I'm passing the verbal poison onto the parenting evaluator directly. It's cheaper than the lawyer! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Take care of yourself too Gimble. Your attention on the numerous threads is very important, but you need to take time for your own crises. Hope it's not too serious.

Hiya O Girl!



All the more reason to comment. We can lean on each other since we appear to be in the same boat.



My wife has only begun calling to speak with me recently. Sounds like she wants to save some money. If you missed it, her lawyer has a listing on the internet for her kennel and award winning German Shepherds. Nothing about lawyer stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

STBXWW wants to change the division of assets or just sell everything. Hmmm. No skin off her nose though. She still thinks that she can justify abducting our son out of the country and filing a restraining order against me. She STILL doesn't get it.


Does your husband know my wife? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She always talked about work we had to do. Just getting her to the zoo was a challenge. Now she wants to get DS8 a cat, she got him a new bike for Europe. All these things.



I remember when S18 was 8. We had a blast too. Little league, camping, Disneyland.... Now he thinks I'm evil. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Okay, just for that, you get a threadjack! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I can't be guilted because I am too tired. I am living on 3 hours of sleep after my son's overnight party. My eyeballs feel like cornflakes. Those 6 boys went through 2 large pizzas, 2 bunches of grapes, 3 large bags of chips, a dozen eggs, 22 pieces of bacon, an entire loaf of bread, enough fruit and juice to make 6 smoothies, and countless beverages. But...they had a good time. That's what matters. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm with O-girl, use that answering machine! I love my caller ID and answering machine. They help me avoid those pesky telemarketer and MIL calls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Remember what you told me on my thread: things will get better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oy!

My WH also increased his e-mail quota when I didn't just lay down and say "OK" to everything he proposed and went for a "second opinion" with a new Lawyer instead of our Mediator.That is why we are now having so much trouble.He expected me,foolishly,to accept all his offers but not only were they unfair but unreasonable too.We did have things settled at one point but then he changed his tune and thus,here we are.

You're WW's lawyer sounds like a winner.More interested in her doggies than litigation.Hmmm.Could be good for you! I have also heard of other women getting restraining orders on their spouse to make them look bad and also create more difficulty.And just like you said,our mutual friend who has 3 sons 15 and under had a WW who "turned" the oldest against their Dad.Then she took the kids to live with her parents in another state and it was a big mess.The things some people will do to force their way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry your son thinks you are "evil". In time,as he grows,I do think he will see things more clearly and realize you aren't the monster your WW is portraying you to be.He is being brainwashed and is probably more attentive to your WW,perhaps,being the woman(Mom) and him wanting to protect her.I don't know.

You hang in there now and just keep living life with integrity and strength.One day,there will be no children to argue over as they grow and move out and what they will remember was how you acted with them and that you were there for them.As much as I do not talk about my WH to the girls(rarely),I can already see an appreciation from them that I am here going to all their school plays,making them their meals and being here to comfort them and tuck them in to bed every night,etc and not bad mouthing their Dad.There is a big difference to being a "part time Dad" out of necessity like shared parenting and being that by choice,as in my WH's case.

You sound like a devoted Dad sleepless and you do sound much better than in previous months.Keep up the good "work".I'll check in again soon~ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

Once he learns the truth, this will change. I know it hurts, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add an aside to Gimble: I hope everything's okay.

Whoa Whoa Whoa!!! Let's stop right there. SIX boys?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> What's wrong with you??? You obviously didn't have backup. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> That makes you INSANE!! Three boys at one time (for a sleep over) is the usually the limit. Four is acceptable given the right boys, but HOLY COW!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thatta girl. Let it all out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Up until the "abduction" on Mother's day, I had been working with Steve Harley and WW to resolve issues. About two weeks before Mother's day, SH told me to protect DS8 and myself. Now I did take DS8 to Montana instead of France as I had told STBXWW (just in case she freaked at the new plan), but when I returned to explain my plan to have DS8 finish the school year in Seattle, she could not be reached. At that time I hired a lawyer to fill out a revised parenting plan for WW and myself. She insisted on doing it ourselves, and it was certainly not all correct. I figured if she's not going to come around I don't want to extend this ordeal on a technicality, so I sprung for the lawyer. WW discovered I had been in contact with a lawyer, and went off the deep end. The only thing I changed at the time was to send DS8 to France for the summer after school was out. When she refused to discuss the changes on two different phone calls and filed a restraining order. She took our son out of the country against my will, lied to the police and our friends, it pissed me off. I changed the agreement to have all custody with me. WW needed psychiatric and psychological counseling. Visitation could be in Seattle and not leave the county. We split assets 50/50, not 55/45 as she worked out in her warped mind. She can pay child support and do all the commuting from France to Seattle now.

When she got my response to the restraining order, she was actually surprised. She broke her silence and called me. Her exact words were, "but I thought we agreed to have DS8 continue school in France and you would fly over every two weeks." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That's when I knew.... her brain was on the mother ship!



You do the same. It's easier to look yourself in the mirror. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Someday though, when the kids are OK, I would like to share my life with a nice woman who cares about me as much as I care about her. If it's a reforemed STBXWW, fine. If not, I would like to find someone else. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sylvan gave report on DS8 today that his reading has progressed rapidly ahead, and is almost up to 2nd grade level. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> So we ate dinner, and then rode bikes to 7-11 for icecream.

When we got back, he was watching cartoons, and called me inside to tell me "there's a company advertising that helps you get back together after you're divorced." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Really? I'm kind of working with a similar company.

The parenting evaluator is done, and needs $350 from me to finish the report and have the lawyer conference. I'll write the check tomorrow! Then, I have to find money for the attorney <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!

Stupid Aliens!!

Hi, Sleepless.

That is great news about your son's reading improvement! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Reading is so important, especially as children enter the upper elementary grades (4-6) where they are expected to read to learn. Your son definitely earned his ice cream reward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think the only people happy after a divorce are the lawyers. They make tons of money and don't have to suffer the emotional upheaval. I found my lawyer through a prepaid legal plan (provided by my parents) and she only gets half her usual hourly fee. It's still a lot more than I can afford. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Yes, stupid, stupid, stupid aliens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I've been following your posts all along, and when I went through Paris seven and a half weeks ago, I thought of your little boy missing you, but I am so extremely proud and amazed by your actions. Reading your posts have been encouraging and fun and powerful. Keep up the amazing job!

Wow GellnJen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />



You sure know how to make a guy feel good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />. When you're in the middle of it, you don't always feel so sure you're doing the right thing. Of course all of my posts are from my perspective, but I try to be even handed in my descriptions. Being deceptive to an anonymous post would defeat the purpose I think, so you're getting the real story.

When I hear my STBXWW on the phone trying to sound reasonable and calm, but then degrading into, "But you did...." I feel a little childish hanging up on her. But I just don't want to get into that kind of argument. If she's not mature enough to take responsibility for what she's done, then she's not worth talking to. I've looked really hard to see where I have made mistakes. The only one I can come up with is taking DS8 out of town instead of telling her right then, that he wasn't going back with her. I don't know if I wanted to avoid the confrontation with her, or what I think I believe, was to protect DS8 from the confrontation. I don't want him to believe he can't have a happy marriage when he grows up. I still believe he can. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Someone tell me I'm not a sucker!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

"Someone tell me I'm not a sucker!!"


Ok Mate shall do....you're not a sucker just a bloody hard worker trying to keep his family safe.

I'm waiting for your WW to hit the wall ........ maybe, just maybe if she loses DS8 for a while it may begin.

can't help but think your little guy feels confused being pushed from pillar to post by the maneuvers of WW ....hope for his sake it all ends very soon in your favour.

I hope you notice it took 12 hours for somebody to bite. Aussi seems to be the only optimist left on the board.

I read your thread - still not all of them (it might take days...), but how have you survived all of these dramas! Your DS18's critiques must hurt. But you have managed to remain calm, that's just great. He will know the truth eventually.

Your STXWW sounds in some way similar to my H. H told me several times that D is the only way and maybe after that we might get back together. SOUNDS GREAT!

You can teach your little boy that he can have a happy marriage. I hope I can do the same for my little one.

Hi, Sleepless.

Yep, it's all going in one ear and out the other at this point. Why subject yourself to that? As one of my son's teachers used to say, she's hearing, but she's not listening.

Optimistic and hopeful, yes. Sucker, definitely not.

I'm hoping there is some pain for her there too. Something to lift the veil of justification that she's done the right thing. I don't believe she's seeing the 19 year old anymore, but I'm not sure where her emotions lie. She told DS8 that she just wants to get this all behind her so we can move on with our lives. DS8 was really happy for awhile, so I asked him what he thought that meant. "I think mom wants to fix all of this so we can all live together again!" I told him, I think mom just wants to finish the divorce so she can have her own life, but we'll have to see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />




While the parenting evaluator can't say anything for one side or the other, she did send me a message yesterday for one additional contact to speak with our family doctor about WW's resistance to treating her mood swings/temper. I took that as a VERY positive sign. So hopefully she'll contact our doctor today or tomorrow about the medication he had prescribed and the tests he had done, and was waiting to do.

August 18th is the big date for DS8, Dad, and WW. S18 will find some resolution too I hope.

Hey Milkshake. Sorry I haven't kept up with your drama. How do I remain calm? When there is such a difference between her behavior and what I would label "normal" it's easy not to let her abherant behavior affect me. When she starts to accuse and blame on the phone, I don't wait to get mad, I just end the conversation. I think being in separate countries makes it easier on me, and harder on her.

When I tell our friends that WW wants a divorce before we can try to get back together again, I've always gotten a very puzzled look, followed by a "your joking right" look. All of our friends are concerned for DS8, S18 and me, but also for her.



You will do the same for your little one, and I will too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.

Are you planning on any rocket-launching trips this weekend with DS8???? If so, bombs away! Who cares what your wife thinks--YOU are doing the right thing, therefore it no longer matters what she or anyone else thinks! I find that liberating in my own situation, knowing that I am doing the right thing. Cheers, and have a great weekend!

Thanks Gellnjen. This weekend we're flying to Chicago area to visit my sister and her family, plus my parents. They'll pick us up at the airport, and we'll drive around to spend the weekend at the Michigan Dunes. Playing in the lake. Boogie boarding. Enjoying the fresh fruit, and bakeries around the beach communities. VERY RELAXING. My parents and sister wanted to throw an early birthday party for DS8 in case the courts send him away to be with STBXWW. I don't think that's going to happen, but I'm cherishing every day right now.

Yesterday I saw a message that STBXWW broadcast to several people on her E-Mail list. She talked about her trip to see DS8 next weekend and would be back in France at the end of August...."Hopefully with DS8!!"

It makes me sad how one person's neuroses can screw up a family so badly. Her parents started it to some degree, but it's her responsibility to recover herself, and not drag the kids down with her.

I'm encouraged that the parenting evaluator has asked for our family doctor's phone number this late in the game. He had been working with WW, unsuccessfully, to work on her mood swings and bursts of anger. Hopefully, that's just additional ammo for her to justify DS8 staying in the states.

Good news everyone. Chase Manhattan is willing to transfer my credit card debt to there card with no interest payments until July 2006. Anyone else in need of a short term line of credit may want to consider it if they're not allowed to get loans against the house etc. Besides, this way I'm accumulating points toward a Disney vacation.... which I'm GOING to need! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Today a coworker whispered for me to come over to her cubicle. She said she had a new friend that just broke up with her boyfriend...... you see where this is going. I've already got coworker's scoping out for me. Made me smile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> My coworker cautioned that this woman is "not ready yet, but all of the people she's talked to really like her." Yes, she's interviewing this woman's neighbors!! Well, I'm not ready yet either, so that works out.

I really don't expect WW to come around. She's too stubborn. I'm not sure I would know what to do if she did. Milkshake? Pebbles? What do you guys think???