she counts as a WW anymore.... Comments? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
=============
Comments?
=============

Is your son's passport in a real place of safety?

Gimble

No, but it will be. The problem I have is that she has a second Diplomatic passport for him. She could use that one to get him out of the country too.

WW called tonight again at 10:30 pm. I asked her why she was calling so late. She argued that she had unlimited phonecalls, and I reminded her it was after 10:00 and DS8 was asleep. She hung up.... but then called back a minute later. I told her I would wake him up this time, and did. I could hear her voice in the quiet room. She really misses DS8. She said it was really going to be hard like this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Well NO S#*T! She sounds frantic on the phone. She seems to know she won't see him for awhile. I told her I know it's hard to call with the time change, and I had the same problem getting a hold of him over there. She offered that I could call her cel phone, but I told her I didn't want to talk to her, I wanted to talk to him.

I need a plan B letter right now!!!

Come on Gimble.... Mr. voice of reason. Now I'm confused. Do I send the Plan B letter letting her think there's hope if she straightens out. I forgive most things, but she's done some CRAZY stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Do I try to explain my point of view now??? Is she out of the fog, or trying to justify her position still? In court she's still playing dirty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I'm plagued by a girlfriend I had before WW. She broke up (I was mid 20s) because of her intimacy problems. A year later she came back to me to talk. She had found had a new boyfriend and had been to a lot of counseling. She just wanted to see me and tell me "You were right. Love is a decision. You were right about love and being happy in a relationship." She's married with three kids and doing great. Could it happen again? Did God mean for me to do this twice or am I just a screw up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

If I give up now, I risk sentencing my son's to having divorced parents. If I hang on to long, I risk the boys believing that it's OK for your wife to treat you this way.

Gimble, for once, I'm asking for advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
How do I word a Plan B letter here?

Hi, Sleepless.

Advice. Okay. No Plan B until the situation with your son and the evaluator is finished.

You can't afford to play any games with your wayward wife right now. She is dangerous. Really, and you know it.

You already knew what I would say when you asked. I do think that you should get the Plan B letter ready. You may not need it though.

I think you are going to be surprised with the courts decision, in a good way.

Other than that, I think you should coast. Stop worrying about old girlfriends that learned civility at your expense. Even if this marriage fails, you have grown and learned and dealt with your issues. You won't make the same mistake in a woman again. If it comes to it, the third time will be the charm.

Keep it calm and cool, Sleepless. Be a good father and hero to your son. Be strong WITH your wayward wife. She needs your strength. Don't be a doormat, for any reason. You know the drill.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I think you should have not let her talk to you or your son after the hang-up. Demand civility from her. Basic respect. "Wife, you will either deal in a respectful manner with me, or you will not deal at all. Do you understand?"

The longer she is this way, the higher the stakes for her return to the marriage, Sleepless.

Consequences.

God bless,
Gimble

Ditto Gimble - and when you do send Plan B letter, be sure that you have cleared it with your attorney. No correspondence with the cobra without clearing correspondence won't come back to bite you.

Hi Sleepless,
I've been away for a while I'm glad DS8 is home with you now. Good luck with your evaluator.

Gimble gives great advice take.

God bless

I'm back. Your right Gimble. My instinct was that Plan B letter was for after the divorce, but I wanted to make sure.



Thanks for the confidence Gimble. I'll be happy if I can teach my son's not to follow in my footsteps. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
Somehow, I still feel like an idiot if I think about it. I've only got 30 more productive years left, and I would hate to waste them with another nutcase.



I think I've avoided the doormat drill. It's more powerful to ignore someone than to lash out in anger. I simply choose to remain silent to her attacks. Regarding the late phonecall. I'm still a little lax. I gave her a warning, and let her talk that night. For the last three days since, she's called promptly at 9:00 PM our time.



I leave out the 'Do you unerstand?' and just hang up. It riled her pretty well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hah! The bar is very high for her return. She'll get a list. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />